The Girl In The Meadow
by Simaril
Summary: Bella arrives in Forks with a lifetime of memories of Edward and their time together. The only problem is that Edward hasn't met her yet. Time travel, love and forever share in a story of longing and waiting for the right moment to start their forever. Twilight/New Moon AU.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

**This story was started in November 2011 for NaNoWriMo. I wrote a few chapters and then it kinda crapped out, so I wrote a different story. In the years between then and now there have been many attempts to work on it again, but they have never panned out until recently. The one problem with working on a story like this over so long is that my writing experience and style has changed over time. I'm hoping that isn't going to be too much of a problem for you guys. **

**This story is strongly influenced by Audrey Niffenegger's book, The Time Traveler's Wife. I don't follow her plot, but the idea of a young Bella and mature Edward came from her. **

**Along the way, there have been many people that have helped me get this story—finally—written. Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen, Verseseven, IamTheAlleyCat, Augustmoon, Lacrimosa Moon, DutchGirl01, Snarkymuch, and most especially Gredelina1. This story would NEVER have been completed without her. She has been a cheerleader/taskmaster/beta/pre-reader and everything in between. Between these amazing ladies the story is finally written and ready for you to read. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

_**Prologue**_

_**Bella**_

I'd always known I would die young.

A word too many and a reaction too big had given me the knowledge the rules bound Edward from saying, leaving me in no doubt of what my fate was.

But even knowing what was to come, I had been happy. I had something much brighter than mortality's darkness in my life. My Edward. When I found him, he banished the shadows from my life and made me whole again. I thought he would be there always.

I was wrong.

I hadn't died. I was now endless, eternal and alone in my love. There was no magical man waiting for me in the meadow, no voice humming to me as I slept, no teacher, lover, or protector. There was nothing.

Love, life, meaning… over.

But, still, I was here.


	2. Ladybug

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing this and general awesomeness. I love you, hon xxx**

* * *

**Chapter One — Ladybugs**

_August 1992 ~Bella is Four _

_**Edward POV**_

Something had happened.

I stood still a moment longer, not quite ready to open my eyes and destroy the illusion.

The air was different. There was a light breeze on my face, bringing with it the damp sweet smell of the forest. The soft sounds of breathing, and the rain against the window had disappeared. Instead, there was the light scurrying sounds of animals, and the wind shifting through the trees.

I was scared to open my eyes and destroy the illusion, but if I didn't have the courage to even open my eyes, I would never know the truth.

She was always so brave. If it was her here, instead of me, she would already be searching her surroundings. Touching the trees, grabbing handfuls of the leaves I could feel crackling beneath my feet. She would want to experience it all. Now. To leave nothing to chance.

She would already be looking for me.

It was that realization that made my eyes snap open and my breath come in a choking gasp.

She could be here!

My feet moved without conscious instruction. It was as if my body knew where I needed to be and was taking responsibility for getting me there, at least until my confused and cowardly mind could catch up.

My footfalls were slow and steady at first, moving unerringly through the trees, gradually increasing speed as the anticipation built. Soon I was sprinting, racing through the trees, drawn on by the possibility of her.

I froze in my tracks as I saw a structure looming at the edge of the forest. As recognition dawned, my legs buckled and I dropped to my knees.

It was the small white house I knew, but it was different. The clapboards, that I last saw were in need of a coat of paint, were now a fresh white. The flower beds I had worked with my own hands were now a plain expanse of lawn.

I had at least come to the right place, though I didn't yet know if I had come to the right time.

I closed my eyes and fixed her face in my mind.

I could see her so clearly. I could imagine her rolling her eyes at me.

"_Unless you did all this to see my house again, you need to go a little closer," _she teased._ "But it's completely your choice."_

Oh, how I missed her. Her absence was a burning physical pain, that threatened to overcome me at any moment.

She leaned over and cupped my cheek. I could _almost_ feel the warmth of her hand against my cool skin.

"_It's okay, love," _she whispered, pointing at the house._ "Just watch."_

Dutifully, I fixed my gaze on the house. The back door swung open and out ran a small figure. She was young, no more than four years old, but there was no doubting who she was.

"_There I am,"_ sighed the Bella in my mind. _"I knew you would find me."_

I stared at her greedily, drinking her in with my eyes.

"_You could go say hi,"_ the Bella of my imagination suggested. _"Introduce yourself."_

"That isn't how it happens," I said. "You don't meet me when you are four years old in Charlie's garden."

She huffed dramatically. _"Fine, but you can't blame me for trying to speed your reluctant ass up, can you?"_

I smiled. "No, I can't, but you said yourself it has to happen the right way. Who am I to interfere with fate?"

"_Don't ask me. I'm just a figment of your imagination after all. But that girl over there is living and breathing and lonely. She could use a friend."_

I returned my attention to the Bella of the present. She was dressed in denim dungarees and red t-shirt that were clearly brand new. Her braids were lopsided and there were traces of a milk moustache on her lip. She was unkempt and adorable.

"You don't look lonely," I observed.

"_Fine. You kick your heels and keep talking to the imaginary me. The longer you do, the longer you can keep talking to yourself."_

"What do you mean?" I asked anxiously.

"_You only need one Bella," _she said cryptically.

That wasn't true. I needed all the Bellas I could get.

Present Bella drew my attention again as she dropped to her knees and began examining a blade of grass with all the concentration of an artist examining the work of a master.

I moved a little closer, making sure I was concealed by the trees, and tried to see what she was looking at.

She reached out her small hand, then brought it up to her face. It was a ladybug. She watched with fascination as it made its way across her dimpled knuckles, an enchanted smile on her face.

Then she spoke, and it was brought back to me once again just how young she was. Her voice was quiet and soft, definitely that of a child. "Hello, I'm Bella. What's your name?"

My imaginary Bella snorted delicately. _"Wow, I really am special, aren't I?"_

Though she clearly meant it as a criticism, I pretended to hear it as an observation of her positive attributes instead. "You are wonderfully special."

My feet twitched, wanting to run to her side. I knew I couldn't go to her. I knew the rules, yet she drew me like a magnet.

She was still attempting to draw the insect into conversation when the back door swung open again and out stepped a much younger Charlie Swan.

_This_ was why there were rules.

Charlie Swan met me in 2003 when we first moved to the area. He could _not _meet me now. I didn't know the exact consequences had he seen me, but I was unwilling to find out.

"What ya got there, Bells?" he asked, squatting down beside her.

"It's a ladybug." She held out her hand to show him. "Her name is Lady."

His lips twitched. "That's a good name for a ladybug. Did you pick it out?" he asked.

"Don't be silly," she said with an adorable frown. "She told me."

"Well, you need to put Lady back where you found her," he said. "We're going to see Billy and Sarah, and ladybugs don't like being in cars."

"Okay." She laid her hand flat against the ground and watched as the bug walked back into the grass. "See you later, Lady."

She took Charlie's proffered hand, and they disappeared around the side of the house. Less than a minute later, I heard the sound of a car starting and the crunch of wheels against gravel as it pulled out onto the road.

"_So, what do you want to do now?"_

I wanted to go home to my family. I wanted to ease their anxiety. Who knew what I looked like in their time? Was I still sitting on the couch, braced by Esme and Alice, unresponsive to their words? Was I there at all? Could my body have been transported along with my consciousness?

I reached down and picked up a handful of the mulchy earth at my feet. I was able to touch it, to feel it, which meant I could affect things physically. That was reassuring.

"_You'll be able to come back," _she promised.

The trees around me and the house in front of me seemed to shimmer as if in a heat haze. For a moment, I could hear both the ambient sounds of the forest and the soft voices of my family. The forest was gone as my eyes snapped open and I was back in the living room of our house.

I heard exclamations of shock, and voices firing questions as me, but I was unable to answer them. A sob built in my throat, and I hid my face in my damp and dirty hands.

There was exquisite relief at knowing I was home with my family, and that I did not get trapped in the past as I feared. But with that relief came the knowledge that I had left behind the place where a four-year old Bella was talking to ladybugs, and I had returned to the place where there was no more Bella.

"What happened, Son?" Carlisle asked.

"It worked." My voice was barely a whisper. "I saw her."

The thoughts of mingled relief, sadness, jealousy, and gratitude swept across the room. They were happy that I had seen her, but envious that it could not have been them.

"How did she look? What did she say?" Alice asked eagerly.

I smiled, happy that I had an opportunity to share this with them, to speak every detail aloud and create a new set of memories for them all.

"Well, she was in Charlie's garden, and she made a friend…"

* * *

My fears that my appearance in Bella's past was a one off were needless. After I had finished recounting the tale of my first encounter, I looked to Makenna.

"Can you try again?" I asked.

She smiled serenely and nodded. I closed my eyes and fixed my mind on the time and place I wanted to be. Once again, I felt the dizzying sensation of being in two places at once before my feet found solid ground, and I was looked up at the past version of Charlie's house.

This time I stayed longer. I watched from the shadows as she went about her life. Charlie was a devoted if a little inept father. He did all he could, but Bella had only been a few months old when Renee left him, taking Bella with her, and he struggled with his role as a father.

As the summer drew to a close, my time with young Bella was ending. She had told me that she only ever saw me during her summers in Forks; I would be too conspicuous in the California sunshine anyway. I knew from a visit into town one day, following Bella and Charlie as they shopped for groceries, that I was visible to all; and one sunny day had proved my tenuous presence in this time did not stop my skin from reacting to the sunlight.

There didn't seem to be any correlation between how much time I spent in the past, and how much time passed in my present. I hoped I would be able to skip ahead to her next summer visit. The thought of needing to wait eleven months before I could see her again was more than I could bear.

Bella spent her last day in Forks playing in the yard with Billy Black's twin daughters: Rachel and Rebecca. They were an exceptionally quiet trio, only speaking occasionally, but none of them seemed to mind. They muddled along happily in the way only children seemed able to do.

"_I'm going home tomorrow," _the Bella in my mind cautioned. _"Are you going to talk to me yet?"_

"I don't know, am I?"

"_Yes. You are going to introduce yourself in a minute, and we will play pat-a-cake together."_

I laughed softly. My attention was split between her and the Bella attempting to make a daisy chain on the grass.

"I don't believe you."

There was no time for her to respond before a younger, able-bodied Billy Black came out to collect his daughters, and Charlie called her in for dinner.

I watched her go, my heart aching to follow her. My surroundings took on the hazy shimmer that always portended a return to my present, and I whispered my goodbye to the young Bella as she disappeared into the house.

* * *

**So… Got questions? I'd be surprised if you didn't. All will be a little clearer with the next chapter—hopefully. I have kinda lost objectivity with this story as it's been so long. The important thing is that it was entertaining, so was it?**

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	3. Arrival

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

**In all the thanks handed out with the prologue I forgot someone. Evieeden made a banner for adoption a looooong time ago which inspired the story. Thanks Evie. Also thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing this and for all her help and support in the writing process. I love you, hon xxx**

**You guys blew me away with the response to the prologue and first chapter. I've never had this kind of reaction to a new story and reading all the reviews made me so happy. You all rock!**

* * *

_**Chapter One – Arrival**_

_July 1993 ~ Bella is Five_

_**Edward POV**_

When I returned, a year had passed. Bella was now almost six years old and so different.

Her clothes were once again brand new, but her braids were neat and her was face clean. She had evidently developed a little independence in the intervening year.

Charlie struggled at first with this change. He still expected her to need his assistance for tying shoelaces and combing hair, but she had no need of it.

One of the sketches I had given her was dated_ August 13th 1993_. Less than a month away. I didn't feel ready to speak to her, though. I had no idea how to introduce myself, or how she would react to me.

When the time came, my anxiety was directed in a completely different place.

Charlie grappled to find a way to bond with the older Bella, and he chose his favorite activity: fishing. They spent hours by the river as he tried to teach her skills of angling. She grew bored though, and more and more of her time was spent wandering along the riverbank.

When I arrived one day, she and Charlie were not at the house; and I knew from the absence of a fishing pole propped on the back porch, that they had gone to the river again. I made my way to their usual spot and found Charlie absorbed in the activity, but Bella was nowhere in sight. Keeping to the trees, I walked parallel to the river, looking for her.

I heard a squeak of alarm, then a splash.

My steady pace became a sprint as I ran toward the sound. Turning a bend in the river, I saw her head break the surface of the water. She was coughing and spluttering. There was no time to think or plan, I dived fully clothed into the water just as she disappeared below the surface again. Her eyes were wide with fear, but her mouth was firmly shut.

I propelled myself forward and wrapped my arms around her chest, then kicked to the surface. As her head broke the surface, she drew in a gasping breath and began to cry.

"It's okay Bella," I soothed, holding her head high out of the water. I kicked towards the bank and pushed her onto the grass, then pulled myself up beside her.

She was on all fours, choking for breath. There was no water in her lungs, but the shock and her tears were making it hard for her to catch her breath. I scooped her into my lap and gently patted her back, feeling the tremors shaking her small fragile frame.

Her breaths calmed, but she was shivering from the cold. I was not helping by holding her against my cool skin.

I heard Charlie's approach. He couldn't have heard her fall into the water, or her gasping breaths now, but in that sixth sense parents seem to have, he knew something was wrong.

"Bells, honey, where are you?" he called anxiously.

She didn't seem to hear him. She was looking at me with wide eyes, her mouth slightly agape. I had to get away before he saw me. This was one of those moments Makenna had warned me about.

"Your daddy is coming," I said.

She nodded mutely.

"I have to go now. He'll be right here, and he'll take care of you."

"_Tell her you'll be back," _the Bella in my mind instructed.

"I'll come back soon," I promised. "You're okay now."

"Bells!" He was getting closer now.

I set her on grass and got to my feet.

"I'll be back," I promised, then stepped back into the trees just in time.

Charlie barreled around the corner. When he saw Bella dripping wet and shaking on the grass, he paled and gasped. "Oh god, Bella. What happened? Are you okay?"

He shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her shaking shoulders, then scooped her into his arms.

"I fell in the water," she said matter-of-factly. "But a sparkly man saved me. He said he'd come back."

I looked down at my bare arms and saw the prisms of light reflecting from my skin.

_Oh dear. _

"We have to get you to the hospital," he said, speaking more to himself than to her.

"No, we have to wait for the sparkly man!"

"The sparkly man will know where to find us," he soothed. "We have to take you to a doctor now."

"I want the sparkly man! I want the sparkly man!" she wailed, struggling in his arms as he carried her along the path.

My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest. She was crying for me, but I couldn't go to her.

"_It's okay,"_ Bella soothed, appearing beside me. _"She'll be in the hospital tonight but will come home tomorrow and you'll see her again."_

How did I know this? This Bella was just my imagination, and I didn't know anything about these events.

She smiled enigmatically. _"Imagination, reality, it's all subjective really."_

I gasped. "Are you here?"

"_Only as much as you are. This is the past after all. I have to go now, though."_

"No!" I cried. "You can't leave me again."

"_I'm still here, you'll see me tomorrow. I'll just be a little younger."_

She stretched on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

Unlike my previous imaginings, this was warm and tangible. I could feel her soft lips against my skin. My hands reached out to hold her, but she was gone.

The wind swept through the trees, tousling my hair around my face.

"_I love you, Edward."_

Was it her voice or the wind? I didn't know. But she _had _been here. I'd felt her. I'd heard her.

"Bella," I said tentatively. "Please come back."

There was no answer, not even a whisper on the wind. It was as if the breeze that had rustled through the trees had swept her away from me.

"Please come back," I begged. "Please."

I walked in circles, searching for a sign of her. My pleas became more and more desperate, but there was no response.

I remembered what she had told me. _"You only need one Bella after all."_

I dropped to my knees, fighting the urge to howl. I didn't know how it had happened, but I was certain that the Bella I had thought was my imagination, was in fact real.

She had been here, and was now gone.

I had wasted so much time thinking I was arguing with myself. I could have used that time to beg forgiveness, to vow my unending love.

The sound of a car roaring to life on the side of the road brought my attention back to where I was. It was Charlie, taking the young Bella to the hospital.

I had lost the Bella of my mind, and the Bella of my present. But she _was _here and living.

I could earn my forgiveness now.

* * *

_January 2005_

_**Bella POV**_

I felt a thrill of anticipation as I stepped off of the plane in the small Port Angeles airport. This was one more milestone in my journey back to Edward.

I saw Charlie waiting among a small knot of people as I got off the plane. He greeted me enthusiastically, giving me a crushing hug. "It's good to see you Bells."

"You, too. It's good to be home."

He led me to the cruiser. It was ordinarily a object of horror, but today it was a welcome sight; the drizzling rain was dripping down the back of my neck and threatening to spoil my excitement. Forks was where my home was, where my heart was, but it didn't mean I had to enjoy the weather.

Charlie opened the car door for me and waited patiently as I put on my seatbelt. One of the disadvantages of only seeing him once a year was that I remained a child in his eyes, even though I was less than a year from legal adulthood. I hoped that living with him would show him I was no longer a child. I loved my father, but if he tried to institute a bedtime we would need to have a serious talk.

I gazed out of the window as we drove through town, looking at the houses and buildings we passed. Any one of them could be where Edward lived or worked. It was a strange thought that somewhere at the end of this path he was living his life, completely unaware that I was on my way. I had no idea what he did in his present; I knew so much about him but so little at the same time. He always said there were limits to what I could know, but I suspected he liked to keep things cryptic for his own amusement.

We had spoken of his family frequently, I knew their names, and details of the personalities, but I didn't know their last name. I knew their likes and dislikes, and how they came to join his family, but I didn't know what they looked like.

One thing I did know was that they were all vampires, and that I could never tell anyone. I had learned his true nature as a little girl, and that made it easier to accept. The obvious aspects of his differences seemed as natural to me as his hair color.

I often wondered how I would react if I didn't already know. Would I accept it so readily as I did now? I liked to think I would. I loved Edward, I had since I was a small child; the fact he was not human seemed of little consequence compared to that.

Ever since my seventeenth birthday, I had been waiting for something to happen to make my path clear. One of the last times I'd seen Edward, I had begged for proof that I would really see him again, and he had given me a time and location. Some time between my seventeenth and eighteenth birthday, and Forks. It wasn't a lot to go on, but it was all I had.

I hadn't known how I was going to make the move to Forks, but when Phil began discussing going on the road to find a job, it had all fallen into place. I didn't want my mom to think I was abandoning her, she had sacrificed so much for me, but now I had a valid reason for leaving. She had been doubtful at first, but when I championed the positives of living with Charlie, she had caved.

With teary eyes she had seen me onto the plane in Phoenix and made me promise to call her if I needed anything. There was nothing false in my sadness as I said goodbye. I loved my mother and would miss her every minute I was away, but this was what was supposed to happen next. I was returning to Forks, the scene of some of my happiest memories and the home of the man I loved.

Charlie had been overjoyed when I floated the idea of me coming to live with him again. I was sure his excitement had been spread far and wide among the people of Forks, but Edward said he and his family usually removed themselves from the people in the town they lived. It was possible that he hadn't even heard of me yet.

All that was about to change.

* * *

When we got to the house, Charlie helped me carry my cases up to my bedroom and then left me to unpack. Just being back in the small bedroom with its hand-stitched quilt on the bed and old wooden rocker in the corner was enough to make me feel closer to Edward.

I would have liked to go into the woods to find our meadow, but the rain was coming down harder than before, and I knew I would have trouble navigating the path in the gloom. An idea occurred to me, and I hugged myself with excitement. I couldn't have Edward yet, but I had the next best thing. I reached into the back of the closet searching for the old wooden chest I knew was hidden there. My fingers found the smooth wood of the lid, and I pulled it out. I never took this home with me at the end of my summers. Like Edward, these things seemed to belong to Forks.

Taking it over to the bed I set it down on the quilt and sat with my legs crossed in front of me. My hands a little unsteady due to the anticipation, I flicked open the latch and slowly inched open the lid.

The first thing I saw was one of his sketches of our meadow. I stroked my hand over the page, feeling the slight indentations the pencil had made. I lifted it from the box and held it up to the light, as he had taught me. The images that had been beautiful in shadow, came alive in the light. The grass seemed to sway in the wind, the heads of the wildflowers bobbed. Though it was a plain pencil sketch, his unerring skill made color where there was none. Light shading gave the impression of browns and greens. I could almost smell the heady scent of the flowers etched onto the paper.

I placed it reverently beside the box and took out a heavy book. Pressed between the pages was the flowers he had picked for me the summer I was thirteen. I didn't dare touch them, they looked so delicate and brittle that I feared they would crumble to dust if I did.

Beneath the book was the small checkers set he had taught me to play with when I was a child. I remembered how grown up I felt when I finally grasped the basics of the game. It was something I could match Edward with, a feeling enhanced when we graduated to chess.

"You hungry, Bells?" Charlie's voice calling up the stairs made me start. Lost in my memories of Edward I had almost forgotten where I was.

"I'll be right there," I called back.

I put the book, checkers set, and sketch into the chest and clipped the latch back in place. I stood to put it away in the closet again but faltered. I couldn't bear to have it out of my sight. This was my home now; I didn't need to hide it anymore. I cleared a space on the bookshelf and placed it there instead.

I ran my fingers over the smooth wood one last time in a gesture of farewell then made my way downstairs.

Charlie went out for pizza for dinner. When I stayed in the summer, I usually cooked for us both. I would happily start again—Charlie was a terrible cook—but I appreciated the night off. He was unusually twitchy through dinner. When I asked what was wrong, he said he was just pleased to have me home. After dinner, I did the dishes. Charlie leaned against the doorframe, chatting about everything and nothing. It was out of character for him to hang around after dinner—he ordinarily went straight to the TV. I suspected he was waiting for something, and I was right. I was just drying the a last dish, when there was a knock at the door. Charlie spun on his heels and went to answer the door. I followed him into the hall, drying my hands on a dishcloth.

I recognized the man in the door as Billy Black. He was almost as much of a constant in my childhood as Charlie. I had spent hours on the reservation as a child while he and Charlie went fishing or sat watching baseball together. Those occasions became fewer and farther between as I grew up, as I was able to stay at the house with Edward while Charlie visited with them.

Behind Billy was his son, Jacob. The last time I had seen Jake he had been a gangly thirteen year old. In the two years that had passed since I last saw him, he had grown in more ways than one. He was now approaching six feet tall and had developed some serious muscles. There was still a childish roundness to his face that belied his true age. I hadn't know Jacob that well. Most of my time was spent with his sisters Rachel and Rebecca.

"Bella, it's good to see you again," Billy said. "You remember my son, Jacob?"

"Of course. It's good to see you, Jake."

He smiled shyly at me, and I grinned in response. I was pleased to see a familiar face of about my own age. Other than Edward—and he would not know me—I didn't know anyone close to my own age in Forks. It would be good to have a friend.

Charlie gestured to the door. "Billy here has got a surprise for you."

I stepped around him and walked out onto the porch. Parked beside Charlie's cruiser was an ancient Chevy truck.

"A welcome home present," Charlie said. "I know you don't want me driving you to school in the cruiser."

I gasped. "For me?"

He chuckled. "For you. You like it, right?"

"I love it!" And I did. It was huge and looked to be mainly constructed of rust, but I loved it. Unlike Phoenix with its public transport network, Forks was lacking when it came to getting around without a car. A situation made worse by the fact you had at least a forty minute drive to get anywhere interesting.

I turned and threw my arms around Charlie. "Thanks, Dad."

I wasn't usually so tactile in my affection, and he blushed to the roots of his hair. "Well now, you're welcome."

* * *

The next morning, I examined my outfit critically in the mirror. I had never cared much about clothes before, always choosing comfort over fashion, but this was a fresh start in a new town, and I wanted to make a good impression. Besides, it was the first time Edward would see me.

Deciding my jeans and sweater would suffice, I picked up my backpack and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Charlie had already left for work, so I didn't need to make conversation. I poured a glass of juice and leaned against the counter, staring out of the window as I drank it.

My head was a little foggy. I hadn't slept well, my dreams were confusing and far too realistic to be of comfort. Like so many times before, I dreamed of Edward, but instead of the usual replaying of a favorite day spent together, I chased him through empty rooms, begging him not to leave.

It was already misting with rain, making the view of the yard blurred and vague. It was a good contrast to my confused thoughts. I was in Forks, it was the right time at last, but I had no idea what happened next. Somewhere close by was Edward, but I didn't know how to find him. What I would say if I did?

He warned me that when we met he would not be the same man I knew. That I had to take care at first, and to remember what he was. But I couldn't believe the Edward that loved me in his future and my past wouldn't love me now. I just had to find him and it would all fall into place.

Pulling on my jacket I made my way outside into the rain.

The truck door stuck at first, but eventually I wrestled it open and climbed into the mercifully dry interior. I took a moment to adjust the seat and mirrors then started the engine. It came to life with a deafening roar that made my seat vibrate.

The windscreen wipers squeaked across the glass as they tried to counteract the misting rain.

The high school was only a short drive from Charlie's house and sooner than I would have liked I was pulling into the parking lot. I found a space easily enough, as I had arrived earlier than I really needed to, so I had time to get my timetable from the office and to find my classroom.

I collected the necessary papers from the receptionist and made my way back outside. The parking lot had begun to fill in my absence. Like a pack of dogs scenting prey, every head turned to me as I went to my truck to collect my bag.

A boy with an unfortunate complexion and wide friendly smile approached me, and I girded myself for the first of what I was sure would be many 'Welcome to Forks' conversations.

"Hey, I'm Eric Yorkie," he said. "You're Isabella Swan, right?"

My suspicions were confirmed. Charlie had indeed spread the news of my arrival far and wide.

"Bella," I corrected.

He looked a little surprised at my firm tone, but if I was going to get by in Forks High I needed to address the issue of my given name as soon as possible. I was only ever called Isabella on the rare occasions Renee or Charlie were scolding me.

"Bella," he repeated to himself. "Would you like me to show you to your first class?"

"That would be great," I said, smiling a little too widely. I wanted to correct the possible insult the name correction had caused. "I have English with Mr. Mason."

He led me through a maze of paths and buildings, pointing out the cafeteria and other places of interest on the way. He didn't have the same class as me, so we separated at the door with vague—in my case—promises to see each other at lunch.

I hung my dripping coat on a hook and introduced myself to the teacher. He signed my slip and directed me to a seat at the back of the room.

We were assigned a reading exercise which I got through quickly enough, having done something similar in my old school. I spent the rest of the period in happy imaginings of Edward. I couldn't wait to see him again, and I was trying to plot ways to find him. This was a small town, Charlie had to have heard of his family, but I would need an excuse to ask, and so far I wasn't coming up with anything good.

The bell rang indicating the end of class pulling me from my thoughts. I gathered my belongings and followed the horde of students out of the door, checking my timetable as I walked.

"You're Isabella, right?"

I turned and saw a short girl with a mass of mousy brown curls. She had a brilliant smile, that I couldn't help returning.

"Bella," I corrected.

"I'm Jessica. What class do you have next?"

"Trigonometry."

"Me, too!" She beamed enthusiastically. "We can walk together." She looped her arm through mine and directed us along the halls, chattering loudly all the while.

As the morning wore on I began to suspect she was more interested in sharing my spotlight as the new girl, rather than really getting to know me. She certainly never asked me anything about myself, she merely babbled on about her likes and dislikes, the boys she thought were cute and the ones she tried to avoid. All this was conversed in an extremely loud and giggly manner, drawing reproving looks from teachers and, occasionally, outright scolding. I decided she would be a good person to distance myself from, I just needed the opportunity.

Chance came just before lunch. When I exited the classroom I saw Eric waiting for me. I greeted him with a little more enthusiasm than was really appropriate. He seemed surprised by my reaction, probably because I had been very blasé before.

I fell into step beside him, ignoring Jessica's scowl, and headed to the cafeteria. I was unable to avoid Jessica completely as she apparently shared a lunch table with Eric and a group of other sophomores. She plunked down beside me, and Eric took my other side.

I allowed their conversations to wash over me, smiling and nodding in the right places. There were some strong personalities at the table and I didn't feel like competing.

The noise in the room rose gradually as more people filtered in. I didn't pay them any mind until I saw a flash of pale skin. Extraordinarily pale skin.

Edward!

* * *

**So… We had some little Bella and some all grown up Bella. Most chapters will follow this format, past/present, until we run out of past. We've got loads of past to read yet though, so little Bella will be sticking around. **

**Thanks again for the alerts, faves and reviews. I really love hearing from you, old and new readers alike. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	4. First Sight

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing, pre-reading, cheerleading and for being the best friend a girl could ask for. **

**Some clarification for those of you that are wondering. Edward doesn't know Bella yet as his return to her childhood will come at a later date in his timeline. For him, Bella is brand new and delicious smelling.**

* * *

_**Chapter Two – First Sight**_

_July 1993 ~ Bella is Five_

_**Edward POV**_

She was sitting on the back step when I arrived the next day, a paper sack at her feet.

I wavered, not sure how to approach her. I missed the Bella of my imagination, if that's what she had been, she would have been able to tell me what to do next.

Bella sighed sadly and got to her feet. She was going to go back into the house!

"Bella!" The name was torn from me without consent. The sight of her walking away from me was painful.

She paused with her hand on the doorknob and looked around the garden. I was still concealed by the trees.

"Sparkly man?" she whispered.

_Not today, _I thought, looking up at the cloudy sky.

With reluctant feet I stepped out of the trees and into view. "I'm here," I said softly.

Any doubts I'd had about making myself known to her, here and now, were cast aside as she caught sight of me. Her smile was dazzling and her eyes were alight with excitement.

The paper sack swung in her hand as she ran down the steps towards me. She stopped a couple of feet in front of me, caution replacing excitement. I wasn't sure what had made her suddenly cautious, perhaps now she was not overcome from the near-drowning, she was able to see the subtle signs that warned humans away from us.

I sank smoothly to the ground and crossed my legs in front of me. It made me shorter than her, though barely.

Never taking her eyes from me, she sat too, though with much less grace. Her teeth snapped as her butt collided with the ground.

"Hello, Bella," I said softly.

Her head tilted to the side and she raked my body with her eyes. I didn't know what she was looking for, but whatever it was, I seemed to have come up short.

A frown puckered her forehead. "Why aren't you pretty now?" she asked accusingly.

The last time she saw me it was in direct sunlight. My skin had been reflecting the light; now the heavy clouds blocked the sun, I was dull and pale again and not pretty.

"I'm only pretty in the sun," I explained, marveling at the absurdity of the conversation.

She shrugged. "Okay."

Well that was that dealt with. If only all people were as easily satisfied as her.

"Daddy said you wouldn't come back," she said, a smile curling her lips. "He was being silly. He said there was no sparkly man, but he was wrong."

"Daddies are sometimes silly," I said knowledgeably. "I bet your daddy was happy to see you all better, though."

"He took me to the hospital. The doctor said I was a clever girl for swimming." She looked a little guilty. "I didn't tell him about you. Because I was clever, they gave me a special bear, and I liked the bear. If they knew I wasn't clever, they would have taken it away again. Is that bad?"

The moral dilemma of a five year old. It was endearing how troubled she was by this.

"It wasn't bad," I said, seizing the opportunity. "It's good you didn't tell them about me. They would only be upset that they couldn't see me too."

She gasped. "Why can't they see you, too?"

"Because you have to be very clever and very special to see me. I'm a special secret person, and only other special people can see me. It's the magic."

I wondered briefly how _my _Bella would react to hearing me spouting this stuff, then I realized she couldn't and I felt a pang of hurt.

"Magic," she whispered. "Like a fairy."

Oh lord. I hoped that comparison wouldn't stick. No matter how innocent it was, I didn't want her to be thinking of me as a fairy.

"Yes, magic. Mommies and daddies and doctors are grownups, and grownups can't see people like me. When you get old, all the magic goes away to make room for houses and jobs and bills."

She bit her bottom lip, looking troubled. "I don't want my magic to go away."

"If you try really hard, you can keep it. You are still very little; magic doesn't go away until you are _really _old."

"I'm not little, I'm big," she said fiercely. "I am almost six. That's really old."

I sent up a prayer of thanks that Emmett wasn't here to see this and made my expression one of shocked surprise. "Almost six! Wow. That is very big indeed. But don't worry, you have lots of years until the magic goes away, and if you hold onto it really hard, it will stay."

She hugged her arms around herself as if that could keep the magic inside.

I wondered how much I was changing her already. My Bella had been so open to the extraordinary, she believed everything without question. Was that a result of this conversation? I would never know, and even if I did, there was nothing I could do. This conversation was fact, nothing I could do would change it. This had already happened for Bella. I was just playing catch-up.

She tipped the contents of the paper sack out on to the grass. It held two juice boxes and a foil wrapped package that smelled like some sort of meat. Sandwiches, I guessed.

She handed me a juice box with a satisfied smile. "Daddy wouldn't make me coffee. That's what Mommy has when her friends come over to play, but he said I was too little. Next time I'll make it myself."

"No, Bella!" I said with a little more force than necessary. Visions of the damage she could do to herself while dealing with hot coffee were rushing through my mind. The volume of my voice made her jump, and her lip trembled. "I'm sorry I scared you." More sorry than she could ever know in fact. "But you mustn't try to make coffee. It's very dangerous."

She nodded, her eyes still wide with fear.

"Do you promise?" I asked.

"I promise," she said tremulously.

I rallied for a way to move on from our sticky moment. I had to remember how young she was. I was used to dealing with mature, confident Bella. This younger version was fragile and so easily scared.

"It's not a real promise unless you pinky swear," she said quietly, extending her small hand to me.

I stared at it blankly. What on earth was a pinky swear?

"Don't you want to?"

"I don't know what you mean," I admitted.

She rolled her eyes. It was such an endearingly familiar gesture that I laughed.

"Copy me," she instructed, her shock forgotten at the opportunity to impart knowledge.

I mimicked the position of her hand, fist closed and little finger extended. She reached her hand out to mine, and I held my breath. Yesterday, she had been in shock following the near-drowning; I didn't think my cold, hard skin would have even registered. Now, she would feel me as I truly was for the first time.

The moment between her hand reaching out, and her finger entwining with my own seemed to last hours. I stared at her face waiting to see the shock register, but there was none. Her small, warm finger hooked around my own, and she bobbed our hands once then released me.

"There, _now _it's a promise," she said happily.

She picked up her juice box and fumbled with the straw. Her brow furrowed with concentration as she tried to break the foil seal.

"Help," she said, holding it out to me and looking expectant.

I took the juice box and impaled the straw on the foil seal. A spurt of sticky, sweet juice shot from the top and spattered across my face.

She froze with her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes were dancing with mirth, but she was waiting anxiously for my reaction.

The juice dripped from my nose onto my shirt; it smelled disgusting, like overripe fruit, but the combination of her amusement and my own shock made my lips curl into a smile.

Seeing I wasn't angry, she dropped her hands and smiled. "Do you need a towel?" she asked.

"No thank you," I said easily, using my sleeve to mop up the mess.

"You shouldn't have squeezed it," she said knowledgeably. "If you squeeze it, it spits."

"I'll remember that next time."

She held out the other juice box to me. "You thirsty?"

"No, but thank you for offering. I had a drink before I came."

"What did you have? Did you have coffee? You're big. I bet you can make coffee."

What I actually had was two deer, but I wasn't about to tell her that. Instead, I changed the subject.

"Who did you tell your daddy you needed coffee for?"

"My sparkly man," she said, looking distractedly around the garden. "He thinks I'm playing pretend."

_Her_ sparkly man. I liked that even a child she had recognized the fact I was completely hers.

"Sparkly man," she said softly.

"Yes, Bella,"

"I want to go in and play now. If I leave you alone, will you stay here?"

I was boring her! I tried to think of something that would entertain a five year old Bella, but came up blank.

"I can't stay forever," I said reluctantly. "But I will come back."

"Promise?"

I extended my pinky finger to her again. "I promise."

* * *

_January 2005_

_**Bella POV**_

It was him.

After two years of imagining this moment, running through a thousand possible scenarios, never had I imagined my first sight of him would be across a busy cafeteria. He was in high school!

A startled laugh bubbled up my throat, drawing the eyes of the rest of the table to me. I turned it into a cough and took a sip of my juice.

Obscure surroundings notwithstanding, I was elated. He was really here. I absorbed the sight of him. His perfectly tousled hair, his lean form, the bands of muscle visible below the rolled sleeves of his shirt. It was all familiar and all wonderful.

I wanted to go to his side. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and inhale deep lungfuls of his sweet scent, to trace my fingers over the curves of his cheeks and the hollows beneath his eyes.

I wondered if he would feel different to me now we were both _really_ here. Would the smooth coolness of his skin still feel like satin over glass to me? Would his hair still feel like spun silk against my fingers? And his lips, would they be as thrillingly firm as they were the last time I had felt them against mine. The first and only time he had ever kissed me.

Jessica interrupted my musings. "What are you looking at, Bella? Oh, the Cullens."

My eyes snapped back to the table, not wanting to be caught staring at him, though I was desperate to see his reaction to me. Then the full impact of her words reached me. _The Cullens_. Finally, after more than ten years of wondering, I knew his full name.

"The Cullens." I said the words thoughtfully, testing the way they sounded on my tongue.

She mistook it for a question. "Yeah, that's Edward, Emmett, and Alice Cullen, and the blondes are Rosalie and Jasper Hale. They're twins."

I now had faces for the names, though they were not at all what I expected.

Edward had told me Emmett was changed after he had been savaged by a bear. Though it was ridiculous, even a giant of a man would have been powerless against a bear, I imagined him to be small and weak looking. Instead he was a huge behemoth of a man; the only sign of softness in him was the dimples on his cheeks.

Rosalie was statuesque and flawlessly beautiful. Her perfect face was framed by spun gold hair that cascaded down her back. Even compared to Edward, whom I thought no beauty could match, she was stunning.

Jasper was leonine and handsome, the only thing marring his perfection his deep frown. Edward said he suffered the most with thirst; being surrounded by this many humans had to be hell for him.

Alice was the only one I had ever been able to form much of a mental image for. Edward spoke about her more than any of his family. He called her a meddling pixie, and now I could see the basis for comparison. Even sitting it was obvious she was much smaller than my five-foot four-inches. Her elfin features and dark spiked hair gave her the appearance of something otherworldly.

Jessica began to tell me their cover story. How they were all orphans that Doctor and Mrs. Cullen had taken in. That all of them but Edward were coupled off. That they didn't socialize with anyone at the school. Jealousy and bitterness dripped from her every word.

She knew nothing of who they really were. She didn't know they fought the pain of the thirst every day for the sake of human life. That in their own way, each of their stories was tragic. That their bonds were deep, despite the fact none of them were blood relations. That they were remarkable people. That I loved every one of them with all my heart, though I had only ever met Edward. I loved them for what they were to him, for what they would one day be to me.

Edward's eyes snapped up and caught my own. I held my breath, desperate for some sign of recognition in his eyes, but there was none. He stared at me for a moment then frowned and returned his attention to the tray of uneaten food in front of him.

I should have expected it. He had warned me this would happen. But my heart still ached for the Edward that stared at me with unparalleled devotion. I chanced another glance up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He was tearing apart the roll on his tray and creating a small pile of crumbs.

I couldn't eat any more of my lunch; my throat felt blocked with the weight of my sadness. I mumbled my excuses then dumped my tray and made my way out of the cafeteria again.

I checked my timetable and saw my next class was Biology in building three. I still had fifteen minutes before class started, but didn't want to be around people just now. Bundling my jacket around myself I went outside and stood under the cover of the awning. The rain was coming down harder now. It dripped from the roof and formed puddles on the asphalt parking lot.

One summer I taught Edward the finer points of puddle jumping. I had created rules for the game, making him jump from puddle to puddle, scoring him on size of the splash and how wet he became. I missed that Edward.

The exodus of students coming from the cafeteria alerted me to the fact it was time for me to make my way to class. I checked my map again and directed my path to building three. Halfway there one of the people from the lunch table fell into step beside me. She was unusually tall, though she tried to hide it with a bowed head and slumped shoulders. I grappled for a name, but came up blank.

"I'm Angela," she said, saving me the embarrassment of admitting I had forgotten. "I was wondering if you needed directions to your next class."

"That would be great," I said, surreptitiously stuffing the map into my pocket.

We walked in companionable silence to the classroom then separated as she went to her lab table and I introduced myself to the teacher and had my slip signed. He handed me a textbook and directed me to the only remaining seat left. The one beside Edward.

I wanted to sprint the distance between us, but I settled for a fast walk. Even that was too much for my limited coordination. I practically fell into the seat beside him.

Blushing furiously, I chanced a glance up at him. My ready smile faded as I saw him. I had no expectations that I would see the adoring smile I wanted to see, but I never imagined Edward could look at me with such hatred.

His lip was curled back in a harsh sneer, and his eyes were pitch black. They bored into my own with a look of such loathing it felt like I was being burned. He held himself rigid in his seat, leaning away from me. His hands gripped the wooden tabletop with enough force to leave an imprint of his fingers.

My hand twitched toward him in an unconscious gesture of comfort. He looked at it with horror.

I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help him. To hold his hand and cup his cheeks; all the things that usually comforted him when he was upset, but I couldn't. Even if he did know who I really was, I wouldn't be able to help him now. This was not emotional pain causing him to look like this, it was physical. The thirst was literally burning him.

I felt a surge of anger toward _my _Edward. Why hadn't he warned me about this? Or had he?

I searched my memory, trying to recall a conversation we once had about the way human blood affected him. _"There are different levels of temptation. Some people are easy to resist, but there are others that incite a thirst that is almost impossible to deny."_

Had he been talking about me? Was I one of those people that created a thirst that was almost impossible to deny?

I bowed my head, hiding behind the curtain of my hair, and fought the tears that pricked at my eyes. I should leave now, my presence alone was hurting him, but I worried that would make it worse. Would the sight of me fleeing cause him to lose what little control he was clinging to now?

The teacher began his lecture, but was cut off by a loud knock at the door. Alice poked her head around and spoke in a hurried voice that didn't entirely hide the outright panic in her eyes.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Banner, but there has been a family emergency, and Edward needs to leave now."

"This is very inconvenient, Miss Cullen," he said irritably. "Can't it wait?"

"No," she said firmly. "It really is a matter of life and death."

Of course it was. My life. My death.

"Very well. Mr. Cullen, you may leave."

Alice hurried to our table and shoved Edward's books into his bag and took his arm. It would have looked to anyone else like a comforting gesture, but I knew she was preparing to restrain him.

I couldn't let him leave without saying something. I knew my Edward, and I knew he was going to torture himself over this.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, as he passed behind my chair.

He didn't acknowledge my words, but Alice turned back and gave me a curious look as she reached the door.

"Help him!" I mouthed and received a covert nod in return.

The door swung shut behind him and I saw the huge form of who could only be Emmett through the frosted glass of the door.

I wondered if they were all there. Would they be able to take care of him? Even if they couldn't, what could I hope to do? I was the one that had caused him to look like that. The tears I had fought to keep at bay began to spill down my cheeks in earnest. I hid my face behind my book and wiped at them carelessly.

"Settle down," Mr. Banner called in response to the outbreak of muttering that had swept across the room. "Now we have dealt with that interruption, please return your attention to your texts and complete the activity at the end of chapter two.

_Keep the secret. _I reminded myself.

I had years of keeping secrets for and about Edward, this was just one more. People may have noticed his strange reaction to me. I didn't need to draw more attention to it by blubbering like a baby. Once I was sure I had composed my expression into one of neutral interest, I moved from behind the book and fixed my attention on the chapter I was supposed to be reading.

It wasn't, I mused, the best introduction I could have hoped for. In fact I was fairly sure I only made it through that encounter alive because of Alice's intervention. But it was Edward, somewhere in the future he loved me; I just had to be patient and wait for him to catch up to me.

Despite my reassuring words I spent the rest of the day in a haze of sadness. Charlie noticed it, but he seemed to accept my excuse of being tired.

I called my mother and gave her a heavily altered and enthusiastic recital of my first day. If she noticed my lies she didn't call me on them. She was caught in a wave of enthusiasm for her and Phil's departure for Florida.

Daughterly duties complete, I escaped to the solitude of my bedroom. The privacy afforded me the opportunity to give voice to my misery. I curled up on my bed, muffling my crying with a pillow. My tears finally ran dry, and my sadness replaced by resolve.

Edward _would_ love me. There were some things that were unchangeable, and this was one of them. He loved me enough to cross boundaries of time to see me again. I just needed to be patient.

I pulled the chest down from the bookshelf and rooted through it, looking for my greatest treasure. My one and only photograph of Edward.

It was taken my last summer in Forks, the summer I was obsessed with photography. He had been patient to the extreme with my obsession as I snapped rolls of film of our meadow. I wanted desperately to take a picture of him, but hadn't wanted to ask for fear of inciting a long lecture of the consequences of the secret. Eventually, I plucked up the courage to ask him, and had been shocked when he agreed instantly.

Now, I traced a finger over his image, his flawless beauty captured on ink and paper. I brought it to my face, imagining the cool paper against my cheek was his skin.

Clutching it to my chest I curled up in bed and fell asleep.

* * *

My first full week in Forks passed in leaps and hurdles.

Edward didn't come back to school, nor did his siblings. I heard through Jessica that there had been a death in the family and that they had all left town. I had to admire their ability to cover their tracks. No one would question the story of a death too much for fear of causing offence.

I had plenty to distract me at school. Jessica was still enamored with my random popularity and seemed determined to play the role of my new best friend, whether I showed any signs of willing or not.

Her, I didn't much like, but I found Angela, the girl I had met on my first day, and a boy called Ben Cheney were nice enough, and I sought out their company whenever I could, especially Ben. He had a wicked sense of humor and he seemed to genuinely like me rather than the attention I garnered.

Another student that seemed to appreciate me as a curiosity rather than a person was Mike Newton; a generically handsome boy that was in my biology class. He was pleasant enough, but had a propensity toward unwanted physical contact. I found myself shrugging his arm from my shoulders on a daily basis. He seemed to think it was amusing that I was constantly correcting people that called me Isabella. He renamed me Arizona, which did little to warm me to him.

I spent the weekend reacquainting myself with the small town. Searching out the haunts that I had liked as a child. There was a small bookshop on main street that I spent a happy hour in searching the shelves.

Charlie went fishing with Billy on Sunday, and they invited me to join them for dinner at Billy's in the evening. I refused, citing homework as an excuse. I liked Billy well enough, and Jacob was the sort of person I would like have liked to know better, but I already had plans. I had checked the weather report and discovered there was going to be a rare clear sky that night.

Waving Charlie goodbye from the kitchen table, where I had set up my textbooks as evidence of my workload, I waited for the sounds of the cruiser to fade then jumped to my feet.

I bundled up in a sweater and jacket and grabbed a blanket from the cupboard. It may have been a clear night, but that didn't mean it was going to be warm.

I found that, despite the darkness, I was able to find my way to our meadow as easily as I ever could. Edward and I used to spend hours here, but I had not been back for two years. I was a little cautious about returning to the scene given the way our last meeting here had ended, but I needed something to make me feel close to him, and this was all I had.

By the time I reached the clearing it was full dark and the skies were scattered with stars. I spread out my blanket and lay down, staring up at the stars.

I found Ursa Major first, and I smiled to myself as I remembered Edward telling me the story of the great bear. He had liked the tale, saying it bore a resemblance to our future, though I didn't understand it as he refused to explain. Unless I was going to be changed into a bear sometime in the future, of course.

Crossing my arms under my head I settled back and enjoyed an evening of stargazing.

* * *

On Monday morning I got an unpleasant surprise as I stepped out of the house. Overnight the town had been coated with a fine layer of snow.

It glittered on the paths and roads, teasing me with its beauty. I almost turned and went back inside. I was uncoordinated at the best of times, add to that icy paths and it was a recipe for disaster. It wouldn't be good to miss school after only a week in town, though, so I girded myself and stepped carefully onto the drive.

Charlie had fitted snow chains on my tires. I laughed to myself as I considered the feasibility of working a similar contraption for my shoes. The snow chains worked well, and I managed the journey to school reasonably easily. When I pulled into the parking lot there was a surprise waiting for me. The Cullens were back.

I felt a thrill of excitement as I searched the lot for a sign of my love, but he wasn't there. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett were standing under the roof overhang, but Edward was nowhere in sight. My heart sank to somewhere in the region of my boots, and I forced back the tears that threatened to fall. I shouldered my bag and locked the truck door.

I started toward the school, but something happened to draw my thoughts from Edward. A blue van had taken the corner too fast and was careening towards me. I dived for the back of the truck, the sound of crushing metal echoing in my ears.

Too late. I felt my head crack against the blacktop, and then everything went dark.

* * *

**So… Poor Bella is doomed by Tyler again. There will be some canon events in this story, but they have been changed up as they come to fit the plot. Hope they'll still be interesting to read. **

**Thanks again for the amazing response to the story so far. I appreciate every review, fave and alert email I get. You guys are awesome. **

**Until next time...**

**Simaril xxx **


	5. Aftermath

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for keeping me going when I feel like quitting and for beta'ing this chapter.**

* * *

_**Chapter Three – Aftermath**_

_August 1993 – Bella is Five _

_**Edward**_

I came back the next day, and the next. For the rest of that summer I saw her almost every day. I didn't always get to talk to her; Charlie was very attentive following her accident by the river, and he didn't like to have her out of his sight for too long at a time.

He passed off her mentions of 'the sparkly man' as the imaginings of a child. Which was quite fortuitous really. I hadn't given much thought to how hard it would be for a five year old to keep a secret.

The day I made the first sketch happened naturally—though I had been waiting for the trigger—but it was also one of the saddest.

When I arrived that day she was stretched out on the grass with a box of pencils and crayons beside her.

"Hello, Sparkly Man," she greeted me, smiling beautifully.

"Hello, Bella." I returned her smile with glee.

I had foregone proper introductions for now not wanting her imaginary friend—in Charlie's eyes at least—to have a name he would encounter in twelve years when introduced to his only daughter's boyfriend. I was counting the days until she could be relied upon to keep me a secret.

"What are you doing there?" I asked.

"Making pictures. I want to make your picture."

"That sounds like fun. Do I need to pose?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What's pose?"

"It's when you sit very still, like when your mommy takes a picture of you with a camera."

"Oh." She considered for a moment then nodded decisively. "You have to pose."

No one could pose like a vampire. I lay back on the grass, propping myself up on my elbows, keeping perfectly still.

She stared at me, assessing my form, and then selected a crayon and set to work.

I knew nothing about the skills of her age group, but it was obvious, even to me, that she was terrible. She forgot to give me arms and I only had one leg. My face was bigger than my body, and my hair a blur of fluorescent orange.

Her poor skill was not a result of effort. She worked with absorption. The tip of her tongue poked between her lips and her brow creased with concentration. For a while the only sounds were the scratching of her crayon against the page and the steady thud of her heart. It was a comfortable scene. I relaxed and enjoyed it.

When she finished she wrote her name in shaky block letters and held it up for me to view.

"It's very good," I lied.

"It's for you." She held it out for me to take.

I took it with a smile. Esme would love to see this, they all would. I had discovered I could take things back and forth with me. The clothes I wore in my present traveled back with me, and the mud on my shoes always marked the carpet upon my return. I could take this back with me, and give them real physical proof of my stories.

"Can I make a picture too?" I asked.

"For me?"

That was awkward. She could never pass of my work as her own, but the sketch existed I had seen it.

"How about if I make a picture and save it for when you're a big girl? If Daddy sees a picture I made, he would be very confused. He might be sad because he would learn about the magic and not be able to see it too."

"Okay."

She tried to pose as I had, leaning back on her elbows, but couldn't quite manage the balance. Instead, she rolled onto her stomach and rested her head on her hands. _This_ was the image I knew.

I took a pencil from the box and began to sketch out her figure. I shaded her hair, creating highlights with the slight alteration in pressure. When I finished I held it up for her to see.

"What do you think?"

She examined it carefully before replying. "It's pretty, but there are no colors. Pictures should have colors."

Well that was me told.

"Of course it's pretty," I said, disregarding her critique. "It's a picture of you, and you are very pretty."

"I'm not–"

Her words were cut off as Charlie called from the house. "Bells, you have to come in now. We need to get your bags ready!"

_Her bags ready!_

"I have to go now, Sparkly Man." She jumped to her feet. "Mommy is taking me home tomorrow. Will you come see me at my other home?"

Oh lord. How would I explain this?

"I can't," I said awkwardly. "I can only see you when you are at Daddy's house."

I held my breath waiting for a tantrum, or worse tears, but there were none. She looked disappointed.

"You're like Billy and Sarah; I only see you in summer."

I nodded sadly.

"Will I see you next summer?"

"Definitely, I will be here next summer. I promise."

I was getting choked up at this goodbye. I hadn't prepared myself properly, when she said she saw me during her summers at Charlie's I thought that would mean I had the whole summer with her. I hadn't considered the possibility that she would have time with Renee in the summer months too.

She shrugged. "Okay then. Bye-bye Sparkly Man."

"Goodbye, Bella."

She gave me one last dazzling smile then ran into the house.

I stepped back in the trees, clutching the pictures we had made in one hand and waited for the dizzying sensation as I returned to my present.

"Take care of my heart," I whispered. "I've left it with you."

* * *

_January 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

She was a demon. Plucked straight from the fires of hell to torment me. No, not a demon. Demon wasn't a strong enough word for what she was. There _was _no word strong enough to describe her.

The mere memory of her scent was enough to make my throat erupt into flames. Had it not been for Alice's arrival, I would have killed her there and then, consequences be damned. No one could blame me for it, not if they understood the way she smelled. But Alice had come and the girl's life had been spared. For now.

Alice had shown me the future she had seen. My eyes bright red and sated, my face stricken with pain as I stood surrounded by the corpses of a classroom full of students. The body of the girl still in my arms.

It would not be enough to run this time; we would have been forced to kill even more to cover our tracks. A gas leak, bodies burned beyond recognition. The family would have been forced to separate and flee as the Volturi became suspicious.

All that loss because of one insignificant human. All because of _her_.

Yet, no matter how ardently I listed her faults, the damage she could cause, I couldn't stop thinking about her. She was something more. Perhaps not a demon after all, but a curse. Designed by the fates to punish me for all the lives I had taken. Why else would she appeal to me the way she did? Why else would her mind be silent?

If I could have read her thoughts, perhaps I could have understood. She had to have known how she affected me; she had apologized for it after all. Then there was her mouthed plea to Alice as I was led from the room. _"Help him."_

Unless of course she meant Alice's mention of a family emergency. A matter of life and death Alice had said. It was: her life, her death.

I swept away the snow that had settled on my face and looked up at the fathomless expanse of stars above me. It was no good. Even those were lost as her face superimposed itself into their pattern.

"Who are you?" I asked aloud. "What are you?"

The face above me smiled enigmatically and blinked out of sight. Was it possible for a vampire to lose his mind? It certainly felt like it.

I had been in Alaska for almost a week. After Alice had taken me from the classroom, she and Emmett had led me out to the car where Rosalie and Jasper were waiting for us. Sandwiched between Jasper and Alice on the backseat I had recounted my encounter with the girl. Jasper had been sympathetic to my plight, but Rosalie was irritated. She acted as if I had intentionally created this scenario to inconvenience her.

When we got home, Carlisle had been waiting for us. Alice had called him from the school and filled him in on what had happened. I recounted my tale once more, describing the appeal she had, and how close I had come to destroying it all.

"I am proud of you, Edward," he'd said. "You found the will to resist. We all understand how difficult that must have been."

He may have been proud of me, but he was too trusting. Already my mind was working to find a way to satisfy my need for her blood. I could go to her house, apologize for my actions, hold out my hand to shake, pull her to me then slowly sink my teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. I would be sated at last.

I followed the vision in Alice's thoughts. The girl smiled as she saw me at her door. Taking my cue from her when she apologized for what happened I held out my arms and she fell into them, my hand pushed the hair from her neck then I lowered my head and devoured her.

I knew if I stayed I would kill her. While around her scent it seemed the most reasonable course of action. But I only had to look into Carlisle's wise, trusting face to know I could not do it. He would forgive me, he forgave us all, but that girl's death would torment him. He had dedicated his existence to saving human life. For me to willingly take one would be the ultimate betrayal to him.

I said hurried farewells to them all, holding Esme to me a moment longer than the others, allowing my embrace to say the words I could not form, then I fled. I arrived in Denali in the middle of the night. I explained my predicament to Tanya, and then I ran from her understanding words and into the wilderness.

Tanya had sought me out after a few days of my arrival. Her thoughts preceded her, showing me what she wanted to discuss. I ran again. She had seen me disappearing across the landscape but had not followed me. I didn't want to hear what she had to say: that Esme had called again, that the family were worried. I already knew all these things.

Alice had called last night to tell me the rest of the family were returning to school today, our absence had been explained as a family emergency; Carlisle's somber expression and Esme's beauty had prevented Principal Green from questioning it further.

The skies gradually lightened and the sun replaced the moon as a form of illumination. I _should_ return to the house, I _should_ call home and speak to Esme, but all I could seem to do was lie here in the snow and think of the girl.

My phone rang shortly after nine, and I answered it without checking the number. Thinking my siblings would be in school, I expected it to be Carlisle or Esme calling. I was surprised to hear Rosalie's voice speak. "I thought you'd like to know, the girl is dead, so you can come home now. There's no more blood to tempt you."

I leaped to my feet. "She's dead?"

"Dead or dying, either way it won't be long," she said carelessly. "Some imbecile skidded on the ice, and it was human versus van. The van won."

How could she talk like this? Like it was a joke. I couldn't bear to hear her say these things. I snapped my phone shut, then for good measure I crushed it and dropped the pieces to the ground. I needed to get back to Forks. Now. I had to know what had happened. The girl couldn't be dead, she just… couldn't.

The fact that I had been planning her demise just days ago seemed of little consequence now. All that mattered was that I had to speak to someone who could tell me for sure. I reached for my phone but of course it was crushed to shards of plastic.

I raced back to Tanya's house and burst into the living room. I snatched the phone from the wall, almost crushing the keys in my haste as I dialed the house phone.

"Edward, what has happened?" Tanya asked, but I waved her into silence.

There was no answer on the home phone or Alice's cell, but when I tried Emmett's, he answered.

"She's not dead," he said by way of a greeting. "I'm not sure exactly what happened, but Alice is at the hospital with Carlisle and the rest of us are heading back to the house. Are you coming home?"

"Yes. I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't let anyone make any plans before I get there," I said firmly.

I didn't understand why I had added that request. There was no reason for them to plan anything. It was a human accident, but there was a creeping suspicion that there was more to this. Not least of all the feeling of devastating emptiness I felt when I heard Rosalie's words.

'_The girl is dead.' _

* * *

I got to the house around midnight. They were all assembled in the dining room waiting for me with the exception of Carlisle who must still be at the hospital.

Esme rushed forward to embrace me as I arrived, and I gave her a perfunctory hug before turning my attention to Alice in a silent plea for information.

A rapid flash of images rushed into my mind. The girl arriving in her truck. The hopeful look as she saw my siblings that turned to intolerable sadness after a moment. Her careful progress across the ice, her hands gripping the truck bed. Then the horror began. Squealing brakes. A terrified face through a windshield. The girl throwing herself out of the path of impact. The van clipping the edge of her truck then curling around to meet her again. The scent of blood thick in the air. Shouts and screams from the humans.

The images slowed. I watched through Alice's eyes as she instructed Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper to get away from the scent. She moved through the crowds of children surrounding the truck and van, and wriggled between the tiny gap to the girl's side. She knew the girl would be dead, but she felt an overwhelming need to be with her.

"I thought someone should at least hold her hand," Alice said softly.

The images continued. Alice got to the girl's side. There was no blood there. In fact, she looked like she was sleeping. Somehow, her body had become sheltered beneath her truck. Her head was resting against the asphalt in the small space created where the rear of the van had met a concrete post marking the edge of the parking lot; had that not been there she would have been crushed between the two vehicles.

Alice dropped to her side and took her hand. The girl's eyes opened, and looked into Alice's with clear accusation.

"Why didn't you warn me?" she asked. "Why didn't you see?"

Then the eyes closed again and the grip she had on Alice's hand dropped.

My breath came as a hiss as I pulled from Alice's mind. It was the exact same accusation I wanted to fling at her. Why hadn't she seen? More importantly, why did I feel like this was my mistake? I couldn't have done anything. I wasn't even there.

"What did she mean?" I asked.

Alice shook her head sadly. "I don't know, I haven't had a chance to talk to her again. She was hurt. They rushed her to the hospital, and Carlisle sent me home.

"Is she…" I couldn't finish the question. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"She's not dead." Rosalie sounded annoyed at the girls continued existence. "Not yet at least. We need to make a plan though. Alice insisted on waiting for you and Carlisle to get home before we could talk about it, but we all know what has to happen now."

What had to happen now? She clearly knew something, but how could she possibly have known what Alice could do?

I heard the sounds of a car turning from the smooth asphalt of the road onto the dirt drive. Carlisle was home. A minute later the soft hum of the engine cut off as he pulled to a stop in front of the house. Esme hurried out to greet him and I tried to marshal my thoughts. He registered my scent in the house and sighed with relief. _Welcome home, Son._

He came into the dining room, shrugging off his heavy overcoat and tossing it onto an empty chair. "Bella is going to be okay," he said, sinking into a chair. "She was incredibly lucky not to have sustained worse injuries than she did. She has a nasty concussion, but she will live."

It was the first time I had heard any of us using her real name; she had always been 'the girl'. I found I liked hearing it; it suited her.

"That's great," Rosalie said sarcastically. "She's going to live, so we're all screwed."

"Not necessarily," he said calmly. "What exactly did she say, Alice?" He had already heard this but wanted to reiterate it within all our minds before he tackled the issue.

"She asked why I didn't warn her, why I didn't see."

"Which proves she knows something," Rosalie said. "Someone must have slipped. Alice, you have been weird about this girl from the beginning. Have you been talking to her? Telling her secrets?"

How had Alice been weird about her? Apparently I had missed something during my absence.

"Yes, Rosalie," she said sarcastically. "I have been with you all ever since Edward left for Alaska, but I snuck off to tell Bella I can see visions of the future, just so you would have an excuse to kill her now."

"Well how else could she have known?" Rosalie demanded.

"We don't know that she does," I said carefully. "She may have been referring to Alice's warning her in the present sense. You had a better view of the van's path after all."

It was a pretty feeble argument, and we all knew it, but I couldn't think of anything else to say in her defense.

"She knows something," Jasper said quietly. "There is something about this girl that sets me on edge. Think of her reaction to Edward."

"So she's weird. That doesn't mean we have to kill her," Emmett said reasonably.

"We are _not_ killing her," Carlisle said firmly. "She is an innocent girl that has done nothing wrong. It is not her fault that her blood calls to Edward, and her statement to Alice, though bewildering, is not a risk to us."

Rosalie looked mutinous, but she would not go against Carlisle. Jasper on the other hand had a very different start in life to the rest of us, and was not going to allow Carlisle's words to dictate to him if he believed Alice to be in danger.

"There is too much at stake here to allow her to live," he said, still in that same quiet measured tone.

I felt something akin to hatred stir in me. Jasper was my brother, he had been part of our family for over half a century, yet in that moment he was a threat.

He quirked an eyebrow at me, feeling my emotions and questioning the cause behind it. I didn't truly understand it myself. She was just a girl. A girl with the most tempting blood I had ever come across, it's true, but a girl nonetheless. Why did I care so much about what happened to her?

"If she wasn't here, Edward would be able to stay," Rosalie wheedled. She was hoping Carlisle's love for me would sway him.

"Stop, Rosalie," he said firmly, knowing exactly what she was doing. He was barely able to conceal his disgust at her manipulations.

"What do you think, Alice?" Esme asked, speaking for the first time. "Do you think she knows something?"

"I don't think she does. I am trying to see what will happen if I speak to her tomorrow, but I can't as her future is so confused." She shot Jasper a meaningful look.

"Could we all stop planning to kill the girl for a moment so Alice can check her crystal ball, please." Emmett was trying to lighten the tension but his humor fell flat in the face of so much anxiety.

Alice closed her eyes and focused, again she was met with the blank confusion that meant there was still someone plotting against us.

"Jazz, please," she said softly. He was defenseless to her pleading. As soon as he dropped his plan the future cleared at once.

Alice searched ahead for Bella's immediate future, but was sucked forward to a date an unknown period of time away.

I gasped as the image cleared. Alice and Bella standing in a green field. The sun was shining, casting prisms of light on Alice's skin. Their arms were entwined and they were each lost in gales of laughter.

On the heels of that vision came another. It was the same scene, entwined arms, laughter, but now the sun was casting light on both of their arms. When Bella opened her eyes they were the topaz of a vegetarian vampire.

"No!" I hissed.

Alice nodded eagerly. "See how firm it is? There is no doubt; she will be one of us."

"Bella is going to be a vampire?" Carlisle asked incredulously.

"Yes," Alice said happily, a fanatical gleam in her eyes. "She will be changed, and she will be my friend."

She was elated at the prospect. To her this seemed the perfect situation. To me it was the very worst. Bella was too good, too innocent for this life.

Again I was brought up short by the direction my own thoughts were taking. How had I gone from comparing her to a demon sent to destroy me to protecting her from my sisters ecstatic planning?

"How does this happen?" I asked. If I knew the trigger perhaps I could change the vision.

Alice closed her eyes and slipped into the future again. This time the vision took longer to come, but once it did, it was as solid as the other.

Bella was human, her cheeks flushed with blood and her eyes alight with happiness. I was the same as I was now, as I had been since I was seventeen years old and Carlisle's venom finished burning its path through me, making me what I am. No, not quite the same. I was smiling like I had never smiled before, the happiness in my eyes unmistakable. I lowered my face to meet Bella's and our lips met in a kiss. As I pulled away, my hand traced the curve of her cheek. _"I love you, Bella."_

The vision ended and Alice met my eyes with an elated smile.

"How can that be right?" I gasped.

"I don't know, but it's happening," she said brightly. "That one is even more solid than the others."

"What's happening?" Esme asked.

"Edward and Bella, I saw them together," she said. "They're in love, or at least they will be soon. It didn't look that far away. He's going to be so happy."

Esme smiled blissfully. "Oh, Edward, this is wonderful."

"No!" My voice was a low growl. "It can't be. I can't love her. She's human."

"Not for long," Alice sang. "I wonder how it happens."

Her mind raced with possible scenarios. A popular one showed me changing her, which was completely ludicrous.

"Look again, Alice," I demanded. I fixed my will on avoiding her, refusing this future.

Alice searched, but there was no change. The same scene played out again and again, no matter what course of action I chose.

Somehow, somewhere, I was going to fall in love with Bella Swan.

* * *

**So… Edward is all confused and Alice is ecstatic. This was a really fun chapter to write. I'm hoping it was fun to read, too. **

**I am constantly stunned by the response this story has received. Your reviews make my day every day. If you have any questions, thoughts or opinions, drop me a review or PM. I love chatting. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril x **


	6. Avoidance

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and general awesomeness. Also thank you to everyone that's reading, reviewing, fave'ing and alerting. I appreciate it more than I can say.**

* * *

_**Chapter Four — Avoidance**_

_July 1994 ~ Bella is Six_

_**Edward **_

I was a few days early when I arrived the next summer. Bella had not yet made an appearance, though I knew she was due as Charlie was in the process of preparing for her. Sarah Black took him shopping and when he returned he fretted nervously about the things he had brought and whether she would like them. Sarah reassured him that Bella would be happy with anything he bought, but he wasn't completely reassured. It was endearing to see how much he worried.

Charlie arrived with Bella late afternoon a few days later, and Bella was asleep on the back seat. Rather than wake her, Charlie carried her into the house. I watched as he scaled the steps with her nestled in his arms. She was small and scrunched up in sleep, and I lamented the fact I would have to wait even longer to see her properly.

I worried about seeing her. I knew I would make contact again, as Bella had told me of years of memories she had of me, but I wondered how I was to make contact with her again. She was young. Would she remember me from last summer? I had no idea what the memory retention was for a child her age. Would I have been disregarded over the eleven months that had passed?

The next morning, I stood at the edge of the forest bordering her back yard, waiting for her to come to me. I listened as she ate her breakfast in the kitchen with Charlie. He was trying to make conversation about what she had been doing in the months since he had last seen her, but she seemed distracted. I hoped, perhaps foolishly, that it was me that was distracting her. Then he said something that caught both of our attention.

"I've got some news, Bells." He sounded unusually nervous as he spoke to her. He was usually more calm when dealing with Bella directly. Something I knew would change as Bella moved into her teenage years.

"What?"

"I've been made police chief."

I suspected he was hoping for a more impressed reaction than the unimpressed "Oh" that Bella bestowed him with.

"It's a pretty big deal for your old dad," Charlie said. "But it means I can't have my whole summer with you."

"Does that mean I have to go back to mom's house?"

"No, honey, it just means Miss. Harris from town is going to be coming by to take care of you while I'm at work. She's real nice. I think you'll like her. She'll be coming by tomorrow to meet you."

I heard Bella huff out a small sigh. "Okay." I wished I could read her mind. What was she thinking about this new development? What I was thinking was obvious. Would this Ms. Harris be a competent sitter? Would she interfere with my and Bella's time together?

I heard the scraping as a chair was pushed away from the table, and Bella's small voice asking, "Can I go play now?"

"Sure you can. Stay in the yard though."

There were soft footsteps crossing the creaky kitchen floor and then the back door swung open. Bella stepped out and I was able to get my first good look at her of the summer. Her face was still rounded with childhood and her hair, though slightly longer, was tied in braids again. Her expression was guarded, as if she was waiting for something and hadn't yet decided how to react. She looked around the yard, passing by my spot within the tree line twice without seeing me.

Sighing to herself, she walked down the steps to the yard and onto the grass. She seemed exceptionally displeased about something. She planted herself on the grass and looked out over the yard. Resting her chin on her closed fist she muttered to herself. "He _said_ he'd be here."

Understanding dawned, and with it came a heart leaping sensation of pleasure. She was waiting for me! I hadn't been forgotten. The relief was indescribable. I stepped out of the trees and cleared my throat.

She looked up and her face broke into a wide smile. "Sparkly man!"

I looked down at my dull, pale arms and smiled. The sun wasn't making much of a showing today but she didn't need that to know who I was.

She scrambled to her feet and came closer to me. I sank down onto the damp grass, still wet with dew, and crossed my legs in front of myself. I expected her to copy me, but instead, she ran at me and threw her small arms around me.

"I knew you'd come back!" she said excitedly. "I knew it!"

I laughed. Her childish enthusiasm was infectious. "Of course I came."

She released me, beaming, and sat down opposite me. Her hands folded in her lap, she smiled up at me. There was so much I wanted to ask her, so much I wanted to know, but she spoke up first, stunning me with her randomness.

"I had a goldfish and it was shiny like you so I called it sparkly."

I chuckled. "That's a very good name for a fish."

She nodded solemnly. "He died. Mom flushed him down the toilet."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Mom said she'd get me another one, but it made me sad, so I said no. I want a puppy instead. Then I can play with it and walk it and teach it tricks."

"That sounds like a lot of fun," I said.

"Do you have a puppy?"

"No," I admitted. "I don't have any pets."

"Don't you want a pet?" she asked. "You're big. I bet they'll let you get a pet at the store without your mom."

I considered carefully. I had vague recollections of kitchen cats in my human life that kept us clear of rats, but they weren't really pets. A dog perhaps would have been nice, but it was a moot point. Animals were an impossibility for me as their instincts kept them afraid of me and my kind. They were not fooled by the beauty as humans were. "Maybe," I said thoughtfully, then I smiled. "I'd like a shark."

She giggled. "You can't have a shark. They bite people's legs off. I saw it on the TV before Mommy turned it off."

"Okay, no shark for me then. How about a bear?" Emmett would appreciate that.

She looked a little afraid. "Bears are scary. Daddy says stay away from the trees 'cause that's where the bears live."

I sighed theatrically. "I don't think I can have a pet then."

She eyed me for a moment and then nodded. "You can't. Does that make you sad?"

"No," I said airily. "I have a Bella friend. Who needs pets when you have a Bella?"

She beamed at me. "I have a Billy friend and a Sarah friend, and a Rachel friend and a Rebecca friend, and Jacob but he's little."

"That's a lot of friends." I noted that she only mentioned Forks people. Did she not have friends in Arizona?

"Yeah," she said, toying with the grass by her feet. "Lots'a friends. But you're my favorite. You're my special friend. Because you're my secret friend."

"I am," I said. "And I will always be your friend, Bella, even when you're big and grown up."

"I'm grown up now," she said with an adorable pout.

I looked at her, from her braids and still rounded face to her small feet encased in pink sneakers. "Yes, Bella, you are grown up."

She smiled. "I know."

* * *

_January – March 2005_

**Edward POV**

The weeks that followed my return to Forks were some of the hardest of my long existence.

If I truly was destined to love Bella Swan, there would be little I could do to avert it, but I was going to try my damndest to change it anyway.

The vision of Alice with her came first; which made it obvious—to me at least—that their friendship was the trigger for my own relationship with her. If Alice was never her friend, I would never be her lover. All I had to do to keep the vision from coming into fruition was stop Alice befriending her. A simple plan, hampered by Alice's selfish refusal to see reason.

In her mind she and Bella were already friends. She was so caught in the future, she didn't seem to see the fact they had exchanged less than a dozen words as important.

I believed, and Carlisle agreed, that as I was the one whose life would be impacted the most by her, I should have the final say on what we did next. Alice refused point blank to listen. She was already obsessed with the friendship that had yet to form.

I returned to school the next day with my siblings, a choice I thought was safe as Bella was still in the hospital. I hadn't counted on the citizens of Forks propensity to gossip, though. From the moment I pulled into the parking lot I was assaulted with discussions of Bella. People were exchanging stories of what I was sure would become 'The great van crash of '05'.

As the day wore on the stories being bandied about became more and more fanciful. Jessica Stanley had achieved superstar status as she recounted the tale of her visit to Bella in the hospital the day before.

The reality was that she had been turned away at the door as Bella was still sedated and visiting was limited to family only. Reality seemed to be subjective now, though, as I learned listening to her as she held court in the cafeteria.

"She was in a coma, and there was a priest in the room," she said to a gaggle of sophomores. "Her dad was talking to the doctor about pulling the plug. She'll be dead by the end of the day."

A low growl built in my chest at her words, and Emmett put a restraining hand on my shoulder.

_Chill. It's a load of bull, and you know it. Your girl is just fine._

"She's not my anything," I hissed.

He laughed. "Sure she's not."

She _wasn't_ my girl. We hadn't even exchanged one word of conversation. Which didn't explain why I was contemplating snapping Jessica Stanley's neck to halt the flow of vicious words.

Like most of my family, Emmett seemed convinced that I would soon, if I didn't already, love Bella. We had always put too much faith in Alice's visions, and now I was suffering the consequences.

Angela Weber came to Bella's rescue. "Don't lie, Jess," she said harshly. "My mom spoke to Chief Swan this morning and he said she's going to be fine."

Though she was telling the truth it wasn't nearly as interesting for the gossips as Jessica's version of events. By the end of the day, her lies had become the adopted story. I even heard someone talking about starting a collection to buy flowers for the funeral.

The end of the school day couldn't come fast enough. When the last bell rang, I hurried out to the car and sat with the engine running waiting for the others to join me. As soon as Emmett slid into the back seat I pulled out onto the road and sped us home.

"How was school?" Esme asked as we trailed in.

"Hell," I said simply as I headed up the stairs to my bedroom. I rooted through my CDs looking for something loud that I could immerse myself in to block the voices coming from the living room.

* * *

My determination to remain impassive was sorely tested over the next few days. Carlisle had handed over her case to another doctor to make it easier for me, but her attending sought him out for advice. He respected my choice not to talk about Bella, but Esme and Alice badgered him for news about her. I was relieved when she was discharged. As it meant there was nothing for Carlisle to do for her.

Alice spent an inordinate amount of time searching for visions of her. There was little of interest to see. She was still recovering from the accident, and so spent most of her time at home.

A week after the accident, she was well enough to come back to school. In preparation for her return I had hunted well. Doomed she may be, I would not risk her life because of my thirst.

The rumors bandied about by Jessica were now disproved by most, but Bella still drew attention upon her return. Many people asked for her version of events. They spoke about her near-death experience with the same enthusiasm they would a particularly interesting movie. She avoided their questioning by feigning amnesia of the event. She had sustained a head injury but, according to Jasper's analysis of her emotions, she was lying.

I waited with bated breath for her arrival in the cafeteria at lunchtime. I wanted to see how she would react to me. The last time I had seen her had been the disastrous biology class.

She entered with Angela. They were deep in conversation about an upcoming trip to the La Push ocean park; apparently it was something Mike Newton was organizing. She was so involved in her conversation that she didn't notice my presence until she was seated. Her eyes widened as she saw me, then a small smile crept across her lips.

Without conscious thought I smiled back at her. She ducked her head, blushing lightly.

"Did you see that?" Alice whispered ecstatically. "She smiled."

"Yes, Alice," Rosalie said scathingly. "Her facial muscles contracted. It's not an earth shattering event."

"But she smiled at _Edward_."

Rosalie smirked. "Which, of course, means it's true love. Edward, quick, go propose, better yet, bite her."

I hissed quietly. I knew it was just Rosalie being her usual sarcastic self, but the mention of her changing was enough to make my hands curl into claws.

"Easy, Edward," Jasper cautioned.

His calm filled me and my clawed hands relaxed. I shot him a grateful look and he nodded.

"Let's not get carried away," he said to Alice. "Wait and see how he gets on in class, before we get excited."

"Since when were you on board with the lunacy?" I asked. "You were planning to kill her not a week ago."

"True, but she makes Alice happy."

And that was answer enough. As long as Alice was happy, Jasper was, too.

I spent the rest of the lunch period attempting to ignore Alice's ecstatic thoughts and trying to break into the impenetrable mind of Bella Swan, without success.

I left the cafeteria early; I wanted to get to class before Bella. Her scent was going to be potent as ever, despite the fact I hunted, and it would be easier for me if I was there when she arrived.

Mr. Banner was setting up the lab when I slipped into the room. He nodded a greeting when he saw me and continued in his rounds of the room, setting a microscope on each table.

_Cullen is here early,_ he mused._ Least he could do is offer to help. _I was about to offer my help but his next thought changed my mind. _I guess manual labor is beneath him. _

Manual labor! The bumbling buffoon was setting out boxes of slides now; it was hardly something you needed a hard hat for.

The sounds of students traversing the halls reached us and broke his chain of harsh thoughts. I drew deep breaths of clear air while I could, preparing myself for the moment that siren call reached me.

She arrived amidst a crowd of other students. Her scent reached me across the room and flames licked up my throat. It was so bad already, I didn't know how would I manage when she was beside me.

I drew a breath of scorching air, knowing it would only be worse later, and waited as she hung her coat on the hook and approached our table. She didn't sit immediately, but stood a foot from the desk and spoke. "I was wondering if you wanted to sit alone today. Katie is out sick, so I could take her seat and you could have the desk to yourself again."

Maybe the fates didn't hate me after all. If she sat across the room, I would still be taunted by her scent, but it would be far more bearable at a distance. I could inure myself to her temptation over time instead of trying to do it all at once. It would be better, safer for her and for me.

A small voice piped up in the back of my mind. For once it was my own thoughts that registered, not those of another. _If she is not close, you can't talk to her. _

"Edward?" I had evidently been silent too long.

"There is no need for that. I am happy to share if you are."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Uncomfortable? That was an unusual choice of words.

"I'm sure."

I watched her from the corner of my eye, considering her words. She noticed my reaction last time, she would have to have been blind not to, but to link that with her proximity seemed odd. As little as I liked to admit it, even to myself, she definitely knew more than she was letting on.

She pulled her seat to the edge of the desk, putting as much space between us as was possible. Shooting me a small smile she hid her face behind the curtain of her hair and settled down to listen to Mr. Banner's lecture.

* * *

The curse of the vampire mind is its ability to think of many things at once. It meant that, no matter what I did, I was unable to block Isabella Swan from my thoughts. I tried all I could, but I could not deny that she was intriguing.

I watched her day by day and grew ever more curious. I found myself altering my routine to be around her more. I left the house a little earlier each morning so I could be there when she arrived in her antique of a truck. At lunch in the cafeteria, I switched my seat with Emmett so I had a clear view of her.

She sat with a group of students including the generically handsome Mike Newton and the vitriol spitting Lauren Mallory. She didn't seem overly attached to them though; she spent most of her time talking with Angela Weber and Ben Cheney—the only member of the male student body that was not besotted with her. He secretly had feelings for Angela but was too shy to admit it. I applauded his taste; Angela was a genuinely kind girl and they made a good pair.

"And it means he doesn't want your girl," Emmett said one lunchtime mid-February when I shared that nugget of information.

"For the last time, she's not my girl." I said it with fervor, but I wasn't as sure of my conviction anymore.

As much as I tried to deny it, I was fast becoming obsessed with her. She was an enigma to me, with her shy smiles and silent mind. Sometimes, I caught her looking at me with searching eyes, as if she was looking for some change in me. Whatever she was searching for seemed to constantly evade her; she always looked disappointed before looking away.

In the last weekend before spring break there was going to be a Girl's Choice Dance. My family and I never attended these functions but the rest of the school was abuzz with excitement. I was bombarded with thoughts of dresses and dates for weeks, and I soon grew tired of it. I wondered idly who Bella would favor with an invitation. I knew a few of the males wanted her to ask them, but she remained resolutely silent.

Mike Newton took her silence for shyness and plotted to ask her himself. I watched with amusement as he cornered her before biology class one afternoon and launched his attack.

"So, Bella," he said with confidence. "The dance is coming up and I was wondering when you were going to ask me."

She looked at him for a long moment as if assessing his mental competence. "I wasn't."

His easy smile fell and was replaced with something he thought to be alluring. "Shy are you? No worries. I'll take the pressure off. I'd love to come with you."

She made a strange choking sound, as if she was struggling not to laugh and failing. "No, I meant I wasn't planning to go to the dance at all. I have plans that weekend."

What was it about the air that suddenly made me feel lighter? I drew a deep breath and regretted it at once. Her scent caused flames to lick up my throat. I stiffened and leaned away from her. She caught my movement in the corner of her eye and turned to look at me with something resembling sympathy.

I tried to tell myself that nothing had changed, that I had no feelings for Isabella Swan outside of temptation for her blood, but I was not entirely successful. Deep down I knew that my relief was caused by her refusal of Newton, but that afternoon after school Eric Yorkie cornered her and asked her if she would go to the dance with him. She was a little more patient with him than she had been with Newton, but still showed no signs of being tempted by the invitation. She recited the same excuse about having plans that weekend.

I wondered if she was really going to be busy or if she was just letting them down gently. Would she refuse me if I asked her to be my date? An image of myself in a tux and her on my arm flitted through my mind. I watched myself brush the hair from her shoulder and lower my face slowly as if preparing to kiss her, but instead I sank my teeth into the soft skin of her throat.

No. I couldn't ask her to the dance, even if I wanted to, which I didn't. It wouldn't be safe. Shaking off thoughts of dances and thirst I made my way to the car to wait for my siblings.

_There she is. Here's my chance. She won't be able to get away with that clunker of a truck. _

The thoughts were coming from the inept driver Tyler Crowley. He was watching Bella as she made her way to her truck and climbed in. A surge of some unknown emotion pulsed through me. I didn't know why, but the idea of him having his chance at asking her seemed important. I needed to know if she would refuse him too.

She was fast getting her truck to start and soon she was pulling out of her space. Tyler wasn't going to be quick enough. His plod-footed swagger was making him slow. I quickly started the engine and pulled out onto the lane between cars, effectively blocking her in. Thinking he had his chance, Tyler hurried to her truck. Pounding her accelerator she lurched forward a few feet, bringing her truck bumper to bumper with my Volvo.

I snorted at her furious expression in my rearview mirror. She looked so fierce for someone so harmless.

Tyler knocked on her passenger window.

With a grumble of annoyance she leaned over the seat and rolled down the window. "Hey, Tyler. Sorry about this. Cullen has blocked me in."

"That's okay, I wanted to talk to you anyway. I was wondering if you would go to the dance with me."

"Sorry, Tyler," she sounded thoroughly exasperated, "I'm busy that weekend."

"Yeah, that's what Newton said. I figured you were just letting him down gently, though."

Her expression froze into one of shock; her mouth opened slightly and her eyes widened.

"Never mind," Tyler said. "We've still got prom." He patted the side of her truck and loped off to his car.

She locked eyes with me through her rearview mirror and glared at me. "You are going to pay for that, Cullen."

I laughed, I couldn't help myself. It was like being threatened by a week old kitten. She looked so fiery but so innocent at the same time. I was still rocking with laughter when my siblings arrived and slid into the car.

_What's up with Edward? _Jasper wondered, absorbing my amusement for himself.

Emmett had a less kindly response. _The poor boy has lost it. It was bound to happen sooner or later. _

Ignoring both of them I gunned the engine and pulled back out onto the road.

* * *

**So… I know we didn't have first friendly contact yet. I want to do justice to the story, and that means not rushing ahead. It's coming though, I promise. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx **


	7. Realization

**Thank you to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and being the reason this story was finally written. It would never have happened without her.**

**Yesterday the Ficsisters posted an article about Girl in the Meadow on their awesome website _The International House Of Fanfic _and I saw a huge increase in traffic. I want to say thank you to them for the article and to all that followed it here. Welcome to the story.**

* * *

_**Chapter Five — Realization**_

_August 1995 ~ Bella is Six_

_**Edward**_

Miss. Harris was _not_ a competent babysitter. She seemed content to see Charlie out of the door in the mornings, one plump hand planted on Bella's shoulder as they waved to him, then as soon as he was out of sight, she would settle in front of the TV and lose herself in mindless entertainment.

I was torn between anger that Bella's sitter was paying so little attention to her and pleasure that her neglect meant that Bella and I had so much uninterrupted time together. They would wave Charlie goodbye from the porch in the morning, then, as soon as he'd turned the corner, they would go their separate ways. Bella to the yard to me, and Ms. Harris to the lounge.

We spent hours together in the shadows of the trees in the yard. When we weren't talking about everything that mattered to a six year old, I was watching her play. She was so like the Bella I knew, and yet so different. I thought the adult Bella was full of life, but she was nothing to the child. Young Bella would dance without music and create complicated skipping games. She would laugh at simple things, like a butterfly taking flight or a bird's call. She was full of joy and I absorbed it all.

It was bittersweet saying goodbye to her at the end of every day. I ached for her absence, but I was pleased to return to my family, to share news of what had happened that day. They would always be waiting. The time I spent with Bella was subtracted from my time in my present, and life went on for almost all of them as it had before, but they were all waiting for me when I returned, eager for news of Bella. I would tell them it all, everything we had done that day, without embarrassment. If Bella had been asking my help making a daisy chain, I told them. I had expected Emmett and Jasper to find amusement in these stories, but they didn't. They were just pleased I had found her again. I was a different man now to the man I had been before we found Makenna. Then, I had been broken by my grief, unable to find joy in anything I once loved. Now, I was almost happy again. The only thing that marred my life was the fact that Bella wasn't there in the present waiting for me, too.

* * *

One morning, towards the end of the summer, I arrived to find the heavens had opened and the rain was pelting ground. I was drenched within minutes. I wasn't bothered by being wet, though it was a little unpleasant to be walking in shoes that squelched. I was bothered by the fact that the day of pleasure in Bella's company would be cancelled. We wouldn't be able to sit outside today, and it was too much to hope that the inept Ms. Harris wouldn't notice if I was inside the house. I plodded toward the house, thinking that even if I couldn't have time with Bella, I couldat least see her through a window. My dour mood was proved unfounded when I approached the house and heard her sweet voice singing.

"Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day."

I crept through the trees until she was within sight. She was dressed in a yellow slicker and she had bright red rain-boots on. As she sang, she jumped from puddle to puddle, sending water splashing up around her. Her song was interrupted by laughter, and I laughed with her.

She spun around to look at me, and her face broke into a beaming smile as I stepped out of the trees. "Rain, rain, go away. Sparkly Man is here to play."

"Hello, Bella," I said happily.

"Hey, Sparkly Man. It's raining."

"I can see."

She tilted her head to the side. "You're all wet. Why don't you have a coat?"

I shrugged. "I forgot it today. It's okay though. I don't mind getting wet."

She fumbled with the zipper of her slicker. "I don't mind, too."

"No, Bella," I said gently, stepping forward and catching her hands. "You need to keep it on. If you get too cold, you'll get sick."

She clasped my hand with her own small fingers and frowned. "You're cold. Are you sick?"

"No, Bella. I'm okay. I don't get sick. It's part of the magic."

"Magic," she said, looking thoughtful and then she shrugged. "Okay."

I loved that she accepted so much so easily. Part of it was, of course, her youth, but it was also just Bella. She was remarkable, even as a child.

"Sparkly man," she said, "wanna play a game?"

"Of course. What kind of game?"

I wondered what we would be able to play in this torrential downpour, but my question was answered when she smiled impishly and jumped in the air, landing hard in a deep puddle. Water splashed up around her and me, dousing my pants with mud.

For a moment, I was frozen, staring down at the mud and water dripping from me, and then I laughed. My heart lightened and my cares disappeared as I bellowed laughter, my shoulders shaking and my chest heaving.

Bella joined me, and her high, childish giggles joined me in a concert of glee.

Her happiness was absolute, and I wanted to freeze the moment and make it last forever. I stared down at her, her deep brown eyes alight with mirth, and held the memory in my mind to sustain me when we were apart.

"You're all wet," she said between giggles." I got you wet."

"You did. My turn."

I jumped high into the air and landed hard in the muddy puddle. The water sloshed up, drenching us both. For a moment, she looked stunned, and I wondered if I'd made a mistake, but then she grinned.

"That was good," she said earnestly. "But I can make a better splash."

I bowed to her. "By all means, show me what you can do."

She turned, taking in the yard with its mass of puddles, and then began to move. She leaped from one to the next like a game of stepping stones, splashing water around her with every jump. She turned halfway and looked at me.

"Come on, Sparkly man," she said. "I'll race you."

I beamed at her, taking in her delighted expression and exuberance, and then began to slosh from one puddle to the next after her, drenching myself thoroughly. She was so happy at play, and her happiness fed my own. It was a perfect day, despite the rain, and I never wanted it to end.

* * *

_March 2005_

**_Bella_  
**

I missed my Edward. I missed him so much it was like physical pain, though I was missing a man that was already there. I saw him every morning as I drove into the parking lot as he stood leaning against his car. I saw him every lunchtime as he and his siblings sat at their table with trays of uneaten food in front of them. I saw him in biology as he sat as far away from me as was possible at our cramped lab table. I saw him every day, but he wasn't the right person. He still looked at me with unknowing eyes.

I had a glimpse of my Edward when he maneuvered to allow Tyler his chance to ask me to the dance. The way he laughed upon hearing my threat was like looking through a window in time. He used to laugh like that for me almost every day.

That glimpse of him stayed with me for a few hours before the depression crept back in. How long could I wait before my Edward came back to me? I had considered going to him and telling him everything, but something warned me against it. I didn't think my poor heart could take it if he spurned me. I had to wait for the right time. It would present itself sooner or later I was sure of it.

Once the rest of the Cullens were in the car, Edward sped away and I was free to make my way home. I drove at a snail's pace, in no hurry to get back to an empty house. Unfortunately the ride between my house and the school wasn't a long one and soon I was pulling onto the drive.

The phone began to ring as I put my key in the door and as luck would have it my key stuck. I wrestled with the door and it flew open sending me sprawling to the floor.

"Dammit!" I cursed as my elbow collided with the bottom step. "This is not my day."

The phone was still ringing stridently. I clambered to my feet to answer. "Hello." My tone was a little harsher than I would have liked, but the day was catching up with me.

"Hey, Bella. You okay?" It was Angela.

"I'm…" I was about to say I was fine but the lie wouldn't rise to my lips. "I'm miserable," I admitted.

"Oh, what happened?"

I gave her a cliff-notes version of all that had happened that day, omitting the fact I was more upset by missing Edward than anything. She couldn't understand, and I could never tell her the truth.

"So Edward stopped you getting away on purpose?" she asked with a hint of shock. "But why would he do that?"

"Perhaps he thought he was being funny. He wasn't."

"I don't think so. Edward doesn't strike me as someone with a stellar sense of humor. He and his family always look so serious. Maybe it was just a coincidence?"

"Maybe," I said doubtfully. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I won't be going to the dance with any of them."

"Join the club," she said with a heavy sigh.

"You could just ask him."

Angela was completely besotted with Ben, but she was wary of doing anything that could spoil their friendship. Despite my reassurances she didn't believe he felt the same way. It was obvious to me that he was just as taken with her as she was him.

"I don't know, Bella. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"He does."

"But what if he doesn't?"

This was all so out of my range of experience. I had known the love of my life since I was a child. There was never any faltering in my certainty of his love for me. Even now, when he wouldn't talk to me, I knew one day he would. I just had to be patient.

"Then you will at least know for sure," I said bracingly.

"That's not very comforting, Bella."

I fought my smile. It seemed no matter what I said she was determined to argue against telling him. I decided I needed to make another approach.

"Well if you don't ask him soon someone else will. Jessica was very chatty with him at lunch today. Maybe she will ask him."

Angela said a word I never thought I would have heard fall from her ladylike lips.

I chuckled. "So you better act fast."

We chatted about inconsequential things for a few more minutes and then she hung up so she could get started on her homework. I put the phone back in its cradle and sighed. If only all romantic conundrums could be fixed with a little manipulation. My love was still too busy resisting the urge to drink my blood to talk to me. You would think after two years of waiting I would be able to be patient a little longer, but I was resisting the urge to throw myself into his arms every time I saw him.

Raking an impatient hand through my hair I opened the fridge and tried to find something to cook for Charlie's dinner. I was just contemplating a package of hamburger when the phone rang again. It was Charlie telling me he was going to be late home as his deputy had called in sick, so I didn't need to make him dinner as he would get pizza at the station.

I tossed the hamburger back into the fridge and closed the door. Cooking was supposed to distract me from my crappy day. Now I was at a loss. I sank down onto a kitchen chair. The momentary lightness I had felt with Angela's call had faded, and I was back to being miserable.

I rested my elbows on the table and hid my face in my hands. I wished there was a way to talk to my Edward—the Edward of my past. He would comfort me and maybe tell me what I needed to do to bring this aloof Edward to me. The first time he had spoken to me he had saved me from drowning. Would he have ever come near me without that emergency to compel him? Would he have lurked on the periphery of my childhood, never making contact?

I needed advice and, without my Edward to ask, I had to go to the one person I could trust to guide me. My mother. Renee was not the greatest at making meals and remembering to pay bills, but she had a wealth of real life knowledge. I dialed her cell phone and waited, tapping my foot as it rang.

"Bella, honey, how are you?" I could hear the smile in her voice. "How's school? How's life in Forks. Are you sick of the rain yet?"

I smiled to myself. This was typical Renee. Jumping from one question to the next without giving me a chance to answer. I missed her so much.

"I'm good, Mom. I'm actually calling for some advice. You see there's this guy and…"

"Oooh, a guy. Tell me all about him," she said excitedly.

"Well he's in my year at school. His name is Edward, and he's the single most wonderful man I have ever met." I was a little embarrassed at the gushiness I was coming out with. I was usually a little more controlled. I realized it was because for the first time in my life it was okay for me to talk about Edward without breaking some ironclad time traveler rule. "And I am completely in love with him."

"Wow!" I could clearly picture her bemused smile at that moment. She would be excited that I had finally found a boy that interested me, but concerned that I was so besotted already when, in her mind, I had only known him for a couple of months.

"I know, but there's a problem."

"There always is when there is a man involved," she said sagely.

"I really like him, and I think he likes me, but he's so aloof. I don't know how to get him to notice me."

"Well, that's easy," she said with evident relief. "You just have to be yourself. Tell me, have you tried talking to him yet?"

I flushed. I had been doing all I could to protect him from the temptation of my scent that I had barely gone near him. "Not exactly, no."

"Then that's the first step. Find a topic that interests you both and let your dazzling personality do the rest."

I was fairly sure I didn't have a dazzling personality—my mother was biased—but she was right in one respect; I hadn't been myself around Edward. In fact, only Angela and Ben had seen the real me. I had been so focused on the differences between my Edward and the one living in the present, that I hadn't noticed the changes in myself.

"Mom, you're the best."

She laughed. "Thanks, honey. Now, tell me more about this boy…"

* * *

**_Edward_  
**

The day after I had intervened on Tyler's behalf I arrived at school with a sense of foreboding. Alice had a vision the night before that she wouldn't share with me, and she had been hiding her thoughts ever since. I knew she wouldn't let me go to school if she saw something like me hurting Bella, but it didn't ease my mind all that much.

My first thought when the antique truck pulled into the parking space was that there was something different about the girl. Her music was blaring from the radio and when she climbed out of the cab she walked with more confidence than was usual. Usually, she tripped and stumbled at least a few times a day. Now she walked with a distinct sashay in her hips.

Alice caught my eye and grinned at me. _Have a good day. _

Her comment stuck with me through the rest of the morning as I tried to prepare myself for biology when I would be in close contact with Bella again. I followed her through the thoughts of her classmates throughout the morning, searching to see if anyone else noticed the difference. The only ones that did were her closest friends, Angela and Ben. They pondered on her especially bright mood.

When she arrived in the biology classroom after lunch she gave me a wide smile as she thumped down in the seat beside me. "Hi, Edward."

It was the first time I had heard her speak my name, and I found I liked it. Something about the way she formed the simple word made my insides squirm. I pushed away those thoughts. They were not my own, I was just becoming too caught up in Alice's vision. I _did not_ love Bella Swan.

"Are you ready?" Her voice jolted me out of my musings.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I had been so absorbed in my thoughts I had missed Mr. Banner's explanation of the lab. I searched his mind and saw that we were supposed to be sorting through slides.

"Never mind," she said, pulling the microscope over to her and checking the first slide. She jotted a note on a scrap of paper and reached for the next slide.

"Can I look?" I asked.

"In a sec," she said, not lifting her eyes from the slide.

I was a little affronted by her response. Did she think I was going to make a mistake and drag her GPA down? I resolved to show her exactly how capable I really was when she finally surrendered the microscope.

"So how do you like Forks?" I asked.

"It's great. I used to spend summers here when I was young. In a way, coming back here felt a lot like coming home."

"Why didn't you come sooner then?"

"I had to wait for the right time," she said and then bit her lip as if fearing she had said too much.

"The right time?"

"My mom has gone on the road with my stepfather so I came to live with Charlie. I couldn't come sooner as my mom needed me."

She was lying. I had no doubt her mother needed her, but that was not what she had meant.

"My sister told me about your accident," I said, hoping to catch her off guard and illicit an honest response. "She said you said something strange."

Her cheeks flamed and she refused to meet my eye. "I probably did. I was a little loopy. I had a concussion after all."

"You asked why she didn't warn you. What did you mean?"

"Haven't a clue," she said staring into the eyepiece of the microscope determinedly. "I don't remember anything of the accident. If I offended her, I apologize."

Offended? As the only communication they had ever had Alice treasured those words.

"Okay, I'm done," she said, sliding the microscope over to me. "You take a look and we'll compare notes."

Determined to show her my capability as a lab partner, I hurried through the slides, but I kept getting distracted by her. She never seemed to be still. Her hands ran through her hair, twisting strands around her fingers. Her hands drummed out rhythms on the table top, and she twisted a bracelet around her wrist.

With each action she sent a waft of her scent at me, but the longer I was exposed to her scent the easier it became. Also, watching her was wonderfully distracting. It wasn't the most reliable method of managing the temptation but, for now, it was working.

"So how did I do?" she asked when I had checked her answers against my own.

"You have them all right," I said grudgingly. She had also taken less time than I had because I'd been staring at her rather than the slides.

"Thought so," she said with satisfaction.

Mr. Banner saw that we were not working and came to our table. He saw the separate notes and frowned.

"The assignment was for you to work together."

"We did," she said innocently. "We did them separately, then compared notes. Less margin for error that way."

_Stupid girl. Like she's going to find error working with Cullen. The kid is an idiot savant. _

I fought the urge to snarl at him. I didn't like the scathing way he thought of her, or me.

She gave me a searching look them turned her attention to the explanation of the assignment on the board. A small smile crept across her lips and she lowered her voice. "Speaking of error, mitosis only has one 'T'."

I had noted the misspelling, too, but wouldn't have been bold enough to point it out. I turned my laugh into a cough and tried for an innocent expression as Mr. Banner turned on his heel and marched away.

She hid her wide smile behind her hand, and winked at me.

"That was very satisfying," I whispered.

"Did you see the way he was looking at us? I bet he was thinking all kinds of horrible things."

My mouth dropped open, but, before I could question her further, the bell rang signifying the end of class. She scooped her books up and smiled at me.

"See you later, Edward."

She most definitely would.

* * *

_She knows something, doesn't she?_

I locked eyes with Alice in the rearview mirror and nodded almost imperceptibly.

_You're going to her house tonight._

I frowned. I wasn't aware that I had made plans to invade her privacy so totally.

She ran through a vision of me standing in an unfamiliar room staring open-mouthed at a sleeping Bella.

_I'm there too, see._ She showed me herself beside me, grinning from ear to ear.

I didn't comment, but increased our speed and pulled into the drive.

"Why would I do that?" I asked when we were alone in the garage.

"I don't know, but you will, there is nothing vague about this one, it's almost as solid as…"

She tried to show me again the image of a vampire Bella, but I pulled from her mind. I didn't want to see that again.

I stomped up to my bedroom and threw myself down on the couch covering my face with a pillow. I couldn't think of anything that would drive me to sneak into her bedroom while she was sleeping, much less what would make me take Alice along for the ride. I wouldn't do it. That was decided. I would hunt instead. I made a fixed decision to go into the park to hunt, and waited for Alice to see the altered vision. It didn't come.

"Alice," I said softly. "Look again."

She obliged and once again I saw myself in what must be Bella's bedroom. She searched back for a trigger, and an image of Bella presented itself. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, holding a photograph in her hand. Tears streamed down her cheeks, despite the fact she was smiling.

Alice focused on the photograph and what I saw made me jump to my feet and race to her side in the lounge.

She looked at me with the same uncomprehending look that I was sure was on my own face.

"How?" I gasped.

"When?"

I shook my head mutely. "I've never seen the place, and she couldn't have caught me off guard anyway, it's impossible."

"Well she got it somehow? I doubt she's been raiding Esme's albums."

"What's happened, Alice?" Jasper asked.

"Bella had a photograph," she said, the shock coloring her tone, "of Edward."

* * *

Six hours later Alice, Jasper, and I stood in the woods behind the Swan house.

I wanted to get a closer look at the photograph and to see if there were any others. It would have been more sensible, not to mention moral, to wait and talk to Bella when she was awake, but I was too impatient to wait. I had to know.

We had been lucky that Emmett and Rosalie hadn't heard our discussion and Esme had agreed to keep it from them for now. Jasper had come along to help keep Bella sleeping; if she woke while we were in her bedroom, it may result in screaming and restraining orders.

"She's asleep," Jasper said. "If we're really doing this, we should get it over with."

I scaled the side of her house and levered the window open. I slid through the gap, and stepped aside as Alice and Jasper followed me.

She was curled into a ball in the centre of the bed. One hand cupped her cheek, and the other was clutched to her chest. She looked innocent and childlike when sleeping. I felt an irrational urge to touch her hair, to see it was as silky as it looked.

Jasper elbowed me in the ribs. "You want to get on with this or are you going to stare at her some more?"

In truth, staring at her some more was a tempting idea, but I came here with a purpose. I looked around the room searching for a sign of the photograph, but I couldn't see it. I enjoyed the chance to look around her room though; it was fascinating to see how she lived.

There was a highly polished wooden chest on the bookshelf that looked promising, but as I reached for it I heard Alice gasp. Bella had shifted slightly and we could now see the photograph clutched in her hand.

"Damn," Alice hissed. "Jazz, do you think you can keep her asleep while I grab it?"

"No," I said firmly. "She's my… It's my photograph, I will get it."

I very nearly said she was my Bella. Something was happening here, and I wasn't entirely sure I liked it. I felt like I was being affected somehow, and not merely by her scent, though that was scorching my throat.

I reached for the photograph, but froze in place as she shifted again and mumbled a name.

"Edward."

My mouth dropped open. For once my mind was completely my own. Alice and Jasper's thoughts were silent as I stood staring down at her. My hand reached for her of its own volition. I had to touch her, it was impossible to fight the urge.

I heard Alice's voice, but the words were a blur to me. All that mattered was the girl in the bed.

I traced the curve of her cheek with one finger, the lightest possible touch. She leaned into it.

"Edward." Her voice was a happy sigh. "What took you so long?"

Something happened inside of me. I came into the room driven by curiosity and need for protection. I would leave it a changed man. My name on her lips, her voice in my ears, they altered me. I would never be the same again.

I loved her.

* * *

**So… Bella is back to herself and Edward's made the first step to catching up with her in the love stakes. Good times. **

**Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, fave'ing and alerting. You guys make my day every day. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx **


	8. Port Angeles

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for the awesome beta job.**

* * *

_**Chapter Six — Port Angeles**_

_August 1996 ~ Bella is Seven_

_**Edward **_

"Sparkly Man?" Bella said, twisting a piece of grass in her hands nervously.

"Yes, Bella."

"What's your name?"

I frowned. The question seemed to have come out of nowhere. We had been deep into a game of checkers when she spoke. "Why do you ask?"

She took a deep breath. "In my school there are lots of boys. They play games at recess, and in their games they all have names. They pretend to be Superman or Spiderman or something but their names are really Josh and Matthew or things like that. You're called Sparkly Man, but it made me think maybe have a real name, too, like they do."

It wasn't like I had believed this question would never come, and if I had thought about it, seven was probably the sort of age she would question the story of magic much in the way children questioned Santa at a certain life stage. Was seven too young to know my real name though? She had never mentioned telling other people about me since our very first meeting… I had to trust her. "You're right, Bella. I do have another name."

"Well… What is it?" she asked impatiently.

I smiled. "My name is Edward."

"Edward." She tested the word on her tongue and then nodded. "I like it."

"I'm glad."

She peeked up at me from behind her bangs. "I have another name, too."

"You do?" I was confused.

"Yep." She giggled. "It's Isabella. It's special 'cause Mommy and Daddy only say it sometimes when they're mad."

I chuckled. "I like Isabella. It's a very pretty name, as is Bella. Pretty names for a pretty girl."

The flush that I was so accustomed to rose in her cheeks and she smiled a little shyly. "You're…" She frowned. "What's the boy word for pretty?"

I smiled, thinking of the first time she had met me and asked why I wasn't pretty anymore. "Handsome?" I suggested.

She shrugged. "Huh. You're handsome. Apart from when you sparkle. Then you're pretty, too."

"Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome," she said, turning her attention back to the checkers game. She smiled slightly and made her move, jumping two of my pieces in one move. "King, please."

I rested a checker on top of the other and then held out a hand for her to shake. "Excellent move. You're getting very good at this."

"I've been practicing," she said. "Mommy has a set at home and she plays me sometimes." Her mouth twisted into a grimace. "She lets me win though and pretends she doesn't."

"Would you like me to let you win?" I asked.

She shook her head violently. "No. I like playing properly. One day I will win for real, and then I'll like it more."

Her maturity continued to amaze me. It was true she was the only child I'd ever really had contact with since I was one myself—and those memories were very dim—but I found it hard to believe every seven year old was this self-possessed. I wished I could hear her thoughts. Ever since I met her for the first time and knew about my visits to her childhood, I paid more attention to the minds of children when I came across them. Their minds were different in that they reacted almost constantly to stimulus around them. The most common places for me to see them were on the streets or in the grocery store when I had accompanied Bella there once a week for her and Charlie's food. The children's minds would flicker between boredom to excitement as they reached an aisle that interested them—candy usually. I found it hard to believe Bella's mind would work the same. She always seemed so engaged in whatever she was doing. I had never known though, and now I never would.

Shaking off the dour thoughts, I made my move, taking one of her hard worn kings. Though her bottom lip pooched out, she didn't comment. When I eventually won the game, she shook my hand and commended my play formally, like a small chess master and then giggled as she flipped over my kings and reset the board.

* * *

_March 2005_

**Bella POV**

Something had happened.

I didn't know how or why but _my_ Edward was coming back to me.

I saw a flash of him in the biology class when I corrected Mr. Banner's misspelling. His eyes, though black with thirst, held the familiar gleam I once knew so well.

When I went home that afternoon I took his photograph from the chest and traced his perfect face. I held it away from me to save it from the happy tears that were pouring down my cheeks. "You're coming back," I whispered. "You're coming back to me."

* * *

On thursday morning I found myself singing along with the radio as I drove to school. My hands hammered the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music and my lips stretched into a wide smile. I was happier than I had been in a long time. In two years to be precise. The last summer I spent with Edward was the last time I remembered being truly happy.

As I pulled into the parking lot I saw something to make my smile even wider. Edward. He was standing by his car with Alice and Jasper; Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere in sight. As I climbed from the truck I felt his eyes following me.

I felt an irrational urge to walk to his side. To take his hand in my own and to never let go. I resisted the urge and climbed from the truck.

"So, what's got you smiling like the cat that got the canary?" a smooth voice asked.

I turned and saw Ben leaning against his aged Ford**. **He wasgrinning fairly widely too.

"I could ask you the same," I replied.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's just a nice day."

I looked up at the heavy grey cloud blocking the sun completely. It was a perfect day for Edward and his family, but not for the rest of us. I was already regretting my choice to wear a blouse under my jacket rather than a sweater. I was going to spend my day shivering.

"So are you going to tell me what's got you smiling?" he asked.

"Not unless you are."

He considered for a moment then shook his head and changed the subject to the next day's trip to La Push. It was being organized by Mike Newton, who I had come to accept was a jerk, but harmless, unlike Jessica, who was quite vicious when allied with her friend Lauren. Apparently my arrival in Forks had been carefully orchestrated to upset Lauren, and she seemed determined to make me aware of it. At least she was honest in her dislike; Jessica kept up the charade of friendship most of the time which bothered me more than Lauren's jibes.

Morning passed in a blur of boredom. I had used the positive of smaller class sizes to promote my move to Forks for Renee, but I hadn't considered the fact the syllabus seemed to be all I had done in Phoenix last year. The only class that gave any trouble was trigonometry, and that's because I was mathematically challenged.

When I got to the cafeteria at lunch I got a pleasant surprise.

"I wonder why Edward Cullen is sitting alone," Jessica mused.

My eyes snapped up and I saw him sitting at a table in the opposite corner of the room to his siblings. He caught my eye and gestured me over with a finger. If I hadn't been so thrilled at the invitation, I would have protested the summons. I was not a dog; I didn't respond to hand commands.

"You're not sitting with us today are you?" Ben asked. We usually sat together at a larger table of sophomores.

"Afraid not," I said, clapping him on the shoulder then leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "But Angela looks lonely. Go talk to her."

He blushed lightly and I laughed.

Edward held out the chair for me as I approached. I wondered at this. As happy as I was to have an opportunity to be with him, he was exposing himself to my scent again. He was either a masochist or things were happening faster than I expected.

"Hey. Edward," I said, thumping down into the chair. "This is unexpected."

"I thought, as we're lab partners, we should get to know one another a little better."

That was the flimsiest line I had heard since he told me about 'the magic'. I looked up from the tabletop to meet his eye—I usually delayed this moment so as to remain coherent a little longer. What I saw there drove the air from my lungs in a great whoosh.

He was back!

_My_ Edward, with the look of adoration I was used to seeing when he looked at me, was back. Somehow, between leaving Biology the day before and now, he had changed. I didn't know what, but something had happened to bring him back to me.

I drew in a shuddering breath and looked down at the tabletop again. What should I do? I was supposed to be unaware of who and what he was. If I blurted our history to him now, I would be in the loony bin by the end of the day. I needed the evidence of our time if I was ever to convince him—the chest with our pictures and his photo, unfortunately I had none of those with me. Even if I did have them, a smelly school cafeteria was hardly the place to tell all. I always imagined it would be in our meadow.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked solicitously.

I chanced another glance up and saw genuine worry in his eyes. This was _definitely _my Edward. Only he could look so concerned over something so small.

"I'm fine"

He smiled, but the fear didn't immediately leave his eyes. As wonderful as it was to see him looking at me with love again, the return to his hair-trigger anxiety was not so welcome.

"So, what would you like to know about your lab partner?" I asked.

"Everything."

I stifled a laugh. He was terrible at playing it cool. "How about we start with the basics," I suggested. "Full name: Isabella Marie Swan. If you call me that, I'll be forced to hurt you."

He laughed, probably thinking of the ineffectiveness of that threat. "Duly noted."

"What else would you like to know?" I asked.

He truly wanted to know everything. He fired questions at me. He asked about my life in Phoenix and how it compared to life in Forks. There was no way of making him understand how desperately torn I was. I loved Phoenix, the heat, the city life, the desert, but I loved Forks because of him. No way of explaining yet, anyway. I had to be patient.

When he asked about the books I liked to read I couldn't help teasing him a little.

"Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, the usual," I said with a smile.

His eyes widened, and I fought the urge to laugh. Luckily for him, and unfortunately for me, we didn't have time to pursue the subject as with a scraping of chairs and grumbling the exodus of students to their next class began.

"Biology next," I said shouldering my bag.

"Not for me," he said. "I'm going to sit the next class out."

I frowned. Had my comment about vampire books scared him off? Was he even now plotting ways to avoid me? Would he leave?

Perhaps he saw my worry as he hurried to explain. "I am leaving early today. Emmett and I are going camping, and we want to get a head start on the traffic."

"Camping sounds nice." If, of course, you meant hunting stray wildlife in an attempt to sate your thirst.

"It is, we like to go as much as we can, especially when the weather is good."

"See you Monday then," I said.

"Count on it." He looked like he wanted to say more, but restrained himself. I had no doubt he knew about the La Push trip. He likely wanted to warn me against taking a swim. Ever since our first meeting he had been paranoid about safety.

I glanced out of the window and saw the sky, that had been heavy with cloud this morning, was starting to lighten. The sun must be making an appearance soon. That was why he had to leave.

I made my way to the biology classroom, scowling all the while. The jubilant mood I had during lunch was now replaced with bitterness. Things had been going so well and, if the weather had been obliging, I could have enjoyed another hour of his company.

My mood did not improve as I reached the classroom. Set out on each desk were the apparatus for blood typing. There was no way I was going to stick around for this. I had no desire to finish my afternoon in the nurse's office.

I approached Mr. Banner's desk and cleared my throat to gain his attention. He frowned at the interruption. Possibly thinking of yesterday's little correction. "Yes, Isabella?"

My mood darkened at the use of my given name. If I was feeling malicious I could have used his first name, which I had seen on a form when in the office my first day. It would have been cruel though. What were his parents thinking when they named him Shirley?

"If we're doing blood typing, I will need to be excused," I said, trying for a smile.

"Really? And why would that be?"

_Because if I am in this classroom when the blood starts flowing, I will vomit, faint, or both._

"Because I can't tolerate the sight of blood without becoming ill," I said.

"In that case you can sit out the exercise, but you will need to be here to take notes," he said with a satisfied smile.

"I _can't_ be here," I said emphatically. "Even if I am not the one bleeding I _will_ be ill."

"I'm afraid I can't excuse you. This class is required for the final exam and it's my duty as an educator to make sure you are fully prepared. Feel free to avert your eyes when the blood is flowing, though."

I considered leaving anyway, but better manners prevailed; I stomped to my chair and threw myself down.

When the class was full, Mr. Banner began his explanation of the exercise. There were squeals of feigned fright from some of the girls as he produced a lancet and proceeded to jab the tip of Mike Newton's finger.

The blood welled and I felt the familiar rolling sensation in my stomach.

_Here we go. _

He squeezed Mike's finger, creating a large drop of blood then dabbed it against the blotter paper.

"Who's next?" he asked the classroom at large. "Isabella?"

I looked at the shining barb in his hand, and the blood soaked paper on Mike's desk and mumbled an 'I told you so,' as consciousness deserted me.

* * *

The first thing I felt was a hand in mine and something cold on my forehead.

"Edward?" I mumbled.

"Afraid not," a voice answered.

I opened my eyes and looked up into Mike Newton's less than pleased face. I snatched my hand away.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You fainted," the school nurse said, bustling into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I lied automatically. I struggled to a sitting position, but her firm hand on my shoulder pushed me down again.

"You need to lie down, dear. I'm calling your father to come collect you. You will need to go to the ER."

Oh no I wouldn't. If Renee heard about another trip to the ER she would have a freak-out of epic proportions. I had barely been able to calm her down after the van crash. It had taken both Charlie's and my reassurances to stop her hopping a flight to Forks.

"I don't need to go to the ER," I said firmly. "It was just the blood that made me ill, and now that's gone I'll be fine."

"Oh, I don't know." She examined me doubtfully. "Your color isn't too good.

"It never is," Mike interjected. I had forgotten he was still here. Unsurprisingly he didn't look happy. Not only had I withdrawn his role as a hand holder, I had said Edward's name.

"I just need some fresh air," I assured the nurse.

She looked uncertain but there was a clamor of movement at the door as Mr. Banner arrived supporting a green looking Lee. I jumped to my feet, vacating the cot for the next patient. Taking advantage of the nurse's distraction, I grabbed up my bag and made my way out.

* * *

I missed Edward, though it had only been a day since I had seen him. The fact he was _my_ Edward again made his absence all the more hard to bear.

When classes finally ended Friday afternoon, I made my way out to the parking lot. The rain was coming down in torrents, and I had to jog to my car to avoid being drenched. As it was, I still had dripping hair by the time I wrestled the door open. I planned to spend some time with Charlie when I got home. He was working the early shift so he should have been home before me, but when I got home I found a note telling me he had gone to La Push to see Billy. His note invited me to join him, but I wasn't in the mood.

I had been meaning to make a trip into Port Angeles for weeks, but I never got round to it. Now was the time. I jotted down a note to Charlie and grabbed my purse and keys.

The drive into Port Angeles distracted me from my immediate troubles as I navigated the twisting roads. The rain that plagued my ride home disappeared as I drove out of town, confirming my theory that Forks was just cursed for weather.

When I got into town, I found a parking spot easily enough. I wandered along the streets, searching for a sign of a bookstore. Something caught my eye in the window display of a jewelry store and I stopped dead in my tracks.

I stared in wonder at the small ladybug pendant. My feet took me closer to the window, without conscious instruction. My nose was practically pressed up against the window, as I stared at the miraculous piece of my past and future combined.

It was small, about the size of a quarter, but perfect in its detail. The rubies glinted under the fluorescent lights, making it look like it could come to life and take flight at any moment.

The bell above the door chimed as I entered the store. I waited for the clerk to finish with the customer ahead of me then asked to be shown the pendant. He looked at me appraisingly, perhaps weighing my worth as a customer.

"It's a lovely piece," he said, placing the cushioned display piece on the glass counter. "Sterling silver and ruby."

His words were white noise. I knew everything about this pendant already. I knew how the cool metal felt against my skin. How it would weigh heavy in my hand, but be feather-light on its fine filigree chain. I knew how it felt to have the man you loved sweep your hair from your shoulder, his fingers lingering a moment on the curve of your neck, before he fastened it.

I had lost mine the last summer I vacationed in California with Charlie. I had torn apart my hotel room looking for it, desperate when I couldn't find it. Now I understood. I hadn't lost it; it wasn't mine to keep anymore. It was an original piece, it had to be here so one day in the future he could buy it for me and give it to my younger self.

"Would you like to see our selection of chains?" the clerk asked hopefully.

I shook my head sadly. "No thank you."

He nodded knowingly, his suspicions confirmed; I was not a buyer but a browser. The bell above the door rang again and he hurried off to greet the new customer, possibly hoping for a better sale this time.

I reached out a shaking hand and traced the curve of the wings with a finger. A solitary tear burned a path down my cheek and dropped onto the glass counter; I wiped it away with the sleeve of my jacket.

The clerk stepped into my peripheral vision; he took a cushioned display of engagement rings from the window and set them on the counter. I glanced around to see the other customer. He was dressed in scruffy clothes, and there was a large duffle at his feet. He smelled strongly of beer and something else I could not identify.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. There was something very wrong here.

Just as that thought registered, the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun. The clerk yelped in shock. The sound was so high pitched that any other time it might have drawn a laugh from me, but not now. I was scared into muteness.

"As long as you're sensible, nobody needs to get hurt," the man said, leveling his gun at the clerk. He cast me an oblique glance. "You wouldn't want this pretty girl to die just because you were trying to play hero would you?"

An uncontrollable whimper escaped my lips.

"W-w-what do you want," the clerk stammered.

"Open the safe, and fill the bag," he said, thumping the large duffle onto the counter.

"I can't! I don't know the combination, and if I try and get it wrong the whole store locks down."

"Then you better not get it wrong."

I saw the clerk twitch his hand toward the counter where I was sure there was a panic button concealed. The warning I wanted to shout died on my lips as I heard the loud crack of a gun.

I dropped to the floor instinctively, covering my head with my hands.

I heard the low groan of the clerk and then the meaty thud as he fell to the ground. I couldn't see anything but the dull grey of the carpet, but I knew from the smashing sounds and the small taps of something landing on me that the gunman was smashing the cases.

"Edward! I need you! Edward, please! I need you!" I chanted. I couldn't stop the words from coming, they were torn from me with the force of my fear.

I felt hot breath on my neck, and a low crooning voice spoke in my ear. "Who's Edward?"

"I am!" I menacing growl answered.

The gun fired again, and I screamed. I was sure it would be me this time, and I waited for the pain to come, but there was none. Instead there was hiss of pain, a small popping sound, and then something landed heavily beside me.

"Bella! Are you okay?" a frantic voice asked.

Only that voice could have made it through the screams echoing in my mind. My eyes shot open, presenting me with the most welcome sight in the world. Edward.

I nodded uncertainly. "You came," I whispered.

"Always."

I wrapped my arms around myself and felt the sting as glass cut my palm. I clenched my fist as if that could stop the blood flowing, but it seeped through my fingers.

Edward's eyes darkened to pure onyx and a low growl rumbled in his chest.

"Please don't do this!" I begged.

He shook his head, whether as a refusal or a reassurance I didn't know. What I did know was that he was barely clinging to his control and there was no Alice here to save me this time.

"Just go," I whimpered. "Please go."

"You're hurt," he said between gritted teeth.

And if he didn't leave soon I would be dead.

The clerk moaned again, and I realized this was much more complicated than Edward's bloodlust. The gunshots would have been heard. Even now there were probably police racing to the scene.

"There will be people here soon," I said. "Keep the secret."

He deliberated a moment, then turned on his heel and disappeared through the door.

Ignoring the unconscious robber on the floor I hurried around the counter and knelt beside the clerk. He was semi-conscious, his hands pressed to the wound at his side. The crisp white of his shirt was now a deep crimson, stained with the blood that was still flowing from beneath his hand. It made my head swim, but I fought away the feeling.

There was a linen cloth draped over the shelves of one of the display cases, I dragged it free, sending more shards of glass onto me and the floor. I screwed it into a makeshift pad and replaced his hands with it. He groaned, his eyes fixing on my face. I could hear the sirens wailing in the distance now.

"You're okay," I reassured him. "The ambulance is on the way."

His lips trembled as he tried to form words, but failed. His eyes slipped closed again. Only the labored sound of his breathing showed he was alive. I could feel the trembling starting in my hands and knew the adrenaline was fading and the shock setting in.

"Not yet, Bella," I scolded myself. "Just a little longer. He needs you now."

Blue lights dancing in my eyes, and I thought for a moment that I was losing the fight for consciousness, then there was a flurry of movement at the door and voices calling out.

"Over here!" I shouted.

An EMT arrived and replaced my hands with his own. I struggled to my feet, and backed away, only stopping when my shoulders touched against the wall. Now relieved from the responsibility of taking care of the clerk, I slid to the floor and pulled my knees against my chest.

The EMT's were shouting to each other as they worked on the clerk and the gunman. I wrapped my arms around my head to muffle their voices, and squeezed my eyes shut.

I wasn't there. I was in the meadow with Edward. I was a child again, and he loved me.

Cool hands gripped my wrists gently, and I looked up into a pair of golden eyes.

"Carlisle!"

Not caring that I was practically a stranger to him, I flung myself into his arms and sobbed into his neck.

"It's okay, Bella," he soothed. "You're okay now."

* * *

**So… Bella had a whole different Port Angeles experience, but it was still a nightmare. Being the angst lover that I am, I really enjoyed writing this chapter. **

**Thank you all for the reviews, faves and alerts. I really appreciate your support. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x**


	9. Traumatized

**Okay, seriously, you guys BLEW ME AWAY with the response to the last chapter. It was one of the ones I was nervous about and you all made me feel so much better about it and the rest of the story. If you're with me so far, I think you're here for the duration. **

**This was originally two separate chapters but in conversation with Gredelina1 I realized you'd have my head if I didn't get the Bella/Edward conversation to you sooner, so I've slammed them together and here it is. **

**Last but not least, thank you to Gredelina1. She betas, counsels, pep talks and shares her love every single day. Love you hon xxx**

* * *

_**Chapter Seven — Traumatized**_

_July 1995 ~ Bella is Seven _

One day in the summer Bella was seven, I arrived too early to see her. Dawn was just creeping across the sky. I decided to explore the area a little while waiting for the time to pass.

I knew the location of our meadow so well I could have found it with my eyes closed, but when I came to the area, it wasn't there. There were familiar trees, the one that had two knots that looked a little like eyes that Bella had pointed out to me once, the half rotted stump of a broken tree that had been brought down years ago; they were there, but our meadow was not. It had not been made yet.

I laughed to myself. I would have made a fool of myself had I brought Bella out here for the first time, anticipating beauty, to find yet another group of trees. My mood buoyant, I set to work. There was no meadow yet, but there would be. I just had to create it.

I remembered the dimensions of our meadow perfectly, and I could see the trees that ringed it where they stood, so my first task was to clear away the unnecessary ones. It wasn't often I had opportunity to do something like this, to give my vampire strength free rein, and I was looking forward to it. I picked a tree at the very center, a towering spruce, and plucked it from the ground easily. I hefted it over my shoulder and set out through the forest until I was a few miles away from our meadow and at a small unnamed lake. I grinned as I dropped the tree to the ground and began to pulp it with my hands. I couldn't leave a stack of trees in the forest without people getting suspicious about their origin and how they'd been pulled, roots and all, rather than cut. I was covered in sawdust by the time the tree was gone, and there was a neat pile beside me. I kicked, threw and shoved it into the lake, chuckling to myself as it sank into the brown water. A days of Forks' predictable rain and it would just be more mud at the bottom of the lake.

I went back and forth again and again until our meadow was cleared and the trees were destroyed and hidden. I was left with a muddy clearing ringed by trees. It was nothing like the place I remembered, but it would be. There were a few more things I needed, and I would be able to get them without problem when I returned to my own time.

The sun had risen in the sky, and I knew Bella would be waiting for me soon if she wasn't already, so I brushed away the sawdust and dirt from my clothes and made my way back towards her house.

The TV was playing in the lounge and couch cushions were creaking which meant Ms. Harris had arrived and was settling herself in for a day of paid viewing while Bella was left alone. Upstairs a tap was creaking and it switched off and then I heard the rustle of a towel against skin. Bella was on her way. I stayed hidden within the trees for purely selfish reasons. One of my very favorite parts of the morning was seeing Bella's face transform when she saw me step into view. It was as if, like me, she wasn't truly happy until we were together. I knew that was romanticized rubbish. Bella was too young for one person to impact her like that. But it made me happy nonetheless.

I heard each of her soft steps on the stairs and then her stumble as she missed the last and skidded into the hall. She huffed with frustration and then carried on through the kitchen to the back door. It swung open and she came out, eyes bright with excitement.

"Edward?" she whispered when she had closed the door carefully behind her.

I walked forward, into her view. "Hello, Bella."

The moment that I had been waiting for came. She smiled beautifully and ran down the wooden steps towards me. She took my cool hand in her warm one. "Hi."

The grass was damp still with morning dew, but she didn't seem to mind as she sat down and pulled me with her. She stretched her legs out in front of her, not releasing my hand. She looked up at me and a small frown creased her brow. "What have you been doing?"

I frowned, too. "I have been waiting for you, Bella."

"You have stuff in your hair and dirt on your face."

I ran a hand through my hair and what looked like half a pulped tree fell out. I shook my head and it rained down onto my shoulders. Bella laughed, clutching her stomach as I attempted to rid my hair of the sawdust.

When I was sure the worst of it was gone, I rubbed a hand over my face, attempting to clear the dirt she had spotted.

"Did you eat a mud pie?" she asked conversationally.

I chuckled. "No, Bella."

"Good." She nodded. "You mustn't. Worms live in the mud, and they poop, and if you eat the mud, you'll eat the poop. It's germy."

I blinked.

"Marshall told me so," she said.

"Who's Marshall?" I hadn't heard him mentioned before in the past or present.

"He's at my school. He's funny. He told me about worm poop and I asked Mommy and she said he was right so I don't eat the mud anymore." She stretched, pointing her toes like a ballerina. "It didn't taste good anyway."

I laughed softly. "No, I don't imagine it does."

She brushed some of the sawdust from my pant leg and looked up at me. "So, what are we going to do today?"

"Whatever you wish, my Bella," I said softly. "Anything at all that you wish."

* * *

_**March 2005**_

**Edward POV**

"You have to hurry, Carlisle," I pleaded. "The cops and paramedics are here, but it's like they don't even see her. She's scared."

I didn't care the EMT's were busy dealing with the clerk and his gunshot wound; it was his own stupid fault anyway. All I cared about was the fact the woman I loved was traumatized and there was no one taking care of her.

There was nothing I could do for her. My presence was the greatest threat of all, and it tore me apart. When the scent of her blood permeated the room, it was all I could do to lock my limbs in place and hold my breath. Her desperate pleading barely registered through the haze of the thirst, but her wide, fearful eyes broke my paralysis and made it possible for me to turn on my heel and leave her alive.

"I'm almost there," he said. "Is she hurt?"

"She cut her hand on the glass. I couldn't stay. The blood."

I heard the soft purr of the Mercedes as it pulled to a stop, and I hung up the phone.

Carlisle hurried to the store, sending me a quick mental reassurance as he passed the mouth of the alley I had taken shelter in.

_I'll take care of her, Son. Do you need to go?_

Did I? The burn of the thirst was almost overpowering, but my need to be close to her was equally as demanding.

"I'll be fine," I said.

_Very well. _

He approached one of the cops that was standing guard outside the store, and introduced himself.

The gunman was prone on the floor, another EMT was preparing him for transfer. I had been exceptionally careful with the amount of force I had used. I'd wanted to incapacitate not kill. The killing could come later, when Bella wasn't there.

The EMT recognized Carlisle and he called him over for assistance with the clerk. I wanted to rage at him for even casting the idiotic man a passing glance when Bella needed him more. He advised them that there was nothing more that could be done here and that they needed to get him to the hospital.

Through his thoughts, I got my first real look at Bella since I had fled. She was curled against the wall her hands covering her face. Cautiously, Carlisle knelt in front of her and pulled her hands away.

She looked up at him, gasped his name, and threw herself into his arms. He was momentarily taken aback by the force of her reaction, but he soothed her as best he could.

"It's okay, Bella." He patted her back. "You're okay now."

The ambulance carrying the clerk sped away with sirens screaming. A distracted part of my mind wondered if he would live. I didn't care for his life, but I worried about the further trauma Bella would suffer if he died.

Carlisle called for one of the cops to get a blanket for Bella; she was trembling both from the shock and the cool temperature of his skin. When he released her to wrap it around her shoulders she seemed to come back to herself. She looked around the room, her eyes fixing on the gunman as he was wheeled out of the store.

"I want to get out of here," she said quietly. "Can we go outside?"

The cop nodded, and stepped back as she got unsteadily to her feet. Carlisle clamped an arm around her waist when her legs threatened to buckle and led her outside.

An ambulance had arrived for Bella, but when the cop led them to it she balked.

"I don't want to go to the hospital," she said sounding more animated than she had been throughout this ordeal. She crossed her arms over her chest to hide her injured hand. "I'm not hurt."

"You need to be checked out by a doctor," the cop said.

"He's a doctor." She gestured to Carlisle.

"At least come and sit down. We need to talk about what happened."

"Bella has been through enough for one day," Carlisle said firmly. "She is in shock. Your questions can wait."

Though he was speaking out of concern for Bella, there was also the very real issue of exposure to deal with here.

"It's okay," she said. "I'd rather get it over and done with now."

She took Carlisle's hand, a gesture that surprised him and me both, and then traced a message on his palm: _trust me._

"Trust her," I said at a pitch only Carlisle would be able to hear.

Having no other option we did as she asked.

She allowed herself to be led into the ambulance. She sat on the edge of the stretcher, Carlisle sat beside her, still holding her uninjured hand.

"Can you tell me what happened?" the cop asked.

Her words were clear and concise as she told her tale. "I was in the store and a man came in. He told the clerk to open the safe, but the clerk said he couldn't. When he hit the security alarm, the robber shot him. He came to me and was talking, then I think he must have slipped on the glass as he fell. There was another shot as he fell, but I don't know where it went. He hit his head_ really _hard. I heard the crack."

She was a genius. The bullet that had hit me, the gunman's head injury, it was all explained away.

"That would be the ricochet," the cop mumbled. I heard the story play out in his mind. He didn't question a thing. It all added up.

_Does he believe her?_ Carlisle asked.

"Every word," I said softly. "I don't think we are going to have any trouble from the cops at least."

_That is good. We have another issue to address, though. Bella clearly knows something, and I assume you weren't the one to tell her._

I rolled my eyes, though he couldn't see the gesture. We had spent hours together discussing the photograph and what it could mean. He knew very well I hadn't told her anything.

_We will need to talk to her alone. _

"Not now," I said firmly. "She has been through enough tonight to last a lifetime. It's a miracle she's still standing. We aren't going to add to that by interrogating her."

_I know that, Son. I am merely planning ahead. You know what a risk this poses. Think of Jasper and Rosalie. _

I hissed. They weren't going anywhere near Bella. They were my family, but Bella was my life. I would protect her even from them.

"We're going to need you to make an official statement, Miss. Swan," the cop said. "But we can do that tomorrow if you prefer."

"Can we do it in Forks?" she asked. "My dad is the chief there, and I'd feel better in a familiar place."

"Of course we can," he said squeezing her shoulder. His thoughts were full of admiration for how well she was handling it all. As were Carlisle's. She was remarkable.

He walked back into the store, leaving Bella and Carlisle alone. She waited until he was out of earshot before she spoke.

"Is Edward okay?"

Carlisle thoughts were momentarily blank with shock. After all that she had been through she was asking after me!

"He's fine," Carlisle said. "He is close, but can't be here at the moment."

"Yeah, I know, the blood." She looked down at her clothes; they were stained with both her own blood and that of the clerk.

_She knows everything!_

She saw his shock and sighed. "I know you must have a lot of questions, but I'm really tired. I just want to go _home_." Her voice broke on the last word.

"Okay," he said, patting her shoulder gently. "Would you like me to take you home, or should I call your father."

"Can you take me? I just want to get away from this place."

"Of course. Let me tend to your hand first, though. That is a nasty cut you have there."

She looked at the gash on her hand with disconnected curiously. "I've had worse."

Working swiftly and confidently, Carlisle cleaned her wound and stitched the gash closed.

"Will you be okay while I collect the car?" he asked.

She nodded and bundled the blanket a little closer around her shoulders. An EMT came and covered her stitches with clean gauze, and Carlisle came to me.

"You should hunt," he said. "I will take Bella home and then return to the house. Are you coming back or would you prefer to be with Bella?"

"I will stay with her," I said. I would not feel comfortable having her out of my sight even for long enough to hunt. I had been trapped by the sunlight today and she had almost been killed. I would not risk it again.

"Hunt first," he instructed, and then continued on to the car.

I watched as he helped Bella into the car and drove out of sight. I climbed into the Volvo and followed them back to Forks. Carlisle kept the speed lower than usual, to make Bella more comfortable.

She looked back over her shoulder at one point and saw my headlights.

"Is that Edward?" she asked.

Carlisle glanced at me though the rear-view mirror. _She doesn't miss anything. _

"Yes. He is worried about you."

"I'm fine."

When they pulled into the town limits I let them drive ahead and I pulled into a side road leading into the forest.

I hunted quickly, pausing after my second deer, wanting to go straight to Bella, but the memory of her scent was still close enough to make my throat burn, so I took down another.

When I got to her house Bella was making her way upstairs to her bedroom. I scaled the tree outside her window and watched as she gathered her bathroom things and disappeared. When she returned, she was dressed in her nightclothes.

Bizarrely, instead of getting into bed she came to the window and threw it open.

"Edward!" she hissed.

I froze in place, how did she know I was out here? Admittedly she knew more already than she should, but still…

"I know you are out there, but if you want to hide, that's fine. I promise I will explain it all tomorrow, but right now I just want to sleep. Go home to your family; they'll be worried."

There was nothing to be gained by hiding from her, she knew I was here. I crept along the branch until I was in her view.

She jumped when she saw me and clapped a hand over her racing heart.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "Are you sure you're okay? I could stay out here just in case."

In case of what? What could I possibly do to help her? So far she had showed no signs of being scared of me, despite all she knew, but now the adrenaline must be long gone; it was only a matter of time before she realized just how much danger she was in being close to me.

"I'll be fine," she said. "Go home. I will see you tomorrow."

Though it was the last thing I wanted to do I jumped from the tree and made my slow trek back home. I was out of sight of Bella's house, but within hearing range when I heard her cries start. I heard her father comforting her, but it still wasn't enough. I wanted to be there to comfort her. It took all my considerable willpower to keep walking away.

When I got back to the house, everyone was waiting for me in the dining room. Alice had told them I was coming.

_She will be okay,_ Alice assured me. She showed me an image of Bella fast asleep and her father sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of her room.

I nodded my gratitude and took my seat beside Carlisle.

Esme reached behind him and patted my shoulder. She was reassuring herself that I was okay. Physically I was fine, emotionally I was a wreck.

"I have told everyone all that I know," Carlisle said. "And Alice has done the same, but I think it would be helpful if you could tell us your side of the story."

"I lost track of her," I said bitterly. I was furious at myself for this oversight. I had been following her from the shadows, but when it mattered most, I had been trapped by the sun.

"I looked for her, but I found the thoughts of that… man first. He was enjoying her fear. And then I heard the gunshot and…" I covered my face with my hands, remembering the horror I had felt. "I thought it was her," I said desperately. "I thought I'd lost her."

"But you didn't," Rosalie said. She was not reassuring me, but voicing her disappointment at Bella's continued existence.

A low growl built in my chest, cutting off abruptly when Carlisle squeezed my wrist. "Whatever you are thinking to hurt your brother, please stop," he said, fixing Rosalie with a stern look. "Let me make one thing clear now. Bella will not be harmed."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to stop her.

"She knows too much perhaps, but she has proven that she can be trusted. After all she had been through tonight, she managed to cover Edward's involvement in the aftermath, and even to create a plausible explanation for the robber's injury. She has protected our secret, and we will protect her."

Rosalie looked to Jasper, hoping he would support her, but he shook his head. He would do nothing to hurt Alice, and Bella had proven herself to him tonight.

I felt an intense wave of relief. I would have defended Bella with my life, but I was immensely grateful that I was not forced to fight my family.

Satisfied that the issue was finished with, Carlisle nodded for me to continue.

"When I got into the store the robber was preparing to kill Bella," I stated it baldly, watching the shock come into their eyes. Alice hadn't seen this part of the evening's events. "I incapacitated him and went to help Bella, but she had cut her hand, there was blood."

"How did you stop yourself?" Alice asked breathlessly.

"I very nearly didn't; the scent was overpowering. She spoke to me though, and the combination of that and her obvious fear was enough to make me leave." I turned my gaze to Rosalie. I wanted her to pay attention to my words. "She told _me_ to keep the secret."

"How does she know so much?" Esme asked, not expecting an answer. "Admittedly she could have noticed the physical differences and pieced things together from that, but it doesn't explain her words. Keep the secret; it is one of the very first lessons we all learned."

"We can ask her these things tomorrow," Carlisle said. "She told me she would explain it all, but she was tired."

"Hardly surprising," Emmett said. "Most people need a nap after an armed robbery. It wears you out."

A laugh bubbled from me without warning. I was not laughing at Emmett's words as much as I was the ludicrousness of the situation. I had fallen in love with a human whose blood I thirsted for. If I could control myself there was still a world of danger out there that could steal her away from me. She had been in town three months and had almost been killed three times already. How was I to keep her safe when I was the greatest danger?

I could feel my laughter becoming hysteria. Jasper filled the room with calm and I marshaled myself long enough to address the next topic.

"I didn't kill the gunman," I said. "But I plan to rectify that as soon as possible. Are there any objections?"

"Yes," Alice said. "You can't kill him."

My mouth dropped open. I thought if anyone would support me it would be Alice, she loved Bella too.

"But you saw—"

She cut me off mid sentence. "I saw what he did and how scared she was, but think how she will feel if he died? You went into that store to protect her. You hurt him for the same reason. If he died, Bella will hold herself responsible. We need to let the human courts deal with him. It's the only way Bella can get some sort of closure."

"But if he doesn't plead guilty Bella will be forced to go to court as a witness. She shouldn't have to go through that, not when she would have to lie about so much."

"But if he pleads guilty she won't have to do anything other than give her statement in the morning." An inexplicable smile spread across her face. "Jasper, do you feel like making a trip to Port Angeles?"

He grinned wickedly. "You read my mind."

"What are you going to do?" Esme asked suspiciously.

"We're going to aid the police with their enquiries," Alice said piously. "If Jasper can influence them during the interrogation he can pump the room with confidence and bravado. The cops will become hardasses and the robber will be proud of what he's done and brag about it. That way they get the confession, and Bella will never need to go to court."

It was a genius idea, but it was dependant on their ability to get close enough and the robber being influenced in the right way. It could backfire and he could become confident about his ability to get away with it instead. It was the best idea we had though.

Alice was already searching ahead to see if the plan would work. I watched with her as she saw her and Jasper in a hospital corridor. Their wide smiles indicated that the plan was working.

"It will work," I said, answering Carlisle unspoken question.

"The police won't speak to him until tomorrow morning as they want to make sure he's medically sound first." Alice said, smiling widely.

"What happens next with Bella?" Carlisle asked. "She said she would tell us, but is she going to come to us, or should we contact her?"

She looked again and saw Bella in the police station with her father and one of the cops from the scene tonight. She searched ahead and saw Bella and I standing in what looked like a garden together. It was the same place I was in the photograph Bella had of me, and the scene of the vision.

Wherever it was, that was where Bella and I would declare our love.

* * *

_August 1996 ~ Bella is Eight _

_**Edward**_

The summer before Bella turned nine was one of the hardest for me, though I did my very best to hide it. Bella had been given a project to complete during her summer break, and she'd brought it with her to Charlie's to work on. The topic was _When I Grow Up. _The idea was that she choose a few examples of things she would want to do as a career. I thought it was an unusual topic for someone so young—how could she know what she wanted as a career so young?—but, as usual, Bella surprised me. She immersed herself in the topic, and many conversations were based on what she would like to do.

It would have been a pleasant way to pass time, discussing the wonderful future she could have had it not been for my awareness of the truth—no matter what Bella wanted to do, she couldn't do it as she had no future past the age of eighteen.

I was constantly aware of the fleetingness of our time together and the loss I would return to, but it was brought home to me on an almost daily basis for a couple weeks that summer.

"I don't think I want to be a cop like Charlie," she said thoughtfully, lying on her stomach with her knees bent and feet waving in the air above her.

"Why not?" I asked, though I thought I knew the answer from a past conversation— _"Knowing me, I would trip and shoot myself in the foot by accident." _

She surprised me though. "Because it seems really boring. When I go to the station with him, they're always doing paper things and talking. I've never seen my dad catch a criminal. I don't think he ever has."

I laughed softly. "Bella, how would you see him catch anyone if you only ever see him in the station? The criminals aren't going to hand themselves in. He has to be out to catch them."

"But the cells are empty, too," she said. "There should be people in them if they were caught."

I conceded her point. Forks was a low crime area; the most common complaints Charlie had to deal with were theft and vandalism.

"What about when you're at your other house?" I asked. Bella lived in the city. There had to be some police presence there.

She sighed. "There are lots of cops there. Sometimes they're running or driving really fast."

"There you go then. They're going after criminals."

She shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Mom told me they're just practicing. They have to do that so they're ready."

I had to give Renee credit for her ability to set Bella at ease. Life in a city was dangerous sometimes. If Bella was aware that every racing cop or car meant trouble, she would be afraid.

"Okay, not a cop," I said. "What else would you like to do?"

She rolled over so she was staring up at the clouds. "I can't be a nurse like some of the other girls want. There's blood and that makes me sick. I don't like hospitals either. They give you shots and I hate shots. I couldn't give other people shots."

"Not a nurse either," I agreed. "What else is there?"

"There's a vet, but I don't like being bitten, so I can't do that."

I laughed. "I don't think many people like being bitten, Bella."

"Vets do," she said matter-of-factly. "They have to because it happens a lot."

She smiled slightly, a secret smile that made me think this conversation was all a ruse to keep me away from the real topic at hand. "Bella, do you _know_ what you want to do?" I asked.

She blushed and turned her face away from me. "I like to… I think sometimes I'd like to be a teacher," she admitted. "Like my mom."

I remembered this conversation from our time together before. Bella had never revealed her motivations for the career choice though, so I was curious to see what her child self had as reasoning. "Why do you want to be a teacher?"

Her blush deepened and she looked resolutely at the trees instead of me. "They get to sit on the big chair and tell people what good work they're doing and that makes people happy. I like to make people happy. And they have lots of holidays, you know, when the school is closed. My mom says summer is the best part of being a teacher. I like summers, too, because I see you." She glanced at me and then quickly looked away. "Daddy has to work in the summer and I think other people do, too, so if I had another job I wouldn't see you. I like seeing you."

My cold, still heart seemed to squeeze uncomfortably in my chest. She was seeing a whole life of summers together, and I could just deliver a handful more. I forced down the feeling though, and smiled at her. "A teacher it is then, Miss. Swan."

She beamed at me. "Yeah. I'll be a teacher."

* * *

_March 2005_

**Bella  
**

The next morning, I woke with a throbbing hand and a sense of impending doom. The memories of the night before came rushing at me. The necklace, the gun, Edward, Carlisle… the images bled into one another and the tears began to flow again.

"You okay, Bells?"

Charlie's voice made my head snap up. He was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. The rumpled look of his clothes made it clear he had been there all night. A wave of affection rushed through me, warming me from the inside out.

Charlie had been alerted to what had happened by the Port Angeles police. When Carlisle dropped me off home, Charlie had met me there. He had been distraught at the idea of me being involved in the robbery and senseless with gratitude towards Carlisle for his assistance.

"I'm fine," I said, wiping my tear stained cheeks on the back of my uninjured hand. "It just caught me off guard."

He came to sit on the edge of the bed and squeezed my hand. "I know, baby, but it's almost over."

"Almost?"

"I spoke with the Port Angeles police department last night. They are going to send an officer down today to talk to you. They need to get an official statement."

I sighed heavily. More lies. It was worth it to protect Edward and his family, but I was scared I would do or say something wrong and screw it all up.

"I'll be right there with you," Charlie said, mistaking my reaction as fear. "They told me how brave you were last night. You need to be brave a little longer."

I scoffed. Brave? I had fallen apart completely at the end. Crying into Carlisle's arms. What must he have thought of me?

"You saved that man's life," he said with unmistakable pride in his tone. "The EMT said if you hadn't been there he would have bled out before they got to him."

Well that was something at least. I wondered about the robber. Was he dead now? Had Edward hurt him enough that he died, or had he gone back to finish the job in the night?

I examined my feelings as I gathered clean clothes and went to the bathroom to clean up. Did I want the man dead? That was an easy no. I didn't want Edward to torture himself with another death at his hands. I knew if he lived and was free, he would haunt my dreams and my waking hours, though. It was too much to think about, so I did what I always did when I couldn't bear something: I pushed it away and refused to think about it.

When I got downstairs, showered and dressed, Charlie was waiting at the kitchen table with a glass of juice set at my place.

"I wasn't sure if you would feel like eating," he said.

"Good call. My stomach is doing somersaults. Do we have a time to be at the station?"

"Whenever you're ready. Mark called and said they were there. You don't have to rush, though," he added as I gulped down my juice, almost choking.

"Sooner we get it over with the better," I said breathlessly, rubbing my chest. I had more important things to do today than hang around the station.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I finished, I stared at my image in the mirror. I was paler than usual and my eyes had an eerie brightness, I looked a little wired. I took a deep breath and counted to ten before I released it.

"Not yet, Bella," I whispered to myself. "Just a little longer."

My hands began to shake slightly as I remembered that was exactly what I had said to myself the night before when trying to staunch the clerk's bleeding. A flash of his ashen face crossed my mind and a solitary tear slid down my cheek. I was overwhelmed by all that had happened, and all that was to come. I had to be calm though. I needed to put on a good performance for the police first, to cast away any lingering doubt they may have about my story. I needed to protect Edward. I splashed my face with cool water and went back downstairs to Charlie.

The drive to the station was over far too soon. Soon I was being introduced to Officer Morse from the Port Angeles police department and being led into a small room.

Charlie looked out of place here in his civilian clothes, not the Police Chief at all but a father here to take care of his daughter. I was grateful for it. I didn't think I could have made my story work if I felt like I was being interrogated by my father, too.

"Did he die?" I asked, forestalling their questions. "The man with the gun. Did he die?"

Perhaps there was a little desperation in my voice; perhaps they were surprised I had asked at all. For whatever reason my question brought a sympathetic look from the cop and Charlie took my hand and squeezed it.

"No, he is just fine. He was interviewed this morning," Officer Morse said.

And what did he say? I desperately needed to know, but I couldn't ask without drawing suspicion. Luckily, Charlie was an impatient man, and he asked the question for me.

"What did he say? Did he have a good excuse for pulling a gun on my daughter? For almost killing a man?"

"You know I can't tell you this, Charlie," he said. "I need to hear Bella's story first. There are inconsistencies we need to clear up."

Inconsistencies? Oh crap_._

"Bella, I need you to talk me through what happened," he said. "I need to know everything you can remember. Any detail, no matter how small, is important."

Clasping Charlie's hand so tight it must have been painful for him, I began. "I saw something in the store window I liked, so I went inside. I was looking at it when the robber came in."

"The suspect," he interrupted me. "We refer to him as the suspect until he has been formally charged."

_Well bully for you._ I thought irritably.

Charlie didn't seem impressed at the correction either as he scowled.

"The _suspect,_" I said with heavy emphasis, "came into the store and asked to see some engagement rings. Then he pulled out the gun and told the clerk to open the safe."

"Paul Matthews," he said. "The clerk, the man whose life you saved, is called Paul Matthews."

"Yeah, him. He was supposed to open the safe but he said he didn't know the code. I think he was going for the alarm, his hand moved, and then there was a gunshot and I heard him hit the floor. I was on the floor then, too. I dropped when the gun went off."

He nodded encouragingly as I paused. So far, it had been the truth, now I was moving into cover-up territory and I was nervous.

"What happened next?"

"It's a bit blurred because I was scared. He was smashing the cabinets, and then he was talking to me. I think he must have slipped on all the glass because I saw him fall down. He hit hishead _really_ hard."

"And there was no one else there?" he asked.

Damn_. _I had hoped the robber would have been a bit vague about events following Edward's intervention. Apparently, I was going to be disappointed.

"No one at all," I said firmly. "Just me, the clerk and the _suspect._ I would have noticed someone else there."

"What about the security tapes?" Charlie asked. "Can't you see what happened on them?"

"Afraid not. The store had the cameras on direct feed to a security system, but apparently, the system was out of service at the time. The entrance was fitted with a counter system that logged arrivals and that _was_ working. It logged an extra person entering the store at the time."

"There were cops there, and the EMT's," I said. "What about them?"

He shook his head. "We included them in the count."

"Carlisle!" I seized on the excuse. "Dr. Cullen was there. He took care of me. Did you count him?"

_Please say no. Please, please say no._

He shifted uncomfortably. "Actually, I don't know if we did. I'll have to check, but that seems to explain it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. The Cullens could mess with technological evidence, but if the robber had mentioned Edward's presence, we were damned.

"Is there anything else you need to know?" Charlie asked. "My daughter has been through a lot and I'd like to get her home."

"No, I think we have everything we need. You just need to read this. If it is correct, please sign here." He slid a copy of my statement across the table.

I scanned it briefly and was just about to sign it when Charlie snatched it from under my pen and studied it carefully. Apparently satisfied with it, he handed it back to me and nodded.

I signed my name with a slightly shaking hand and pushed it away.

"Can I go now?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes. Thanks for all your help, Bella." He paused as if considering something. When he spoke again his tone was quiet and confiding "I don't think you need to worry; the suspect has given a full and boasting confession. This was just procedure."

I wished he had told me that from the beginning. I could have relaxed then, rather than feeling the aching anxiety that had plagued me. Then I realized the full meaning of his words. The robber had confessed. That meant no court, no being a witness, and best of all, no risk to the secret. The relief was so intense it made me feel lightheaded.

Charlie guided me from the room with a hand at the small of my back. As we passed through the station his deputy, Mark, gave me a sympathetic smile. I wondered how I looked to him. Did he see the slightly manic look in my eye that showed I had faced one challenge today, but that the biggest was yet to come? The closer I got to the moment of revealing all to Edward, the more nervous I became.

My footsteps were leaden as I made my way out to the cruiser. I sat with my head against the window as the scenery flashed by. When he pulled up in front of the house, Charlie cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Will you be okay here on your own?" he asked tentatively. "I need to sort some stuff out at the station."

I had no doubt he wanted to talk to Officer Morse before he went back to Port Angeles. Charlie was a cop. He would want to settle his fears regarding what happened, and therefore my own. If I said I needed him, he would have stayed, but that would have merely been delaying the inevitable. Edward was surely somewhere close by, listening to this conversation and waiting my response as eagerly as Charlie was.

"I'll be fine," I said.

"You sure?"

I nodded and he squeezed my hand. "I'm real proud of you, Bells."

I didn't know whether he was referring to my statement or the event as a whole, but his words made me smile. "Thanks, Dad."

I got out of the cruiser and let myself into the house. He watched until the door closed behind me before driving off.

I let out a heavy sigh as I hung my coat on the hook and went to the kitchen. My hands shook as I filled a glass with water and gulped it down.

After waiting two years for this moment, the last eight weeks of which in his presence, I was scared of his reaction. If he didn't believe me… I was making myself crazy with 'what-if's'.

The soft knock on the door made me yelp. The glass dropped from my hand and into the sink

Edward called to me from outside. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, give me a minute." I walked into the hall and then, taking a deep breath to gird myself for the moment, I swung the door open.

He was as perfect looking as ever, but having him so close and alone, stole my breath. All the fear I felt about this moment vanished as I looked into his eyes. This was nothing to be scared of; this was what was supposed to happen all along.

"Bella." My name sounded like a song on his lips.

My reply was a breathy sigh. "Edward."

"May I come in?"

I stepped aside, to allow him in and shook my head to try and clear my muddled thoughts. I directed him into the lounge and then went to my bedroom to retrieve the wooden chest.

"I know you have questions," I began, "and I promise to answer them, but I need you to be patient and try to keep an open mind, okay?"

He nodded. "I promise."

"Okay." I took a deep breath and allowed my eyes to slip closed for a moment before speaking. "You are Edward Cullen. You are a vampire. And I love you with all my heart."

* * *

**So… SHE SAID IT! Finally, right? Things will be able to pick up pace now and we'll move into the part of the story I had the most fun writing. **

**Thank you all for your support. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	10. Story Telling

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for the beta job and general awesomeness. **

**Once again your response to the story has knocked my socks off. I always loved this plot but I didn't think it would translate well with the confusion to readers. The fact you're all trusting me to explain all is fantastic. This is the chapter in which questions start being answered.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten — Story Telling **

_August 1997 ~ Bella is Nine_

_**Edward**_

I had known the day would come when I would have to tell Bella the truth about who and what I was, and I knew it was that summer, but I wasn't prepared for it. I had thought it would come on my own terms, when I was ready to share the information, but, of course, Bella caught me off guard.

It had become what I had dubbed the summer of questions, from _How did the first chess game start and how did they know the rules? _to _Why does it always rain so bad in Forks?_ For some things, I had answers, for others, I was at a loss.

I knew there was a new question coming for me. Bella had certain tells, and the one that preceded a question was a deep breath and palms laying flat on her knees, as if she was bracing herself for an answer she wasn't sure she would like. She tossed aside the daisy chain she had been working on. "Edward," she said, a smile curling around my name the way it always did, "what are you?"

"I'm Edward," I said evasively.

Her smile grew and she nudged my arm with a small fist. "I know that. I mean why are you different?"

"How am I different?"

Her eyebrows rose. "You're cold. You're hard. You are the same _every_ summer. You have funny eyes. And…" she drew in another deep, dramatic breath, "you sparkle!"

I sighed and leaned back. It was time. "I am different."

"Well, duh."

"And that difference makes me dangerous."

She yawned widely.

"Bella, do you know what a vampire is?" I asked hesitantly.

She nodded. "Yeah. I saw a movie about them once when Mom was busy and I had the flu so I was sleeping on the couch. They have teeth like a dog. They suck blood from pretty women, and they turn into bats."

I paused for a moment to let that little nugget of Hollywood stupidity to sink in. "Okay. So, _one_ of those things are true."

"The bats?" she asked hopefully.

I smiled fondly. "No, Bella, not the bats."

She sighed.

"The point is, there are TV vampires, and there are real vampires."

She looked thoughtful. "What's a real vampire, then?"

"Well, they have normal teeth. They don't turn into bats. They _can_ suck blood from pretty women or men, but some choose not to." I pulled in a breath before I shared the next details that would tip her off. "They are cold, and their skin is pale and hard, like a stone. They have different color eyes—red, gold or black—and the sun makes them sparkle."

I watched her carefully, waiting for the moment realization would sink in. It didn't take long. She looked me up and down. "Oh. That's what you are."

I nodded.

"Wow." She didn't look afraid, but she didn't look overly calm either. "So, do you suck blood from pretty ladies?"

"No, Bella. I suck blood from animals. I don't hunt people."

She looked thoughtful. "What kind of animals?"

"Deer, bears, mountain lions, anything we can find in the forest really. Mountain lions are my favorite."

"Rabbits?"

I chuckled. "No, they would be like a spoonful of soup to us. Not worth the hassle of catching."

"Hmm. Okay."

The complete lack of fearful reaction was not unexpected—she had always accepted it all so easily—but in that moment, I wished for one. I knew the facts, whatever happened, happened, but I was seized by an idea. If I could just make her see how dangerous it was to be around me, perhaps I could change her future. It had to be worth trying if it would save her life.

"I _am_ dangerous," I said in a low growl.

She looked up at me, no trace of fear in her eyes. "You are?" She sounded doubtful, as if she just couldn't imagine it.

"I am stronger than you can imagine, I am faster and more powerful and…" my tone became angry, "I am a monster that you should avoid, not make daisy chains with."

She leaned away from me slightly, a strange expression on her young face. I didn't think it was scared, but it certainly wasn't happy. She looked down at the daisy chain she had been constructing and her brow creased deeper.

"Bella?" I said tentatively, all anger gone from me now.

"You're angry," she said in a small voice.

"Not anymore."

She peeked up at me. "But I made you angry."

I shook my head dolefully. "Not you, Bella. I just… I wish I could make you see that I am not what you think I am. I am dangerous, and you should stay away from me."

She moved to kneel in front of me. Her small hands came up to cup my cheeks and the pads of her thumbs stroked my cheeks. The sensation drove the last of the turmoil from me and the last of the desire to drive her away. I wanted her close, selfish creature that I was. I couldn't bear for our time to be over already.

"Are you going to hurt me?" she asked quietly.

"No, Bella!" I said quickly. "I would never…"

"Are you going to hurt my Dad or Mom? Or Billy and Sarah, or Rachel and Rebecca, or—"

I cut her off. "No, Bella. I don't hurt people. I would never hurt them."

Her hands fell away from my face and she beamed at me. "Then it's okay. It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" I repeated.

"No. It doesn't matter. It's okay to be different, Edward. My teacher told me everyone is really. You're just _extra_ different." She beamed at me.

I shook my head and smiled. She was magnificent. As if I needed any further proof of what a wondrous creature she was, she had just proven it. I had done something truly good in a past life to be allowed her company now.

My hand came up to cup her cheek and she leaned into my touch, smiling. "Isabella Marie Swan, you are the most wonderful person I have ever met."

She beamed at me, seeming to absorb the moment, and then she said, "So, you want to help me finish my daisy chain?"

I laughed. "Of course, Bella. I would love to help you."

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

_She loves me. She loves me. She loves me. _

The words were on repeat in my mind as I struggled to comprehend their meaning. It seemed impossible that this amazing creature could possibly love me. It was too much good fortune for one man to have.

Her melodious voice broke through my thoughts and brought me back to the moment. "Are you going to say something?"

I considered carefully. There were hundreds of things I wanted to say and thousands of questions that needed to be asked, but I found myself unable to say anything more than, "I love you, too."

A solitary tear slid down her cheek. "Finally," she choked.

It was the exact same thing Alice had said the night I realized I loved Bella. My momentary lapse from reality had been noticed by both Jasper and Alice and they had wrestled me from the room. Only once I had choked out the words 'I love her' had Jasper relaxed his grip on my arms.

"I don't understand, though, how do you know so much about me?"

She wiped away the tear and smiled up at me. "That's kind of a long story."

"I have plenty of time."

She smiled, as if hearing more in my words than I had intended. "Time," she mused. "That will be a novel concept for us. We've never had enough time before."

My brow creased. She was speaking in riddles.

She saw my confusion and sighed. "I'm sorry. You must be so confused. I'm not used to being the one with all the information. You were always the one that knew everything."

"I don't understand," I said again.

"I know you don't. That's what makes this so hard." She took a deep breath and let it out in a gust. "Come into the lounge." She gestured me ahead of her and I walked into the small room and sat on the couch. "I'll be right back," she promised.

I heard her footsteps as she walked up the stairs and then the sound of wood scraping against wood. I wondered what it was she was bringing to show me.

While she was gone, I looked around the room, using the opportunity to see more of her, before now, mysterious life. On the mantelpiece there was a procession of photographs of her from adorable baby to awkward looking teen. In some, she was alone, in others she was posed with her father and a woman I took to be her mother. She looked a lot like her mother, though she had her father's eyes.

She came back into the room and saw me looking at the photographs. "I keep asking Charlie to take them down but he refuses," she said with a hint of annoyance.

"I'm glad he hasn't. You were an adorable child."

She laughed a short laugh. "I'm glad you think so. It will make things easier for you."

"What's that?" In her arms was the polished wooden chest I had noticed on my visit to her bedroom in the dead of night.

"This is my most prized possession." She sat down on the opposite end of the couch to me and set the box between us. "This should answer some of your questions. However, before I start, I want you to make me a promise."

"Anything," I said with feeling.

"I need you to stay and listen to my explanation and not run away from me."

"Why would I run?" How could I possibly run when being away from her meant leaving my heart behind?

"Because what I am about to tell you is going to sound insane. I need you to promise, or I can't tell you anything."

"I promise."

"Okay, then. You want to know how I know so much?" I nodded. "Well, I know it all because you told me."

"I'm fairly certain I didn't," I said. I was more than fairly certain. I was positive.

She laughed. "You don't remember because it hasn't happened for you yet."

I looked at her blankly, my silence communicating my confusion.

"When I was five years old, I saw you for the very first time."

"You _saw_ me?" I asked incredulously. I couldn't imagine how I could have been close enough to her as a child for her to see me without me noticing her scent.

"Saw you, met you, had a picnic with you, it's all the same thing really."

She was insane. There was no other explanation. There was no way I had met her before now. I would have remembered. I was a vampire with perfect recall; it was impossible for me to forget anything. I wondered how I should approach the issue of my mate being out of her mind; Carlisle would know what to do. He would know the best treatment facilities for her. Perhaps, whatever damage it was would be reversible.

"I'm not crazy." She was frowning slightly. "I told you it would sound insane, but it's the truth. Look."

She opened the wooden chest and I saw a horde of books and papers. Resting on the top was the photograph of me in the garden from Alice's vision. My hand reached out and took it automatically. It was slightly faded with age, but crease free. It was definitely me. I was posed resting back on my elbows and smiling like I had never smiled before. I looked blissfully happy.

"Turn it over," she instructed.

I did and saw an inscription on the back. _In the meadow. August 2002._ More confusing than the inscription was the fact it was written in my handwriting.

"What did you…? How did you…?" I was unable to complete a thought. Part of me wondered if this was a trick. Another vampire, or someone skilled at forgery could have copied my writing from anywhere. There were certainly enough examples of it in school systems due to our habit of repeating school and college. But why would anyone bother? And where did the photo come from? Why would this glorious creature try to trick me?

"I didn't _do _anything," she said, a little affronted. "You wrote that in the summer of 2002 after I took the photo. _You_ were there."

"I was with you in the summer of 2002?" I tried to keep the doubt from my voice. "And why don't I remember it?"

"Because it hasn't happened for you yet," she said enigmatically. "At some point in your future you will travel back in time to my childhood."

"H-how?" I stuttered.

"There is a vampire with the ability to manipulate personal timelines. She will send you back in time to 1993 where we will meet and have a picnic in my backyard."

"This is so much…" I got to my feet and began pacing.

"You said you wouldn't leave," she said in a quiet voice.

"Oh, Bella, I'm not leaving, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around this. It seems impossible."

"I have more proof."

She reached into the chest and pulled out a sheet of paper. She handed it to me, and I saw it was a sketch of a garden. It was my own work. There was no question. Esme was always commenting on the way I made my pictures come to life with shading. I held it up to the light and saw the way the grass seemed to wave in the sunlight. I had never seen another's work with the same style. It was unique and it was mine. At the corner of the page was my initials and the date _08/13/2002._

"You drew that in our last summer together," she said.

I exhaled in a gust. She said she had proof and here it was. Though what she was saying sounded insane, there was no doubting it was true now.

"Tell me everything," I begged.

She grinned. "Okay. Here's what I know. When I was five I met you for the first time. I think you were there before that but you stayed hidden. Then you were there every summer until I was fifteen."

"So it was always in the summer that I saw you?"

"Yes. I only ever saw you on my visits to Charlie. I spent the whole year counting down the days till I came back to Forks."

I smiled. I liked the idea that I could bring joy to her life. I would make it my mission in life to bring her more joy from now on.

"Why did I stop coming?"

"Because your family moved to Forks," she said. "There was too much risk of you crossing paths with your present self to risk it."

"And that would have been bad?"

"It would have been _very_ bad, at least according to you. You said there were rules you had to abide by. I spent the last two summers vacationing in California with Charlie. It would have been depressing to be here without you. I barely managed the last two months without losing my mind."

"But I was here all the time."

"You were, but you weren't the right person then. When I last saw you, you looked at me with this intense love that I can't begin to explain. It was as if I was the only thing that existed in your world. When you saw me for the first time in the present, you hated me."

"I never hated—" I began, but she cut me off.

"Of course you did. Who wouldn't? I must have seemed like some demon sent to destroy your world."

I smiled sheepishly. It was almost exactly how I had felt about her when I was in Denali.

"See. You were right to hate me, but that knowledge didn't help me deal with it. I was lonely for a man that I saw nearly every day."

"So now I am the right man?" I asked hopefully.

"In a way you are, yes. In another way I am just as lonely, as you aren't the man I last saw in 2002. That man shared all my memories of our time together. We were one. You're still playing catch-up."

I understood what she was saying, but I didn't like it. I was competing with a version of myself. What I wouldn't give to be the man she knew and that knew her.

"Don't look like that," she said. "I love you equally, you here and now, and the Edward of my past."

"But if you could have him here with you now?" I asked.

"I wouldn't want him." There was no trace of a lie in her eyes. "I have been given a gift. You saw me grow from small child to gawky teenager. Now I get to see you go from Edward who is learning to love me, to the Edward that shares my memories. I get to see you grow too."

"I am not learning to love you. Bella. I already do. Did I ever tell you about vampire mating?"

She shook her head and I smiled. This was something I could do for Bella that my future self couldn't. I would be the first person to share _this _memory with her.

"When a vampire finds its mate it is forever. It is an instantaneous bond that can only be broken by death. As you are mine, I am yours. There will never be anyone else for me. My family are all mated couples. For the longest time I believed I was to be the lone man forever, but now I have found you, and I swear I have never felt love like it."

She beamed at me. "I can't compare. For as long as I can remember you have been a part of my life. I have always loved you."

"Tell me more about what we did," I begged. I was greedy for anything she would tell me.

"Well, I went through different stages of belief. You were an angel, a ghost, and a fairy."

"A fairy?" I quirked an eyebrow and she smiled at me, abashed.

"You sparkled, what was I supposed to think?"

"When did you find out the truth?"

"The summer I was nine."

"Nine." I sighed heavily. "You must have been so scared."

"Scared?" She laughed. "I was never scared of you, Edward. How could I be when I have known you my whole life? I had years of proof of just how good a person you were. The fact you were a vampire was just a part of who you were."

I sat back down on the couch and stared at her in wonder. She was beyond imagining. I must have done something truly good in a past life if she was my reward.

"There is somewhere I want to show you, but it means being alone with me in the woods. Can you handle it?" she asked.

I considered carefully. Her scent was no less potent than it had ever been, but the fear I had felt when I heard the gunshot and thought it was her had quelled the temptation for now. My body rebelled against any course of action that could take her from me. Even myself.

"I'll be fine," I said with confidence.

"Great. I just need to leave a message for Charlie." She got to her feet and went to the kitchen to jot down a note to her father.

"What will you tell him?" I asked.

"I'll tell him I have gone into the woods with a vampire that thirsts for my blood." She giggled. "Don't worry, Edward. I'll tell him I've gone for a hike. He's used to me disappearing into the woods on a regular basis."

I didn't like the idea of that. There were other dangers in the forest than me. There were animals and other vampires on occasion. "Bella, the woods aren't always safe you know."

She rolled her eyes. "I was wondering when the hair-trigger anxiety was going to make an appearance. Don't worry, Edward, I'm careful."

That didn't reassure me all that much, but I didn't want to spoil the perfect day by arguing with her. I would make my case another time.

She pulled on a jacket and led me out of the house and into the yard.

"Nice, umm… flowers." I said, looking for something to compliment in the scrubby yard.

"Thanks. You helped plant them," she said vaguely. "Here it is." She was pointing to a rough trail between the trees. It didn't look particularly safe.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Positive."

I let her lead me on the path. It was overgrown and she stumbled several times, but always regained her balance well enough. I had noticed her propensity for trips and stumbles before now, and I'd found it amusing. Now it worried me. If she came here alone she could trip and knock herself out. I would have to come back when she was not here and clear the path a little.

After ten minutes of walking through the trees I saw the path ahead start to lighten slightly. A few minutes later Bella came to a halt and gestured me ahead of her. "We're here."

I stopped at the edge of a perfectly circular clearing. It was the scene of the photograph of me Bella had and, I realized with a chill of horror, the scene of Alice's vision of Bella as a newborn. Despite the unpleasant connotations I couldn't deny that it was beautiful. Purple wildflowers bobbed their heads as if in greeting. The lush green grass blanketed the ground, creating somewhere I could happily lay down and lose a few hours. At the centre of the clearing was a perfectly flat boulder sunk into the ground.

"Welcome home, Edward." She spoke so quietly I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear her.

She stepped ahead of me into the sunlight. The sun glinted off her hair, accentuating the gold and red highlights. She was beautiful at all times, but in the sun she was ethereal.

I hesitated before following her. The sun would reach me if I took one more step and my skin would illuminate. Surely she had seen me in the sun before, but I didn't know how she would react to seeing such obvious proof of my differences.

She noticed my delay and held out a hand to me. "It will be okay, Edward."

With reluctant feet I took one step forward and into the light.

"Beautiful," she said in a breathy voice, and then she reached out and touched me.

I had been in physical contact with humans before, though I always tried to prevent it, but nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of her skin against mine. She was so soft and so warm. That was not what shocked me though. It was the spark of electricity that jumped between us the moment she made contact that caught the breath in my throat.

"Huh, that was different," she said in a musing tone.

"You felt that too?" I asked.

"The spark?" she said and I nodded. "I've never felt that before. I wonder if it's because you are _really_ here now, in the right time.

I would have to ask Carlisle about that, I mused to myself, and then I realized I had more to discuss with Carlisle than the phenomenon of electric touches. I had more to discuss with all of my family. How was I to tell them all that Bella had told me? Would she even want them to know the truth? I had so many questions, but I decided to shelve them all in favor of enjoying this perfect moment of time with my Bella.

Bella's grip on my hand didn't loosen. She tugged my hand, indicating that she wanted me to step forward. She led me to the centre of the clearing and then sank down into a sitting position with her legs crossed in front of her. I followed suit and sat with our knees inches apart.

She reached out and took my hand in hers again and traced the palm of my hand. There were no words to describe how it felt to have her warm skin touching mine.

My eyes slipped closed and a satisfied smile rose to my lips.

"Do you trust me?" she asked.

"With my life."

"Then stay perfectly still."

No one could be as still as a vampire. I stopped breathing and locked my limbs in place, becoming a statue. I heard the rustle of fabric as she changed position and then the pleasurable sensations increased as she took my other hand in her own. I opened my eyes and watched as she traced the line of my wrist, turning it over to follow the path of my empty veins up my arms. She was kneeling now, and leaning towards me. I could feel her warm breath fanning over my skin, it was beyond imagining.

She traced the curve of my elbow then travelled to my shoulder. I wanted to ask her what it was that she was looking for, but I didn't want to break the moment. Her hands moved up my neck to my hair. She threaded her fingers through the strands. I was so happy a delighted sigh slipped through my lips.

Then she did something I was not expecting, and that stole my breath once again.

She leaned forwards and pressed her lips to mine.

* * *

**So… Kisses are happening! Both Bella and I have been waiting a long time for this moment. I because I wanted you all to reach this part of the story and Bella because… well, hormones. Bless her. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	11. The Meadow

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and for all her help getting this story written. Love you hon x**

* * *

**~ Chapter Eleven– The Meadow ~**

_August 1997 ~ Bella is Nine_

_**Edward**_

Bella asked no more questions about vampires that summer. I was surprised, as she was so well informed in the future. Her curiosity had been quenched on the topic though, she knew why I was different, so she moved on to other topics and pastimes.

I was trying to teach her to sketch, but though she tried her hardest, she wasn't artistically gifted. She seemed to like to watch me work though, so I spent many days drawing pictures of her, and us and the flowers to please her. Sometimes, she would take one home with her, snuck into her room and I was sure the wooden chest I had seen in our future. Other times, she would allow me to take one home. I always chose the pictures I had drawn of her, so my family could see them. It was always a poignant moment when I would return and show them. They were delighted with the images of a Bella they could never know, but they lamented the fact they didn't see her for themselves. It had been decided that they would not return to the past to see her, too, as they knew from Bella they would never have contact with her, and it would be hard for them to watch her from the sidelines. My pictures were all they had.

Alice especially struggled. She missed her friend, and carried a lot of guilt for her end. She thought she should have seen it sooner so she could have had a chance at saving Bella. She was blameless. One thing my time with Bella showed me what that fatalism existed and it was a cruel mistress. Bella was fated to die that day, and nothing she or any of them could have done would have changed that.

It was coming to the close of summer, and Bella was still under the 'care' of Miss. Harris, when I decided the time was right for her to see our meadow for the first time. I had made regular visits there, wanting to check the grass and flower's growth, and it was more beautiful than I had ever seen it. It was ready for her.

Charlie had just left and Miss. Harris had deposited herself on the couch when Bella came to me. I was standing just out of view of the house, concealed within the trees. She jumped down the steps, skidded on the last one, and landed hard on her butt.

I hurried to her side, crouching down so I was on her level, and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Edward!" She beamed at me, and my heart soared. It always did when I saw her. She was beautiful, and the thought that those smiles were for me made me happier than I had been in a long time. "I'm okay. Just hit my butt bone." She stood and gingerly rubbed her lower back.

I held back a laugh at her explanation. "I have a surprise for you today," I said.

"You do?"

"Yes, how would you feel about a short walk into the forest?"

She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know. I'm not supposed to go far into the trees without my dad. The bears live there."

"I'll protect you," I vowed. "And there are no bears near here."

She shrugged, unquestioning. "Okay."

We set off for the trees together, climbing over the ferns and bracken until we were a dozen feet in and reached the trail I had painstakingly created for this purpose. She reached for my hand as we walked, her small, warm fingers entwining with my cool ones. It was only a short walk in, and soon I stopped, bringing her to a halt beside me.

"Are we there?" she asked.

"Not quite. I was wondering if you would trust me to do something."

"Okay," she said without hesitation. "What do I have to do?"

"Will you close your eyes?"

She nodded and dutifully let her eyes fall closed. I took her free hand in my own, too, and led her forward.

"This feels funny," she said with a small laugh.

"You're perfectly safe," I promised. "I won't let you hurt yourself."

"I know."

We stepped out into the meadow, and I saw her sniff the air appreciably. The wildflowers were in bloom and the scent was heady to me, but I hadn't known whether it would register with her.

I walked her forward until we were almost at the center on the meadow, standing beside the perfectly flat boulder I had found, and then released her hands. They fell to her sides, and she said, "Can I look now?"

"Yes."

Her eyes opened and her lips parted as she looked around. She turned on the spot, taking in everything, and her eyes came to rest on me. "Pretty," she breathed.

I was sure she was talking about the meadow, but then she ran a finger over the back of my hand, the light reflecting against her own pale skin, and I realized I was mistaken.

"What about the meadow?" I asked.

She smiled and looked up at me. "It's pretty, too. The rock's neat. It's like a little chair."

It wasn't the reaction I was hoping for. I had been awed by the place when I first saw it. Then I noticed Bella was gazing at the sun reflecting on my hand again, and I understood my mistake. She was too young. This place would mean something to Bella in the future because it was our place. This nine-year old version of Bella had no interest in pretty meadows when there was a sparkling vampire standing beside her. Refusing to let the moment go unmarked, I bent and picked some of the flowers for her. With a twist of grass holding them together in a small posy, I handed them to her. "Here you are, Miss. Bella."

She took them and brought them to her face. The colors against her skin were exquisite, and a surge of love swept through me. "Thanks, Edward," she said, smiling up at me.

"You're welcome," I said softly.

I cast a look around, absorbing the sight of my girl in the meadow, and then said, "Shall we head back."

"Checkers?" she asked hopefully.

I laughed. "As you wish."

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

There were no words to describe the sensation of her body pressed so close to mine. She was warmth and life and heaven all combined in one frighteningly fragile package. Her soft lips molded to my firm ones and her warm breath fanned my face. What wouldn't I give to have my lips be warm and soft for her?

All reasonable thought disappeared as she ran the tip of her tongue across my bottom lip. I curled my arms around her and held her even closer to me, keeping my lips firmly closed. I wasn't going to risk her getting close to my razor sharp, venom coated teeth.

Eventually, she pulled back from me to catch her breath. A beautiful rosy blush glowed on her cheeks, enhancing her scent and her beauty. I reached out a hand and cupped her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin against my coolness. Her eyes locked with mine, and it was if we were the only two people that walked the earth in that moment. Nothing else mattered.

"I've been waiting a long time for that," she said breathlessly.

"Have we… I mean have I… before?" I couldn't form a comprehensible question.

She smiled coyly. "Only once."

"But you were a child!" I was astonished at my future self.

She laughed. "It wasn't like that. It was our last summer together and I was almost sixteen."

"But still…"

"Don't spoil it for me, Edward. Up till now, that was my most precious memory of my life. Don't make it something it wasn't."

I pushed away all disapproval and schooled my features into something a little more understanding. "I'm sorry, Bella."

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

I could tell it did matter to her, but I didn't know what to say to ease her mind. I didn't want her to think I was judging her, because I wasn't; I was judging myself.

"Tell me something about yourself," I said to change the subject.

"What would you like to know?"

"Everything."

She laughed. "That might take a while."

"We have forever," I said automatically.

She gave me a curious look. "Forever?"

"Well, at least until I am forced to take you home again." I quickly covered my slip of the tongue. "As much as I would like to steal you away forever, you father will be worried."

She looked mildly disappointed but didn't comment. She couldn't be thinking what I feared her to be thinking; it was impossible. She was an angel. I would not even consider the possibility of making her like me.

"Tell me about your mother," I said.

She smiled and her eyes became faraway. "Her name is Renee. She's my best friend. She's a little eccentric and a terrible cook, but she's fun and so much braver than me."

"I doubt that," I said, arching a brow. "I wonder if she would have the courage to come to a hidden place in the woods with a vampire."

She laughed. "She probably would. Like I said, she's eccentric. I wouldn't put it past her to befriend vampires. She'd think it was so romantic."

"Well, how would she deal with an armed robbery?" As soon as I said the words I regretted them. A shudder swept through Bella and she hugged her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't think."

"It's okay." She released her arms from around herself and reached out to take my hand. She gave it a light squeeze. "I'm okay."

"Are you?"

She nodded. "It just caught me off guard is all. So much has happened since last night that it feels like it happened weeks ago rather than hours."

"You were so brave," I said with feeling. "You saved a life."

"And you saved two," she countered. "If you hadn't come when you did we would both have died."

I shook my head. I had almost taken her life. When the rich scent of her blood reached me from the cut on her palm, I had been horribly tempted. It was only my love for her that had stayed me.

"Don't sell yourself short, Edward. You may have been tempted, but you didn't act upon it."

I huffed a laugh. "Are you a mind reader?"

"No, that would be you. I just know you well enough to know how you think. You are damning yourself for temptation when you should be celebrating your restraint."

I considered her words. It was true I had been tempted, but equally true that I had resisted. Any member of my family, excepting Carlisle, would have been tempted in that store. The blood had been thick in the air. "Maybe you're right."

She stretched her arms over her head and grinned. "I usually am. By the way, how did you get the gunman to confess."

Now it was my turn to grin. "That would be down to Jasper."

"Of course," she said, clapping a hand to her forehead. "Emotional influence. I forgot about that."

I was stunned by how much she knew about myself and my family. "Do you know everything about us?"

"I know everything and nothing at the same time. I know your favorite animal to hunt is mountain lion, but I don't know your human mother's name. I know the history of each of your family, but until I moved to Forks, I didn't know your last name."

"Elizabeth," I said. "My human mother's name was Elizabeth."

Her eyes twinkled as she smiled. "That's a beautiful name."

"She was a beautiful woman."

She stretched out on the grass and looked up at the sky. "Tell me some more."

I laid down beside her, on my side so I could stare at her face, and began. "My father's name was Edward, too, and he was a lawyer. We lived in Chicago. The Spanish influenza came to the city when I was seventeen years old. My father was the first to sicken…" I told her everything I could remember of my human life and the disease that had torn it apart. I could tell some of it she already knew, but she seemed content to listen to me anyway, just as I was content to talk.

After telling her of my early years of life with Carlisle and the year he found Esme I trailed off, unsure of what to say next. Naturally she already knew what I was hoping to hide.

"Is that when you left them to hunt humans?"

"You know about that?" I couldn't believe some future me would have shared that with her child self. What had I been thinking?

"I do. You told me about it years ago. I think you were trying to instill some fear into me, but obviously it didn't work."

"Obviously," I said dryly. I could see why I would have attempted to instill fear into her, She took everything so well; it wasn't natural. She should be afraid of me, of my kind. It would be safer for her if she was.

"Does nothing scare you?" I asked.

"Plenty. Just not you."

I thrust my hands through my hair and groaned in frustration. I loved her more than life itself, and the thought of losing her tore my heart apart, but she needed to understand what I was. It wasn't some romantic fairytale when the monster is made into a man with a kiss. I was what I was, and she needed to see that.

I jumped to my feet and stared around the clearing looking for something to use to demonstrate just how dangerous I was. The boulder caught my eyes and I flashed over to it. With a karate chop movement I cracked it in two.

"Edward!" She gasped and I smiled. Finally she was understanding.

"See, Bella, I am stronger than you can imagine, I am faster and—"

"And a monster that I should avoid, not make daisy chains with," she recited in a sing song voice. "I've seen and heard all of this before when I was a child. If it didn't scare me then, it's not going to scare me now."

I groaned in frustration and hid my face in my hands. There seemed to be no way of making her understand.

Warm hands gripped my wrists and pulled futilely on them. I allowed her to pull my hands from my face and take them in her own.

"What are you trying to achieve here, Edward? Do you want me to be scared of you? Because that is pointless. I am aware of just how dangerous you can be, but I also know you would never hurt me. Do you want me to stay away from you? I can't. My heart won't let me."

I considered her words carefully. What was I trying to do? Did I want to drive her away? The answer to that was a resounding no. I wanted to keep her safe beside me always. So why was I acting like such an ass?

I sighed heavily. "I'm sorry."

"You broke my rock," she accused. "That was where we used to play chess."

"I'll get you a new one," I offered.

"I don't want a new one."

"Then I shall fix the one we have."

She looked at me with amusement twinkling in her eyes. "And how are you going to do that? Superglue?"

Now I thought about it, it was a stupid thing to suggest. I wanted to please her so much that logic deserted me.

Bella saw my baffled expression and she began to giggle. Soon her giggles became full out laughs, and I joined in. It felt wonderful to be able to laugh like this with her. I hadn't felt so free in a long time.

"Oh, Edward," she said, choking herself to calm again. "I do love you."

"And I you. With all of my heart."

She laid back on the grass again. Her hair fanned out around her. In the sunlight it was possible to see the deep reds and light browns that made up the mane of mahogany. I sat beside her and reached out a hand to run my fingers through the silky locks.

She leaned into my touch. "That feels so good. Like you wouldn't believe."

"I know how good it feels to me," I said. "And it is heavenly."

Her eyes slipped closed and a blissful smile crossed her lips. I shifted her so her head was resting on my outstretched legs. She sighed in contentment and opened one eye to look at me.

"It seems so easy for you now. How are you doing it?"

It was easier the longer I was exposed to her scent, that was true, but there was something more. I loved her more than I wanted her scent. It was as if the scales had finally tipped in her favor. Her scent hadn't lost an iota of its appeal to me. I had just learned to think around the temptation. When the burning in my throat threatened to overwhelm me, I looked into her wide trusting eyes and knew I could never hurt her. Love, it seemed, was the cure all along.

"I love you," I said simply.

She nodded sagely. "You must."

I would have been content to stay in the meadow with Bella forever, but reality intervened in the form of her father. We were not so far from the house that I could pretend not to hear his cruiser as it pulled onto the drive.

"Your father is home," I said.

Bella opened her eyes lazily and frowned. "I left him a note."

"True, but I think he is still concerned." I could only catch the tenor of Charlie's thoughts, but I could hear the worry in them.

A moment later I heard the sound of the back door opening and Charlie's voice calling through the trees.

"He's coming to look for you," I said.

She pushed herself to a sitting position and stretched her arms over her head. "Time to get back, I guess."

"We better move fast; he's on his way."

She laughed. "In all these years Charlie has never found this place, it would really suck if today was the day."

I chuckled. The thought of Charlie Swan's face if he caught me frolicking with his daughter in the woods was an amusing one. As I had learned the night before, a bullet didn't injure me, but it did hurt.

She pushed herself to her feet and brushed off her clothes. "How do I look?"

"Breathtaking."

"That's great, but do I look like I have been hiking in the woods, or making out with my vampire boyfriend?"

Boyfriend. I liked the way that sounded. It didn't encompass the depth of my feelings for Bella, no words in the English language were capable of that, but it was a start.

"You look fine," I assured her.

She took my hand and we walked back along the path.

"Bella!" As we drew closer to the house, Charlie's voice was carried on the wind to Bella's ears.

"I'm here, Dad," she called back to him, and then she shot me a worried look. "You better disappear."

It physically hurt my still heart to be apart from her. But today definitely wasn't the day for me to be introduced to her father.

"It won't be for long," she said bracingly. "Charlie just needs to see that I am okay, and then I will be free again."

"I know, it just seems like we have barely had any time together."

She smiled ruefully. "Don't forget we have forever."

I fought back the grimace that rose to my lips. We had an entire human lifetime, that would have to be enough time.

"When will I see you again?" I asked.

"I need to make dinner for Charlie and then I should be free. If it's not too scandalous you could wait in my bedroom for me."

"Scandal be damned," I said loftily, and she laughed.

I would have liked to run straight to Bella's room to wait, but I had a responsibility to my family. They surely knew Bella had survived our encounter, but they would still be worried. I decided to run home to check in with them so I would be free to stay with Bella all evening.

It didn't take me long to make my way home through the trees. As I ran, I considered all that had happened today. My Bella loved me. I truly was a blessed man. And more exhilarating was the fact she knew who and what I was and accepted it as part of me. It was more than I could ever have hoped for.

I ran through the kitchen door and into the house. Esme was at the sink, rinsing a vase. I caught her around the waist as I passed and spun her in my arms. She laughed at my exuberance, and the sound drew the rest of my family to us.

"How is Bella?" Esme asked as I set her down on her feet.

I beamed from ear to ear. "Magnificent."

She smiled fondly and cupped my cheek. _Just look at the lightness in his eyes. I have never seen him so happy._

"I trust your day went well," Carlisle said.

I looked to Alice. "I told them it would be okay, but the fools didn't believe me," she said in a mocking voice.

"Everything went wonderfully," I said. "Bella is safe at home with her father. I am heading back there now. I just wanted to assure you that she is fine."

"I knew she would be," Esme said, not entirely truthfully. She had hoped my love for Bella would stop me from hurting her, but her understanding of the temptation Bella caused within me had made her fear for me.

"What happened?" Jasper asked. "Did you find out how she knows so much?"

"I did," I said carefully, "but that is a story I think Bella needs to tell you herself. It's her story, well I suppose it's ours." I raked a hand through my hair. "Trust me, Bella needs to be the one to tell you."

Perhaps I was being cowardly waiting for Bella to tell them, but I knew the story would be so much better coming from her. She had all the proof, too.

"Very well. We shall wait for Bella," Carlisle said serenely. "Do you think you will be able to persuade her to visit with us soon?"

"I'm sure she will be amenable to a visit," I said, running my hands through my hair. I was agitated; all I wanted was to get back to my Bella.

Carlisle smiled fondly at me. _It is hurting him to be gone, even for only a few minutes. This is mating at its finest._ He was so happy for me it was almost tangible.

They all seemed happy for me. The only obvious exception being Rosalie. She was still too caught up in the way she felt to spare a thought for me.

"I trust that you are ready to get back to your Bella, now," Carlisle said.

I was. I needed to be beside her to ease the ache in my chest.

I clapped him on the shoulder as I passed. "Thanks, Carlisle."

The journey back to the small white house on the edge of the forest was an easier one than my journey away. With each step back towards my love, the pain in my chest eased. Until, as I scaled the side of her house, it was gone.

Bella was still downstairs preparing a meal for herself and her father when I arrived. I could hear her pottering about in the kitchen. Unable to join her, I explored her bedroom. It was like a treasure trove of discoveries. I remembered her teasing me about her reading choices, citing Bram Stoker and Anne Rice as her favorite authors, when in truth she had an eclectic taste. Bronte and Austen ranked alongside Dan Brown and Tolkien. In a vase on the desk were a small bunch of Piper's Anemone and Mountain Roses—both flowers I remembered seeing in the meadow that afternoon. I liked the small sign of our secret place here in her room. It was as if she was keeping part of me here with her.

Her room was drenched in her scent. I sat on the rocking chair in the corner and drew deep breaths, relishing the burn in my throat as it meant she was near me.

After an unbearably long time I heard her saying goodnight to her father.

"But it's still early," he said.

"I know, but it's been a long day, and I'm tired."

I heard creaking of the couch and then fabric rustling as he embraced her.

Charlie's breath hitched. "You sleep well, Bells. I'm fishing tomorrow with Billy, unless you want me home."

"I'll be fine. I have a few errands to run anyway."

She plodded up the stairs. Her footsteps sounded heavy and lethargic, but once on the landing she hurried to the room and flung open the door.

"Edward." Her voice was a happy sigh.

I held open my arms and she flew into them. She curled onto my lap like a cat. Her head fit perfectly under my chin. It was as we were made for each other.

"That was the longest hour of my life," she said. "Knowing you were here but that I couldn't be with you was worse than the past weeks waiting for you to catch up with me."

"Just say the words and we never need be parted again. I will become your shadow."

She leaned away from me to look into my eyes. "Promise?"

"I Promise"

* * *

**So… Edward had his little 'I am stronger, faster and I can tie my own shoelaces' moment. Bless him. He had to get it out of his system. The next chapter will be with the rest of The Cullens and I hope you'll join me again to see their reactions to Bella's story. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	12. The Cullens

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and thank you all for the reviews, faves, alerts and PMs. I appreciate all the support.**

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven ~ The Cullens**_

_July 1998 ~ Bella is Ten _

_**Edward**_

"Edward," Bella said quietly one afternoon as she pulled the chess pieces from their box, "tell me about vampires."

It wasn't as if I didn't know the questions would come at some time. The previous summer she had just asked what I was; she hadn't wanted to know more. She seemed well informed in the future, though, so at some point we needed to have this conversation.

I leaned back against my hands. "What would you like to know?"

"Were you always a vampire? I mean, were you born like this?" She waved a hand up and down to indicate my body.

"No, Bella, I was born a human. I was changed into a vampire by someone else."

"How?"

"I was bitten by one."

"Did it hurt?"

"More than almost anything in my life," I said solemnly. The only thing more painful to me was losing Bella. "Do you know about snakes?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I've seen them. They slither." She made wiggling movements with her hand and laughed.

I smiled. "Well, some snakes have venom, poison, on their teeth that kills their prey. Vampires have something similar, but our venom doesn't kill you, it gives you so much pain that it's impossible to get away, unless you're not killed straight away. If left, given a chance to spread, it changes you into a vampire."

Her eyes were wide as she looked at me. "And that's what happened to you."

I nodded. "Yes. I was bitten to be changed, not fed on."

"And it hurt?"

"So much. The venom burned like fire in my veins. It changed every cell of my body, making my skin hard and cold, and, eventually, stopping my heart. It was pain beyond imagining."

She shuddered. "I don't like the sound of that."

I smiled. "It's incredible really. Venom can repair almost anything. As long as the heart keeps beating, it can heal broken bones and ruptured organs… truly, anything. My brother, Emmett, was savaged by a bear and my mother fell from a cliff. They were desperately ill, on the verge of death, and the venom saved them."

Her mouth had dropped open and she was gazing at me with a look of wonder. "Bella?" I said tentatively, wondering if I had scared her.

"You have a mom," she breathed.

"I do. I have two, but one of them is gone now. I have a whole family Bella. A mother and father, and brothers and sisters."

Her eyes widened further and her whole face transfigured into an elated smile. "Tell me about them," she begged.

I told her everything I could think of. I described each member of my family in loving detail, each of their quirks and personalities. She listened in silence, absorbing it all.

"And you're all together all the time? You don't have to wait for summer?"

I smiled sadly. "We are sometimes apart, but we live together, so no, we don't have to wait for summer. We take time apart for vacations and trips, and I once left them to live a few years alone, but the rest of my vampire life has been spent with them, our family changing as it grew."

"That must be nice."

"It is. I miss you when we are apart, but my family are a comfort, just like Renee and Charlie and your friends are for you."

"I miss you, too, Edward," she said. "I wish it didn't have to just be summer."

"So do I, my Bella," I said gently, "so do I."

She gazed out at the trees for a moment and then asked, "Do all of your family eat animals?"

"Yes. We are almost unique in it, though. There is another group that live in Denali, Alaska that we call our cousins who also hunt animals, but the majority of my kind have red eyes."

She frowned. "Red eyes?"

"I have golden eyes because I hunt animals. Vampires that drink from humans have red eyes. You have to understand, Bella, vampires aren't inherently evil. The thirst is powerful, and the only thing that really sates it is human blood."

"Thirst?"

"It burns our throats, making us hunger for blood. And there are different levels of temptation. Some people are easy to resist, but there are others that incite a thirst that is almost impossible to deny. Having golden eyes is a struggle."

"Have you always had golden eyes?" she asked.

"That, my Bella, is a story for another time."

She looked into my eyes for a long moment and then nodded. "Okay. Another time."

I tipped the chess pieces out on to the grass and picked up a queen. "Chess?"

She nodded and beamed at me. "Okay."

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

Bella rolled over in her bed and sighed my name. It warmed my heart to hear her saying it, especially as her tone was steeped in affection. That an angel like her could find love in her heart for me was beyond imagining. I swore to myself that I would never take it for granted. That I would appreciate every moment of her time she gave me for the gift it was.

I wished all of her night would pass so serenely, but it didn't. Around two in the morning, she began to toss and turn. Small whimpers escaped from her lips. As soon as my hand reached out and cupped her cheek, her breathing evened out and she relaxed. I was thrilled that my touch was able to calm her so much. It was yet another sign that we were the right people for one another. That I was her mate as much as she was mine.

I was so lost in thoughts of the woman in the bed beside me that I almost missed the approaching footsteps of Charlie Swan as he came in to check on his daughter shortly after dawn. I barely made it into the tree outside the window before the door handle turned and he popped his head around the door. Seeing her asleep, he crept into the room and tucked her blankets up over her shoulders. He stayed for another minute, watching her sleep, and then went to the bathroom.

When morning came, she stirred and rolled over, looking out of the window. Had it not been impossible for her to see my hidden vantage point I would have thought she was looking directly at me. She clambered from her bed, grabbed a pile of clothes from the dresser, and then disappeared from her room. A few minutes later, she returned dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.

She came to the window and pushed it open. "Edward. Are you out there?" she called.

I shifted my position so she could see me. "Good morning."

She gasped when she saw me and then grinned. "Morning." She looked down and saw that Charlie's cruiser was already gone. He had left for his fishing trip an hour ago. "Are you coming in?"

I grinned and launched myself from the tree. She jumped back just in time to allow me to climb through her bedroom window. The moment I was settled on my feet, she threw her arms around me. She buried her face in my neck and took deep breaths that tickled my skin.

"Are you sniffing me?" I asked.

"Yep."

"And why would that be?"

"I'm checking to see if you're real."

I laughed. "Do you have reason to doubt my presence?"

"I wasn't sure if it was a dream."

I smiled. "I can assure you that I am real."

"I missed you."

"And I you, though I admit I broke propriety at one point in the night and came to your side."

"The nightmare?" she asked.

I nodded. "The nightmare. I couldn't bear to see you suffering and so I came to you. It seemed to comfort you somewhat."

"I remember. I was dreaming about the robbery, and an angel saved me. Again."

"An angel?" I quirked a brow. "That sounds unlikely."

"You're my angel."

"The way you view me is ludicrous, but I am not going to argue the point further. While you are happy to allow me a part of your life I will stay."

"That will never change."

"We'll see."

She sighed against me once more and then stepped back. "Good. Now, it's time to start the day. Are we going to the meadow?"

"I was wondering if we could make a small deviation from our plans," I said. "I was hoping I could persuade you to share your, I mean our, story with my family. It is not easy to keep secrets in my family, and I prefer not to try."

"That's fine. Shall we go to your house, or do you think they should come here?"

"You are willing to come into a house of vampires?" I asked incredulously.

"Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

The ridiculousness of that question momentarily stymied me. It wasn't worth arguing the point. "Never mind. If you are happy to come, I know they will be happy to see you."

"Not all of them," she muttered.

She rooted through a cupboard and grabbed something that looked like cardboard but was in fact called a Pop Tart and chomped it down.

"Can you grab the wooden chest, please," she said when she had finished. "I have a feeling we are going to need it today."

I went to her bedroom and grabbed the chest from the shelf. When I got downstairs again, she was waiting at the door with her jacket on.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked.

She nodded happily. "Whenever you are."

I remembered Carlisle's cautious driving the night of the robbery and kept my speed to a reasonable eighty for the short ride.

Bella's eyes were wide as we pulled up in front of the house. It was one of our more impressive residences—Esme had done a great deal of work here returning the Edwardian house to its former glory. Her expression only became more shocked as I led her up the steps and into the house.

"Wow," she gasped, looking around the lounge. "This place is incredible."

"It's all down to Esme," I said. "She is the one with a talent for interior design."

"Yeah, I remember," she said distractedly, gazing out of the back wall of glass.

_She remembers?_ Carlisle's thoughts were colored by shock and confusion.

I wondered whether it would have been better for me to try to explain the story of Bella and I before bringing her to the house, after all. She wouldn't have had to deal with their initial reactions, which were sure to be dramatic.

Carlisle led Esme out from the kitchen to greet us.

"Bella, this is my mother, Esme, and you already know Carlisle."

She smiled at Esme and turned to Carlisle. "Thank you so much for everything you did Saturday night." Her gratitude was genuine and heartfelt.

"You are more than welcome, Bella," he said sincerely.

"Bella has something she needs to tell us all," I said. "Where is everyone else?"

I asked for Bella's benefit. I already knew Alice and Jasper were waiting in their room for my summons, and Rosalie and Emmett were in the garage.

When Alice had announced our imminent arrival, Rosalie had been irritated by Esme and Alice's excitement and had gone to skulk in the garage. Emmett was attempting to reason with her now. It was a lost cause if what I was hearing in Rosalie's thoughts was anything to judge from.

"I'm here," Alice called as she raced down the stairs. She came to an abrupt halt in front of us and then leaned forward and kissed Bella's cheek.

Bella heart increased its pace slightly, but she didn't look scared. I locked eyes with Jasper as he made his more sedate entrance, communicating both a question and a warning.

_Don't worry, Edward, I will keep my distance. And don't worry about Alice. Bella was pleased by her greeting. _

"Rosalie, Emmett," I called loudly.

"Not a chance," Rosalie hissed. "I'll come in when you have taken your pet home."

"Don't worry," Bella said with a wide smile, only hearing the silence. "They'll come soon enough. They won't want to miss this."

Emmett's roar of laughter was audible even to Bella's ears. She looked satisfied at his reaction.

Esme gestured us over the couches and Bella took a seat on the loveseat. I sat down beside her and she shifted closer so our legs were pressed together. She seemed to crave the contact just as much as I did. She was still clutching the wooden chest, but now she set it down on the coffee table.

There was a long period of silence in which we all looked for Bella to start, and she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

"There is something you want to tell us?" Carlisle prompted.

Bella glanced up at me.

"Do you want me to start?" I offered.

She took a deep breath and let it out in a gust. "No, I can do this." She seemed to be talking to herself more than to me. "Okay, the reason I know who and what you all are, and the reason I know so much, is because Edward told me when I was a little girl. I have known him since I was five years old."

"Edward?" Carlisle said questioningly. He was wondering how I could have done this and not told him. He was imagining me to have a whole life I had hidden from him. I was a little hurt that he believed me capable of that. I told him _everything._

"It's not what you think," I said to him. "I haven't been hiding anything from you. I didn't know anything about this until yesterday."

"He's telling the truth," Bella said, seeing Carlisle's doubtful expression. "Edward didn't know anything about this because it hasn't happened for him yet. At some point in the future Edward will travel back to my past and meet me as a little girl."

"He will time travel?" Carlisle's eyes were wide.

"I will time travel," I confirmed.

"He will _what?"_ Rosalie said from the door.

Bella smiled with satisfaction. Of course, she had known Rosalie would come in. How could anyone resist this topic?

"There is a vampire with the gift to manipulate personal timelines. At some point in the future, Edward will find her and she will send him back to my childhood. I don't really understand the mechanics of it; I just know it happens."

Bella opened the chest and passed me the photograph and sketch that had convinced me of the truth. I handed the photo to Carlisle and he examined it, his eyes widened as he saw the inscription on the back. He passed it to Esme and the process of reaction was repeated again and again as everyone took their turn. Finally, it came to Rosalie.

"It's his handwriting and a date, but he could have written it this morning," she scoffed. "This is all some plan they've cooked up to trick us and make us all forget the fact he has been blabbing our secrets to a human."

"Have a little faith, Rosalie," I said scathingly. "How do you explain the photograph? I know you can see the signs of age as well as I can."

She scoffed and tossed her hair back. "You can't seriously believe that you are going to time travel. It's ludicrous."

"About as ludicrous as a family of vampires shunning the natural diet to live humane lives," Bella said with a raised eyebrow. "As ludicrous as mindreading and visions of the future. It's all ludicrous, but all true. Look, Rosalie, we are never going to be friends, which is fine, but I figured you would want to support your brother."

Rosalie's mouth dropped open; her mind was blank with shock. No one outside of the family had ever spoken to her like this before, and it was a rare occurrence for one of us to dare, too.

_Did she just face off with a vampire, _Emmett asked. I nodded covertly. _This girl rocks._

Alice giggled. "I _knew_ we were going to be friends."

"Funnily enough, so did I." Bella grinned happily. "So do you believe me now, or do I need to start reciting your life stories?"

"You know our histories?" Jasper asked. He of all of us had the most violent history. He was the one that Bella should fear most of all.

Bella nodded. "Jasper Whitlock. Born 1844. You were a major in the Confederate Army. You were changed by…." She tapped her forehead as she searched for the name. "Nope, sorry, I can't remember her name, but you were changed in 1863 and did something involving territory wars. I don't know much about that. Edward always skimmed on the details."

For a very good reason. Jasper's life was bloody and violent. I wouldn't want her knowing about that side of my world.

"I must admit, it seems impossible not to believe," Carlisle said, a frown creasing his brow. "I have never heard of a vampire with this ability, but I can think of no other explanation for you knowing so much."

Bella's face brightened as he spoke. "Call your friend Ellie… something. The one in Alaska. He's the one that will help Edward later."

"Eleazar," Carlisle said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, him."

"And involve more people in the madness!" Rosalie had overcome her shock and was reprising her role as a screeching shrew.

"It'll happen anyway," Bella said, unconcerned by Rosalie's anger. "Whether he calls now because I suggested it, or because at some point in the future there will be a reason to tell him, it _will _happen. Eleazar knew. Edward told me so. In the grand scheme of things, this conversation has already happened. It's just new to us."

"You are talking about fatalism," Carlisle said, his curiosity piqued.

"In a way, yes. Whatever happens now, will happen, there is nothing we can do to change it, but we still have free will. If Rosalie were to give in to temptation right now and snap my neck, it would be because she chose to. But for someone watching outside of the moment in time it would be a predestined event."

"I think we should call Eleazar," Esme said softly. "It's not that I don't believe you Bella, and I don't believe Edward would lie to us, I just think we need to know all the facts."

Bella's face fell and she gnawed on her bottom lip. No matter what Esme said, it did sound like she was doubting Bella. I took her hand in my own and gave it a brief squeeze.

"It was your idea to call him," Rosalie said in a waspish tone. "If you aren't lying you have nothing to fear."

Bella stiffened and straightened her shoulders. "Fine, you call him and ask him about Makenna."

"Who's Makenna?" Emmett asked.

"The vampire Bella is talking about, brainless." Jasper said, rolling his eyes. Unexpectedly he was the one to believe Bella straight off the bat. He was usually more doubting. But he could feel our sincerity in our emotions and so he was convinced. Alice too believed us, but she was used to accepting the incredible.

Carlisle rose to his feet and took a silver cell phone from his pocket. He dialed and a moment later Tanya's smooth voice could be heard.

"Hello, Carlisle. This is unexpected."

"Tanya, it is a pleasure as always." Carlisle put the call on speakerphone and held it out so Bella could hear too. "I was wondering if I could speak with Eleazar."

"Of course." There was the sound of the phone changing hands and a moment later Eleazar spoke. "Carlisle, my old friend, what can I do for you?"

"I was hoping you could tell me something about a vampire called Makenna."

His tone immediately became cautious. "How do you know about Makenna?"

"I have a friend that mentioned her. Is it true then, what she can do?"

"What is it you think she can do?" Eleazar asked evasively.

Carlisle frowned. "She can manipulate time?" He phrased it as a question.

There was heavy silence on the other end of the line before Eleazar sighed and spoke again. "She can."

There was stunned silence in the room. Bella looked satisfied, and Rosalie looked as though she was sucking a lemon.

"This is incredible," Carlisle breathed. He was thinking of all the possibilities of having such a gift.

"It is," Eleazar said solemnly. "Now I must ask who this friend is. Makenna values privacy greatly. If her secret has been violated she must be told."

"It is only our family and our friend that know, and we will not tell anyone."

"Who is this friend?"

Carlisle looked to me for guidance. Bella knowing the secret was a violation of the Volturi's rule. There was no reason they should ever find out that she knew, but it was still a possibility. To tell Eleazar about her would make them culpable too.

"Would you be satisfied if I said it was someone very close to our heart?"

Bella blushed beautifully, though she looked doubtful. What Carlisle said was true. He and Esme were already enthralled by Bella, though not for the most noble of reasons perhaps. Their affection for her stemmed from the fact she had saved me from a lifetime of loneliness. I knew once they got to know her better they would adore her just as much as I did for her own merits.

"Can they keep a secret?" Eleazar asked.

"She can. At some point, her life will be affected by Makenna. This is how she knows so much."

Eleazar's voice became animated. "You are certain of this? Makenna does not aid anyone anymore. She lives in solitude."

"We are as certain as it is possible to be." Carlisle said. "We have proof."

"This is unexpected but wonderful news," Eleazar said. "I have feared for her state of mind for many years. If she is willing to aid you she must have been greatly moved."

That was something I hadn't considered before. Why would I choose to visit Bella's past? Something must have compelled me to seek out Makenna. I wondered when it would happen to me. I wanted it to happen soon. I wanted to be the man Bella had first fallen in love with, and I believed I needed to share the memories of her childhood to become that man. I would have to ask her when we had the gift of solitude again. I didn't want to quiz her in front of my family.

"Trust me when I say our friend is enigmatic enough to move even the hardest of hearts," Carlisle said locking eyes on Bella.

She smiled but her eyes slid to look at Rosalie. It seemed doubtful she was ever going to be able to move Rosalie and she seemed to know it.

* * *

**So… Rosabitch is being a … well, a bitch, and Bella's all kinds of awesome in the face of it. Good times. This was one of my favorite chapters to write. As confusing as it is to write to many characters in one place, there's something very satisfying about it, too. I hope you enjoyed. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	13. Getting To Know You

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and helping me get this story written at last. Love you hon. **

**Apologies for those of you whose reviews I was unable to reply to. FFnet hated me for the longest time. It wouldn't load a page, let alone send a message. I read and loved them all though, so thank you x**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve ~ Getting To Know You**

_July – August 1999_

I arrived before Bella the summer she was eleven, and so I was there when Charlie broke the news. I watched through the window, concealed by trees, as he told her.

As soon as she had stowed her bags in her bedroom, he led her by the hand into the lounge and gestured for her to sit on the couch. He sat beside her and took her other hand in his own.

"Bella, honey, there's something I need to tell you," he started.

Her lip quivered. "Is Mom okay?"

Charlie nodded quickly. "She's fine. It's someone else." He drew a deep breath. "Sarah died, Bella. She was in a car accident a week ago; someone hit her on the highway."

Bella looked stunned. Her ivory skin paled and tears spilled from her eyes. "But… she can't."

Charlie stroked a hand down her cheek, wiping away her tears. "I'm sorry, honey, but she did."

Bella swayed slightly and Charlie moved so he could put an arm around her shoulders, steadying her. She nestled her face against him and began to cry in earnest. Charlie smoothed her hair and soothed her gently as she cried.

My arms ached to hold her. I wanted to comfort her, to pull her against me and protect her from this pain. There was nothing I could do, though, but watch as her father took care of her and she released her grief.

* * *

A few days after Bella arrived, the funeral for Sarah Black was held in La Push. I couldn't follow Bella there, so I stayed in the meadow, fretting about her.

I had questioned the suitability of Charlie taking Bella to the ceremony, as did Renee via a phone call, but Charlie was insistent. He believed Bella needed to see proof that Sarah was gone. I only hoped it would not be too much for her.

I heard the sounds of the cruiser coming along the road long before it reached the house, and so I was waiting for Bella at the edges of her yard when she came out. Charlie was ensconced in the lounge, outwardly watching the news but inwardly lamenting the loss of his friend and fretting over the surviving Blacks.

Bella trudged down the steps from the porch and looked around the yard. It was the first time she'd come to me since she arrived that summer. The days between her arrival and the funeral were largely spent in Charlie's company. I stepped out of the trees and opened my arms to her. She raced towards me, throwing her arms around my back and clinging to me.

"Edward," she breathed.

"I am here, "I said softly. "You're okay."

I felt the shudders wracking her frame and her tears dampened my shirt.

That began the summer of Bella's preoccupation with death.

* * *

It was two weeks after Sarah Black's death, and we were in the meadow together. I was trying to teach Bella chess, though she didn't seem to be paying much attention, when she looked up from the chess board and asked, "Edward, does everyone die?"

I replaced the rook I was about to move carefully on to the board and looked at her. Her forehead was creased with worry and her eyes looked red. I wondered how honest to be. She was still so young, but I had vowed never to lie to her. It was an important question, too, one that she would remember for life.

"Edward?" she prompted.

I sighed. "Yes, Bella. Everyone dies."

"So my Mom and Dad, they'll die?"

"It's the natural order of things. But death is not the end. There is something better that comes after."

She nodded. "Heaven."

"Yes, Bella, Heaven."

"Mom told me about Heaven once, and Dad tried after the funeral, but…" she shrugged her shoulders, "how do they know?"

"No one knows for sure, Bella. You have to believe. That's the point. There are some things you can never be sure of until you've seen them, and no one that has seen Heaven can come back and tell us about it."

"Not ghosts?" she asked.

I swallowed hard as a jolt of pain swept through me. "I believe," I said slowly. "That ghosts are people that choose not to go to Heaven, so they wouldn't know. I think they find things on Earth that are important enough to stay for and so don't move on."

"Do you believe in Heaven?"

"I do," I said solemnly.

She shuffled around the board until she was beside me and then she rested her head against my arm. "What's it like?"

"I don't know. I like to believe it's a better place, where all the people you love come together. I think there is happiness there and no loss."

"Must be nice," she breathed.

I ran a hand through her hair. "I think it would be."

"Edward," she said quietly. "Will you find me in Heaven, too?"

I closed my eyes for a long moment, unmoving, not even breathing. "It's…different… for vampires, Bella."

She twisted her head to look up at me. "Why?"

"Because to get to Heaven, you have to die. It's very hard for a vampire to die." Even when that is what they want more than almost anything.

She moved so she could look me full in the face. "You won't die?"

I sighed and shook my head. That was an answer I could give honestly. I would not die. I knew that for sure. "No, Bella. I won't die."

Inexplicably, she smiled. "Not ever?"

"Not ever."

"And Mom and Dad will go to Heaven?"

"They will."

She beamed. I wondered at it for a moment, and then realization of _who_ I was talking with caught up with me. It was Bella. Of course, she would not be worried about her own mortality, but the people she cared about.

"That's okay, then," she said in a satisfied tone.

She didn't ask me about herself, which meant I didn't have to break my vow and lie to her, or break her heart instead.

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Bella POV**_

Eventually, Carlisle finished his call and came back to join us on the couches. He exchanged a look with Edward.

"It's not worth the risk," Edward said firmly, shaking his head.

"What's not worth the risk?" I asked.

"Eleazar would like to meet you, Bella," Carlisle said.

"You don't want me to meet your friend?" I felt a little hurt by his instant refusal.

"It's not that, my love. I would love for you to meet our friends, but you knowing so much is a risk. If they knew too it would place them at the same risk."

"What risk?" I asked.

Rosalie scoffed. "You mean in all the years he was blabbing our secrets he forgot to mention the Volturi?"

I searched my memories, but I couldn't remember Edward ever mentioning a Volturi. "What's a Volturi?"

"It's a they," Rosalie said before anyone else could answer. "They are the peacekeepers of our world. They enforce the rules and protect us from exposure."

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't like the sound of this. "And what are the rules?"

This time it was Carlisle that answered. "That we never reveal what we are to humans."

I gulped. "But I know!"

"Precisely. Thanks to Edward's blabbermouth, we are all in danger." Rosalie looked supremely satisfied with her pronouncement.

"Rosalie, that is enough!" Carlisle said firmly and then softened his tone to speak to me. "Bella, you are in no danger. The Volturi's role is to protect the secret. We know that you won't reveal our true nature to anyone. Also, there is no reason for them to find out. I am the only member of the family to have met the Volturi, and that was centuries ago. You are perfectly safe."

What did it matter if _I_ was safe? I already knew what my fate was. It was Edward and the rest of his family I was worried for, even Rosalie, despite the fact she was an exceptionally unpleasant person—to me at least.

"But what will happen if they did find out I knew?"

Alice opened her mouth to speak but Edward cut her off with a sharp look. "Nothing will happen to you, Bella. I promise I will keep you safe."

"But who will keep you safe?" I asked plaintively.

He smiled at me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I can protect myself."

Emmett clapped his hands together. "I think a demonstration is in order, brother. Are you up for a little wrestling?"

Edward looked at me. "What do you think?"

"You're going to wrestle Emmett?" I looked doubtfully between them. Emmett was massive. Edward looked positively puny beside him, despite the bands of muscle that encircled his arms.

Emmett bellowed laughter. "Your girl doesn't think you're up to the challenge, baby brother."

Edward growled low in his throat. The sound startled me, and he looked instantly apologetic. "I'm sorry, love, but you have nothing to fear; Emmett may be larger than me, but he doesn't have my advantages." He tapped his forehead.

"Come on, Eddie. Show your girl what you're made of." Emmett cracked his knuckles.

Edward nodded and stood up, and then he extended a hand to me. I got to my feet and allowed him to lead me to the window. "You will stay here," he said in a forceful tone.

"You're fighting inside the house?" I looked around at the plush surroundings There were ornaments and paintings here that I suspected cost more than Charlie's annual wage.

"No, they aren't," Esme said fixing Emmett in her stare. "They know better than to wrestle inside the house."

"They will be outside," Alice explained, "and we will watch from here. It's safer for you that way, and it stops the rest of us being pelted by mud."

I watched Emmett and Edward walk from the house and onto the expanse of lawn that surrounded the house. I felt a thrill of nerves as they stood twenty feet apart and dropped into a crouch.

"Just watch, Bella," Alice whispered.

I tried to do as she instructed, but the sight of Edward facing Emmett's bulk made me want to close my eyes.

They moved so fast it was a blur. One moment they were stood twenty feet apart, the next they were colliding with each other in the middle. As they hit there was a sound like a crash of thunder that rattled the panes of glass in the window.

I still couldn't follow their movements as they twisted and writhed. All I saw was a blur of color as they landed punches. All I heard was clashes like thunder as they hit. Suddenly they were still. Edward was kneeling on Emmett's back twisting his arms behind him. They were speaking, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. From Edward's gleeful expression I suspected that he was taunting Emmett.

Edward stepped away, letting Emmett get to his feet, and grinned at me through the window. I smiled back, immensely relieved that their bout was over. It had served its purpose, however. I didn't doubt Edward's ability to protect himself anymore.

Edward ghosted back into the house and wrapped his arms around me. "What did you think?"

"I think it was the finest display of blurring limbs I have ever seen."

He laughed. "I didn't think of that. I can slow it down for you next time. It'll give Emmett a sporting chance."

"Next time? Do you make a habit of this?"

"They barely stop," Esme said fondly.

Embarrassingly, my stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly. I was whisked into the kitchen to be shown the array of food Esme had stocked the cupboards with for this express purpose.

* * *

I ate my sandwich on the back porch. Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett joined me on the benches. Rosalie had disappeared back into her garage—to escape my presence, I was sure—and Esme and Carlisle were still in the house. Edward explained that they were giving me space so as not to overwhelm me.

I would have been happy to have them all out here with me. There was no chance of me becoming overwhelmed by their presence. I was just as eager to get to know them as I was any of the family. For years I had been waiting to meet them all. I had been almost as excited to see them as I was Edward.

"So, Bella, what did you and Edward do all those years he was hanging around with your child self?" Emmett asked.

I swallowed thickly and considered. I was sure he was hoping for stories of tea parties he could use to tease Edward. There had been tea parties when I was very small, but I wasn't going to share them. They were mine and Edward's alone.

"He taught me to play checkers when I was really young," I said. "And then we moved onto chess as I got older."

"Chess?" Jasper asked stepping forward.

I nodded.

"Jasper is our chess aficionado," Alice explained.

"Really? That's great. We will have to have a game sometime. I haven't had a decent opponent for two years."

Jasper exchanged a look with Edward. I was certain they were communicating silently. Edward looked unhappy, but Jasper looked eager.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Edward is worried that Jasper might eat you," Emmett said matter-of-factly.

I blushed. "Oh. Is that likely to happen?"

"No," Alice said firmly. "Jasper hunted well this morning in preparation of your visit. Edward is just being paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid," Edward said stiffly.

"Overcautious then." Alice shrugged. "Either way your fears are groundless. Bella will be fine."

I looked at Edward. His features were taut with concern. He was genuinely fearful for my safety. It was true that Jasper was sitting on the other side of the porch from me. giving himself ample room to avoid the draw of my blood. Maybe getting close wasn't the best idea after all.

"Rain check?" I asked Jasper, and he nodded.

Alice huffed out a breath. "You're going to have to learn to share, Edward. We all want to have time with Bella, too."

Edward scowled at her, and an awkward silence followed. I rallied for a way to break the tension. The idea occurred to me, one of my favorite childhood memories, but it would embarrass Edward. Looking across at Jasper I saw his downcast expression. Edward had embarrassed him. Despite his good intentions. Maybe it was time I returned the favor.

"There was the one time, when I was about six…" I began.

"Oooh, here it comes." Emmett rubbed his hands together.

Edward shot me a pleading look, but I pretended not to see.

"It was a really rainy day, one of the wettest on record for summer, and Edward and I were in my backyard."

I told them the story of the day I taught Edward to puddle jump. It was one of the best days we had together. We had leaped from puddle to puddle, getting steadily more and more filthy with mud and water.

"By the end of it, Edward was doused in water and mud. He looked ridiculous."

Emmett laughed raucously, and even Edward cracked a smile. It changed his whole visage. One of my favorite things to do in the world was make Edward laugh. It was the best sound in my universe.

"I shall look forward to that," Edward said, squeezing my hand. "I admit I am eager to meet your younger self."

"Do any of us get to come with him?" Emmett asked. "I want to meet the little Bella."

I laughed. "I don't think so. I only ever met Edward. You could have been there, watching, I guess."

"Do you know when it will happen for me?" Edward asked. "When will I travel back to your childhood?"

"I don't know," I said evasively. "You never told me exactly where you were coming from. I don't think it happens yet though."

I couldn't tell him what I had deduced. It would spoil all our time together. I was living with the knowledge that I would die, as was every human, though I had reason to believe it would be sooner rather than later.

"I say we find this Makenna now and ask," Emmett said excitedly. "I want stories about little Bella."

"What do you think, Bella?" Edward asked. "Is now the time?"

I shook my head slowly. "I really don't think so. You could try to find her, but if it's the wrong time something will happen to stop you. She will refuse to help, or you won't find her."

"It's not the right time," Alice said without doubt. "I know you are considering it, Edward, but I don't see you finding her."

Edward looked disappointed. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"When it's the right time, you will know."

* * *

That afternoon I went back to my house with Alice and Edward. As I cooked, they sat at the kitchen table and chatted amicably.

"Are you going back to school tomorrow?" Alice asked.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Edward and Alice exchanged a look. "Bella, things in a small town are different to the city. Here, an armed robbery is big news. The fact that you were involved makes it even bigger."

"How would they know?"

Alice frowned. "One of Charlie's deputies will tell his wife, after swearing her to secrecy. She will tell her friends, after doing the same. Then, like a chain letter of gossip, the whole town will know."

I sighed and hid my face in my hands. Cool hands gripped my wrists and pulled them down. "Please don't hide your face from me," Edward said. "And don't worry about school. You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I do have to go," I said firmly. "I'm not going to be driven away by the gossips."

"That's the spirit," Alice smiled encouragingly. "We'll be there to protect you. And you are both forgetting one salient fact."

"And what would that be?" Edward asked.

"What's an armed robbery worth when you two are about to come out as a couple?"

Edward grinned. "That should do the trick." He looked at me with an uncertain expression. "Unless of course you want our relationship to remain private a little longer."

I sighed. One of the negative points of this younger version of my Edward was his insecurity. "I am more than happy to share our relationship with them all, including my father."

Edward's smile brightened. "Your father?"

I knew how much it mattered to him that we tell Charlie about us, it offended his sensibilities to keep it a secret. In his time, he would probably have sought permission before courting me.

"My father." I nodded. "Give me a chance to talk to him first, and then I will introduce you in person."

Edward leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you, Bella. I know you think I am being old fashioned, but it is important to me that you father knows about us."

"If we aren't meeting him today we need to get going," Alice said. "He will be home in ten minutes."

Reluctantly, I could tell, Edward gave me one last lingering embrace and then he and Alice left. I waved to them from the porch as they drove out of sight.

As expected, exactly ten minutes later, I heard the cruiser pull onto the drive, and a moment later Charlie walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Bells, something smells good." He eyed the pots on the stove appreciatively.

"Thanks, Dad." I said, doling out the food and then sitting down opposite him.

"So what did you do today?" he asked.

I gnawed my bottom lip. This was the moment I had been hoping to delay until he had a few beers inside of him.

"I went to see Doctor Cullen to thank him for what he did Friday night."

"You did? That's great," he murmured around a mouthful. "How was he… Hold up. How did you find him. He wasn't at the hospital today. I went by to see him myself."

"I went to his house," I said awkwardly. He swallowed and looked me in the eye. I blushed a fiery red under his scrutiny. "Edward took me," I mumbled.

"And who, pray tell, is Edward?"

"He's one of Doctor Cullen's children. He and I are friends. I called him and asked for directions. He came and picked me up."

"That's mighty generous of him," he said taking a sip of his beer. "He sounds like a good friend to have."

"Boyfriend," I muttered.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't quite catch that," he said with a gleam in his eye.

"Boyfriend. Edward is my boyfriend."

"Is that so? And how long has this been going on?"

"Not long," I said evasively. I could hardly tell him the truth that it had been 'going on' for years by virtue of the fact my boyfriend was a time travelling vampire.

"And when am I going to be introduce to your _boyfriend?"_ He laid heavy emphasis on the word, making me blush once again. "Or are you embarrassed by your old dad?"

"I'll bring him by one day to meet you."

"Excellent." He lifted another forkful of spaghetti to his mouth and then grinned. "Hey, Bells, remind me that I need to give my gun a good clean, won't you."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure thing, Dad."

* * *

**So… Enjoying the sweet scenes? Hope so because they won't last forever. This story is split into two books that will be posted as one story. The first half is generally easy reading, the second half… Hmmm… I'd call it angsty but I don't think that's a strong enough word. Enjoy the happy stuff when it comes round while you can. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	14. Stepping Out

**Huge thanks and hugs and kisses to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and all her additional help making this story happen. It was only her continual reminders that kept the story alive over the years. **

**Sorry for the confusion to those of you whose reviews I replied to from the wrong account. I have my Twilight penname and one for my SPN stories, and I logged into the wrong one. My bad. I'd say it wouldn't happen again, but odds are it will. I have the brain of a demented goldfish.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen — Stepping Out **

_July 2000 ~ Bella Is Twelve_

_**Edward**_

One morning that summer, Bella surprised me. I had arrived at the house to find Charlie's cruiser in the driveway still, and his presence strong inside the house. He and Bella were talking in the kitchen. I understood from the conversation I heard that Charlie planned to take a trip to La Push with Bella, and she was resisting. It wasn't the first time Charlie had taken her over there during the summers—she always went at least once—and she had always gone willingly before, so I wondered why it was different this time.

"C'mon, Bells," he wheedled, "you haven't seen Rachel and Rebecca all summer, and Billy will want to see how grown you've got."

Bella sighed and kicked her heels against the legs of her chair. "I don't want to watch football."

"You don't have to," Charlie said quickly. "You can go to the beach with the twins if you like. You're grown enough now."

"They won't want to come," Bella grumbled.

"Then you can go by yourself."

"I can?" Bella sounded stunned.

"As long as you promise to stay out of the water, yes."

"Okay," she said cheerfully.

Charlie sighed with relief. "Now I've just got to run to the station to collect something, and then we'll go. Ready in thirty minutes?"

"Sure."

Charlie's chair scraped against the floor as he stood and then I heard his footsteps making for the door. I waited for the cruiser to pull away from the house and then counted the seconds it took for Bella to dump her plate and come out to me. She bounded down the steps and ran toward me, eyes alight with excitement. I wondered at the sudden change in her. I didn't think she would be _that_ excited about going to a beach.

"Edward," she sang, throwing her arms around me and then stepping back to look at me. "We're going to La Push."

"I heard," I said. "I didn't think you'd be this excited, though."

"I wasn't, but then I had an idea, and now I'm happy. You can come with us." Seeing my frown, she rushed on. "I don't mean in the cruiser. You said you can run really fast. I thought you could run and I'd meet you there. I'm allowed to go to the beach with the twins. They don't really play with me; they don't even notice I'm there half the time, they're so busy with each other, so I can sneak off and _we_ can play. There are rock pools and driftwood to play on and…. Don't you want to come?"

"I would love to come, Bella," I said and she beamed at me, "but I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not allowed to go to the reservation."

"Says who?"

I sighed. "It's a very old rule that I have to abide by."

She raised her eyebrows. "But why?"

I sat down and waited for her to copy me. When she had, sitting with her legs curled under her, I started. "You know I am a vampire, but what you don't know is that there are other supernatural creatures in the world. There are werewolves."

She gasped.

"Yes, but these aren't creatures like me. They _are_ dangerous, Bella. They cannot control their instincts. They hurt people."

Bella's eyes were wide as she listened. "And they say you can't go there?"

"A long time ago, before Alice and Jasper joined our family, we came to this area to live. One day we were hunting in the forest and three wolves came out of the trees. They were huge and angry, and they would have tried to kill us if not for Carlisle. He spoke to them, telling them our story and how we were different as we hunted animals not people. We made a treaty with them. They would not hurt us and we would not come onto their lands. We will not bite a human and they will not tell other people what we are. It is an arrangement that works for both sides. Our secret is kept—and that is a vampire's greatest law: keep the secret—and they are protected."

"But if that happened a long time ago…" Bella started.

"The Quileutes have a long memory, Bella. There are some among their number that still hold true to the old prejudices. They know the name Cullen and fear it. They also hate it. If they were to see me or one of my kind on their land, the treaty would be null and void."

"But what if we hide?" she asked hopefully.

"I would never do that," I said firmly. "Carlisle arranged the treaty, and he values it greatly. I would not go against him and break it."

Her bottom lip pooched out. It was endearingly childish, and it made me smile. "That sucks."

"Yes, it does," I agreed.

"It's not fair. You're a good vampire. You've got gold eyes. You've not killed anyone."

My mouth twisted into a grimace. I had told her it was a story for another time, and now seemed to be that time.

"I've not always had gold eyes, Bella," I said.

She frowned. "You haven't?"

"No. A long time ago, after Esme joined our family, I left her and Carlisle for a while and lived alone."

"Why did you leave them?"

"I wanted to live as a 'normal' vampire. I told you about the thirst, how it burns us, well, animal blood doesn't come close to sating that need. I was sick of feeling the burn. I wanted it gone, so I left. I went to Chicago and I hunted humans." I changed a glance at her to see her reaction. Her face was inscrutable. "I would find the worst kinds of people, the humans that killed and maimed, and I would feed on them."

"Oh."

"It didn't last long," I said quickly. "I was only gone a few years before I realized what I was doing was wrong. I returned to Carlisle and Esme, and they welcomed me home. They never blamed me for what I did or passed judgment, they just loved me."

She nodded slowly. "I get it."

"Bella," I said, a bite to my tone, "I _killed_ people."

"Bad people. You hurt people that hurt other people. You saved the good ones."

"This doesn't bother you?" I asked incredulously. "That I am a murderer?"

"No. I think you were doing good even when you were doing bad. That makes it okay."

I had no possible response, so I stayed silent. Bella was silent for a long moment, too, and then a familiar expression settled over her face; it was curiosity. She always looked like this before quizzing me about something. I thought I knew what was coming, and I wasn't disappointed when she said, "What do werewolves look like?"

_Murderers,_ I thought, my hands fisting and my breath burning in my lungs. "They look like men," I started, "but they are really boys…"

She settled against me and I started the tale of the La Push werewolves.

When I tried to warn her about what would happen, to tell her to stay away from them, it was as if I was gagged when I spoke. My breath caught in my throat and the words wouldn't come. There was nothing I could do.

She knelt in front of me and cupped my face in her warm hands. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

I shook my head. "The rules. The damned rules. I can't say—" My breath caught in my throat again.

She smiled a little sadly. "Don't worry. Tell me later."

But there was no later for Bella and I. That was the problem. Because of the wolves I couldn't even warn her about, there was no later.

* * *

_March 2005_

**Bella POV**

The next morning I woke to cool lips peppering my cheeks with kisses. Shoving off my blankets, I sat up bed and wrapped my arms around Edward's neck. "Morning."

"Good morning, my love."

I looked across the room and saw Alice pulling items out of my closet and huffing dramatically.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, Alice, but is there a reason you are disassembling my closet?" I asked.

"I came to help you pick an outfit, of course," she said brightly.

"Thanks for the offer, but I am quite capable of dressing myself."

"That's what I said." Edward looked satisfied. "But she insisted on coming anyway."

"Silly Edward, you don't understand how these things work. Bella wants my help, don't you?"

I remained silent for a moment as I considered. I didn't want or need Alice's help, but I didn't want to offend her. As I thought, she gave me dramatic pleading looks. I realized this was a defining moment in our friendship. Edward had told me just what a force of nature Alice could be. If I gave into her now, was I dooming myself to a lifetime of playing dress up for her? I decided not to risk it.

"Sorry, Alice, I think I am happier dressing myself." I said diplomatically.

She pouted and opened her mouth to speak but Edward cut her off. "She said no, Alice."

Grateful for his intervention I kissed his cheek and then got out of the bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt from the pile Alice had created on the end of my bed. "I'll be right back."

I went into the bathroom and hurried through my morning routine. When I got downstairs Alice was sitting at the table smiling brightly again. Edward was leaning against the counter tossing an apple from hand to hand.

I paused in the doorway for a moment. Edward was in my home, looking as though he had always belonged here. It was what I had hoped for practically all my life, and now it had finally happened, I couldn't help but marvel over how surreal it seemed.

"Breakfast?" He held out the apple to me.

I smiled at him and took the proffered apple and took a bite. Swallowing noisily, I checked my watch. "We should get going."

Edward shouldered my book bag and gestured ahead of me. The drive to school didn't last nearly long enough. Soon Edward was pulling the Volvo into a parking space and cutting the engine. He reached over the console and stilled my wringing hands.

"If you aren't ready for this we can turn right around and go home again."

I shook my head and reached for the door handle. "I can do this."

You could have heard a pin drop as I climbed out of Edward's car. Every eye in the parking lot seemed to find me and hold me frozen in their gaze.

A cool hand slipped into mine and a soft voice whispered in my ear. "You can do this."

If seeing me arrive in Edward's car had rendered them silent, seeing his hand in mine as we walked across the parking lot suddenly turned the volume up again. I did all I could to block out their faces and concentrate on the ground in front of me. I could do this.

Unfortunately, the only class Edward and I shared was biology, so I was left alone for the morning classes. Jessica fell into step beside me as I made my way to my first class. I wondered what was tempting her more, the news that I had been involved in the robbery or the fact I was obviously involved with Edward.

"So, Bella, how are you?" Judging by her feigned look of sympathy the robbery apparently won after all.

I pasted a winning smile on my face. "I'm great, Jess. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk about what happened I am here for you."

"That's great, but there's nothing I want to talk about."

We reached the classroom and once again the process of falling silent at my approach repeated. It didn't last long though, soon people were muttering amongst themselves. Rudely, they didn't try to hide what they were discussing, so I had stereo narration of my arrival at school and discussions about the robbery. The stories were ludicrous. I heard Katie Marshall telling Lauren that I had taken the gunman down singlehanded.

"More like she tripped and took the gunman down by accident," Lauren said in her horribly nasal voice.

I buried my face in my hands and tried to ignore the voices around me. I reminded myself that none of them mattered. Only Edward mattered, and he called me brave.

Ben was in my second class of the morning. He grabbed me at the classroom door and pulled me back into the hall.

"An armed robbery? Is that for real?"

I sighed heavily. "Yeah."

"Damn, Swan, you're like a danger magnet. First the van, now this. What did you do in a past life?"

I giggled. "No idea, but it must have been bad."

"Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "To be honest, I couldn't tell. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I freak out, other times it's like it happened months ago. Most of the time I try to forget it."

He nodded. "I guess that makes sense. You obviously had a lot to distract you." His lips curved into a wide smile. "Were my eyes deceiving me or did you arrive in the car of one Mr. Edward Cullen this morning?"

"Alice was there, too."

He grinned. "Which makes things even more interesting. Which one are you dating? Or do you have some kind of an arrangement?"

I punched his arm. "You're such a boy."

"Stop evading the question. Which of the elusive Cullens has captured your attention?"

I blushed under his close scrutiny. "Edward. And it's less my attention and more my heart."

"Geez, Swan, this is serious stuff. When did this happen?"

"It's been coming on a while,"—almost thirteen years in fact—"but mostly it happened Saturday. His father helped me after the robbery, so it gave us an opening to talk properly."

"And you hid it from me and Angela all this time?"

"What can I say? I'm the master of misdirection."

Just then, the bell rang and we had to dash to our seats.

Angela caught me in my last class before lunch, and the conversation I had shared with Ben was repeated. She was more perceptive than Ben and had noticed my longing looks at Edward for weeks. I thought I had been more discreet than that, but apparently not.

"Are you happy?" she asked.

"I'm more than happy. I don't know how to put it into words. It's like he completes me."

She gaped at me. "This is serious. Are you sure he feels the same?"

I nodded. "I have never been more certain of anything in my life."

"Then I am happy for you. You deserve something good after all you have been through lately."

"I'm not the only one. You and Ben deserve each other, too."

She ducked her head. "I keep thinking that I should ask him, but what happens if he doesn't feel the same? I could ruin our friendship."

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

She laughed. "You lovebirds are all the same. Determined to spread it to the rest of us singletons."

I grinned happily. "True. I just want you to be as happy as I am, and I know Ben can be that person for you."

"Okay, I'll do it." She fisted her hands at her sides. "You're right. If I don't try, how will I ever know?"

I gaped at her. "You're going to ask him to the dance?"

"Isn't that what you have been telling me to do for weeks?"

"Yes, but I'm just shocked you are finally listening."

"Well, I want some of what you have. You should see yourself, Bella; it's like you are walking on air."

Walking on air seemed an apt description for what I was feeling. I had my friends and my Edward with me. Life couldn't have been better.

* * *

When I got out of my class at lunchtime, I had a surprise waiting for me outside. Edward was leaning against the wall, looking perfectly incongruous among the other students milling about the halls. He smiled at me as I exited the classroom, and I hurried into his waiting embrace.

"That was the longest morning of my life," I said, drawing deep breaths of his scent.

"Mine too," he said against my hair. "I trust you found a way to keep yourself distracted."

I chuckled and leaned back to look at him. "Like you don't already know. I'm sure you were following me in the thoughts of my friends."

"I admit I did check in on you from time to time." He looked a little abashed. "Should I apologize?"

"No, I would do the same if I could."

"Oh, thank goodness he found you!" Alice had arrived. She eased me out of Edward's hold and looped an arm through mine. "He has been a misery all morning."

"I have not been a misery, Alice. I have merely been distracted."

"How about when you had to look into Jessica Stanley's mind?" She whispered so a group of freshmen that were passing wouldn't hear.

"Well, if you had to listen to her you would be a misery, too."

"Is she that bad?" I asked.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to upset you, Bella. I know you consider her a friend, but…"

"But she is really a malicious little witch?" I guessed. "Don't worry, I already figured that out for myself."

"Thank goodness for that," Alice said brightly.

We walked together to the cafeteria. I wondered where we would sit. I didn't want to be apart from Edward, but I didn't feel like facing Rosalie's scorn as we would if we sat at their usual table. I was in no way intimidated by her, but I didn't feel the need to put myself in the path of her vitriol.

We queued at the lunch line. Alice grabbed an apple and a sandwich, a suitable size for a lunch that would be thrown away, but Edward took a tray and piled it high.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Getting you lunch, of course."

"In case you haven't noticed, I am only one girl. You have enough there to feed an entire table."

"Half of it is for me," he said with a wry smile.

I grinned. "In that case, you won't mind eating half of it."

He looked horrified,

Chuckling to myself, I put back half of the food he had stacked on the tray and carried on along the line to the cashier. Edward flipped his wallet open, but I was already paying.

He looked at me sternly. "I was going to pay for that."

"And I saved you the need."

Alice giggled at his disappointed expression. I sensed that I had somehow offended his sensibilities. I wasn't used to this side of Edward. We had never had need of money before. All his gifts came in the form of a sketch or a bunch of flowers picked from our meadow. I had guessed from their magnificent house that the Cullens were not short of money, but that didn't mean he needed to pay for everything. Charlie made sure I had enough money, and I planned to get an after-school job as soon as I could.

The question of where we would eat was answered as Edward led me to an empty table. The other Cullens weren't in the cafeteria yet. I guessed their senior classes had run late. When they arrived, Jasper came straight to sit with us, and Emmett and Rosalie strode past and sat at their usual table, Emmett looking slightly disappointed.

"Hey, Jasper," I greeted as he slid into the seat beside Alice.

"Bella." He nodded and gave me a small smile.

Knowing what I knew of the battle he had with his self-control, I had to wonder at his restraint being in a room full of humans. It had to be hard on him. I couldn't ask him though. People were craning their necks to get a glimpse of our table, and I had to think they were listening carefully, too.

Edward scooted his chair closer to mine and played with the end of my braid as I ate.

"So, Bella, what are your plans for the afternoon?" Alice asked.

I shrugged. "I have to do homework and I need to make dinner, but other than that I have nothing planned. Why?"

"I was hoping you'd want to come over to the house again. Edward needs to take a trip into the park, and I was thinking we could have some girl time."

I knew that taking a trip into the park translated as hunting.

Edward frowned at Alice. "I do not need to go anywhere!"

Jasper masked a laugh as a cough.

"Is it hard for you?" I asked Edward in a hushed tone.

"I'm fine."

I looked into his eyes. They were dark. "I think you should go."

"I don't want to leave you," he said.

"And I don't want you to be in pain," I countered. "I can hang with Alice this afternoon. I will see you in the morning."

He looked miserable.

"Oh, cheer up," Alice said bracingly. "You need to feed. Besides, it will give me a chance to get to know my new sister."

Sister. I liked the sound of that.

* * *

Afternoon classes passed in leaps and bounds. I barely remembered anything of Mr. Banner's lecture in Biology—I was too distracted by Edward's presence. Luckily, he took notes for both of us. I would have to learn to work around the way I felt when he was close. If I didn't, my schoolwork would suffer, and I had always been proud of my GPA.

Gym passed quickly, though embarrassingly. We were playing volleyball, and I somehow managed to catch Mike under the chin. He took it manfully, but when I looked away, I was sure I heard him cursing. He tried to corner me after class, possibly to discuss the robbery or my new relationship with Edward, but luckily he didn't get a chance; Edward was waiting for me outside the locker-room.

Hands intertwined, we walked out to the car together to meet Alice. Jasper had gotten a ride home in Rosalie's bright red convertible. The drive to the Cullen house was over far too soon. Faster than I would have believed possible, Edward was opening the door for me.

"Are you sure you will be okay?" he asked fretfully.

"I'll be fine. You go take care of yourself."

"Don't worry, Edward," Alice said. "I'll take good care of her."

"I won't be gone long. I will stick to the park. I can probably be back before you go to bed."

The idea of having Edward back to me so fast was tempting, but also selfish. He needed to take care of himself.

Alice shoved him back toward the car. "For heaven's sake, Edward, she'll be fine. I will take good care of her."

Edward dodged her and pulled me into his arms for one last embrace. I wished I could have a goodbye kiss as well, but he was obviously struggling with his thirst, and it was unfair to make things harder for him.

I watched him get into the car and drive away again. I felt momentarily bereft without him, but Alice did not leave me to mope for long. She tugged on my arm and led me into the house.

Rosalie was nowhere in sight, but Emmett was sitting with Jasper on the couch. They had the TV on to a sports channel, but as I stepped inside, Emmett switched it off.

"So, Eddie let you out of his sight," he said, cracking his knuckles. "Awesome. I have questions and I expect answers." His statement would have been intimidating if he wasn't smiling so widely.

I grinned in return. "What do you want to know?"

"What did you and Eddie really do when you were hanging out in the woods?"

I rolled my eyes. "I was a child, Emmett. It was all perfectly innocent."

"I'm not talking about _then. _I want to know what you got up to on Saturday."

I smiled a knowing smile. "That would be telling."

He laughed raucously. "Who knew Eddie had such good taste? You are going to be fun to have around."

I liked that I had been so readily accepted by him.

Esme came into the room at that moment. "Hello, Bella." She looked genuinely pleased to see me. "Where is Edward?"

I was sure she already knew. She would have heard enough of our conversation outside to put the pieces together. I realized she was pretending ignorance to seem more human to me. I wished she wouldn't try. I accepted and loved her for who she was already, enhanced senses and all.

"He's hunting and he's left Bella here to entertain me," Emmett explained.

"I hope you are not making our guest feel uncomfortable," Esme said, giving him a stern glance.

"I'm fine," I reassured her. "Edward explained Emmett's special circumstances. There has to be some residual damage from a bear attack that even venom can't heal."

Alice giggled, and Emmett gaped at me. Even Jasper chuckled. "She's got your number, bro." he said.

"Anyway," Alice said impatiently. "Bella isn't here to amuse Emmett. She is here to have quality time with _me._" She glared at Emmett. "So, if you boys can amuse yourselves, Bella and I are going to my room."

Taking my hand she tugged on my arm and led me up the stairs to her bedroom. I hoped with all my heart that bonding time didn't mean makeover time.

* * *

Bonding time with Alice didn't mean a makeover. Instead, it involved a tour of the house and a visit to her capacious closet. I tried to look interested as she showed me beautiful dresses and jewelry, but in truth I was bored. When we had finished the tour of her closet, she booted her laptop up and began surfing the online boutiques.

"What do you think of this one?" she asked again and again as I feigned interest in the poufy dresses.

"To be honest, Alice, I'm not that interested in clothes," I said apologetically.

She snorted. "That's not news."

"So why are you making me look at dresses?"

She looked a little guilty. "Okay, I was hoping I could lead you to it, so to speak, but you are proving obtuse. I want to know what you are planning to wear Saturday night?"

I stared at her uncomprehendingly. "The same thing I wear as any other day, I guess."

She sighed. "Obtuse. I am talking about the dance."

"Oh." Understanding dawned. Saturday was the night of the dance. Apparently, Alice was under the misconception that I was planning to go.

"Dances aren't really my thing, Alice."

She looked at me with wide eyed astonishment. "Why ever not?"

"Because I am the least coordinated person ever, therefore dancing is out, and high school socials aren't my idea of a good time."

"Of course you can dance," she said brightly. "You just need the right partner. And high school socials are fun. You get to watch people make fools of themselves under the influence of spiked punch."

I shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know. It really doesn't sound fun."

"Come on, Bella. Live a little."

Live a little? Now I thought of it, it didn't seem such a bad idea. I had never been to a dance before, and who knew if or when I would get the chance again?

"Edward would love to go," she wheedled.

I imagined myself arriving on Edward's arm. He would look amazing in a tuxedo. It was just the sort of thing he would enjoy, too.

"Fine," I said. "I'll go. But you better hope there is something in those pages that will work, as I promise I have nothing suitable in my closet."

"Yay!" She clapped her hands. "I promise you will love it, and I already have an outfit picked out for you." She clicked a page open and a dress was displayed.

"How did you know to have a dress picked out for me. You couldn't have had a vision. I only just decided to go."

"She didn't have a vision." Rosalie's voice made me start. She was standing at the door. "She just has confidence in her persuasive abilities and the fact you are clearly a pushover."

That said, she tossed her hair and continued along the hall.

It could have been optimism, but I thought I saw her toss me a smile as she walked away.

Alice smiled knowingly at me. "So, what color do you like?"

* * *

Time passed too fast. Soon it was time for me to head home to prepare dinner. Emmett drove me home in his jeep. He drove like a lunatic, but I trusted his vampire abilities to keep me safe.

He dropped me off in front of the house with a called, "See you real soon, Bella."

I waved to him as he roared the engine and drove off, and then I made my way inside and shrugged off my coat.

I lost myself in the preparation of dinner and lost track of time. Soon, Charlie was stomping into the kitchen, sniffing the air appreciatively.

"Hey, Bells. Something smells good."

"Pot roast," I informed him. "Hope you're hungry, as I made a bunch."

"I'm always hungry for your—" His words cut off as someone knocked at the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" I asked.

"No. I guess we better go see who it is."

He lumbered through the house to the front door. I heard him talking to someone in the hall, and a moment later, he wheeled Billy into the kitchen. Jacob was following closely behind him.

"Bella, how are you?" Billy asked in a somber tone.

I fought the urge to scowl at Charlie. I should have known he would tell Billy what happened.

"I'm fine," I said in a bracing tone then changed the subject. "Are you staying for dinner? We're having pot roast."

Billy and Charlie exchanged a look, and the latter nodded.

"That would be great," Billy said. "Saves Jacob here cooking."

Charlie turned the chair and took Billy into the lounge, leaving Jacob and I alone.

"So, some of the kids from your school came to the beach Saturday, but I didn't see you there," he said.

I swallowed a laugh. He didn't see me there as I had been hanging in the forest with my vampire lover. I would no more tell him that than I would Charlie.

"I had things to do."

"You were missed. You should come onto the rez sometime. I could show you my car."

"You have a car?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. It seemed a waste as he wasn't old enough to drive.

"I will have one soon. At the moment I have the shell of a car. I am rebuilding one from scrap."

He fell into excited chatter about the work he had done and the parts he still needed. Unexpectedly, I found it interesting, despite the fact I had no interest in cars. I got caught up in his excitement, and found myself asking questions as I pottered about the kitchen. When the dinner was taking care of itself, we went out to the back porch to soak up the last rays of sun of the day.

The phone rang in the house, and I got to my feet to answer it, but Charlie beat me to it.

"Swan residence… ahh, Renee. How are you?" There was a moment's silence as he listened to her reply. "Actually, I was meaning to call you. Something happened Friday night…"

I bolted into the house and waved my arms frantically in the air, mouthing the word 'no'. The last thing I needed was for him to tell Renee about the robbery.

"Hang on, I think Bella wants to speak to you," he said.

I snatched the phone from him. "Hey, Mom."

"Isabella, what's happened?"

I cursed inwardly. The last thing I needed right now was for Renee's motherly instincts to kick in. "Nothing happened, Mom. I'm fine."

"You're lying to me, Isabella."

I noted the second use of my full name. She meant business. Charlie shot me a warning look, and I knew that he would tell Renee if I didn't. It also didn't seem fair that Billy and Jacob knew what had happened, and my own mother didn't.

"Okay, Mom. I need you to stay calm, and remember that whatever happened, I am fine now." I said. "I was in town Friday night, and there was a robbery. I kinda got caught up in it."

"Caught up how?"

I braced myself. "I was in the store when it happened."

I held the phone away from my ear as Renee had her meltdown. She immediately started talking about coming to Forks to take care of me, and then, on the same breath, she demanded that I go home, forgetting for an instant that home was an empty house in Phoenix.

"I'm fine, Mom," I said when she stopped to draw a breath.

"You were robbed, Bella. What in that constitutes fine?"

"I wasn't robbed, I was just in the store while it was robbed. I'm not hurt"—I decided she didn't need to know about my hand—"and I am not leaving Forks. I have just got settled here with Charlie, and I don't want to leave."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie smile. Even if Edward wasn't here, I wouldn't leave Forks. Charlie and I were getting along so well; I was happy to be home at last.

Renee tried to persuade me to join her on the road for a few more minutes, but I refused to budge. Eventually she asked to speak to Charlie. He spoke to her for a few minutes while I set dinner down on the table. Jacob wheeled Billy in and we sat at the table waiting for Charlie to join us. After a minute of tense conversation, in which his face grew steadily redder, he hung up the phone and thumped down into his seat. I quirked an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"She wants me to make you go home," he said.

I laughed. "Are you going to make me?"

"Hell no. This is your home now. Besides, her and Phil are living in hotel rooms at the moment; how are you supposed to go to school?"

I shrugged. I loved my mother and missed her terribly but she wasn't the greatest at forethought.

"No, you are staying right here," Charlie said with satisfaction. "Right where you belong."

I smiled. Forks was where I belonged. My father was here, as was my love, and as I looked across the table at Jacob I realized my friends were here too.

* * *

**So… A little more of Bella's future knowledge has slipped into place and we've had the first sign of Edward being gagged by the rules. Poor Edward. **

**Just in case you were worried with his appearance, there will be no Bella/Jacob romance in this story. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	15. A Warning

**Huge thank you hugs and kisses to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and to you all for reading and supporting the story.**

* * *

_**Chapter Fourteen — A Warning **_

_August 2001 ~ Bella is Thirteen_

_**Edward**_

Bella at thirteen was a marvel. In the space of the months we spent apart, she had changed from a girl to a young woman. She moved with more grace now, even though she was still as prone to trips and falls as ever. Her face was losing the last of its childish roundness and her neck was slim and shapely. She was beautiful.

It was more than physical changes, it was emotional. She was more self assured than ever before. She had arrived that summer with a quiet confidence that Charlie struggled with. He had known how to deal with his little girl, but with his teenage daughter he grappled. Her first evening together, she announced that Miss. Harris was no longer required.

"I'm thirteen now," she said. "I don't need a sitter."

"I don't know, Bells," Charlie said uncomfortably.

"C'mon, Dad. I'm old enough to _be_ a sitter. I do when I'm at Mum's. Jenny next door has twins, and I look after them all the time."

Charlie grumbled and Bella changed tacks. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do," he said quickly. "It's just… I worry."

"You don't need to," she said confidently. "I can take care of myself."

That became obvious as the day wore on. Charlie was ambling toward the kitchen to make dinner after an early game finished, but Bella had beaten him to it. She was standing at the counter, chopping tomatoes and dumping them into a bowl.

"You're cooking?" Charlie said rather obviously in my opinion.

Bella turned. "Technically, I'm chopping. I was going to cook but there's not a lot in the freezer but fish, and I don't have time to defrost it. We can go to Thriftway tomorrow and pick up a few things."

Charlie's eyebrows rose. "You cook now?"

"I've been cooking for two years," Bella corrected. "I've just never cooked for you." She wiped her hands on a cloth and went on. "You know what Renee's like in the kitchen, so I leaned how."

Charlie's color rose. "You were cooking when you were eleven?"

She nodded happily. "And I've been fine, so there's no need for you to freak out now."

"Wasn't gonna freak out," Charlie mumbled.

"We've got salad and cold cuts," Bella went on. "That okay?"

"I could order pizza," Charlie suggested.

"Or you could trust that I know how to make a simple meal. Really, Dad, it's salad. Have a little faith."

Charlie considered for a moment and then began setting the table. Bella grinned and turned back to the counter.

Yes, my girl was definitely different.

* * *

_March 2005_**  
**

_**Bella POV**_

If I had known how happy it would make Edward to ask him to the dance, I would have asked him sooner. It was like he was floating on air all that day and the next.

He left that evening when he heard the sounds of Charlie's cruiser coming up the street, and I was left to prepare a makeshift dinner while trying to do the reading I should have done in preparation for the next day's trig lesson. I knew I would have no time after dinner, as Edward promised to be waiting in my room when I was done.

Charlie called out to me when he opened the door. "Bells?"

"I'm here," I called back from the kitchen.

He stomped along the hall and into the room. Unlike Edward's soft footfalls, Charlie plodded loudly wherever he went. It was an endearing habit of his, and useful. There was no chance of being caught off guard where he was concerned.

"No boyfriend?" he asked when he saw me at the stove alone.

"Nope. He came by earlier, but he had to get home for dinner." I didn't like to lie, but it was an inevitable part of life with Edward. There was just too much at stake to be overcome with morals.

"When am I going to meet him?"

"Saturday, I think. We are going to the dance together. I will bring him by before we leave."

"Ahhh. Saturday. I don't know about that Bells."

"What are you not sure of?" I was confused. He said he wanted to meet Edward.

"Well, I'm going to be out of town from Saturday to Friday next week. Unless you mind, of course. Detective Morse, the cop we met last… well you know when, has invited me to a training seminar the Port Angeles PD are going to. It's in Oregon. A team building exercise between departments."

"That sounds great, Dad. You'll have a lot of fun."

"You sure you don't mind staying here alone?"

I barely managed to hide my excitement. "I'll be fine. I can ask Alice to stay over, or I can go to her place."

He frowned. "You mean your boyfriend's place."

"Yes, but also my best friend's place."

"I don't know about that, Bells," he said again. "I'm not sure I like the idea of you staying with your boyfriend. I trust you, and all, but I know teenage boys, and they can't always be trusted."

"Edward is perfectly trustworthy. Besides, Esme and Carlisle will be there. They will keep an eye on us. You can call them and check in if you like."

"Okay, I'll speak to Doctor Cullen and see what he thinks. If they say it's okay, then I guess it's fine with me, too."

I beamed at him. "Thanks, Dad."

After we had eaten and Charlie had helped me with the dishes, I pleaded homework and headed up to my bedroom.

Edward was waiting for me on the bed with my wooden chest of treasures open in front of him. He looked up as I came in. "You don't mind, do you?" He gestured to the sketches and dried flowers spread over the blankets.

"Not at all. They are your memories, too. At least they will be."

He smiled. "I have been looking at it all, wondering what happened on that day to make you keep these things."

"If I could have, I would have kept everything from those days," I said. "These things were just the things I was able to smuggle back into the house." I picked up a photo of our chess set laid out on the boulder that Edward had destroyed.

"I am sorry about that," he said, correctly interpreting my sad expression. "I'll find us a new boulder."

"Good luck with that, Edward. I don't think there are many perfectly smooth topped boulders in the area."

"Then I shall make you one. Us Cullens are master stonemasons after all."

I laughed, muffling the sounds behind my hand. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to come investigate the noise.

"I understand you have a surprise for me," he said with a smile.

I frowned. "How do you know?"

"Charlie is still thinking about it now."

"Oh, well there goes the wind out of my sails."

"I don't know it all," he said apologetically. "I just know he is planning to call Carlisle to ask if we can be trusted in the same house. I am looking forward to that call, to be honest. It's not often that Carlisle gets the chance to play the father."

"Charlie is going out of town next week. I told him I could stay with Alice while he's gone. That's okay, right? They won't mind."

"Mind? I'm surprised Esme hasn't turned Carlisle's office into a bedroom for you already. Believe me when I say she will be thrilled."

"And will you mind?" I smiled hopefully.

"Bella," he sighed, "I can think of nothing that would make me happier than to have to in my arms for so long."

* * *

The next day at school Angela caught me in class and asked me if I would go with her to pick out a dress for the dance. I wasn't keen on the idea of going back to Port Angeles already. I needed a little time to get over what happened before I ventured there again. But Angela had been a good friend to me, and she deserved the effort.

"Oh, Bella. I didn't even think," she said when she saw my doubtful expression. "We don't have to go to Port Angeles, we could go somewhere else, or nowhere else. We don't have to go anywhere."

I squeezed her hand. "Port Angeles will be fine. I can handle it. " I was reassuring her as much as myself. "We should ask Alice too. She's amazing with clothes, and she can give you an informed opinion."

"You think she'd come?"

"I think we'd have to have Jasper hold her back from sneaking in the trunk if we didn't ask."

She laughed. "We'll ask her later then."

Angela and Ben sat with Edward, Alice and I at lunch that day. It was a sacrifice on the part of Alice and Edward as they were forced to eat human food. When I questioned Edward about it, he said they didn't mind. Apparently, Alice was happy to make friends with anyone and everyone, and he did it for me. I loved them all the more for it.

Alice clearly knew what Angela was going to ask before she asked it, either from a vision or Edward had let it slip, considering she was sporting a huge smile as she slid her tray onto our table and sat down.

"How was everyone's morning?" she asked brightly.

"Slow," Ben said. "I got called on in Trig and got the answer wrong. I swear Mr. Varner can read minds. He always calls me out when I am having trouble with the exercise."

"Mindreading," Edward said with a smile. "That would be a handy talent."

I choked on the juice I had been drinking and he patted my back gently.

"Better, love?" he asked.

I nodded, tears streaming down my eyes. He wiped them away with a finger.

"Gah, you two are sickeningly sweet," Alice said, wrinkling her nose.

"Hush, Alice," Edward said mildly. "I have suffered through you and Jasper for years. It's my turn now."

"Anyway," Angela said. "Bella and I were talking earlier about going to Port Angeles to get me a dress for the dance. Would you like to come with us, Alice?"

Alice opened her mouth, closed it again, then said calmly, "I'd love to."

I was sure her hesitation was to stop herself reacting with too much enthusiasm. It was probably wise. I was used to Alice now, but Ben and Angela were only just getting to know her.

Alice fell into discussion with Angela about dress styles and colors. I wondered if Angela understood even half of what Alice was saying, as I certainly didn't.

* * *

I got home from our shopping trip with aching feet and a light heart. It had been so much more fun that I had been expecting. Alice was a force of nature and I had allowed myself to be swept along with her.

There were only a couple of dress stores in Port Angeles, but somehow Alice found a vast selection of dresses for Angela and I to try on. I had questioned the need for a fashion show for me, as she already had my dress ordered, but she insisted. I had a feeling some of the dresses I had tried on were going to arrive randomly in my closet. Eventually, Angela chose a deep pink gown and we were done.

I had left Charlie to fend for himself for dinner, and I wasn't surprised to see him munching on pizza when I got in.

He smiled sheepishly at me. "I saved you some."

I threw myself down on the couch and grabbed a slice. "It's good."

"So, how was your afternoon?"

"It was great," I said. "Angela found a pretty dress and Alice found several."

He quirked an eyebrow. "How many does she need?"

"Not even one. She isn't going to the dance. Her boyfriend isn't big on school events"—or the emotional chaos that accompanies them—"but, to use her words, you can never have too many dresses."

Charlie chuckled. "Is that right? How many of these essential dresses do you have?"

"As of now, one." I grinned.

"Do you need more?" he asked, fretfully. "If you aren't getting enough money you have to tell me. I know we aren't rich, but I don't want you missing out."

I felt a surge of affection for my father. He was doing a great job taking care of me. I had more free cash now than I had ever had, though I didn't squander it.

I reached across and squeezed his hand. "I have plenty of money, Dad. Besides, I am going to start looking for a weekend job."

"Are you sure about that, Bells? I don't want you falling behind in school."

"I won't," I said confidently. I had worked at the local library in Phoenix and I had learned there how to manage my time.

I finished my pizza and stretched. "Speaking of school, I have a test to study for. I'm heading upstairs."

Charlie's attention drifted back to the TV where a basketball game was being played. "Night, Bells," he said distractedly.

Disappointingly, Edward wasn't waiting in my bedroom for me. He must still be with his family. I felt a little guilty about the amount of time he was spending with me and away from them, but I couldn't find it in myself to argue when he said he was happier with me. It was if every dream and wish I had for the last twelve years of my life had come into spectacular being. He was here for me. I could reach out and touch him whenever I liked. More than that, I knew where he was. I could call his cell phone whenever I wanted and he would be with me within minutes. My life before had always revolved around the summers when he would visit with me; now, his life revolved around my own.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's voice startled me. I turned and saw him sitting on the windowsill.

As it always did, my heart leapt at the sight of him. "I was thinking about how perfect my life is now I have found you."

He moved across the room in one swift movement, and enveloped me in his arms. "Yours and mine both," he said, burying his face in my hair. "I never knew such happiness was possible."

I relaxed into his hold and drew deep breaths of his scent. He smelled like home to me.

"Are you sleeping already?" he asked.

"No, I have homework to do. How are you with trigonometry?"

He chuckled. He knew my hatred for math. "Good enough to ease you through the task."

* * *

Edward and I were working at the kitchen table on Thursday afternoon when I heard the sound of a car pulling up outside. My eyes bugged out. Charlie wasn't due home for a few hours yet, and if it was him I would finally have to introduce him to Edward. I wasn't ready. I had hoped to get a few beers into Charlie before that meeting.

"This is unacceptable," Edward said in a low voice. "He is going too far."

"What is it?" I asked. "Charlie?"

"No. Your friend Jacob and his father."

"Oh." I sighed with relief. Jacob and Billy were nothing to worry about.

"Oh, is right," he said darkly. "The father has come to warn you against me."

I laughed. "Why on earth would he do that?"

"Charlie has been sharing the news of your new boyfriend with his friends. Billy recognized the name."

"Oh…" Comprehension dawned and a long forgotten conversation came to the fore of my mind. _'The Quileutes have a long memory. There are_ _some among their number that still_ _hold true to the old prejudices. They know the name Cullen and fear it.'_

It had been the day Edward told me about the werewolves that used to protect the reservation, and the treaty Carlisle had arranged to protect the Cullens and the tribe equally. Billy must be one of those that held true to the old prejudices.

I worried my lip with my teeth. "What do we do?"

"It would not be wise for him to see me here." He cupped my face in his hands. "Can you handle him alone?"

"Of course I can." I wasn't worried about Billy. I knew the worst he could throw at me was words, and I was more than capable of deflecting them.

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and then he was gone.

There was a knock at the door then. I hurried to answer it. I plastered a welcoming smile on my face and threw it open. "Billy, Jacob, this is unexpected. Charlie won't be home for a few hours yet."

"No worries," Billy said. "We only came by to drop off some fish fry for Charlie. And Jacob here wanted to see you again, of course."

So he wasn't going for the direct approach. That was fine. I could wait for him to get to the point. I gestured for them to come in, and Jacob wheeled Billy into the lounge.

"Oh, Jacob, we left the package in the car. Would you mind going out to get it?"

Grumbling, Jacob disappeared out of the door.

"Bella, you are in terrible danger," Billy said in a low hiss as soon as Jacob was out of sight.

Apparently, he was going with scare tactics. I could handle that.

"Charlie has told me about your _boyfriend_"—he laid heavy emphasis on the word—"and I want to tell you there is something you don't know about them."

"You _want_ to tell me," I said. "But we both know you can't."

His eyes bugged out. "Bella, you can't be telling me you already know what they—"

"I think you should stop there, Billy," I said firmly. "I think you have already said enough to break some very old rules."

He gaped at me. "You know it all?"

I nodded. "I know everything of importance. And I have made an informed choice about who I give my heart to."

"You can't possibly be informed if you are choosing to remain in the company of that… person." It was clear that referring to Edward as a person was distasteful to him.

"You are wasting your time here." I could hear Jacob coming up the porch and I wanted this conversation over before he heard too much. "I know who and what I love, and I know with certainty I am safe."

"How can you say that?"

"The robbery you heard about. Edward was the one that saved my life. He and his father took care of me while I was hurt and bleeding. I am in no danger from him or any one of his family."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but Jacob's arrival stopped him.

"I found it, Dad. Somehow it got shoved under one of the seats. Here you go, Bella." He handed me a brown paper package. "You want to put that in the refrigerator. It keeps it fresh."

I went into the kitchen and stowed the package in the refrigerator. "Do you want anything to drink?" I called out to them.

"Sure a soda would be good," Jacob said.

"Actually, Jake, Bella said Charlie won't be back for a few hours, so we're going to have to head home."

"Awww, Dad, we only just got here," Jacob complained.

"No arguments," Billy said firmly.

Grumbling loudly, Jacob wheeled him to the door. "I'll see you soon, Bella."

"Absolutely. Next time Charlie comes up to the reservation, I'll come with him," I promised. I really did like Jacob and could easily imagine us becoming good friends.

I watched them drive out of sight and then I slumped against the doorjamb.

"You handled that wonderfully," Edward said behind me.

I started. "I thought you had gone."

"I was only out of sight," he said. "I couldn't leave you to their mercy completely."

He opened his arms to me and I lost myself in his embrace.

He smoothed back my hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Do you think he will tell Charlie?"

"I don't think so. He values the memory of Ephraim too much. He was concentrating on what he would tell the other tribal elders."

"What will he say?"

"That you are determined in your path, and that nothing they can say is going to stop you."

"That's good then."

"Perhaps," he murmured. "There was something else, but I didn't get a clear enough read from him. I was focused on the boy, Jacob."

"Jake? Why?"

He sighed heavily, and released me from his hug. "I don't know if you realize it, Bella, but he fancies himself in love with you."

I was momentarily stymied. Jacob _liked _me. "Oh…"

He smiled. "Are you oblivious to the effect you have on men… and boys?"

"I've never had to deal with this before," I admitted. "In Phoenix there was never any attention from boys. I was just in my own little bubble, waiting for you. What should I do?"

"Well, Jacob seemed encouraged that you said you would go to La Push to see him."

"So that's off the table. I don't want to encourage him after all. It's a shame though. He's really sweet. We could have been good friends."

"You still can," he said, though I could hear the reluctance in his tone.

I could, but I didn't think it was a good idea. There wasn't room for anyone in my heart but Edward. It would be unkind to lead Jacob on.

"No, I think I will steer clear of La Push for now."

"That's good," he said with obvious relief. "I wouldn't like you to go where I cannot follow."

Though he was unaware of the connotations of his words, I was painfully aware of them. One day I would go where he could not follow.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

* * *

**So… A little more of the cutesy tootsie stuff and a warning from Billy. Hope you enjoyed. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx**

**Pst… Gredelina1 here, sneaking in a note to all you awesome readers. I've started a Facebook group page for this amazing fic and would love for you to join us. Search for the title — Girl in the Meadow — or find me (Gredelina Werner) and I'll add you. You'll get teasers from upcoming chapters, and we can chat about the story (just how adorable is little Bella?), and hold each others hands during the rough parts coming up. Hope to see you soon! **


	16. Girl's Choice

**Huge thank you hugs and kisses to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and to you all for reading and supporting the story.**

* * *

_**Chapter Fifteen — Girl's Choice**_

_August 2001 ~ Bella is Thirteen _

_**Edward**_

That summer was the summer of gardening.

Charlie had given in to Bella; Miss. Harris was dismissed as a babysitter, and Bella was left free to enjoy her time alone while Charlie worked. Thankfully, that time alone included me.

When she had greeted me the first day together, she had hugged me, which was not unusual, and held me to her a moment longer, leaning her head against my chest, which was. She was more tactile. When we weren't otherwise occupied, she would hold my hand or lean against me. I thought perhaps I should instate some rules about contact, but it seemed silly given that we were so close in the future and her touches were innocent.

Many of our days were spent in her backyard, creating flowerbeds. I shoveled away the turf and top layer of dirt and Bella planted bulbs for spring and small flowering bedding plants. The overall effect was nice, and Bella seemed to gain some satisfaction from the work. I would return home at the end of each day with dirty knees and dirt in my fingernails feeling at peace.

As our summer drew to a close, I asked Bella where the new occupation with gardening had come from.

"A couple reasons," she said. "I did a gardening course a while ago with Renee, and I enjoyed it, but more than that it's the unpredictability of it."

"I frowned. "Unpredictability?"

"Yeah. You take a chance planting something like this. You can tend to it and let it flourish, or you can abandon it to chance. I could come back next summer and find a bunch of dead plants because no one's here to take care of them and the weather's had its way, or I could come back to a garden. Life's like that. You never know what's going to happen next." She grinned up at me. "And they're pretty."

I smiled. "I could come back and take care of them for you if you like."

"That would be cheating." She sat back on her haunches. "It's more fun to leave it to chance. Just like life."

"Do you leave a lot in your life to chance?" I asked.

"Some things. There are constants, like you and Charlie and summer, and there are chances, like life with Renee." Her eyes became faraway. "Life with her is a rollercoaster at times. You never know what she'll do next."

"Which do you prefer?" I asked. "The predictable things or the rollercoaster."

She answered without hesitation. "Predictable, definitely. I love my mom and appreciate her, but it's the things I can rely on that I like best. It's not that I spend all year waiting for summer, exactly, but it's definitely a consideration. Whatever happens with Renee, I know there is something steady and safe waiting for me here." She smiled. "You."

"You don't feel that you're missing out on anything, spending so much time with me the way you do?"

"Never. My life is a good one, I'm happy, but it's only when I'm with you that I feel like I'm _really_ living. Does that makes sense?"

A surge of love for her swept through me. "It makes complete sense," I said. "I feel exactly the same way about you."

She smiled. "We're a good fit then."

I reached across the distance between us and stroked her cheek. "Perfect fit, in fact, always."

"Always," she breathed, leaning into my touch.

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

Friday afternoon found me sitting in my car outside Bella's house, feeling like I was heading to the gallows. As Charlie was going away the next morning, Bella had arranged for me to meet him after school.

I had never courted a girl before, therefore I had never been in this situation. Her father's approval mattered to me more than I could say. Though nothing he could do would stop me from seeing Bella, I wanted him to like me.

Bella's warm hands attempted to break my grip on the steering wheel. I allowed her to uncurl my fingers and to intertwine them with her own.

"Relax, Edward. It's going to be fine. You just be your usual charming self and he will love you as much as I do." I quirked a brow and she laughed. "Okay, maybe not as much as I do, but he'll like you. You've got nothing to be afraid of."

The curtain twitched and I caught an oblique glance of Charlie's face. His clouded thoughts had an anxious tenor today. My own face swam before me through his memories.

I huffed a laugh.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"I'm not the only one that's nervous," I explained. "Charlie is, too." I supposed it must be hard for him. This was the first time Bella had brought home a suitor for him to meet.

"Let's put you both out of your misery," she said, opening the car door and getting out.

Reluctantly, I followed her as she crossed the porch and threw open the door. "Dad, we're home."

_We_ are home. I liked the sound of that. It was true this little house on the edge of the forest felt more like home to me than any house ever had before.

Charlie Swan met us at the lounge door. He smiled welcomingly at me and held out a hand for me to shake. "Good to see you, Edward."

"You too, Chief Swan."

"If we're going to get along, I'm going to need you to call me Charlie," he said.

"Charlie." It felt strange to call him by his given name. It went against the customs of my time.

"That's more like it," he said. "Let's go sit down and have a chat."

He gestured me into the lounge ahead of him. I took a seat on the couch so Bella would be able to sit beside me. Charlie took a seat in the recliner and sat forward with his hands clasped between his knees.

"So, you're taking my daughter to the dance," he said.

Bella shot him a warning look.

"Well she asked me," I said. "It would have been rude to say no."

Bella elbowed me in the side and then winced. It was a foolish move that would probably result in a bruise for her.

"She asked, and I was delighted to accept," I amended.

He nodded and eyed me carefully. "You care about my girl?"

I could hear the concern in his mind. Bella was everything to him.

"I care about her more than I can say." I wanted to say more but I stayed myself. As tempting as it was, I couldn't very well tell him I was already hopelessly devoted to his daughter and would be for the rest of my unending life. "And I will do everything in my power to make her happy and protect her," I added.

He nodded sagely. "She takes a lot of looking after, does my Bella."

I smiled wryly. "I noticed."

"We're going to a dance, Dad," Bella said. "Even I can survive a dance. The only danger there is to Edward's toes."

Charlie chortled. "You may have a point there." He sat back in his chair and considered me for a long moment. His thoughts paused on the way Bella and I were seated so close together—hip to hip. He seemed to come to some internal decision. My image and Bella's solidified in his mind, and the tenor of his thoughts was accepting.

"So, Edward, you staying for dinner?"

* * *

Later that evening, after Bella had bid me farewell at the front door for her father's benefit, Bella and I were to be found curled on her small bed together.

"I think that went well," I said.

"He didn't pull his gun, so I'd say it went brilliantly."

I laughed quietly. "Was that a risk?"

"He mentioned it, but I'm fairly sure he was kidding."

I smiled and buried my face in her hair, drawing deep breaths of her scent.

"So, tomorrow we are dancing," she said. "Are your toes up to the challenge?"

"Anyone can dance as long as they have the right partner."

"Well, we are perfectly matched for everything else, why should dancing be any different?"

My heart warmed at her words. She had complete faith in me and our love. With her absolute conviction I couldn't doubt it either.

She yawned widely and nuzzled a little closer into my side.

"Sleep, my Bella. I will be here when you wake."

"Promise?" she asked in a childlike voice.

I chuckled. As if there was anything that could draw me away from her. "I promise."

* * *

Bella and I spent a happy morning together at my house with the rest of the family. Carlisle was home from the hospital so we were all there to enjoy the time.

Carlisle quizzed Bella about my visits to her childhood, and she answered his questions as best she could. The biggest question was when it would happen for me. Bella said she didn't know, but I wasn't entirely sure she was telling the truth. When questioned, she shifted uncomfortably and redirected the conversation. One thing she did say was that I would know when it was time. I had no choice but to believe her.

"Are you ready to leave me already?" she asked when I ventured the idea of using spring break to track down Makenna.

"No, Bella, never," I said fervently.

"Well that's something to consider. I don't know how it works exactly, but there has to be some kind of exchange. The time you spend with my childhood self must be taken from somewhere."

Carlisle pondered her words. _Hmmm, I hadn't considered that. What motivation must he have had to return to Bella's childhood when he has the present version of herself here._

I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn't think of anything either.

"I still think we should look," Emmett said. "Edward doesn't have to be the one to take the trip back. I want a second chance with the bear that took me out."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "You want to manipulate the laws of time so you can hunt a bear?"

Emmett nodded happily. "Yep."

Bella shook her head. "You're something else, Emmett." There was no admiration in her tone, only incredulity.

"Hey, have you ever been mauled by a bear? It hurt. You'd want a little revenge, too."

"So does almost getting pulverized by a truck, but you don't see me chasing Tyler with a baseball bat, do you?" Her lips twitched, taking the heat out of her words.

Emmett grinned. "You can definitely keep her, Edward. She's so much fun to have around."

Bella looked pleased with his assessment.

Carlisle and Bella fell into discussion of our childhood visits again, and I drifted over to the piano. It had been months since I had played, but there was a tune that had been teasing at me for weeks. I flipped open the lid of the piano and rested my hands on the keys, reacquainting myself with the instrument.

I ran through the scales and then launched into Esme's favorite. She had been sitting beside Carlisle on the couch, enjoying the gathering of her family, but now she came and stood beside me.

_I have missed this. Thank you, Edward. _

I smiled slightly, and she patted my shoulder.

_It's all Bella, you know. _I saw what she meant in her mind. Her family was gathered and happy together. Even Rosalie had ventured downstairs, though she was studiously ignoring Bella. We hadn't been a family like this in a long time. It was as if Bella had completed us.

I finished Esme's favorite and the song morphed into the tune that had been teasing me. I felt it grow and solidify and my fingers flew over the keys. It was a pleasing sound.

"Oh!" I heard Bella's startled gasp, and I spun to look at her. I was shocked to see tears pouring down her cheeks.

I rushed to her side and embraced her. "What is it, love?"

She sniffed. "It's been so long since I heard that."

"I have played for you before?" I asked.

She shook her head and brushed the tears from her face. "No. I didn't even know you played. I used to hear that song in my dreams."

I pondered over that for a moment. I couldn't understand how she could have a heard a song in her dreams if I had never played it for her. It was a new composition; I had never heard any other piece similar to it.

It was Carlisle that gave me the answer. _While she was sleeping. You must have gone to her as she slept. _

That made sense. I had no qualms about entering her bedroom now, so why would I worry later?

"Play it all, please," Bella begged.

"There is no more to play," I said. "It's still growing. I don't have any more yet."

She sighed. "The frustrations of time travel." She shook her head and wiped away the last of the tears from her cheeks. "In that case, please work on it some more. It's a beautiful piece and I would love to hear it complete again."

I turned back to the piano, but Alice gripped my shoulders. "Later, lover boy. Now it's time for you men to leave the house so we can beautify Bella."

"She's already beautiful," I said, irritated.

"Yes, yes, she's stunning, we know," Alice said impatiently. "But we still have a dance to prepare her for, and you can't be here."

"Why not?" Emmett asked. "It's not like we are going to peek. You girls can work upstairs and we can claim the lounge."

Rosalie looked bored, though in truth she was intrigued by the idea of Alice having her way with Bella. "Just go, Em. You know she won't stop whining until you do."

"Fine," he huffed. "Where are we going."

"We could take the opportunity to hunt," Carlisle suggested.

Emmett whooped. "Awesome." In a flash of movement, he jumped to his feet and raced out of the door.

"Will you be okay?" I asked Bella.

"For God's sake, Edward. It's a makeover, not a torture session," Alice said.

"That's a matter of opinion," Bella muttered. She didn't look upset though, so I kissed her goodbye and followed Emmett out of the door.

* * *

We didn't go far to hunt, therefore we were limited in our choices. Emmett and Jasper were lucky to find a bear apiece, while Carlisle and I made do with the deer that were plentiful in the park. I didn't really need to hunt, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

It was soon time to return to the house and to my Bella. I led the way home, ignoring the amused chuckles from my brothers that followed me.

I could hear the thudding of Bella's heart coming from the upper floor of the house. Judging by its steady beat she was relaxed. That made me relax too.

Esme was in the lounge curled up on the loveseat when we got inside. She smiled at me and received Carlisle's kiss. "Wait till you see her, Edward. She's beautiful."

"No peeking!" Alice called down the stairs to me.

I couldn't have peeked if I wanted to. She was blocking me out by reciting the periodic table of elements.

"Your clothes are set out on the bed," she said.

"Thank you, Alice."

It didn't take me long to shower and dress, soon I was back in the lounge pacing the length of the room, waiting for Bella to be ready. I had been witness to this scenario many times through my father and brothers as they waited for their loves to be ready for some event. I never imagined that one day it would be me.

Rosalie drifted down the stairs and sat with Emmett on the couch. She watched me crossing the room with a look of amusement. "You might want to slow down, Edward," she said in a bored tone. "Nothing says desperate like a pacing man."

I rolled my eyes at her and sped my pacing, just to annoy her.

The chatter from upstairs halted and I heard Alice ask, "What do you think?"

I heard Bella's indrawn breath and slow sigh. "I think you're a genius."

I ceased my pacing and waited at the foot of the stairs. I heard Bella's slow footsteps and Alice's light ones as they crossed the landing.

And then they were there.

I had no eyes for Alice. All my attention was given over to the beauty beside her. Bella's dress was the exact shade of blue that I admired on her. It swept the floor elegantly, leaving her shoulders bare.

"What do youthink?" Bella asked.

I swallowed loudly. "I think you look even more beautiful than I could have imagined."

She blushed and the image of perfection was completed by the rosy glow of her cheeks.

"Photos!" Alice thrilled, brandishing a camera at us like a weapon.

I held out a hand to Bella and helped her down the last few steps. She looped her arms around my neck and pressed a kiss to my cheek. It was chaste, but Emmett still wolf whistled. Bella giggled, and turned to face Alice who snapped a shot. I saw it reflected through her mind and marveled at the beauty of my Bella all over again.

Carlisle and Esme stood to the side and watched us, radiating happiness. They had never thought they would see this day for me. The day I would stand with the woman I loved and smile for all to see.

We allowed Alice to arrange us into a variety of poses as Jasper snapped away with the camera.

"We're going to be late," Bella murmured through her smile.

"You're going to be fashionably late," Alice corrected. "You want to make a grand entrance, don't you?"

I shrugged. Arriving with Bella on my arm was grand enough for me.

Jasper snapped one last shot, and Alice declared us done.

"Now, you two have a good time," Emmett said with mock seriousness. "But behave yourselves. No spiking the punch, and be home by midnight."

I laughed. "Don't worry, Em, I'll take care of her."

"It's not her I'm worried about. I know she can take care of herself. You, on the other hand, have never been to a school formal before. It's a jungle out there."

"I think that's enough," Carlisle said mildly. "If we delay them much longer they will miss the dance altogether."

Glad of his interference I took Bella's hand and led her out to the car.

* * *

The dance was to be held in the town's only formal venue, The Lodge.

When we arrived, the parking lot was almost full and the music was pounding. It wasn't exactly my idea of a party, but Bella seemed excited by it as I opened the main door and gestured her inside.

Bella rooted through her purse and handed out tickets to a senior waiting at the door. I had offered to pay for them, but she had pointed out that, since she had asked, it was only fair that she be the one to pay. It seemed to matter to her, so I allowed her to override my values. I was courting her in the twenty-first century after all.

The party was in full swing as we entered, but we still drew attention. Mike Newton stopped mid-dance with Jessica to gape at us.

_Thought she had plans this weekend. Plans with that freak Cullen apparently. _His vitriolic thoughts amused me. I smiled widely at him, exposing my teeth.

Jessica's thoughts weren't much better. _Look at her flaunting her relationship with Edward._

Far from flaunting our relationship, Bella was absorbed by the room. The decorating committee had done a good job masquerading the stuffed animal heads on the wall with sheer fabric and soft lighting. The overall effect was pleasing.

"Would you like to dance, or should we get straight to spiking the punch?" I asked with a wide smile.

"Unfortunately, I forgot the liquor, so I think we should skip straight to the dancing," she replied.

I led her out to the dance floor, ignoring the envious and bitter thoughts that followed us, and swept her into a waltz that was quite out of place among the fast music playing. She didn't seem to mind though. She made a good attempt at following the steps with me.

_Wow, look at Bella. _The thought caught my attention as it wasn't full of venom as many of the others I had heard. I turned and saw Ben Cheney smiling across at us. He was sitting with Angela at one of the tables circling the room. Bella followed my eyes and waved at them.

"Would you like to sit for a moment?" I asked.

"You don't mind?"

"Not at all, I think my toes could do with the rest," I teased.

She shoved my arm, and I allowed myself to be moved by her. "I haven't trod on your toes once."

"That is true." She wasn't as graceless a dancer as she would have me believe.

We made our way over to Angela and Ben's table, and Bella dropped down into a seat beside them.

"Having fun?" Bella asked.

Angela blushed and looked down. "It's great," she said timidly.

I could see that she felt awkward talking while Ben and I were there, so I grappled for an excuse to leave them for a moment.

"Bella, would you like some punch?"

She beamed at me. "Yes, please."

"Come on, Ben," I rallied. "Let's get the ladies something to drink."

We walked over to the table where Coach Clapp was presiding over the punch bowl and grabbed two glasses. Ben moved to return to Angela, but I caught his arm. "I think they want a moment to talk about us," I said. In fact, I _knew_ they wanted a moment. Angela was confiding in Bella her nerves about being with Ben. She was happy with him, and she thought Ben was happy with her, but it was proving difficult to move from being friends to dates. He hadn't even asked her to dance yet.

I decided a little prompting was required.

"So how are you enjoying the dance?" I asked.

"Oh, it's great," he said with enthusiasm. "We haven't done much dancing yet… Well, we haven't done any actually, but Angela seems to be enjoying herself." _I just wish I knew how to make her happy like he does Bella. She's practically glowing she's so happy. _

"Are you not a fan of dancing?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah, I like dancing well enough. I'm just…"

"Yes?"

He hesitated, wondering whether or not to confide in me. We had shared a couple of lunches now, but we weren't close to being confidants. It was a shame really. I liked Ben a lot, and would have liked to be able to help him.

He pushed away his doubts and launched into an explanation of his troubles.

"I don't know how to date my best friend. We've been friends for years, but it's all different now. I don't know how to talk to her. What if I screw it up?"

"You're over-thinking it," I said. "You already have the groundwork laid. You know each other so well. You know her likes and dislikes. For example, does she like dancing?"

"Yeah, she loves it."

I restrained the urge to roll my eyes with effort. "Then ask her to dance."

He squared his shoulders. "Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks, Edward."

Without giving me a chance to reply, he strode over to Angela and extended a hand to her. "Do you want to dance?"

Her cheeks reddened and she nodded. "That would be great."

He set down her glass of punch on the table and they made their way to the edge of the dance floor.

I handed Bella her punch and sank down into the chair beside her.

"Why do I think you had something to do with that?" she asked, nodding to Ben and Angela.

I smiled. "I may have given him something of a pep talk."

She shifted her chair closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm glad. They are a great couple. They just don't know it yet."

My phone beeped with an incoming message. I pulled the phone from my pocket and read the message from Alice aloud. "Storm coming. We are playing ball at Rainier field. Come join us?"

"Why are they playing ball if there is a storm?" Bella asked.

Ahhh, finally, something she didn't already know about me and my family. "We have to wait for thunder for us to play. You've seen us wrestling. Imagine that with all of us playing."

"Oh." She nodded. "That makes sense. So, are we going to play?"

"Would you like to?"

She looked around the room at the lights and dancing couples. "Not unless you want to. I'm having fun. Besides, it's warm and dry here. I don't want to stand outside in a storm."

I nodded my agreement and led her out to the dance floor again.

The evening passed much too fast for my liking. We danced again, and spent a scant few minutes talking to our classmates. Mike Newton took time to seek us out and quiz Bella about the supposed plans for the weekend.

"I was planning to go to Seattle," she told him. "But Edward made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

He grumbled about missed opportunities and led an apoplectic Jessica away.

Eric and Tyler, the other denied suitors, didn't come to speak to us, but when I dipped into their minds to gauge their moods, I found they were more accepting than Newton.

Soon, the DJ announced the last song and Bella and I swayed to the slow rhythm of the music.

"Have you enjoyed yourself?" I asked, brushing away a lock of hair from her face.

"I've had a wonderful time," she breathed. "Thank you for coming, Edward."

"Thank you for asking me. I have enjoyed myself too. You know, this is my first ever school formal."

She nuzzled her face against my chest. "I'm glad we got to experience it together then."

The song ended and the lights came on again.

I led Bella to the door and then asked her to wait as I brought the car around for her. The storm was raging outside and while the rain had stayed away, the wind was blowing fiercely. I pulled the car to a halt in front of the doors and waited as she said her goodbyes to Angela and Ben and then climbed in beside me.

The wind battered and buffeted the car as I drove Bella back to her house. When we pulled to a halt in front of her house, Bella waited for me to open the door. I took her arm and led her to the house, helping to steady her against the howling wind.

She took the key from the eave and let herself in. I hesitated at the door.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked.

"I will come back soon, but I have to return the car to the house. I don't think Charlie would be pleased if your neighbors told him I stayed the night."

She sighed. "Good point. Okay then, take the car home and hurry back to me."

Even without her request I would have raced back to her. We had a whole night alone ahead of us, free to speak and laugh without fear of being overheard by Charlie. I wouldn't waste a minute of it. I kissed her cheek and went back to the car.

Without Bella in the car, I was able to push the engine to speed me on my way home. I didn't know whether my family would be home already, but I hoped not. I wanted to be able to race straight back to Bella without being called upon to give a blow by blow account of our evening.

The lights were burning in the windows as I pulled into the drive. I sighed heavily. Not bothering to put the car into the garage, I pulled up in front of the house.

I was considering running straight back to Bella, when something caught my attention. There was a new mental voice in the house.

I crossed the porch in one bound and opened the door. Sitting on the couch was an unfamiliar vampire with the red eyes of a human drinker. He had glossy black hair, that swept down to his neck, and an olive pallor to his skin. As I entered, he got to his feet and held out a hand.

"You must be Edward. I have heard a lot about you."

I looked to Alice for an explanation and she obliged. _He is part of a coven of three, two males and a female. We met them when we were playing ball. Carlisle invited them back. The other two were here, but they had a disagreement with Laurent and left. I think he might be interested in joining us. _

My mouth twisted into a grimace. I didn't want untested vampires around my Bella. It wasn't safe.

_Relax, Edward. He's nice. Jasper likes him. _

That was enough to ease my mind a little. Jasper's gift gave added insight into a person's character. I concentrated on Laurent's thoughts for a moment. He had no knowledge of my gift so it made it easy to read him. He was thinking of my family and the life we led. He seemed genuinely intrigued by our lifestyle, and wanted to try it for himself. I caught sight of his coven mates' faces in his mind. I was delving deeper, wanting to know about them, when Alice's vision swept through my mind.

It was Bella's bedroom, but it was terribly altered from the last time I had seen it. There was broken furniture and smashed glass covering the floor. More disturbing than anything was the image of Bella. She was lying on the bed, ashen skinned, and bleeding profusely from her neck. Her eyes seemed to lock with mine and she sighed out a breath, and then the vision went black.

"No!" Alice gasped.

I wasted no time with words, I merely howled my pain and frustration and raced out of the open door, praying I wasn't too late.

* * *

**So… How was that for a cliffy? I told you the action was coming. I'll get the next chapter to you as soon as I can. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx**


	17. Invasion

**Thank you Gredelina1 for the awesome beta job and all her help in getting this written in the first place. **

**There is a past-take in this chapter, but I put it at the bottom for a change. I figured you'd want to get to the action first. **

**Sorry I didn't reply to the reviews for the last chapter. I just got home today and I figured you'd rather have a chapter posted that a review reply.**

* * *

_**Chapter Sixteen — Invasion**_

_**Bella POV**_

I watched Edward drive out of sight through the lounge window and I sighed. I hated to be apart from him, even if only for a minute.

It felt a little eerie to be in the house alone, so I moved around the ground floor turning on the TV and flicking on lights. I wasn't usually such a coward, but something didn't feel right. The storm had me on edge, and the wind whipping at the window sounded ominous.

Comforted by the sounds and light, I made my way up to my bedroom.

The dress Alice had bought for me was beautiful, but uncomfortable. I was relieved to be able to take it off. I struggled with the zip for a moment before succeeding in pulling it off. I draped it over the back of the chair and then dressed in my most comfortable pajamas. I sat on the edge of the bed and began the long laborious task of removing the hairpins holding my updo in place. Alice may be a genius, but the aftereffects of her makeover took a lot of work to remove.

"Next time, Alice, you can help me get unprepared, too," I muttered.

"Who said there will be a next time?" a voice whispered behind me.

I lurched to my feet and spun around. Standing at the window was a vampire, though not one of the ones I knew. This man had crimson eyes. I knew what that meant, though I had never met one before. He was a human drinker.

His lips curved in an appreciative smile as he appraised me. "Well, you are even more tempting than I imagined. Not only do you have exceptionally sweet blood, but you are a rare beauty too. For a human," he amended.

He tilted his head to the side and stared at me, and I stared back. He was not nearly as handsome as any of my vampires. There was no outstanding beauty here. His muddy brown hair was shaggy and it curled to his neck. If it wasn't for his crimson eyes he would have been utterly unremarkable.

He sauntered towards me, and I scuttled back until I was pressed against the door. For a split second, I considered running, but I knew it was pointless. I would be dead before I reached for the door handle. He would snap my neck or crush my chest with a punch. A split second and I would be dead. If I had to die, I wanted the peaceful end of exsanguination.

"You aren't going to run," he said in an amused tone. "Why not?"

"There's no point. You would kill me before I took a step." I was surprised to hear my voice ring out clearly. I had expected it to quake with fear.

His brow creased as he pondered my words. "That's true, though I admit I wish you would at least try. Adrenaline makes the blood so much sweeter."

That wouldn't be a problem. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through my bloodstream, dulling the overwhelming fear and replacing it with bravery.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Well, the thing is, I'm curious. I caught your scent at the strange coven's house and I wondered why there should be a human that left there alive. I followed your scent, and here you are, smelling simply delectable. How are you still living?"

"They care about me," I said. "They care about human life."

"Yes, they said as much. I don't understand it myself. Laurent was tempted away from us by their promises of civility, but Victoria and I hold true to the natural way."

So, he wasn't alone. This Victoria had to be close too. I wondered why she wasn't in here with him.

"I am sorry for this," he said, moving slowly closer to me. "It really is your fault, you know. You simply smell too good to pass up."

My scent. My accursed blood. It had kept Edward from me and now it was going to be the cause of my demise.

"I have to move quickly or little Alice will see me. I can't have her interrupting my hunt. Though once I am done with you, I have high hopes for the chase. They care for you, you say. I hope that means they will come to avenge you. There is nothing I enjoy more than a challenge, and a coven of six will be that."

I whimpered. It was not fear of my fast approaching demise that upset me, though that was terrifying, it was the thought of Edward chasing this man down. I knew he would, he would avenge my death, and it could cost him his own life.

The vampire reached out and took my hand in his own. He brought it up to his nose and took a deep breath. "Simply mouthwatering," he murmured.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see anymore. I felt his cool breath on my neck and I braced myself for the end.

_Edward, I love you. I'm sorry. _I wished he could hear me. That he would know my last thoughts were of him.

At that moment, a scream rent the air. "James! They are coming."

I heard a dark chuckle in response. "It seems I will get my hunt after all."

His hold on my wrist dropped, and a cold wind swept through the room.

I sank to the floor and curled into a ball with my hands pressed against my face. I didn't know what was happening now, but I knew I didn't want to see it.

I heard snarls and growls through the window and I buried my face deeper in my hands. Was it the sounds of my family giving chase or the sounds of their destruction? There was nothing I could do. I was weak and human.

"Edward, stop! Bella needs you!" someone commanded, and I heard a feral roar in response. "Bella. you're okay. You're safe. We're here." The voice was softer now.

Cool hands gripped my wrists and I screamed, sure that the vampire had come back to finish the job.

"Bella, it's me. You are safe," Edward's voice broke through the haze of my mind. I opened my eyes and stared into his magnificent face.

"Edward," I choked.

He scooped me up into his arms and cradled me in his arms. "Oh, my Bella. I thought I lost you." His voice was hoarse with emotion.

"Edward, I thought… I thought he was going to…" My breath came in gasps. My lungs couldn't seem to catch enough air. My vision swam and I fought to calm myself.

"Bella?" Edward's concerned voice was the last thing I heard as I slipped into merciful darkness.

* * *

I awoke lying on my bed with cool fingers on my wrist. It was as if I had been dropped back into a nightmare. My eyes snapped open, and for a second I saw James beside me not Carlisle. I snatched my hand away from his and held it against my chest.

"It's okay, Bella," he said softly. "You're safe now."

"Where… where's Edward?" I stumbled over my words. My teeth were chattering.

"I'm here, love."

I turned my head and saw him kneeling beside me. He reached out a hand to cup my face and then hesitated. I took his hand in my own and gripped it.

"What happened?" I asked. "I mean, how did you know?"

"Alice saw you. I came as fast as I could. I'm sorry I was late."

A laugh bubbled out of me and I recognized the first signs of hysteria.

"Bella?" Carlisle looked concerned.

"I'm fine." Or at least I would be fine if my heart would calm its rapid pounding. I could feel it reverberating in my ears. It was an agitating sensation.

"You are okay, Bella," Carlisle said. "Can you take a nice deep breath for me."

I took a deep breath and concentrated on marshalling myself into calm.

"That's good, love," Edward encouraged. "You're doing great."

Gradually, my heart slowed to its normal pace and the tremors rocking my body ceased. I pushed myself to a sitting position, still gripping Edward's hand in my own.

"Is he gone?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "Jasper, Alice and Emmett went after them."

Them? That's right, there were two of them. I didn't like to think of Alice, Jasper and Emmett chasing them, despite the fact they were able to protect themselves. I wouldn't feel right until my family were all together again.

I heard a strange buzzing sound. I looked questioningly at Edward. He pulled a slim silver phone from his pocket and put it to his ear.

"Alice? What's happening?" There was a pause while he listened to Alice speak, and then he turned to address Carlisle. "They have gone into the Salish. They want to follow."

"No," Carlisle said firmly. "It's not worth the risk. They may be separated. Tell them to come home."

Edward scowled, but relayed the message to Alice and then ended the call.

"We should go back to the house," Edward said. "We are better fortified for attack there."

"They may not come back," Carlisle reasoned.

"I told you, Carlisle, he's a tracker. He won't rest until he has her."

"The hunt," I said, remembering the trackers words. "He wants the hunt."

Carlisle and Edward looked to me with concern.

I raked a hand across my face. "He told me he wanted you to chase him. That was why he was going to… hurt me." I couldn't say the word kill. I saw the horror in Edward's eyes already, and I couldn't bring myself to add to it.

"Do you feel up to the run?" Carlisle asked me. "Or would you like me to bring the car?"

"I don't mind how I get there." All I cared about was getting out of this house.

Edward scooped me into his arms bridal fashion and led me down the stairs. Carlisle locked the door behind us and we set off through the trees at a run. The storm had run its course now, but it was still cold. The trees blurred past me, making me feel nauseous. I usually loved to run with Edward, but now I felt exposed and in danger. I pressed my face into Edward's chest and closed my eyes.

The darkness behind my closed lids lightened and Edward spoke in my ear. "We're here, love."

I opened my eyes and saw that we were in the Cullens' lounge.

Esme rushed towards us. "Bella! Oh, sweetheart, we were so worried." She pressed a hand to my cheek. "You're freezing. Rose, get Bella a blanket."

Rosalie had been standing at the window, staring out into the darkness, but at Esme's command, she reluctantly turned and disappeared up the stairs. She was back a moment later holding a thick blanket.

Edward set me on my feet and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. I made my way to the couch and sat down, burrowing deeper into the blanket. It felt like the cold outside had seeped into my bones, and that I would never be warm again. I knew it was shock as much as the actual temperature that was making me shudder.

"I'll make you some hot chocolate." Esme disappeared into the kitchen and Carlisle followed.

Edward sat beside me, but he didn't take my hand again. I shifted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm cold, Bella," he said in a rueful tone. "You need to keep warm."

"I need to feel you." My voice cracked on the last word. I was so relieved to have him beside me, safe, more glad than I was of my own survival against the odds.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pressed a kiss to my hair. "I thought…" His voice broke. "I almost lost you."

I leaned into his touch. I understood the horror in his tone as I felt it too. We had come close to losing each other today. There was no worse fate than that for either of us.

"Where did Laurent go, Rose?" he asked.

"He left as soon as you guys ran. He said he didn't want to get involved. We told him about the Denalis, so I think he may go to them."

Edward nodded thoughtfully.

There was movement at the door and Alice, Emmett and Jasper came in. Emmett went straight to Rosalie's side and took her in his arms. She leaned her head on his chest in a rare moment of vulnerability.

Alice flitted to my side and took a seat beside me, taking my hand into her own. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

Emmett looked at me with concern. It was strange to see such depth of expression on a face that was more frequently given to laughter. "You're not fooling anyone, you know."

I shrugged. "I don't expect to."

Jasper watched me with a knowing expression. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Please, but don't make me sleep yet. I'm not ready." There were new horrors in my mind now, ready to transport themselves into my dreams. I immediately felt his gift soothing my ragged nerves and calming me.

Esme came back into the room and handed me a cup of steaming hot chocolate. I cupped it in my hands, feeling the warmth seep through my skin. As if her arrival was the trigger, everyone straightened and looked to Carlisle.

"What are we going to do?" Alice asked him.

"What do you see?"

"They will come out of the water in Victoria. I don't know what they will do next as they haven't decided on a course of action. They seem to be intent on evading us."

"They'll come back," Edward said. "I heard his mind. He wants Bella."

"No," I corrected, "he wants the hunt. I am just the prize."

"What exactly did he say to you," Jasper asked, fixing me under his gaze.

"He said he wanted you to avenge me. He said a coven of six would prove a challenge. He didn't know about Edward."

Edward scowled. "He does now. And he knows I am the one that would avenge her."

"How?" I asked.

"I thought I had lost you, love," he said. "I was a little desperate. He saw that as I chased him, and now he knows I am the one that will prove the challenge. I don't understand how he escaped. I had him right in my sights."

"I'm sorry." I knew it was me that had stopped him giving chase. I had needed him, and he had come to me. If I hadn't needed him, he would have caught James and this nightmare would be over instead of just starting.

Jasper interrupted my guilty musings. "Is there anything else?"

I thought back to everything he had said. My mind automatically shied away from the memories, not wanting to relive the horrors.

"Alice!" The memory came to me in a flash of understanding. "He knew about Alice's visions. He said 'I have to move quickly or little Alice will see me.'"

Carlisle frowned. "That's odd. I don't recall mentioning anyone's gifts to him or his friends."

"It doesn't matter how he knows," Edward snapped. "What matters is Bella and how we are going to keep her safe while I hunt him down."

"What?" I said stupidly. "You can't hunt for him. He'll kill you."

"You are underestimating me, love." There was no heat behind the words so I knew he wasn't upset. "I can take care of myself."

"What are you thinking?" Jasper asked. "An ambush?"

Edward must have seen something more in Jasper thoughts as he growled. "Absolutely not!"

"What are you thinking, Jazz?" Alice asked.

He shrugged. "Just that it would be easy to trap him if we had bait."

"Bella is not bait!" Esme said sharply.

"I wasn't suggesting she was," Jasper said. "But her scent on the other hand…"

I buried my face in my hands. This perfect day had become a nightmare. Only an hour ago, we had been dancing together, encapsulated in our own perfect bubble, now we were making plans to protect me and trap an enemy.

"I think we need to move Bella," Emmett said. "All of us. We can take her to Alaska. The Denalis can protect her while we chase this James down."

"Hold up, the Denalis are Eleazar's coven, right?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Indeed."

"But I thought we couldn't go to them because of the Volturi."

"While it's true that there is a risk, it's minimal."

Edward shook his head. "Bella's right. It's not fair to put them as risk, too. James is one vampire; I can take care of him."

"What about his mate?" Esme asked.

"Okay, there are two vampires, but we can still handle them. I think Emmett is right, though. We need to move Bella. She isn't safe here."

They fell into discussion of the best place to hide me and who should come with me. Edward was torn between his need to be with me and his desire to kill James. Alice didn't want us to separate at all.

"I don't think we should separate." My words were softly spoken, but they cut through the clamor of the room.

"Thank you!" Alice said gratefully.

"What are you thinking, love?" Edward asked.

"If we separate, we are weaker. If James comes we need as many fighters as possible to keep you safe."

"To keep _you_ safe," he corrected. "I am in no danger."

No matter how many times he said it, I still couldn't believe it. Despite the fact I knew he would live a little longer at least, I had memories of my childhood to prove it, he could still be hurt. I couldn't bear it.

"I think we should stay here together and wait for him to come to us," I said "He will. He won't be able to resist."

"You may have a point," Carlisle said in a musing tone. "We are better prepared to fight on our own ground so to speak. If Bella is right, and he comes back, Alice will be able to see him coming."

"Exactly!" Alice said with satisfaction.

"I don't like this, love. I would feel better if you were far away from here. We could send you to your mother."

A chill of fear swept through me and I shivered. "That would put her at risk, too. I won't do that. Charlie is safe in Oregon. This is the best place for me."

Edward was silent for a long time. He stared into Alice's eyes and I knew they were communicating silently. Eventually he nodded. "Very well. We will stay, but as soon as James comes close, we will go and deal with him. I won't have him anywhere near you."

I nodded and rested my head against his chest again. "Thank you."

"Are you ready to sleep now?" Jasper asked.

I raised my head slowly. "Yes, please."

A wave of lethargy swept over me, easing me into sleep.

* * *

_August 2002 –Bella is Fourteen_

_**Bella**_

Summers were magical.

They were days spent in the meadow, hours spent planting and pruning the garden, they were tea parties and chess and; they were everything I wanted and more. It wasn't the activities that made it magical. It was Edward. He made everything special, merely by being what he was; beautiful, eternal, wise and only mine. That feeling of ownership didn't come to me at any point as realization, it was always there. He was my secret when I was young, my companion as I grew older, and my love now. I had always loved him, he was my best friend, but that love grew as I did until, at the age of fourteen, I knew what it meant to be _in_ love.

We didn't talk about it, we spoke about everything apart from that, but I knew he loved me, too. Only love could make him look at me the way he did; as if I was the only thing in the world to him.

We didn't talk about it until one day when he arrived with a gift for me.

It was rare that I was left waiting for him in the mornings, but that day I was. I sat on the back porch, thumbing through a book but not really reading, when he stepped through the trees. As always upon our meeting, he smiled widely. I dropped the book without a second thought and ran to him. He caught me as I stumbled and swept me into his arms. I clung to him, breathing the sweet scent of his skin and feeling the cool hardness of his chest through his shirt. These things would perhaps have seemed strange to me had they not been a constant almost as long as I could remember.

"Good morning, Bella," he said as he released me.

I beamed at him. "Hello, Edward."

He tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and smiled.

"What are we going to do today?" I asked.

"Whatever you wish," he said, which was just one variation of what he always said. He spoiled me. "However… there is one thing I would like to do first."

I frowned up at him. "Sure. What do you want to do?"

"There is something I would like to give you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jeweler's box. "I have been waiting to give you this for a long time, but the time finally feels right." He held it out to me.

I took it with nervous hands. It wasn't the first time Edward had given me a gift, but they usually came in the form of a sketch or small bouquet of flowers from our meadow. I opened the box, feeling the stiffness of the hinge, and sucked in a breath. "Edward, it's beautiful."

It was a small, silver pendant shaped like a ladybug; red gemstones glittered in the wings and it was threaded on a fine filigree chain. I took it from the box and held it in my hand, feeling the coolness of the metal for a moment before my skin warmed it.

"Allow me," Edward said, taking the necklace and moving to stand behind me. He swept my hair around my shoulder and looped the necklace around my neck. The pendant came to rest just an inch from the hollow of my throat.

I turned to face Edward and his eyes settled on the pendant. "Even prettier than I imagined," he said.

"It's lovely," I agreed.

"I meant it on you," he corrected. "The pendant is lovely, but you bring it to life."

I blushed and ducked my head. He lifted my face with a finger at my chin and smiled at me.

"Thank you Edward, I love it," I said.

"As I do you," he said, and then he froze eyes wide and chest still.

I froze for an instant, too, and then my lungs expanded like bellows and I coughed. "Edward?" He still wasn't moving. "Edward, please!"

He blinked, and then, as if that was the cue for the rest of him to come back to life, he breathed and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"You love me?" I breathed.

He was silent for a long time, seeming deep in thought, and then he nodded. "I do."

My face broke into a wide smile. "I love you, too."

His eyes widened and he sucked in a breath. "You do?"

I nodded. "Of course. How could anyone not?"

His arms wrapped around me and he rested his face against my hair. "Oh, Bella. You always were blind to my faults."

I frowned. "I was always blind? You mean when I was little?" I giggled. "I wasn't. I knew that the fact you wouldn't do cartwheels—and I still believe you can, by the way—was a fault."

Edward didn't smile. He looked solemnly into my face and said, "No, Bella. I mean when you are older. I mean when we will first meet."

**So... Bella made it through and Edward's ready to spill the beans to her younger self. Good times.**

**Until next time... **

**Simaril x **


	18. State Of Siege

**Thank you Gredelina1 for the awesome beta job and all her help in getting this written in the first place.**

* * *

_**Chapter Seventeen — **_**_State Of Siege _**

_August 2002 –Bella is Fourteen_

_**Edward **_

It was time. I had grappled with the knowledge that one day Bella would need to know our story—or at least parts of it—for a long time, but I knew, in the moment she looked up and me and confessed her love, that it was time. She was ready.

"Let's go to the meadow," I said. It felt like the right place to talk about these things.

Unspeaking, Bella allowed me to take her hand and lead her through the trees to the trail. I was eager to tell her, so my pace was quick. She stumbled once, and I slowed to accommodate her. When we stepped through the trees, I released her hand and walked forward alone. She followed after me slowly, looking a little stunned. I sank down to the ground and clasped my hands in my lap—ready she may be, but I was nervous.

She sat beside me and said, "I don't understand."

I smiled. I imagined her expression was similar to the one I had worn the day she told _me _our story. "Bella, what do you know about time travel?"

She looked at me warily. "Not a lot. I read a book about it once, but it was a little too out there for me. Why?"

"You know some vampires have gifts," I said. "Supernatural gifts that allow them to do things science can't explain. I can read minds."

She looked stunned. "Mine?"

I smiled. "No, Bella, every mind but yours."

She nodded, accepting without a thought of doubt. She had so much faith in me. "Okay."

"There are many other possible gifts; Alice has psychic visions, Jasper can manipulate emotions, I know someone with the ability to implant images into another person's mind. There are other less… pleasant gifts, but you don't need to worry about them. The point is that these gifts exist. One gift I have come into contact with is a vampire with the ability to manipulate personal timelines, to facilitate time travel. She is a friend of Eleazar—one of the Denali coven—and she, Makenna is her name, will help me."

"Okay," she said again.

I took a deep breath. "Bella, I am not technically from this time. I have come from 2006."

She blew out a breath. "Wow. That's just… Wow."

I chuckled. "It is indeed."

"Is that how you've always done it?" she asked. "Have you always been a time traveler?"

I nodded. "Since you were a little girl, yes. I did this for you. I wanted to be with you."

"You did all this for me?"

"I would do anything, _anything, _for you, Bella," I vowed. "Time travel is nothing."

"Wow." She took a deep breath, nodded and said, "So, we meet in the future, too?"

"Yes, one day our timelines will catch up and we will be together in present time." And then we would have scant months together before I would ruin it all. "We will not have to hide anymore."

She beamed at me. "This is incredible. I mean time travel's one thing, but actual _time_ together. Do you meet Charlie? Do you meet Renee?"

"Yes, I will meet both of your parents in time, and you will meet my family."

"I will?" She looked thrilled. "Alice and everyone?"

I nodded. "Everyone. They're going to love you."

She blinked and a tear crept down her cheek. I traced its path with my finger.

"Are you upset?"

"Happy tears," she said in a shaky voice. "All happy tears. It's just… I've heard about them and I love them, but to think I'll actually get to see them and you and it won't be secret anymore… it's so much."

"Too much?" I fretted.

"No, never. I can't wait." She wiped her face and looked into my eyes, bright excitement in her face. "Tell me everything."

* * *

_March 2005 _

_**Edward POV**_

I swept Bella into my arms and carried her up to my bedroom. Esme went ahead of me, and when I reached the bedroom door there was a bed made up on my couch. I laid Bella down gently and then covered her with the blankets. She burrowed further down into the covers until only the top of her head was visible. I sat down beside her and ran my fingers through her dark tresses.

_Such tenderness. _

Esme's thoughts intruded on my mind. She was marveling at the easy way I interacted with Bella and the love that shone in my eyes.

"I thought I lost her," I said in a whisper.

She sank lithely onto the floor beside me and took my free hand in her own. "But you didn't. She is safe now. We can take care of her."

I looked to her and the weight of my pain was clear in my voice. "She shouldn't need protecting at all. None of this should be happening to her."

When I realized I loved Bella more than I wanted her blood, I thought the fight was over. It seemed now the fight was just beginning. And it was all my fault. It was not the first time we had entertained other vampires at home. I should have thought of that before I brought her here. Now, because of my foolishness, she had two rogue vampires after her.

"It's not your fault," Esme said, knowing in that sixth sense mothers had what I was thinking. "Haven't you listened to Bella? It's fate. What was supposed to happen will happen, and nothing we can do will stop it. I believe if you hadn't brought Bella to the house something else would have happened to draw James to her."

I heard the logic in her thoughts, but it did not appease me. If I had been stronger, stayed away from her from the start, none of this would be happening.

_All will be well, Edward. I believe in your love, and you must, too._ Esme patted my shoulder and left.

Bella sighed and turned over.

"I will keep you safe, love," I whispered. "I promise."

Bella slept soundly until the early hours of the morning, when she began to stir.

"Bella, love, are you awake?"

She whimpered and started to toss and turn. She was having a nightmare.

"Jasper," I called him softly, knowing he would hear me wherever he was in the house.

A moment later he appeared at the bedroom door. He frowned as he reacted to Bella's emotions. _Scared, _he thought, _and something more. I can't define it. It like she's fighting it. _

She was being brave. Even in her dreams she was fighting. I ran my fingers through her hair and whispered soothing words. It didn't seem to comfort her much, she continued to toss and turn.

The sounds of her nightmare were clear throughout the house and I heard thoughts turn to Bella and wonderings of how they could help.

Alice appeared at the bedroom door. "You need to calm her down, or she is going to have a panic attack."

I felt useless. Nothing I could do was helping. I looked to Jasper for assistance.

"Can you help her?"

"I can try."

He stared down at her and concentrated his gift on calming her down. Her heart slowed its rapid pace and she sighed deeply.

She rolled over once more and burrowed a little deeper into the pillow. "Thanks, Jasper," she murmured.

Jasper's eyes widened and Alice giggled. "How does she know?" he asked.

"She's special," Alice replied, as if that answered any and all questions. "We'll leave you two alone."

They crossed the room and disappeared through the door, pulling it closed behind them, leaving me alone with my Bella.

I leaned close to her head and whispered in her ear. "I love you."

She smiled in her sleep. "Me, too."

* * *

The house was a hive of activity in the morning. Emmett and Jasper were outside wrestling. They justified it as preparations for James and Victoria, but I knew they were really just enjoying themselves.

Esme, Alice and Carlisle were in the kitchen staring at the wealth of appliances and gadgets we had and wondering where to start. We had never had a human in the house that would require feeding before, and they were excited to experiment. Esme had some human memories of cooking, so she had been designated the chef while Alice and Carlisle assisted.

Rosalie was alone in the garage, venting her irritation by working on Emmett's jeep.

I chuckled to myself as I heard Alice and Esme discussing Bella's breakfast in low voices. They were being a bit ambitious in my mind, planning waffles and pancakes to tempt her.

"She'd probably be happy with cereal," I called to them. "She doesn't usually make a performance out of her meals."

"Hush, you," Alice said. "We are having fun here."

Chuckling to myself, I thought of our situation. We were in a state of siege, waiting for James and Victoria to come back, but here we were acting as if it was Bella's first sleepover. Which in a way it was. I was glad of their relaxed attitudes. Bella would be anxious enough when she woke without us all acting as if we were about to be set upon by the hounds of hell.

They eventually decided on waffles alone, and Esme set them to work. Carlisle was slicing fruit and Alice was whipping a bowl of batter, while Esme fumbled with the controls of the waffle iron.

I turned my attention back to Bella. It was after nine now, but she showed no signs of waking. She was relaxed and at peace, and I was grateful for it. I rested my head on the pillow beside her and wondered how it would feel to sleep. She looked so peaceful. I would have given anything to be able to lie down beside her and rest.

My thoughts were disturbed by a sudden crash downstairs and the throwing open of a door. I jerked upright, immediately alert for sounds of James and Victoria, but it was coming from the kitchen, and the sounds were those of a well intended breakfast going hopelessly wrong.

Bella stirred and raised her head from the pillow. "Something's burning," she said drowsily.

"That would be your breakfast, love."

She blinked and rubbed at her eyes. "How do you burn cereal?"

Carlisle was listening to our conversation from the kitchen, and he chuckled hearing her question. Alice and Esme, on the other hand, were disappointed. They had been having fun preparing the meal before it all went wrong. They envisaged presenting Bella with a perfect breakfast, and now all they had to offer was waffles that looked like they had been through a bonfire and sliced fruit. Fruit about which Carlisle was feeling particularly smug as he had been the one to prepare it.

"I think they were hoping to make something a little grander for you," I said.

"That's sweet," she said with a smile. "But there was no need for them to go to all that trouble."

"Believe me, they had a lot of fun trying."

She struggled out of the blankets that had become entwined around her legs as she slept and got to her feet. "I need a human moment."

"Go ahead."

She tottered on sleepy feet to the bathroom and clicked the door shut. Alice appeared at my door holding a pile of clothes and smiling widely. "You need to go downstairs."

I frowned. "Why?"

"Because Bella didn't bring any clothes with her, and she won't want you watching her while I give her these to wear."

"Alice, I don't think your clothes will fit Bella."

She rolled her eyes. "I bought some for Bella a while ago. I had a feeling they would come in useful, and I was right."

She gave the door a pointed look, and I took the hint. I made my way down to the kitchen where Esme was tossing the doomed waffles into the trash.

"Good morning, Edward. How are you today?" she asked brightly.

I considered her question. I should be overcome with anxiety for Bella and the threat James posed, but the fact she was here now and safe overcame that worry. I knew we were going to have to face them again soon, but for the moment I was content to have Bella in my home with me. It felt right.

"I am well," I said eventually.

Carlisle smiled at me. _There is no sin in taking pleasure from her company._ _She is here now where we can protect her. All will be well. _

I nodded and sat beside him on one of the barstools at the central island. I could clearly hear Alice and Bella's conversation as she dressed, but I attempted to block out the voices to allow them privacy.

Emmett and Jasper finished their bout and came into the kitchen. "How's Bella this morning?" Jasper asked.

"You probably know better than I do." He would, of course, have added insight into how she was feeling.

"I am not omnipotent," he said wryly. "My range is limited. I can't sense her as well as I can you all. It's a matter of familiarity."

"She's okay, I think. She has just woken."

I heard the sounds of Bella and Alice coming down the stairs. One set of footsteps were slow and careful, while the others were barely discernible against the plush carpet.

"Good morning, Bella," Carlisle greeted as she came into the room. "How are you feeling today?"

She smiled at him. "I'm okay. Sorry for all the drama last night. I seem to be constantly freaking out around you."

"It is completely understandable," he replied. "You have had good cause to be upset. Besides, it is nice to practice my skills on family at last."

She beamed.

Jasper caught my eye. _Overwhelming pleasure now. She likes being thought of as family. _

It made sense. Bella had been thinking of my family as her own for years. Living through my tales of them. Now she knew them for herself, the affection could only have increased. For their part, my family, with one exception, thought of her as family too, even Jasper, who had only recently planned to end her existence.

Carlisle pushed the plate of fresh fruit towards her. "As a physician I recommend a healthy breakfast. And it just so happens that I have prepared some fruit for you."

She grinned. "Doctor's orders, huh? Fair enough."

She sat down beside me and began to fork up the food.

"If you will excuse me, I will be in the lounge," Carlisle said, leading Esme out by the hand. He was mindful of Bella's possible embarrassment at being watched as she ate.

Emmett had none of Carlisle's tact; he sat down opposite Bella and watched her eat with avid interest. "That good?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yup. Carlisle can slice fruit with the best of them."

I heard Carlisle's chuckle from the lounge.

"What's the plan for today?" Alice asked, as if she didn't already know.

Bella shrugged. "Well, I need to call Charlie. Let him know I'm here and fine, omitting the crazy vampire in the bedroom part, and then the day is yours to plan."

"We are somewhat limited," I said dryly. "It's not safe for us to go out alone." Otherwise I would have liked to go back to the meadow.

As if my words were the reminder of all that was happening, everyone stiffened. Jasper was leaning back against the counter, but as he reacted to the mood of the room he straightened.

"Have you seen anything, Alice?" Bella asked.

Alice shook her head. "They keep flickering in and out of my sight. There is nothing concrete."

"I still don't understand how they know about you," I said.

"Well, who else knows about Alice's visions?" Bella asked pragmatically.

I considered. "Only our friends Peter and Charlotte, and the Denali coven."

"And would they have told anyone?" she asked.

"Not Peter and Charlotte," Jasper said at once. "They are deeply suspicious of other vampires." He caught Bella's questioning glance. "They had the same introduction to this life that I did. It doesn't leave us open to new acquaintances." Which was a mark of how Bella had infiltrated his affections. Jasper was still on the fence about the Denali coven.

"Would the Denalis tell anyone?" Bella asked.

"I don't think so," Alice said, though her tone was uncertain.

"Eleazar might if he met someone with enough of an interest in gifts, but I can't imagine him telling James anything," Emmett said. "We knew he was a little unhinged from the start." He fisted his hands.

And yet they had invited them into our home anyway. I loved my family, and did not blame them for what had happened, but I wished they had exercised a little caution with James and his coven.

"You think we should call them up and ask?" Emmett said.

Overhearing our conversation, Carlisle and Esme had drifted back into the room.

"I can call," Carlisle offered taking the phone from its cradle. "We can also warn them to expect Laurent."

He pressed the keys quickly and a moment later, Tanya's voice came over the line. "Carlisle. Are you calling for Eleazar again?"

"Actually, I am calling to speak to you all. We are in what you could call a tentative situation, and I am calling for assistance."

"What has happened?"

"We find ourselves on the receiving end of some unwanted attention."

"Has there been a slip?" she asked.

Jasper frowned. It had been decades since his last slip, but it was not unimaginable for it to happen again. Only a few short months ago he had been close to another. Coincidentally, it was the same day I almost destroyed it all anyway.

"No, there has been no accidents," Carlisle said. "It's just that we met another coven yesterday and they have taken a hostile interest in our family."

Tanya's voice was immediately tense. "Do you need us to come to you?"

Carlisle's eyes sought my own, and I heard the question in his mind. _Should we?_

I shook my head. If it seemed we were unable to protect Bella alone, I would allow them to assist us. But for now, I was confident that we could handle it. I valued our extended family too much to put them at risk. Besides, Bella did not want them put in harm's way for her sake. I would respect that. There would come a time when it was right for them to meet her, but it was not yet.

"No, but thank you for your offer. We can manage the threat at the moment. If that changes, you will be the first to know. I am calling because one of the coven that is opposing us knows about Alice's gift and we were wondering if you had met with anyone and perhaps told them about us."

"We have not met anyone new for years, And we have never told anyone about your amassed abilities. We wouldn't do that to you, Carlisle." She sounded hurt, and I felt guilty for suspecting them.

Carlisle heard the hurt in her tone too. "I apologize for asking. I should have known better."

"Yes, you should," Tanya said sharply, and then her tone softened. "Are you sure we can't help you?"

"There is something you can do for us. One of the coven that we met is friendly, and we have reason to believe he is heading your way. While I trust him, I would like for you to be aware that his old coven mates might seek him out again. If they do, you must be on your guard. They are dangerous."

"Carlisle, what have you got yourself into?" she asked.

"We have done nothing wrong," he said. "We are merely protecting one of our own."

Bella had become increasingly tense as the conversation progressed. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her hair. Esme saw my movement and smiled at us both.

Carlisle exchanged goodbyes with Tanya and ended the call. "They know nothing about it," he said for Bella's benefit.

Bella sighed and nestled into my embrace. "I'm all out of ideas," she said, disappointed.

"No one expects you to have all the answers, love," I said.

"Speak for yourself," Rosalie said from the doorway. She had come in to hear the last of Carlisle's call. "I have a question for you. If you know so much about your past together and Edward's future, why don't you know about this?"

Bella's chin jutted out. "Because he didn't tell me."

"Why not?" Rosalie demanded.

Bella shrugged. "Probably because he didn't want to scare me. And because it wouldn't have made a difference. I would still have lured James to me somehow, even if it wasn't because my scent was here. I said you can't change the future, and you can't. The Edward that will meet me as a child will remember this conversation, and he will not be able to do a thing about it. He might try, but the words won't come. I have seen him like that before; it's like he is gagged by the rules."

I wondered how that would feel for me. What knowledge had I been hoping to impart in her memories. Was I trying to warn her of this moment, or were there other trials still for us to face?

"So for all your knowledge, you're useless." Rosalie said scathingly, and Emmett laid a hand on her arm in silent admonition.

Tears sprung to Bella's eyes and I growled low in my throat.

"And for all your years of experience, you have yet to learn the most basic of human courtesies," Bella said angrily.

Rosalie opened her mouth again, but Carlisle cut her off. "That is enough, Rosalie. Whatever your personal feelings, Bella is one of us now, and we will treat her as such."

"Come on, Bella. Let's go pick out a movie," Alice said in a falsely cheerful tone, tugging on her hand.

Bella allowed herself to be led away and I turned on Rosalie. "I love you, Rose. You are family. But I swear, if you talk to Bella like that again, you will regret it."

"Hey now," Emmett said. "Let's not get carried away. Rose is sorry for what she said, aren't you?"

Rather than answer him, Rosalie tossed her hair behind her back and stalked from the room.

Emmett looked after her and frowned. "She's doesn't mean it, Edward. She's just tense is all. You know she doesn't like change, and this thing with James has us all on edge."

I opened my mouth to counteract his argument, but Bella's voice called my attention to her as an image that was not my own came into my mind.

"Alice, are you okay?"

Alice was not okay; she was caught in a vision, and I was swept along with her. It was an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar town. Two vampires were feeding savagely from a single human female. The girl was young and had deep chestnut hair. As I watched she was dropped to the floor like trash and the two vampires were smiling at each other with shared cruel expressions. I searched for a street sign, or a landmark to place the scene. There was a white building in the background with faded white paint and wide shuttered windows. The image was fading as I caught sight of the name: The Victoria Edelweiss Club.

"Victoria!" I gasped.

"What about her?" Emmett asked.

I shook my head. "The place, not the person. They're in Canada."

Alice came into the kitchen, followed by a confused looking Bella. "Did you see?" she asked.

I nodded and hurried past her into the lounge where I had left my laptop. Flipping it open, I searched for an address for the club I had seen. It was in James Bay. It was almost as if they had chosen the location to taunt us. James Bay, Victoria.

Alice looked at the screen over my shoulder. "That's the place," she said. "I'm sure."

"When are they going to be there?" I asked.

"Soon. It felt close and there was still daylight."

"What did you see?" Bella asked.

"James and Victoria. They are in Canada. We have seen their location, If we hurry, we can trap them." Her heart stuttered and I turned to face her. "It will be fine, love. This is what we have been hoping for."

She shook her head, as if fending off an upsetting thought. "What if it is a trap for you? James knows about Alice's visions. What if they have shown her this on purpose to draw you there?"

We all considered her words carefully. Even if it was a trap, there were more of us than there were of them.

"I don't think it will be a problem," Carlisle said eventually. "We outnumber them, and we are prepared."

Bella sank onto the couch and hid her face in her hands.

"It's okay, love," I said, pulling her hands from her face; her eyes were brimming with tears. "I will keep you safe."

"Who will keep _you_ safe? All of you. You are going to fight them because of me. What if something happens to you?"

Jasper filled the room with his calming influence, and her shoulders relaxed, though she was still frowning. "That's not fair, Jasper," she said, scowling at him.

"You are worrying needlessly," he said unapologetically. "We are well able to protect ourselves."

"Yeah. You worry too much," Emmett said. "You're going to give yourself an ulcer."

Bella smiled ruefully, and looked down at our entwined hands. "I don't like this. It feels wrong."

"Be that as it may, I will make you safe," I vowed. "Now we have to decide how we are going to handle this."

"Who will stay with Bella?" Esme asked. "I can if you wish."

I loved Esme and I knew she cared for Bella, but I would not feel comfortable leaving Bella with anyone else but myself. Though I knew I could not ask my family to fight alone for me.

Alice looked at me. _I will stay, Edward. I love her, too. _

That was true. Alice loved Bella almost as much as I did. She was the only one I could entrust Bella's life to.

"Do you mind?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'm the best choice. I can see anything coming, and you know I am able to protect her."

"You're staying?" Jasper asked her. He tried to hide it, but he was relieved that she would be out of harm's way.

She nodded and stepped into his waiting embrace. "Yes. I will let you and Emmett have all the fun."

"Awesome," Emmett rubbed his hands together with glee. "So are we ready to go? We don't want to miss our chance?"

"Can you see if this will work, Alice?" Carlisle asked.

She shook her head. "I see you all getting there, but I can't see anything of the fight itself. There is still a decision to be made."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Well, as Emmett said, we don't want to miss our chance. I suggest we leave now."

Mindful of the privacy of the moment, Bella and I were left alone. I pulled her to her feet and encapsulated her in my arms. I rested my cheek on her hair and drew scorching lungfuls of her scent to stay me while we were apart. It was only the knowledge that I was protecting her that enabled me to leave her.

She leaned back on her heels and looked me in the eye. "Please take care of yourself."

"I promise."

"And hurry home to me."

"I will. You must make me a promise in return. Don't worry about me. I will be fine, we all will."

She nodded. "I will do my best."

Our shining moment was ended as our family filed back into the room.

"Are we ready?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded.

I took one last searching look at Bella, memorizing her every feature, and then turned to the door and followed my family outside.

I heard Bella's heavy sigh and Alice's reassuring words. "He'll be okay, Bella. He can take care of himself."

I could, and with Bella entrusted to Alice's care, I turned my mind to the fight ahead.

* * *

**So… Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to fight they go. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx**


	19. The Attack

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and being awesome. Love you hon xxx**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen — The Attack**

_August 2003 ~ Bella is Fifteen_

_**Edward**_

That summer Bella came armed with a camera. Renee had bought it for her the previous Christmas, and she was obsessed with it. Anything that stayed still more than a minute was photographed; Charlie, flowers, trees, even a squirrel that wandered into our meadow.

Another puzzle piece of my past and Bella's future came into being one day. I was leaning back on my elbows, watching Bella as she set out the chess set on our boulder and then took a picture of it, when she turned to me. "Can I take your photo?" The way she asked, so tentative and unsure, made me think she was already certain I would refuse. This picture existed though, it had led me to her, so I smiled and nodded.

An awed smile crept over her face as she raised the camera to aim it at me. Her finger pressed the button, the flash went off, and she laughed. "That's perfect."

"Bring it to me when you have developed it," I said. I needed to mark it with the date to complete the memory.

She nodded and returned her attention to the chess set.

I enjoyed her obsession. She was doing more than snapping pictures, she cared about subjects and framing the scene. It was similar to how I felt about sketching. We passed happy hours together: me and my sketchpad, Bella and her camera.

One afternoon, as Bella flipped through a stack of photographs and tried to sort them into a system for her scrapbook, I sketched the meadow. The flowers were at the peak of their beauty and they, combined with Bella's presence, made for a perfect setting for my work. When it was done, I set down my pencil and watched Bella working. She glanced up and saw that I was finished and she tossed aside a handful of photos and picked up my pad.

"Edward, it's gorgeous," she said, examining the picture.

"Let me show you something," I said, tearing the sheet from the pad and holding it up to the light. She shifted so she was leaning against my side and she looked at the picture where the light flooded through it.

"It's moving," she said in an awed voice.

"Not really. It's just the way the light is hitting it."

"That's incredible."

I smiled. "Esme is fond of the effect, too."

"Can I keep this one?" she asked.

I already knew she had it in our future as I had seen it in her wooden chest of treasures. "Of course."

She beamed at me and set it carefully in the pages of a scrapbook. "Thank you, Edward."

I leaned back on my hands and looked at her, taking in her beauty and the moment.

She tilted her head to the side. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking how much I will miss this," I said without thought.

She frowned. "Are you going somewhere?"

I sat up again and sighed. I had planned to lead into this revelation a little smoothly, not drop it on her so abruptly, but I had said too much, and now I had to tell her. "Bella, this will be our last summer together for a while."

She looked stunned. "Why?"

"Because I, the real me of this time, will be coming soon, and I can't risk crossing timelines. It would be very bad according to Makenna."

She looked confused. "So, _you'll_ be gone, but the other you will be here?"

"Eventually, yes."

Her expression became stony. "How eventually?"

I winced. "Two years."

She gasped. "I won't see you for two years!"

I nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, love. I don't control this. Carlisle is in the process of arranging work here and Esme is making plans for the house. She will be here by the end of summer to get to work on the house. I told you that she liked interior design and architecture, remember?"

"Don't try to distract me, Edward," she said coolly.

"I'm sorry," I said ruefully. "But the fact is that I will be here soon, and I can't risk crossing paths with myself."

"Why can't you come see me in Phoenix?" she asked.

"Because… I don't know. I just know I don't."

"That's stupid!" she snapped. She was taking it worse than I had anticipated.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "It is stupid, but I can't do anything about it. I would spend all my days with you if I could, but it's not how it happened, and you can't change the past or future. Whatever happened, happened. It's not forever. You will find me again."

"When?"

I smiled. "Sometime when you are seventeen, and here, in Forks."

"That's it?" she asked. "That's all you're going to tell me?"

I nodded. "I think so."

She scowled at me. "Is this rules or are you being difficult on purpose?"

It was a little of both, but I wouldn't tell her that. Instead, I leaned forward and cupped her cheek in my hand. "It's not that long. Two years and we will be together again. It's fated. You _will_ see me again." I did not have the same comfort.

"Fine," she grumbled. "You better be waiting for me when I get here."

"Actually, Bella, it's going to be a little different," I said. "When you find me again, it will be past me, the one who has never met you."

"You won't know me?" she asked incredulously.

I shook my head. "You will be brand new to me. Imagine, Bella, you will have all the answers for once. You will have to guide me through it all."

She smiled slightly. "That'll be interesting."

"See, you have things to look forward to. I will be this clueless vampire and you'll have all this knowledge of me."

"And I'll meet Alice, right?"

"You will meet them all."

She smiled beautifully. "Okay. I can wait for that."

"The only thing is, you will need some proof to make them believe," I said.

She shrugged. "I have the chest."

"Which will be very helpful, but you're going to need a little more. There are things you know then that you don't know now, things about my family."

She grinned up at me. "Stories?"

"Yes, more stories." Bella always loved to hear about my family, any detail I would share that would make them seem more real to her was relished. "Pay attention, Bella," I said with mock seriousness, "because there _will_ be a pop quiz after. We'll start with Carlisle…"

She laid back on the grass and listened with her eyes closed as I told her the stories of my family, preparing her for us to finish making our own story.

* * *

I lingered that night. I usually waited for Bella to go bed at the end of the day and then I returned home to see my family and share with them what had happened, but that day something kept me there. I was glad it did.

Bella and Charlie had eaten together and then Charlie had gone to work as he had a week of night shifts ahead of him. I listened as Bella prepared for bed and got under her covers, and then there was the flipping of pages as she read for a while. I heard the soft thump as the book hit the bed and I guessed she had fallen asleep.

I moved closer to the house and focused on the sound of her soft breaths as she slept. The sound calmed me and I was peaceful when her breathing suddenly changed to gasps. I had been there for Bella's nightmares before—after James' first aborted attack—and I knew that was what I was hearing.

I scaled the house without thought and opened the window. It stuck a little, but I was able to create a space big enough for me to slip through. Bella's legs were tangled in the blankets, and she was tossing and turning still.

"Bella," I sighed.

"Edward," she moaned. "Don't go."

I understood and cursed my mistake. I had told her that we were going to be parted soon, and she was having nightmares about it. I should have waited to tell her.

I laid down on the bed beside her and pulled her against me. She instinctively curled up against me and breathed my name again, but she didn't settle. He eyes rolled beneath her lids and she shifted uncomfortably.

I knew what she needed, as Carlisle had once had the realization, and so I started to hum her lullaby to her. When I came to the place I had faltered before when playing it, I found there were new notes waiting for me.

After a while, Bella calmed and rested peacefully against me again.

I crept into her room every night that last summer, discovering a little more of the lullaby with each recital, until on our very last night together, I had the whole thing.

Bella's lullaby.

* * *

_March 2005_

_**Edward POV**_

We took the ferry from Port Angeles to Victoria. It would have been faster to swim, but it was too much to hope that no one would see us entering and exiting the water. When the cars had been unloaded at the terminal we headed straight to the club Alice and I had seen. As we drove, my mind swept out over the surrounding area, trying to find a sign of James and Victoria.

I had thought I knew hatred before—Jessica Stanley for example—but I hadn't truly known hatred until I met James. That he thought he could take my Bella from me was an affront of the highest order. I would end him and I would enjoy doing it.

Carlisle eyed me from the passenger seat. He was frowning, as if he could hear my thoughts and was worried about them. If he knew how much I had changed from the young man he had changed and brought into our world, he would have been more than worried. I had no remorse for my thoughts. Bella was my world, and I would protect her at any cost. Even at the cost of another's life.

I steered the car through the streets at Esme's instructions. She had the pathfinder open on her phone and she was tracking the route. In the other car, Jasper was doing the same for Emmett.

"Just a few more minutes, Edward," she said softly. "We're almost there."

I nodded, but did not speak. I didn't trust myself to remain, at least outwardly, calm and collected if I did. What I wanted to do was to rant and rage against the injustice of a world that would set James against us and my Bella. What had she ever done to deserve this? Fatalism, Carlisle had called it. Whatever happened, happened, and nothing could change it. The thought scared me. What if I was fated to fail? How could I protect Bella if the universe was against it?

Shaking my head and dispelling the heart wrenching thoughts, I turned the last corner that would bring us to the club.

The building loomed up against the skyline, exactly as Alice had seen it, though now there was life behind the windows as they were open for business. That complicated matters somewhat. We couldn't destroy James and Victoria in front of witnesses. I would have to find a way to lead them away from the area. I knew, from previous trips to the area that there was a warehouse district in the bay area that I could utilize for my own ends if I could just get them there.

I pulled the car to a stop and Emmett did the same behind me. I jumped out of the car and drew a deep breath, searching for James and Victoria's scent path. I found it at once, leading to the rear of the club. Fisting my hands at my sides, I made my way around the building, prepared to fight, prepared to kill.

I was so caught up in the thought of the imminent fight that I didn't immediately notice what was wrong with the scent. Instead of growing in strength the closer we got to our enemies, it seemed to be fading. It was Jasper's hiss of annoyance that alerted me that something was wrong.

"What is it?" I asked.

"They're not here," he said. "All I can sense is the humans in the club."

I cursed foully and fluidly. Drawing a deep breath I knew he was right. They weren't here anymore. It wasn't the end of the search though. They had been here recently enough for their scent to linger, so all we had to do was to follow it. We traced the path around the back of the club and along the streets. Keeping to a human pace was maddening, but we had to be careful of the humans that were milling around. I didn't care much if they saw something that would concern them, but we couldn't risk exposure. If the Volturi were alerted, they could come to the area to investigate, and that would put Bella at risk.

We were almost at the bay again when my phone rang in my pocket. It was Alice. I connected the call and spoke in a low hiss. "Is Bella okay?"

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't see. They tricked me."

"Who tricked you? What's happened?" Fear gripped me, and I had to take care not to crush the phone as my hands wanted to fist.

"It's them. They aren't in Canada anymore. They're coming here."

I couldn't help it. My fingers contracted around the phone and it was crushed to scraps of plastic.

Bella!

* * *

_**Bella **_

I sat curled on the couch with my chin resting on my knees. The TV was playing a movie but I hadn't followed even a minute of the plot. My mind was consumed by thoughts of Edward and what could be happening to him. Even now he could be fighting James. I tried to take comfort in the thought that he was strong and that he wasn't alone, but it was impossible to relax while he was gone.

Alice came back into the room with a steaming mug in her hands. "I made you tea. It's chamomile. I hear it's supposed to be good at calming humans."

I forced a smile as I took the mug. "Thanks, Alice."

"Here to help," she said brightly.

I stared at her, wondering how she could be so calm when the rest of our family was out there, facing danger for me. She seemed to read the question in my eyes, as she reached out and patted my hand. "They'll be okay, Bella."

"Have you seen that?" I asked.

She shook her head. "There are too many decisions interfering with my sight, but I believe in them. There are six of them against two. It will be easy."

I sighed and set my mug down on the table. I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes and fought back the tears that wanted to spill down my cheeks. "I'm scared," I said in a quiet voice.

"You'll be fine, Bella."

"I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for them."

She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"I can't bear it if something happens to them, to Edward."

Suddenly, Alice stiffened and drew in a sharp breath. I looked at her and saw that her eyes were glazed and unfocused. She was seeing something outside of our immediate surroundings. As fast as it had come, it ended, and I was flung back against the cushions as Alice stirred into life. She darted around the room and I heard the sound of metal creaking. I looked up and saw that steel shutters were descending over the windows. Alice had her phone at her ear and she was speaking in a low hiss. Whatever she had seen, it didn't bode well for us.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked.

She looked at the phone in her hand as if he had stung her. "The fool!"

A moment later, the phone in her hand rang and she pressed it to her ear. "Jasper?" Unlike before, she was speaking softly but at a volume and speed that I could understand. She listened for a moment and then held out the phone to me. "It's Edward."

I took the phone. "Edward! Are you okay?"

"Bella," my name was a soft sigh, "I am so sorry."

"What's happening?"

"We were tricked. James isn't here. He's coming for you. Alice has seen it."

Fear curdled in my gut and my heart raced. Alice came to stand beside me and she braced an arm around my shoulders.

"We are coming now," Edward said.

"Okay." My voice came out as squeak.

"I love you, Bella. I am coming for you. Don't be scared. Alice will take care of you."

I turned and looked into Alice's eyes. She looked so small and fragile, how was she supposed to protect me? As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice allowed her lip to curl back over her perfect white teeth and a feral snarl ripped through her.

"I have to go," Edward said. "I will be there. I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered. "Please be careful."

Alice held out a hand for the phone and I passed it over mutely. My mind was trying to process what was happening. James was coming here. Alice was going to protect me, but who was going to protect her? James wouldn't be coming alone; Victoria would be with him. It would be the two of them against little Alice. I wanted to run and hide, to spare Alice, but I was only human, and Alice would stop me before I got a step out of the door.

"I will protect you, Bella," Alice promised, slipping the phone back in her pocket.

I nodded. "I know." I knew she would try, but what if this was it? What if this was what killed me? My mind only had a moment to dwell on it before I felt myself being dragged across the room. At first I thought James had somehow slipped inside before reason caught up with me and I saw that it was Alice that had moved me. She was now crouched in front of me with her arms spread wide.

I rested a hand on her shoulder. "Are they here?"

She nodded mutely.

Then I heard it, the tinkle of breaking glass and then a foul screeching sound. As I watched, the shutters near the stairs rippled and bent as someone forced them apart. A face appeared, and though it was a face I was expecting, it was a face that ripped the breath from my lungs in a sharp hiss. It was James.

Alice growled as James forced the shutters open and crawled through the space, shortly followed by a woman I guessed was Victoria. She had flaming red hair and deep red lips that matched her crimson eyes. As she straightened, I saw that she was tall, and far more substantial looking than little Alice.

James stalked into the room. "Well, well, well, this is going to be even more fun than I thought."

Victoria walked a step behind him and her eyes locked on me. "We thought we would be facing at least two of you." Her voice was soft and affected, like a child's.

James eyed me hungrily. "I hoped when I allowed you to see that little vision of us that it would split your forces, but I never imagined they would leave you two alone. My heart's two desires."

Victoria hissed and shot him a sharp look. He smiled, unconcerned. "My two greatest hunts alone together. This is meant to be."

"You're not getting near her," Alice said forcefully. "I will kill you first."

"You can try," James said, "but you won't succeed, little Mary."

"My name is Alice!"

James' smile widened. "Now, yes it is, but then…" He shrugged. "You used to be a different person."

Despite the horror of the moment, I was intrigued. I knew Alice had no memories of her human life, and it seemed that James may be able to shed some light on that for her.

"How do you know about me?" Alice asked.

James sighed and sank down onto the couch. Resting his ankle on his knee, he clapped his hands together. "I don't see why we shouldn't have a little trip down memory lane. You are both going to die after all."

"We don't have time," Victoria hissed. "The others will be here soon."

James clicked his tongue. "But don't you think she deserves to know the truth?"

Victoria crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She looked like an overgrown child.

James disregarded her completely and looked at Alice. "You were such a small scrap of a thing, Mary. Barely worth hunting at all if not for your scent. You were the most delicious thing I had ever come across. I tracked you for days, never ceasing in my search for you. And then I found you…" He sighed and a look of exquisite pleasure crossed his face. "You were like nothing I had ever known before. I had to have you."

Alice drew in a quick breath. "Are you the one that changed me?"

James tittered. "You are getting ahead of yourself. Don't you want to know the whole story?"

Alice's hands fisted at her sides. I thought I knew what she was thinking. She wanted to know the story of her birth into the vampire world, but at the same time she wanted to get the confrontation over with fast. As scared as I was, I was happy to wait. The longer James spoke, the more time Edward and the rest of the family had to get here.

Victoria stalked back and forth behind the couch and James crossed his arms over his chest. "I found you," he said, "in the asylum." He said the word with relish, enjoying the revelation and Alice's sharp indrawn breath. "Poor little Mary with her psychic visions of the future. Your family didn't know what to do with a freak like you, so they sent you to the asylum."

Alice shook her head mutely and I wondered at the internal conflict she must be feeling. She was finally getting the information she needed but it was hurting her.

"It should have been easy from there," he said. "You were trapped, but there was another vampire. He seemed to have taken a liking to you. He protected you from me. Well, he tried. He was no match for me, though." He leaned over the back of the couch and caught Victoria's hand. "He had no chance."

Alice straightened. "_He_ changed me."

James nodded. "He knew I would get to you eventually, so he did the only thing he could; he bit you." He carded a hand through his hair. "I killed him for it, for stealing you away from me, and watched him burn. But you were too far gone. The venom was eating at you, changing you. You were no good to me then. The nectar of your blood was wasted."

He got to his feet and stalked towards us. Alice let out a throat ripping growl, making me jump.

"So, here we are again," James said. "I am faced with delectable blood that is protected. Luckily for me, this plays into my plan. This human has another protector, and after I have killed you both, he will come for me. I will have my chase."

"I won't let you touch her," Alice hissed.

James laughed. "You can try to stop me, it will certainly make things more interesting, but you will fail. I will have her blood and I will have your life, Mary Alice, the one that got away."

It happened so fast my eyes couldn't follow it. One moment Alice was crouched in front of me, protecting me, the next she had been replaced by James.

He leaned close to me, inhaling at my neck. "Simply delectable."

"Leave her alone!" I heard Alice's screech and I looked across the room to see her trapped within Victoria's arms. For a moment I wondered how Victoria had got the jump on her and then I realized it was my fault. Alice had been distracted by trying to protect me and it had cost her any chance of escape. Tears of guilt and fear spilled down my cheeks. James traced their path with one finger, and he brought it up to his mouth. I shuddered.

He leaned in again, and I felt his cool breath on my neck. I knew this was it, the end, and I tried to be brave. I had known this was coming for a long time. I thought I had prepared myself for it, but I was wrong. There was no preparing yourself for this. I knew it was going to hurt, and I was going to suffer, but my greatest regret was Edward. I was leaving him behind. He would see me again, though. This would be what compelled him to seek out Makenna, my death.

Then, things changed again.

Victoria screamed a warning. "James, they're coming," and the cool breath at my throat disappeared.

James stared into my eyes for a moment and he smiled cruelly. "I apologize for this, but your death will not go unavenged and I will get my hunt."

He shoved me away from him and I collided with the wall. I felt something snap and then it became hard to breathe. I slid down the wall and landed on my side. Searing pain was radiating across my chest and I couldn't draw a breath.

"Bella!"

A cool hand cupped my cheek and I looked up into Alice's desperate face.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

I tried to talk, but I couldn't form the words. I felt something warm and wet slipping from my mouth and down my chin.

"Hold on, Bella. Edward is coming. Carlisle will help you."

I wanted to nod, to show her I understood, but I before I could, darkness swept over me, casting me into unconsciousness.

* * *

**So… Alice knows the story of her change at last and Bella is all kinds of screwed. This chapter was a tough one to write—I'm not that good at scenes like this—so I hope I did it justice. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	20. Damages

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing, supporting and being the best friend a girl could ask for. Love you xxx**

**There is a past take at the end of this chapter—I saved it to the end again as I thought you'd want the action first. It's the last past take we're going to have, I'm afraid. We're almost caught up on the past now, it's time to hear the future. I'm sorry to see them end because—as tough as they were to write—they were my favorite parts of the story.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty — Damages **

**_Edward_  
**

My feet pounded the ground and the wind whipped through my hair as I raced toward the house. My every thought was directed toward one goal: getting to Bella. I prayed I wouldn't be too late. I had faith in Alice. She would protect Bella with her life, I knew that, but she was one vampire against two.

I could hear the thoughts of my family following me, battling to reassure me while fighting their own panic. Two of our own were in that house, facing a terrible threat, and we were useless to them until we got there.

I saw that the window was broken and someone had forced their way through the steel shutters. It didn't take much thought to work out who. As I approached the house, a figure snaked out of the hole in the side of the window. It was the female. Her long, red hair danced out behind her.

"Em! Grab her!" I shouted.

"On it!"

I would have liked to chase her down myself, but I had to focus on what was important and that was getting to Bella. I forced my way through the hole in the shutters and for a split second I stopped dead in my tracks. Bella was crumpled on the floor by the opposite wall and Alice was kneeling beside her, imploring her to wake up. The scent of Bella's blood was thick in the air, and venom flooded my mouth, teasing me, tempting me. Alice turned and the look of pure desperation in her eyes snapped me out of my bloodlust.

She gasped as she caught sight of my onyx black eyes. "Edward, help!"

I crossed the room at a run and dropped down beside them. "Bella, love, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes."

Bella lay quiescent on the floor, unable to obey me.

I felt rather than saw Carlisle drop down beside me, and watched his competent hands as they moved over Bella's form, searching for injury.

"I think she broke something," Alice said. "I heard a snap."

Carlisle nodded. "Esme, get my bag, please."

I turned and saw Esme standing behind us with a look of horror etched over her beautiful features.

"Esme, please," I croaked.

She snapped out of her trance and dashed up the stairs.

I turned my attention to Bella again. "I'm here, love. I'm not going to leave you. Carlisle is going to take care of you."

A deep frown creased Carlisle's brow and his mouth was pressed into a hard line. "I think it's a pneumothorax. Her breath sounds are uneven."

Now I listened I could hear the sick thumping sounds as her lung tried to inflate and failed. Her heart rate was uneven and fast. Two medical degrees told me Bella was in terrible danger.

I smoothed back her hair, hoping to give comfort, and my hand came away sticky with blood. I stared at it coating my fingers, deep red and fragrant.

"Do you need to leave, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

I shook my head and wiped my fingers on my pants. "I'm fine."

Esme came back into the room and set Carlisle's black bag down beside him. Carlisle rooted through it and came out with a large syringe and length of tubing. "I need to access the area, Edward."

I gripped the hem of Bella's shirt and tore it upwards, murmuring an apology to Bella. This was no time to think of modesty though; this was about saving her life.

Carlisle counted down her ribs and swabbed the area with a sterile wipe. I flinched, as I knew what was about to happen. It would hurt Bella, unconscious or awake. I looked away and stared at her face instead of what Carlisle was doing. I heard the rip of skin as the needle was inserted and then the hiss of air. More blood spilled as Carlisle widened the incision and inserted the tubing. Bella's breaths immediately became easier as her lung inflated. Throughout it all, Bella hadn't even flinched. I should have been pleased that she showed no signs of pain, but I was concerned as I knew her level of unconsciousness was deep. Carlisle was thinking the same thing as he taped the tubing in place and moved onto her head injury. He pressed a wad of gauze to it and wound bandages around her head to keep in place.

"We need to get her to the hospital," he said. "Esme, can you bring my car around?"

Esme nodded and darted from the room.

I eased my arms under Bella carefully and lifted her against my chest. Carlisle kept one hand on her side, keeping the tubing in place in her chest. Alice stepped ahead of us and opened the front door. As I walked down the steps to I heard a ruckus coming from the trees and Emmett and Jasper stepped out, pinning a writhing James between them. I hissed as I caught sight of him.

"The female got away," Jasper explained. "But we caught _him_ at the coast."

I nodded. James' eyes were an onyx black; the smell of Bella's blood was calling to him.

"What do you want to do with him?" Emmett asked.

I would have liked to kill him myself, but the weight in my arms reminded me that I had more pressing concerns and responsibilities. "Kill him." My tone was heavy with the weight of my hatred.

"I'll do it," Alice said. When Jasper looked at her with confusion and concern, she shook her head curtly. "I owe him."

I nodded and eased myself and Bella into the back seat of the Mercedes. I would have to forgo the pleasure of James' destruction for Bella's sake, but I knew Alice would make sure he suffered before going into the fire. He deserved it.

* * *

Things moved in a blur following Bella's arrival at the hospital. She was swept away from me on a gurney. As a doctor, Carlisle was allowed to go with her, but because of his relationship with her he was unable to assist. I followed in his thoughts as they tended to her. Removing the tubing in her lung and replacing it with something more durable. Then, concerned about her head injury, they took her down for a MRI scan. The thirty minutes it took to run that scan were some of the longest of my life. I was terrified of what it would show. It transpired that she was surprisingly lucky. There was no fracture or bleed. The damage was largely on the surface, and that was fixed with some well placed sutures.

No real damage, but she still hadn't woken up.

Charlie arrived in the early hours of the morning. His white face and horror-struck eyes persuaded me to leave him alone with his daughter for a few minutes. He needed it. He wept as he looked down at her unconscious form. His thoughts, usually clouded, were crystal clear for once. He was comparing her to the newborn baby she had been and was feeling just as scared and out of his depth as he had been the minute she was placed in his arms for the first time.

I stood outside Bella's room, waiting for him to calm himself so I could go back to her side. It was he that came to me, though, tear tracks still drying on his face.

His hand rested on his hip where there would usually be a gun in a holster. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know he was wishing it was there now. He spoke through gritted teeth. "What happened?"

I hadn't given a thought to a cover story for Bella's injuries. My focus had been on her. I could hardly tell him Bella had been attacked by a rogue vampire. Thankfully, Alice chose that moment to make an appearance. With a look of deepest regret on her perfect features she threw herself at Charlie doing a good imitation of someone choking out words through their tears.

"Oh, Chief Swan, it's all my fault," she wailed. "I persuaded her to try on heels. She was just walking on the landing when she tripped and fell down the stairs."

Charlie's face twisted into a grim smile. "That sounds like my Bella."

Alice nodded and swiped a hand across her face. "The boys were playing football outside, but when they heard me screaming they came in. Edward was distraught, but he helped Carlisle." She sniffed. "They saved her life."

Charlie looked at me, sizing me up. He had needed someone to blame for what had happened to Bella, and I was the perfect target, but Alice had ruined that path for him. He gave me a look of grudging respect and held out a hand to me. "I guess I owe you my thanks."

I shook his hand. "It was Carlisle really. I just helped."

"Well, I'm damn grateful to both of you. Without you…" He trailed off and wiped at his eyes. "Just… thanks."

Carlisle appeared then, so I was able to slip back into Bella's room while Charlie thanked Carlisle with almost fanatical enthusiasm.

I sat down beside Bella's bed again and twined my fingers with hers, hoping that she knew I was there, waiting for her to wake.

Bella's mother, Renee, arrived the next day. She was hysterical with worry for her daughter, and once again I was forced to leave Bella's side to allow her some time with her mother. Renee sobbed over her daughter and gave promises and remonstrations in equal measure. Like Charlie, she was immediately distrustful of me, but after Carlisle explained the circumstances of Bella's accident and treatment at our hands, she took me into her arms and cried on my shoulder. I was pleased that they weren't going to try to keep me from Bella, but I hated that I was forced to lie to them. They had given me the most precious gift in the world, Bella, and I was forced to hide the truth from them for their own protection.

Protection… I cursed the word. I knew what I had to do to protect Bella from myself and my world, but I was loathe to do it. I should leave her here to live her normal, human life. I should cut all ties and leave her to live safely, but it went against everything I wanted. I wanted my Bella with me. To leave her I would have to break her trust in me, and I couldn't bear to do that. I told myself that she was better protected with me here because that was what I wanted to hear, but what was the right thing to do? I decided that Bella deserved to make the choice for herself. When she woke, I would talk to her. She deserved that much.

* * *

_**Bella **_

The first thing I was aware of was the beeping beside me and the strong, antiseptic scent in the air. That gave me a clue to my whereabouts—a hospital—but I didn't know how I came to be here. My thoughts were scattered and confusing and lateral thinking seemed out of my scope of abilities.

I felt a hand in mine, a cool hard hand, and it took a moment for me to connect it with a face. As soon as I did, my eyes rolled as I struggled to open them.

"Bella, can you open your eyes?" a soft voice asked.

I tried, but my eyes felt weighted.

"Please, love, look at me."

It was the sheer need in that voice that enabled me to prize them open and look around. Edward's face swam into view beside me. As our eyes met, his lips curved into a smile.

"Hey," I said in a croaky voice.

His smile grew even wider. "Hey."

He stood and reached for a jug set on the table at my feet. He poured me a cup of water and brought it to me. I slurped down the cool water, feeling it easing my dry throat. He took the cup from me and set it down on the table again.

"So," I said, "what's the damage?"

He frowned. "Three broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and a nasty knock on the head." He smiled. "We told your parents that you fell down the stairs."

I nodded thoughtfully. That sounded like something I would do. "Where are they?"

"They are at Charlie's house, sleeping. Carlisle persuaded them that there was no need for them to stay around the clock. I should really call them and let them know you're awake."

"Not yet. I want just a little longer alone."

He frowned.

"Please, Edward. I love my parents, but I am not ready for my mom's hysterics."

He chuckled. "I would like to dispute that, but your mother have certainly had her hysterical moments lately."

I knew it. "If they're home, how are you here?" I asked.

"I have been pretending to sleep when anyone came in. That and Carlisle's influence had kept me free to be with you." His brow creased into a frown. "Do you want me to leave?"

I shook my head jerkily and then hissed with pain. It made the stitches on my scalp tug and pull.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. Just… please don't leave me."

He didn't smile. If anything his expression darkened.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He stared past me and out of the window. "I wonder…"

"What?"

"Should I stay at all?" He stiffened as if bracing himself for something. "Bella, I love you more than anything in the world, and I want nothing more than to be with you, but I have to ask you a question. Do you truly want me here?"

My eyebrows rose of their own accord. "Why wouldn't I?"

He gestured the length of my body. "Because you were hurt because of me."

I sighed. "You weren't the one that hurt me. That was James."

"But—"

I lifted a hand to halt him. I knew what he would say and I didn't want to hear it. "James hurt me because of my scent. That was down to me. He was sick and evil and twisted. That was down to him. All you did wrong was fall for a trick, and that could happen to anyone."

He cupped my cheek in his hand and I leaned into the touch. "I should never have gone to Canada. I should have stayed with you."

"Yeah, you should, but that's not your fault. It's a lesson learned. Don't leave me again, and I will be safe."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do. We are meant to be together. If I know you, and I think I do, you will be thinking of leaving now to keep me safe. I can't stop you." I fought back the tears that wanted to fall at that admission. "But I wish you wouldn't. I am safe with you, Edward, and happy. If you leave me I will be scared and alone."

I could see the weight of indecision lift from his shoulders. His whole aspect changed. The darkness in his eyes lightened and the creases on his brow cleared. He had come to a decision. I just hoped it was the one I wanted him to make.

"Edward?"

He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. It didn't feel like a goodbye, so I allowed myself to hope for a moment.

"I will stay," he said. "As long as it is the best thing for you, I will stay."

A wide smile curved my lips. "Do you promise?"

"As long as it is the best thing for you, yes, I promise."

I sighed out a heavy breath. "Thank you." A yawn caught me off guard, and I covered my mouth a little too late.

He traced the curve of my cheek with one cool finger. "Sleep now, love, I will be here when you wake.

"Promise?"

He chuckled. "I promise."

* * *

_August 2003 ~ Bella is 15_

We were in the meadow. The remains of my lunch were piled neatly on the ground and Edward was stretched out beside me on the blanket.

He lay on his side, his head rested on one arm. If I didn't know better I would have said he was asleep. It would not be a restful sleep though, as the time passed the lines of sadness in his face became more pronounced.

I had been attempting to ignore this sadness all day. I thought I knew what it meant, and I was not ready to face that.

If it was our last day, I wanted to appreciate it while I could. Unfortunately, the shadows of the trees crept ever closer to us as the sun slowly sank in the sky. Soon I would have to go home, and he would have to leave.

"Bella," he said softly.

"Not yet, just a little longer." I tried to make my voice light and unconcerned, but the tears threatening to overwhelm me made my voice unsteady.

His eyes opened and the desperation I felt was reflected back at me in the pools of molten gold I loved.

"Believe me, I want to stay more than you can imagine, but my present self will be here soon and it will be too dangerous."

"Why did you have to come now?" I moaned. "You could have waited just a little longer."

He smiled. "I didn't know you were here. Believe me, if I had, I would have sought you out sooner. But I didn't know. I am out there somewhere, completely oblivious to your existence."

"Yeah, well you're stupid. Why can't I come find you now?"

I already knew the answer to that, we had discussed it before. Timelines, a tangle of intertwining threads that looked like a senseless mess but were in fact perfectly balanced. If the wrong threads touched, all would be destroyed.

"You just need to have a little patience; it's not long for you to wait."

"I don't want to wait," I said, feeling like the small child he first met.

"You never do," he said with a wry smile.

He rose smoothly to his feet and pulled me up beside him.

"Remember, when we do meet again, I am not going to be the same person I am now. I won't know you, and I will not always be kind. Take care and remember what I am. You are the person that will make me who I am now. You just need to wait for me to catch up to you."

I was always the one that had to wait. He could come and go at will, months passing in a blur, while I was forced to live through each achingly slow day.

"I wish you could stay," I said mournfully.

"So do I. You have no idea how desperately I wish that."

He pulled me into his arms. His grip on me was so tight it was almost painful, but I didn't care. I gripped him back with all my strength, as if I could keep him with me by just holding tight enough.

I felt him tremble, and I tried to pull back to look at him, but his hold on me was too tight. His cool breath tickled my skin, as he hid his face in my hair. His trembling became lurching tremors and strange choking sounds escaped him.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry. I am so, so, sorry," he choked. I realized he was crying. His frozen form was unable to weep, these choking sobs were the best he could do.

"It's okay," I soothed, rubbing his back.

I didn't know what was making him so sad, or what he was apologizing for, but his pain was my pain.

His grip on me loosened, and I pulled back to look at him. I had never seen him like that before, he looked almost deranged.

His hands cupped my cheeks and his eyes bored into my own. "Never forget that I love you," he said fervently. "I have always loved you, and I always will."

"I won't forget," I promised. "I love you, too. Forever."

His mouth opened and he mouthed words, but I can't make them out. It was as if he was fighting against something. I had seen him like this before; he was trying to say something that would change things.

I pressed a finger to his lips. "Whatever it is, save it till you get home. You can tell me then."

He shook his head mournfully.

"You can't tell me?" I asked. "Why? I am there, aren't I?"

His eyes widened, horror etched on his features.

"Why aren't I there?" I demanded. "Edward, tell me I'm there. Please tell me I'm not all alone then, too."

"I'm sorry," he choked.

"Why aren't I there? Did you leave me? Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head violently.

A new idea came to me and with it a crushing certainty. Everything slotted into place, like pieces of a jigsaw. This was why he came back to find me. This was why he was apologizing.

"I'm not there because I'm—"

My words cut off as his lips crushed against mine. The soft flesh of my lips pressed against my teeth, the pain was nothing compared to the truth he had stopped me speaking aloud.

I swallowed the words, holding them within me, and lost myself in the kiss. My hands tangled in his hair, running the silken strands between my fingers.

He pulled back to allow me to catch my breath and his lips pressed against my forehead instead.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," he chanted. "Always. Forever. I love–"

And then he was gone.

My arms were left embracing empty air, and his professions of love were replaced by the song of the roosting birds.

I knelt on the ground and gathered the remains of my lunch, trying desperately to ignore the aching emptiness in my chest where my heart used to be.

My knees popped as I stood, and I made my way back to the trail that would take me home. I needed to replace the desperate sadness with something resembling calm before Charlie saw me. There was no need for him to worry.

I would go home, prepare dinner and enjoy my last night with him before I returned to Phoenix in the morning.

I stopped at the edge of the tree-line and took one last searching look at the clearing, trying to memorize every detail of the scene, so I had something to look back on until I could be there again.

The words bubbled up my throat, making it impossible to breathe. I knew I would have to say them aloud if I was to make it through these coming months with sanity intact. If I kept them inside, they would fester and destroy me.

"I'm not there, because I'm dead."

* * *

**So… That was a kick in the feels. I wrote this chapter a long time ago, around the time I started the story, and though I have read it multiple times as I edited and fact checked, I get sad every time. **

**Hope you enjoyed our last trip to the past, despite the feels, and are willing to join me now in Book Two. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	21. The Start Of Summer

**Welcome to Book Two. The response to book one was more than I could have hoped for. I sincerely hope you've carried on to this section of the story, too. **

**Much love to Gredelina1 for the beta magic and for helping me get this story written.**

* * *

_Book Two _

_**Chapter One — The Start of Summer**_

_July 2005_

_**Bella **_

The steam billowed up and I leaned back as I tipped the pan of pasta over the colander. I was preparing a meal for Charlie before going to Edward's house. It was the first day of the summer break, and I was looking forward to weeks of Edward's company without the pressure of school to think of. It promised to be a good summer. My injuries from James' attack were healed at last and I was free to enjoy myself.

I heard the front door click open and Charlie's voice called out, "Hey, Bells. We've got company."

My heart leapt. I hadn't expected Edward yet, but I wasn't complaining about him coming early. The more time I had with him, the better.

Edward and Charlie's relationship had improved exponentially since I left the hospital, aided by my and Carlisle's championing of him. Charlie had always liked Carlisle, especially following the robbery, but now he practically worshipped him after he saved my life following my 'accident'.

Beaming smile in place, I walked out into the hall to greet Edward, but it wasn't my love waiting in the hall, it was Jacob and Billy. I managed to keep my smile in place as I greeted them, though I was careful not to show Jacob too much enthusiasm. Edward's warning about his crush remained in my mind. I didn't want to lead him on; that wouldn't be fair.

He grinned as he caught sight of me. "Hey, Bella."

"Billy and Jake came by to drop off some fish fry," Charlie explained, holding a paper sack in his hand. "I invited them to dinner. You don't mind do you?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. I've made plenty." All I would have to do was add some bread and salad and we'd be good.

I went back into the kitchen and delved into the fridge to find the salad. I felt a presence behind me, and I knew before he spoke who it would be.

"I haven't seen you for ages," Jacob said.

I moved to the counter and set to work preparing the salad. "I've been busy."

"Yeah, I heard about your accident. You must be pretty klutzy to fall down the stairs."

"I guess so. I'm fine now, though."

He nodded. "So I see. You want help with that?"

I stepped away from the counter and handed him the knife. "If you don't mind."

"Nah, I cook at home all the time." He set to work chopping the salad with more speed and precision that I could manage.

I returned to the stove and stirred the sauce I had prepared for the pasta.

"What you doing this summer?" he asked.

I smiled. "I'm planning on spending as much time with Edward as I can." It was the truth and it had the added bonus of reminding Jacob that I wasn't available, if he was even still interested in me. Months had passed since I'd seen him last and teenage boys were nothing if not changeable. Perhaps he had found someone else already.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "That's your boyfriend, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's Edward. How about you? Do you have someone special in your life?"

He looked down at the countertop. "There's someone, but she's taken."

Oh. Probably not changeable then. That was a shame.

I took the sauce from the stove and prepared the plates of food for us. Jacob arranged the salad in a bowl and I called Billy and Charlie in to eat.

I felt Billy's eyes on me as we ate, and I wondered if this visit was going to end with him trying to warn me away from Edward again. I hoped not, I wasn't interested in defending my relationship, not to him.

When we were finished, Charlie and Billy went back into the lounge to finish watching the baseball game dinner had interrupted. I told Jacob he was fine to go watch with them, but he said he'd be happier helping me clean up. Not wanting to seem ungrateful, I set him to washing the dishes while I dried. We were almost done and I was putting away a glass, when Jacob called my name. I turned in time to get a handful of soap suds blown into my face. I sputtered as I wiped the suds from my face. He howled with laughter and I found myself laughing with him; his humor was infectious.

"You two okay in there?" Charlie called from the lounge.

"We're… fine," I said between chuckles.

We choked ourselves to calm again, occasionally hiccupping a laugh.

"I'm sorry," Jacob said. "I couldn't resist."

"I bet."

We finished putting away the dishes, and then I suggested we sit out on the back porch for a while. I wasn't in the mood to feign interest in baseball for Charlie's benefit. We grabbed a soda each from the fridge and sat down on the swing out back.

"So," I said, breaking the silence, "what are yourplans for the summer?"

He beamed at me. "I'm still working on my car. I have the basics of a body now and I'm ready to get to work on the engine." Just as the last time he'd told me about his car, he rambled on until I only understood every other word. I was happy to listen though, and he was more than happy to talk. When he had exhausted the topic of his car, he moved onto his friends on the reservation, Embry and Quil. He was just getting to the topic of people he wasn't as keen on—someone called Sam seemed to be the main one—when Charlie appeared at the door.

"Jake, your dad's ready to go."

Sighing heavily, Jacob got to his feet. "Okay. See you soon, Bella."

I nodded and followed him and Charlie back into the house. Billy was waiting for them by the door. He eyed me as I came into the hall. "It was good to see you again, Bella, especially since you are recovered from your… accident."

I forced a smile. "It's all thanks to Edward and Carlisle, they saved me."

"I bet they did," he said darkly.

Charlie frowned and I was sure I knew the path his thoughts had taken. Billy seemed to be dredging up the old prejudice against the Cullens.

Jacob looked embarrassed. He grabbed the handles of Billy wheelchair and pushed him out onto the porch. I watched as he and Charlie carried Billy down the steps.

I waved from the door as Jacob and Billy drove away and then made for the stairs. It was too late for me to go to Edward's now, so I would have to wait for him to arrive when I went to bed to see him. Though I was disappointed, it would have been nice to see the rest of the family, I'd had a good evening with Jacob. If I could just break his crush, he could be a good friend.

When I got to my bedroom, I saw a note on my bed. In Edward's perfect script was the message, _Alice has seen that you will have visitors this evening, so I am going to take the opportunity to hunt. I will be back before you wake. _

Disappointed that I wouldn't see him that evening, I hurried through my shower and changed into my nightclothes. I picked up a book from my shelf and curled up on the bed to read. I must have fallen asleep, as the next thing I knew the book was being tugged out of my hand and a cool body was lying down beside me.

"Edward," I sighed happily.

"I am here," he said softly. "Now sleep, I will be here when you wake."

I burrowed into his chest and fell asleep again.

* * *

The next afternoon I drove along the dirt track that led to Edward's house, tapping my hands on the steering wheel.

In the distance I could hear rumbling sounds like thunder, and I guessed I was about to interrupt a wrestling match. The odds were on it being Emmett and Jasper; they were engaged in some kind of prolonged tournament at the moment. I didn't understand the rules or motivation, but then I didn't understand half of what my vampires did. They really did live in a different world.

As I came out into the meadow in front of the house, I caught sight of Edward standing on the front porch. Emmett and Jasper were there too, leaning against the balustrade, both looking distinctly ruffled, confirming my suspicions that it was them that had been wrestling.

Edward opened my door and I climbed out into his arms. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply.

I heard Emmett's snicker, but I ignored him. Edward had explained to me that my scent was a dual pleasure and pain for him. It scorched his throat, but it reminded him that I was safe and well.

He leaned back and looked into my eyes. "I missed you."

I grinned. "Me too."

He released me and I turned to greet Emmett and Jasper. "I heard you wrestling. Who won?"

"Me," Emmett said triumphantly. "Jasper forfeited because I was whipping his ass."

"I didn't forfeit," Jasper said. "I stopped because Bella arrived. She still owes me a chess match."

Edward's expression darkened, and I wondered if he was going to attempt to stop our game. I hadn't had much of a chance to get to know Jasper as I had the other members of the family. At first, he had kept his distance, but as time passed he seemed to become more confident around me, or perhaps it was because he was becoming accustomed to my scent. Whatever the reason, he didn't lurk in doorways when I was visiting anymore. He would join us on the couch to watch movies and would sit on the stool in the kitchen as I prepared my lunch with Alice.

"C'mon, Edward," Emmett said. "You can't hog Bella to yourself all the time."

"I'm not…" Edward began irritably but I pressed a finger to his lips.

"I'll be fine."

He stared into my eyes for a moment and then nodded. "Okay."

It wasn't exactly the enthusiastic response I was hoping for, but it was better than nothing.

Jasper opened the door and gestured me in ahead of him. "If you are ready, Miss. Swan."

"Prepare to be beaten, Mr. Whitlock."

Emmett bellowed a laugh and I could hear soft titters from inside the house which I guessed to be Esme and Alice.

Rosalie was lounging on the couch and as I came inside, she gave me a speculative look. It was an improvement on the open hostility we had started with, and it made me wonder whether we'd reach civil before the end—before my end. Jasper was setting up the board and he looked up. I guessed he had caught the tenor of my mood as I considered my death. I forced myself to smile brightly in return, reaching for the excitement of summer to block my dour emotions.

A lot of the time, I could live my life and enjoy it, not dwelling on my approaching end. All humans lived with the knowledge that they would die hanging over them, and while it was entirely possible that the reason I wasn't with Edward in his future was because I had died a natural death after a long life, I doubted it somehow. Edward's desperate apologies and devastating sadness made me sure that my time had come too soon.

Jasper sat down at one side of the ornate chessboard that stood in the lounge, and he waved a hand at the seat opposite him in invitation. I sat down and cracked my knuckles.

Emmett stood behind Jasper, bracing his hands on Jasper's shoulders. "No pressure, Jasper, but the fate of Cullen pride rests on you."

Alice flitted into the room and pushed Emmett's hands away, replacing them with her own, then leaned down to press a kiss to Jasper's cheek. "Don't worry, Jazz. We'll still love you if you lose."

I wondered if that meant she already knew who was going to win. It wouldn't be the first time she used her ability to get ahead in a game of some sort. Jasper and Emmett resolutely refused to play board games with her or Edward because of their gifts. It could be that she already knew, or it could be that she was trying to lull me into a false sense of security, either way, I had to concentrate. Jasper made his opening move and I prepared to do battle.

You would have thought it was a Super Bowl the reaction our game got. Emmett whooped and hollered every time Jasper captured one of my pieces, and Edward rewarded my captures with a cheer and kiss to my hair. Even Rosalie turned off the TV and turned in her seat to watch us.

As Jasper made his last move, checkmating me, Emmett burst into a victory dance, punching the air.

"Never mind, love," Edward said consolingly. "You'll get him next time."

Jasper reached across the board, extending a hand to me to shake. I took it, feeling the coolness of his smooth skin, and shook, thinking that even though I had been soundly beaten, it had served the purpose of developing our relationship a little.

* * *

I was sitting on Edward's lap in the lounge, eating my sandwich and half watching the TV show Alice and Rosalie were absorbed in, when Emmett threw himself down on the couch and sighed heavily. "I need a vacation," he announced.

Rosalie turned to him and smiled sweetly. "I was thinking about that. We could go visit Zafrina's coven."

My attention switched from the TV to Emmett and Rosalie's conversation. Other than my vampires and Tanya's coven in Denali, I didn't know much about the Cullens' friends. The only other friendly vampire I had heard of was Makenna and all I knew about her was that she was the one that was going to reunite Edward with me in my past.

Emmett's wide smile faltered. "Actually, babe, I was thinking we could all go somewhere together."

"Hold that thought," Alice said, not turning from the TV. "Carlisle will be home in three minutes."

Edward turned to the door and smiled. I was sure he could hear the approach of Carlisle's car, or perhaps his thoughts. We waited in silence and after the assured minutes, the door opened and Carlisle stepped inside. Esme darted down the stairs in a blur and came to a stop in front of Carlisle.

"Esme," he said softly, staring into her eyes with such love that it made me feel warm just to watch. He kissed her cheek gently and then turned his attention to the room at large.

"Emmett has an idea," Alice said, "and we're going to need your help to pull it off."

"Way to steal my thunder," Emmett said irritably. He wasn't the only one looking irritated. Rosalie's sweet smile had faded and she was glaring at him. I wondered what it was she had worked out that I was still lagging behind with.

Carlisle shrugged off his coat and laid it over a chair by the door and then he came to sit on the couch. "How can I be of assistance?" he asked.

Alice opened her mouth to speak but Emmett spoke over her, eager to share his plan himself. "I think we need a family vacation. Some time to get to know one another a little better. We need you to sell the idea to Charlie."

I understood at last. I was being included in this example of family. It made a smile creep across my face. I thought of all of the Cullens as my family, as I had since the moment I first heard their names all those years ago. They were an extension of Edward and therefore I loved them. That had been how it started at least. Now I knew them all for who they really were and I loved them for themselves, even Rosalie.

"That's a lovely idea," Esme said. "Where shall we go?"

"Camping," Emmett said with glee. "I figure we could go back to Oregon. There was that spot by Lava Lake we went to that time."

I raised a tentative hand. "Not that camping doesn't sound fun, but what about your propensity to sparkle in the sunlight? Won't people notice if we're sharing a campground?"

"That would be a problem if we were using a campground," Emmett said. "The place we're going is pretty isolated. We can only get there on foot, so it's unlikely any humans are going to be around, and even if they are, Alice will see them coming and we can get undercover until they're gone. It's foolproof, Bella."

Isolated sounded great, time alone with Edward and his family sounded even better. I looked up and saw the glimmer of excitement in Edward's eyes. He really wanted this, and judging by the other's faces—with one obvious exception—they wanted it too.

"Okay," I said, a wide smile on my face. "Sounds good. Someone else will have to sell it to Charlie though."

Carlisle smiled. "I believe that is my cue." He pulled a slim, silver phone from his pocket and started to dial.

* * *

**So… We're back to the cutesy tootsie stuff again for a while. These and future chapters are ones that I wrote more recently, so you may notice a difference in my writing style. Hope it's not too much of a problem. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx **


	22. Future Plans

**Huge thanks to Gredelina1 for the beta job and all round support.**

* * *

**Chapter Two — Future Plans**

_July 2005_

_**Edward**_

_Stupid poles and stupid canvas and stupid connections. _

Emmett's thoughts made me chuckle. He was standing in the middle of the small clearing we'd decided on for our trip, surrounded by the separate parts of the tent he was supposed to be erecting and wearing a scowl that would have sent Mike Newton and his ilk running for the hills. The only one among us likely to be intimidated by his expression, Bella, was leaning against Alice and positively howling with laughter.

It was his own fault that he was left to deal with the tent alone. He had ill-advisedly challenged Jasper to a race through to Oregon with him driving Rosalie's car and Jasper in the Jeep. It had seemed like the bet was an easy one; the M3 outstripped the Jeep on every turn, until it came time to reach the campground. Rosalie wouldn't risk her car on the uneven wooded paths and Emmett had been forced to find a parking spot in town before running to the spot we'd chosen to camp in. By the time we arrived, having taken a more sedate speed in the Volvo, Emmett and Jasper were at each other's throats—figuratively speaking—deciding on whether the finish line should have been town or the campground. Bella, as an impartial objector, had been chosen to cast the deciding vote, and she had come down on Jasper's side. So now Emmett was forced to erect the tent alone while we watched.

It would have been a simple task for his enhanced mind if he would only read the instructions. He refused though, citing the fact he was a vampire and didn't need human instructions to do something so simple, and now he was struggling. In his defense, it did seem a complicated design.

Finally, with a whispered curse, he threw up his arms in defeat. "I quit! We're going to have to find a hotel for Bella because this tent is screwed to hell."

Bella laughed harder than ever, and even Rosalie seemed to be having trouble hiding her smile at her mate's predicament.

"Need some help, Em?" Bella asked sweetly.

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest. "Really, Bella, if a vampire can't do this, a human doesn't have a chance."

Bella's jaw jutted out and a mulish expression crossed her features. "I think I can manage."

Emmett rolled his eyes and spread his arms open in a gesture of offering. "Go ahead, but don't be worried to admit when you're beaten. There's no shame in it."

Bella plucked the tent instructions from the ground and read them with a quirked brow, then she picked up the longest of the carbon poles and set to work threading it through the light canvas.

"Do you need help, love?" I asked.

"No, thank you," she said politely if a little stiffly, laying the pole on the ground and picking up another.

I smiled at her stubbornness. It would have been an irritating character trait in anyone else, but it was my Bella therefore I accepted it.

She managed alone for ten minutes and then called to Esme and Alice for the final step. They each grabbed a pole and with a few swift tugs the perfectly erected tent was complete. She stepped back and brushed her dirty hands on her knees and turned to Emmett. "Human's aren't so useless after all." Her words would have been biting if not for the broad smile she sported as she said it, and I knew from Jasper that she was feeling amused and accomplished as she finished.

Emmett rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Yeah. Um… sorry?"

Bella patted his vast forearm and smiled again. "Don't worry, Em. You're only a vampire, after all."

* * *

With the tent set up and Bella's things prepared, there was nothing else for us to do in the camp. I was thinking of suggesting a swim in the lake, but before I could, Alice spoke up.

"Bella, do you want to walk with us?" she asked.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering at her motivation. Bella wasn't exactly a speed walker; her tendency toward tripping slowed her down somewhat. Walking at a human pace was dull at the best of times, and in a place where we were unobserved by humans other than Bella meant that we normally let the human act slip and moved at our natural speed. Tramping with Bella through the woods wasn't going to entertain anyone, likely not even Bella.

Alice caught my eye. _Relax, Edward. She'll love it and so will Rose._

I doubted that very much. I wondered how Alice thought she would even be able to persuade Rosalie to go with them.

Bella glanced at me for a moment, and then jumped to her feet. "Sure."

"Esme?" Alice said sweetly.

"Of course," Esme said, standing smoothly and brushing down her slacks.

Alice looped her arm through Bella's and they set off for the track we'd followed into the camp.

Rosalie watched them go with a small frown gracing her brow. I didn't search her thoughts for a clue to her feelings. If she wanted me to know what she was thinking, she would have told me. I wasn't above using my gift for my own purposes, but I tried to give privacy most of the time.

"So, the ladies are occupied," Jasper said with a wry smile. "Who wants to swim? Last across the lake has to make dinner for Bella."

Emmett was already on his feet and stripping off his shirt. "I'm in. Rosie?"

Rosalie scowled. "I'm not cooking for the human and I am not joining your silly games. I'll go talk to Esme."

Emmett looked a little disappointed, but Jasper looked smug. I caught his eye and his smile widened. _Don't worry, Edward. Bella will be fine. Alice has a plan._

So this was all orchestrated. Like me, Alice tried not to abuse her gift, but if it would advance her plans, she would do whatever she needed. I guessed this was her attempt to make Rosalie and Bella spend time together. With Esme and Alice there, too, I didn't worry for Bella. She was more than able to handle Rosalie's sharp tongue.

Rosalie disappeared along the path Bella, Esme and Alice had taken and I started stripping to my shorts. Some time in the lake would be a fun way to pass the time. If I happened to lose the race, I would have to cook for Bella, which I didn't mind in the slightest. Though on second thoughts, it might be interesting for Emmett or Jasper to have a go at preparing food. It smelled bad and tasted even worse to us, therefore all the enjoyment would be for me when I told them that they had to taste test it all first.

I chuckled to myself and wandered to the lake edge where Emmett was already waiting, stretching his arms over his head in unnecessary preparation.

Carlisle wandered over to my side and clapped me on the shoulder. _Are you planning something nefarious, Edward?_

I shook my head slightly. I wasn't being evil exactly. I was just joining them in their tradition of teasing and pranking each other.

"Ready gentlemen?" Carlisle asked. We nodded and Emmett dropped into a dive position. "The path is across the lake, to the large oak and back. Bring back a branch from the tree to prove you reached it. On your marks. Get set. Go!"

With a great deal of splashing from Emmett, we dove into the water and began powering our way through the water. I was faster on land, but Jasper was smoother in the water, closely followed by Emmett. I knew I would not beat them in the lake, I would have to make my time up on the land. I forced my way through the water as fast as I could, kicking hard. As soon as I was at a depth that I could reach the bottom, I stood and forced my way through the water. With my enhanced strength, it was easier for me to push through the water than it would be for a human. Soon, I was on the shore and sprinting towards the tree Carlisle had designated. I ripped a small branch from the tree and grasped it in my hand. I made for the water again, but before I could even wet my toes, I was tackled from behind. If I had been paying attention, not giving privacy, I would have heard Emmett's plan form.

"Go on, Jasper!" he bellowed.

I snarled instinctively as I bucked beneath him. I wasn't a match for Emmett in strength. I usually came away victorious from our bouts because I could preempt his strikes. The way he had me pinned now, with my arms behind my back in a half-nelson, meant that I was stuck till he decided to release me.

"Cheat," I accused.

He laughed. "Maybe."

Unable to do anything but watch as Jasper sped across the lake, I sighed heavily. I didn't mind helping Bella prepare her meals, but I did mind losing.

Emmett waited until Jasper was halfway before he leapt away from me and dove straight into the lake again. I knew I had no chance of winning the race now, so I didn't hurry back into the other side of the lake. I took a leisurely swim. When I got back, Jasper and Emmett were stretched on their backs as if sunbathing and Carlisle was standing beside them, barely hiding his smile.

"Enjoy the swim, Edward?" Jasper asked, peering up at me.

"It was refreshing."

"I guess you'll be helping Bella with dinner, then," Emmett said. "Esme packed fixings for a barbeque, so that should be fun for you."

I grinned. "Oh, I see. That's why you two were determined to win. You're afraid of losing your man points?"

Emmett shaded his eyes and looked up at me. "What now?"

"It's a human thing," Carlisle said. "Males put a lot of stock into their barbequing ability. I have treated many burns and bruised egos."

I sank down onto the floor beside them and stretched my legs out in front of me. "I can see why you would both be uncomfortable with it. Barbeque is not for the fainthearted."

"I don't mind losing man points," Emmett said. "I have plenty already. I can lend you some if you want."

Carlisle's lips quirked as he sat down beside me. We were no more comfortable sitting than we were standing, but it was nice to feel like a human sometimes. We had picked up these traits from Bella recently. It amused me that we still did it when she wasn't here.

Emmett rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand and stared at me for a moment. "Edward, can I ask you something?"

Surprised by the non-sequitur, I nodded.

"When are you going to change Bella?"

My mouth dropped open. "Pardon?"

"When are you going to change Bella?" he asked slowly. "I mean, I love having her around as a human, she's hilarious and more than a little awesome, but it'll be so much better once she's really one of us."

I felt their eyes on me as I stared out at the lake. "I'm not."

"Why the hell not?" Emmett asked.

I sighed and looked at him. "Because she's better than that, she deserves better."

Emmett sat up in one smooth movement and watched me carefully. "Better than us?"

I nodded. "I don't want this life for Bella. I don't want her to regret it." I could have pointed out the fact that Rosalie had regrets for her life, mainly her change and lost chance to be a mother, but that would have been cruel. I knew by the way his eyes tightened that he was already thinking of those things.

"How's that going to work?" Jasper asked. "I mean, are you going to stay with her as she gets old and dies?"

I shuddered at the mention of Bella's mortality. "I don't know," I admitted. "I want her to have all the things life has to offer, including motherhood, but I don't know how that will work with us being together. There are some things I can't give her. For myself, I want to be with her as long as she'll have me. For her, it would be better if she never loved me." I sighed. "I don't know what motivates me to go to her past. Knowing what I do now, I would not do it, as Bella has been bound to love me since she was a child. According to her, I can't change that though. It's already happened to her, so it will one day happen to me. The best I can hope for is that she will find another she can love that will allow me to be a part of her life."

There was a long silence for a moment, and then Carlisle cleared his throat. "That is no life for you, Edward. You deserve better, too. Perhaps you should speak to Bella. She may not want the things you believe she wants and deserves. There might be a way for you to make it work."

"No," I said shortly. "She's too young to know yet. She could want something now that she will hate when she's older, or worse, immortal. She could choose the change now, only to regret it in ten years. Besides, there is more than motherhood at stake."

"You are speaking of souls," Carlisle said.

"Bella's is beautiful," I said. "You only have to look at her to know that. I cannot risk her losing that."

"You know, for a smart guy, you're pretty damn dumb sometimes," Jasper drawled. "Not only are you insulting us all, our wives included, which is pretty stupid, you're missing the obvious. If we even had souls, which I'm not convinced of, they can't be that important if we lose them. Look at Alice." He smiled fondly. "She is the most incredible woman, and she loves with her whole heart. I don't see a way that can be improved upon with or without a soul."

I understood what Jasper was saying, and I too found it hard to think of a way to improve upon my sister, but it was a risk I was not prepared to take. It didn't matter what they said, Bella would not be a vampire.

* * *

_**Bella**_

We were a few minutes out of camp when Rosalie arrived with a rush of air and a sweep of her magnificent hair.

"The boys are playing at being idiots again," she said loftily, "so I thought I would join you."

Esme looped her arm through Rosalie's and we set out on the path again.

I wasn't much of a hiker, my predisposition to trips and falls made that a bad idea, but I had to wonder if I'd been missing out on something as we ambled along. The ambient sounds of the forest—birds and the breeze through the trees and the chattering of small animals—made for a great atmosphere.

I was beginning to enjoy the walk when we came out into a clearing and Alice called us to a stop. It wasn't quite as beautiful as our meadow, but it was close. There were wildflowers dotted around and the trees ended in an almost perfect circle.

"What do you think?" Alice asked.

"It's beautiful," I said with a beaming smile.

Alice looked smug. "I thought you might like it. Obviously it's not as pretty as yours, but it's close."

Rosalie and Esme looked a little confused, so I hurried to explain. "There's a meadow a little like this near my house. Edward and I have always gone there." I spied a spot clear of flowers and moved to sit down with my legs stretched out in front of me. "I think Edward might have made it himself when I was young. When I was a child, we'd spend our time there together." I looked at Alice. "Have you seen it?"

"Only in visions," she said. "I was curious and wanted to go, but I thought it should be just yours."

I smiled my thanks. Perhaps it was selfish but I didn't want to share that place of so many memories with anyone but Edward.

At that moment, the sun crept out from behind a cloud and prisms of light reflected from their skin. I watched in awe as their impossible beauty increased. Even Rosalie, who Edward told me deplored her vampire traits, looked pleased.

Alice sat down beside me and leaned against my shoulder. Esme and Rosalie sat opposite, both making the movement look as graceful as ballet.

"Tell us about yourself, Bella," Esme said eagerly. "You know so much about us, but there's so much we don't know about you."

"What would you like to know?"

"Everything."

I laughed softly. "I'm guessing you know most of it already through the town gossip mill. My mom and Charlie split when I was a baby and mom took me away to live in California. Mom's a grade school teacher. Well, she was, now she's travelling with Phil while he tries to get a team."

Esme shook her head. "That's the past. Tell us about you _now_."

"Tell us what you want in life," Rosalie said mildly. "What future would you like?"

Future… There was no guarantee I would have one. I couldn't tell them that though. Edward would hear about it from their thoughts or words, and I didn't want to hurt him with the truth.

I thought back to before that last day with Edward, to the summer before I knew I was fated to die, and remembered what my plans were then.

"I want to go to college," I said. "I want to be a teacher like my mom. I think I could make a difference."

"I'm sure you could," Esme said sweetly. "You would be a wonderful teacher, wouldn't she?"

Alice nodded energetically, but Rosalie eyed me shrewdly. "What about having children?"

Again, I thought back to the way I had felt then, when it had been an option. "One day, yes, I would like to be a mother." I would have wanted to be a mother, but that option hadn't been mine since I was a child—not since I fell in love with Edward.

I ached for the future I could never have.

A small frown creased Alice's brow. She looked disturbed by something I'd said. I wondered what it was. Edward had never mentioned children when talking about Alice. He had said she and Emmett were the most content with their lives as they were. Was it that she secretly harbored a need for children?

Contrary to Alice's apparent disquiet, Rosalie looked satisfied. I expected her to be bitter, not realizing that the future I was talking about was impossible, but if anything she looked pleased.

Alice got smoothly to her feet with a forced smile. "We should get back."

Confused—we hadn't been gone that long—I let her pull me to my feet and followed her back along the track.

* * *

**So… Poor Alice just opened a helluva can of worms. Can you imagine what Edward's going to make of the news? **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx**


	23. No Regrets

**Thank you Gredelina1 for the beta work.**

**Mixed reactions to the last chapter. The story is completely written now, so I couldn't change anything to make it more appealing to you even if I wanted to. For those of you that left a positive review, thank you though. xxx**

* * *

_**Chapter Three — No Regrets**_

_July 2005_

_**Edward **_

The girls came back from their walk a very different group to the one that had left. Alice flitted straight to Jasper's side and leaned against him. His arm wound around her and he pulled her close. Esme seemed a little sad, too. In contrast, Rosalie seemed happy about something. I noticed all this in the moment that they arrived before my attention was drawn to Bella. She was smiling brightly, as she usually did when we were together, but there was tension in her brow.

Perhaps not seeing the tension, or doing his best to relieve it, Emmett launched into an explanation of how he and Jasper had beaten me in our race—leaving out the fact they had cheated magnificently—as he lolled on the ground.

"So, Edward's on dinner duty," he finished. "Hope you like charred steak, 'cause that's what you'll be getting."

Bella laughed. "If you say so, Em. I have a little more faith in his cooking abilities than that."

Emmett rolled onto his stomach and steepled his hands under his chin. "Oooh, I feel a childhood story coming along. C'mon, Bella, spill the beans. Did Edward cook for you when you were a little bitty child, too?"

Bella laughed. "No, we had far more interesting things to be doing than cooking when I was growing up."

"Like?"

"Like none of your business," Bella said happily.

I wondered what these more interesting things would be. Knowing it was fated to happen, I was eager to start my journey into Bella's past, but at the same time I was loathe to leave her now. I didn't know how the passage of time would work when I was in her past, but I assumed there would be some give and take in the matter. I assumed time spent there had to be extracted from time in the present in some form. Besides, Bella said that I would know it was the right time when it happened, and it didn't quite feel right yet. I was enjoying my present too much.

Strangely, Alice didn't seem to be enjoying it as much. My normally bright, enthusiastic sister was looking glum as she sat leaning against Jasper. I caught her eye and quirked an eyebrow in silent question. She sighed and nodded.

"I think we need some more firewood if Bella isn't going to freeze to death tonight," she said. "Edward, will you come collect some with me?"

I kissed Bella's temple and got to my feet. "Of course."

I could feel the gaze of the others on us as we made our way out into the trees. It was a pretty feeble excuse for us to leave them, as while they had been walking, Emmett and Jasper had collected enough wood to last us a few days of constant fire. Whatever Alice wanted to say to me, it wasn't something she wanted to share in front of the others, and she apparently needed me to be able to react, otherwise she would have just shown it to me in her thoughts.

As soon as we were out of Bella's human sight, we sped our pace to a run, not coming to a stop until we were a few miles out of camp, far beyond my family's ability to hear us.

I caught Alice's arm and turned her. Unexpectedly, she stepped close to me and rested her head on my chest. My hands came up to hold and comfort her. "Alice, what is it?"

"Bella," she said in a mournful tone.

"What about her?" Concern made my tone sharp.

Alice stepped out of my embrace and rubbed her hands over her face in a human gesture of sadness. "I didn't see," she said. "We were supposed to go and Rose was going to join us when Jazz suggested the race. But Rose changed it. It was supposed to be good."

"What happened?"

"Rosalie messed it all up. Esme was supposed to ask about Bella and she was going to tell us about when she was growing up with you, talking about how sweet you were when she was young, and Rose was going to like it. But Esme asked about Bella first, before I could start the conversation, and it all went wrong."

I sighed impatiently. "Alice, you aren't telling me what I need to know. What did Rosalie do?"

Instead of telling me, Alice opened her mind and showed me. I saw Esme's innocent question about Bella's life and Rosalie's question about children. Bella's expression became soft and yearning as she admitted she wanted a family—a thing I could never give her.

It felt like a steel-gloved hand had gripped my heart and clenched. My breath whooshed out of me and my eyes closed. It shouldn't have been a shock to me. Bella was human and children were a part of that in many instances, but suspecting and knowing were two different things. I would give Bella everything I had, everything I was capable of giving, just for the reward of her happiness, but this was one of the few things I couldn't give her, along with a permanent home and a future of growing old together.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

I shook my head, my eyes still squeezed shut. "This is… good," I said falteringly. "This is the life she deserves."

"No," Alice said harshly. "You are the life she deserves. You're the one she wants."

I looked into her wide, imploring eyes and smiled sadly. "Be that as it may, she wants things that I cannot give her. It is better this way. I will be able to let go of her easier now that I know she wants the things I cannot deliver."

That was right, wasn't it? I _could _let her go knowing she would have the life I wanted for her, a human life with children and family, a life with a soul. So why did it still feel like that gloved hand was on my heart?

Alice gripped my shoulders and shook me. "You don't understand, Edward. Nothing has changed."

"Everything's changed, Alice. She wants children."

Alice groaned. "No, you fool, nothing's changed with my vision."

The image of Bella as a vampire with topaz eyes sitting beside Alice with linked arms flashed across my mind. "You still see her as one of us?"

Alice nodded. "But I don't see children."

Now I understood. Alice wasn't upset because she thought Bella was going to leave us behind to have the human life she wanted, she was thinking of the fact Bella was going to have regrets, just like Rosalie.

I didn't see that though. I had never wanted Bella to be a vampire; I'd said as much only an hour ago to my brothers and father. I wanted her to have motherhood, a future, a life. If anything, this made things easier for me, knowing she wanted the same things from her life as I did for her.

I knew the right thing to do now. I needed to leave her to live her human life. It didn't need to be forever. Once she had that life, a partner that she loved and children she deserved, I could come back to her in some form. She could still be a part of my life and I hers. I could and would change the vision Alice had of her as a vampire. All I needed to do was find the strength to leave.

"Look now, Alice," I said, making a firm decision. I would see this trip through to the end, and then, when we were back in Forks, I would leave. I would travel and pass the time while she lived, so that when the time was right, I could return.

Alice dutifully closed her eyes and searched the future. It took less than a second for the image to form, not even a breath's hesitation. There she was, golden-eyed and changed.

"No different," Alice said, and I detected a hint of satisfaction in her voice.

My resolve couldn't be strong enough yet. It was no real surprise. The very thought of leaving her made me want to howl. That didn't matter. I still had time. Bella could not want children at only seventeen years of age. She wanted college, too, I knew that. I had perhaps four more years of her presence before I had to go. That was a blink of an eye to a vampire, but I would make it last. I would give Bella everything I was capable of giving while I could, make sure she lived life to the fullest, and then I would go. Her path would then be changed, and she would have the life she deserved.

I would make it work.

* * *

_**Bella **_

Alice and Edward came back after thirty minutes of collecting wood, with bright smiles in place. I was pleased that Alice looked better. She had been worrying me, as I was sure it was me that had upset her in the first place.

Edward dropped the wood down onto the pile and came to stand in front of me. He laid his hands on my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. "You know I would give you anything you asked, don't you?" he said fervently.

I felt my cheeks warm under his intense gaze. "Of course. I would for you, too." Though what I could give him that he didn't already possess, I didn't know. He already owned my heart.

He smiled and leaned forward to kiss me. Our lips met, and though his whole family was there, watching us, I felt no embarrassment as I returned the kiss. It was like they didn't exist to us. We were alone.

He finally pulled back and smoothed my hair away from my face. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled. "I love you, too. Forever."

He beamed at me, but I saw a shadow of something in his eyes. It lasted only a second, but it was long enough for me to define it as despair.

"So, Bella," Emmett said happily, breaking the moment with perfect ease, "you hungry yet? 'Cause I want to see what Chef Edward's made of."

I grinned at him. "I am, but I'm also curious to see how long you can wait before you start stomping your feet."

"Awww, c'mon, Bella, don't make me wait. We all know I'm terrible at it."

"Fine," I said, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "I'll eat."

I found the barbeque Esme had packed for me and set to work lighting it. While I waited for the fire to turn to hot coals, Edward prepared a salad for me. I had offered to help, but he insisted on doing it for me. I wondered if he was worried about me spilling blood with the knife. It definitely wouldn't be a good idea among so many vampires.

When the barbeque was ready, Edward slapped down the steak and soon the air was full of the delicious scent—delicious to me at least. The vampires around me were looking less impressed, Rosalie especially.

She got smoothly to her feet and toed Emmett's butt. "Let's go for a walk."

"Awww, Rosie," he groaned. "I want to watch Edward cook."

She bent and whispered something in his ear. I couldn't hear if it was a threat or invitation, but it made him move. He got to his feet and followed her into the trees.

If Edward thought with Emmett gone it would be easier for him to work in peace, he was wrong. Jasper seemed to take over the role of observer. He stood beside Edward as he worked, questioning him on each step. There was nothing for me to do, so I sat down on a log and listened to their conversation with a smile on my face. Alice came to sit beside me, and she started fiddling with my hair, loosening it from its elastic and braiding it. It was relaxing to feel her fingers combing through my tresses, and I let my eyes slip closed. Then I heard a click and my eyes opened to see Esme pointing a camera at us.

"Do you mind?" she asked.

I shook my head. I had a few snaps of the family that I had taken in our time together, more of Edward than anyone. It was also a nice thought that there was a physical representation of our time together. It would give Edward reminders other than his impervious memory for after I was gone.

When my steak was done, Edward plated it up and delivered it to me with a smile. I tucked in, choosing to listen to the conversation around me rather than joining in. They were discussing the Denali coven. Carlisle and Esme were planning a trip north to see them. I wished I could go. I wanted to meet these people that they all cared about. It wasn't safe though. It never would be.

As I pushed away my plate and patted my full stomach, Emmett and Rosalie came back to camp.

"How was your charcoal?" Emmett asked.

"It wasn't charcoal," I said. "It was perfectly cooked."

Emmett laughed. "Sure it was."

I rolled my eyes. "Next time you can cook and show us how it's done."

He looked like I had just suggested a coffee enema. "No thanks."

I shrugged. "Worried your mad skills are in question?"

"Yeah, Em. Don't you want a chance to show off your man points?" Edward asked.

"Nope," he said happily. "I don't mind losing a couple points. Like I said, I have plenty to share, and it might put you and Jazz on a more even playing field if I do."

He beamed as we all laughed. I absorbed the sound of the people I loved enjoying themselves.

* * *

Jasper and I were sitting on opposite sides of the fire pit, stacking wood into intricate patterns and laying kindling between. I had never lit a campfire before, and it was apparently more complex that I thought. Jasper was patient though. Guiding my hands and advising me. Finally, when the fire was lit, he got to his feet and clapped his hands together. "Miss. Bella has the fire burning and apparently it's time for s'mores."

Esme rooted through one of the cool bags of food she had brought. She brandished a pack of graham crackers. "Here we go."

I smiled as I took them and settled cross-legged on the floor, leaning against a log. Edward moved so he was behind me and rested his hands on my shoulders, fiddling with the end of my braid.

Emmett thumped down beside me and nudged my shoulder gently. "Scary stories are supposed to be a part of campfires, right Bella?"

I laughed. "Sure, for humans. I'm not sure what vampires would find scary though. Why don't you start?"

Emmett considered for a moment and then nodded. "I've got a good one. It happened about eighty-years ago, deep in the woods of Tennessee."

"Is this the story of your change?" I asked curiously.

Emmett frowned. "Did Edward already tell you?"

"He told me parts, but I'd like to hear the story again, especially your version of it."

Emmett cracked his knuckles. "Awesome. So, there I was, in the woods, hunting for supper, when this bear came at me…" He sighed. "Had to be at least twelve feet tall." I raised an eyebrow at that, but he didn't seem to notice. "It got me good across the gut with one swipe, tearing me open, and I'm on the ground, sure that was the end, then this other noise comes. I'm thinking it's another bear, and I'm just hoping the new one gets to be the one that does the eating, 'cause I don't want the sucker that killed me to win. I'm kinda floating in and out on the edge when I suddenly feel like I'm flying. I force my eyes open, so I can get a glimpse at Heaven, you know, and that's when I see her. This angel was carrying me, and I'm thinking maybe the preachers were wrong. They kept telling me I was going to Hell for my sins, but what kind of angel delivers people to Hell? Nah, I know as soon as I see her that I'm going to be okay."

He cast a loving look across the campfire at Rosalie. Rather than looking pleased at the trip down memory lane with Emmett's obvious adoration mixed in, she looked angry. He looked discomfited for a moment before going on. "I'm sure you know the rest; Rosie brought me to Carlisle and he bit me. For a long time I thought I was in Hell, after all, but I figured it was okay, 'cause my angel was still there with me. Then I woke up, like I am now, a vampire."

"That wasn't scary as much as it was sweet, Emmett," I said.

Rosalie scoffed.

"It was a good story," Edward said quickly. "But let's talk about something else."

I wondered at his reaction. He had already told me the family's stories, at least parts of them. Why was he being so delicate about them now? Then I realized he hadn't. This Edward hadn't told me any of them. This Edward was mine, but not in the same way that he was when I was a child. Something happened in the years between now and when Edward came to find me to change him. It made him more mellow and more intense in equal measure. His love was more intense but his beliefs in what I should and shouldn't know were more relaxed. Sometimes it was confusing to love two versions of the same man.

"One minute, Edward," Emmett said. "There's one more thing she needs to know." He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "There is not a single day I regret what I am. Rosalie gave me the best gift I could have asked for when she found me and brought me to Carlisle."

I smiled slightly. "I'm glad, Em. It's good that you're happy."

He ruffled my hair. "No regrets. Not one."

* * *

**A note from the beta…**

I feel like I need to remind you that this is a New Moon AU story and we all know what happens in New Moon… Edward thinks he knows best and makes stupid decisions. This is frustrating and upsetting, I know, but it's not Simaril's fault. She stated from the very beginning that it was a New Moon AU story and it should not come as a surprise to you that the story is taking the turn it is.

I'm very protective of Simaril, and the negative reviews that are not constructive criticism are really pissing me off. They make her feel very bad and she's starting to think that maybe she shouldn't post the rest of the story. This story is her baby, and mine too, and it deserves so much love. Please try to think of how words can hurt before you carelessly sling them out.

Gredelina1


	24. Birthday

**As always thanks to Gredlina1 for the awesome beta job. **

**Thank you all for the reviews. I'm sorry I haven't replied to them individually, but things have been crazy.**

* * *

_**Chapter Four — Birthday**_

_September 2005_

_**Bella **_

I wished the summer would last forever.

Though I had memories of Edward in my summers for as long as I could remember clearly, none of them had been as good as this. Then, Edward had been a secret kept only to myself. Now, I could be open and share him with everyone, including Charlie and Renee. To be able to talk about Edward with them, after years of silence on the subject, was amazing.

Edward's family's presence also added to the wonder of the summer. I hadn't had many friends growing up. It was hard to form bonds when I couldn't help comparing them with my best friend—Edward. With the obvious exception, the Cullens welcomed me into their lives and made me part of their family. I was closer to Alice than any of them, but I loved them all dearly.

The summer inevitably came to a close, but the magic didn't. Edward was still there, they all were. When school started again, Edward surprised me by rearranging his schedule so we were in almost every class together. We were rarely parted now. The only time he left me for more than a few hours was when he had to hunt.

My life was almost perfect. Even the shadow of my impending demise didn't settle over me anymore. Edward was my light, banishing the shadows.

* * *

I woke the morning of my birthday to cool kisses across my cheeks.

"Happy birthday, love," Edward whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes and was met with his golden eyes staring into mine. I smiled, content in the moment.

"How does it feel to be eighteen?" he asked.

I stretched my arms above my head and pointed my toes. "A lot like being seventeen."

That wasn't entirely true though. To be eighteen felt different to how it had felt to be seventeen as it was another milestone passed that I hadn't been sure I would have.

Edward smiled and then groaned. "Charlie's coming."

I laughed. "You better get in the closet then."

I felt a cool wind brush past me as he disappeared. Smiling, I sat on the edge of the bed and plumped the pillows to remove the twin indents of our heads. I had just finished as Charlie knocked on the door.

"Bells, you awake?"

"Yeah."

The handle turned and Charlie came in. He was carrying two packages in his hands and was smiling widely. "Happy birthday." He held out the packages and I took them with a smile.

"Thanks, Dad."

"The one of top's from me," he said, "and your mother's is underneath."

I tore through the packaging and saw that Charlie's gift was a slim, silver camera.

"I remembered you used to like taking pictures," he said. "And I thought you could use an upgrade."

I was touched that he remembered. It had been a couple years since the summer of photography.

"Thanks, Dad," I said enthusiastically. "I love it."

He reddened slightly and mumbled something about eighteen being a milestone. I couldn't disagree. Like all humans, I had no guarantee that I would make it to these milestone moments, but I had a better idea than most of when my time would end, and I suspected it would be sooner rather than later. The fact I had made it this far was an achievement. I was an adult.

Charlie said something about breakfast and ambled from the room. I waited for a beat, before I felt the mattress dip beside me as Edward returned.

"Are you okay, love?" he asked. "You look like you're deep in thought."

"I'm fine." I smiled brightly.

Seeming appeased, Edward got to his feet. "I should get back to the house to change. I'll see you at school. Enjoy your time with Charlie."

His cool lips pressed against mine for a moment, and then he was gone. I sighed and got to my feet, ready to start my day.

When I got downstairs, I saw that Charlie was sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in his hands and an empty plate smeared with egg. He usually left earlier in the mornings, and I guessed this leisurely meal was for my benefit. "I know you don't like my eggs," he said, "so I fixed you breakfast."

By 'fixed you breakfast' he meant he had put two pop-tarts on a plate for me without heating them. It was the thought that counted though, so I sat down with him and ate.

"I was thinking," he said. "We could go out to the diner for dinner tonight. You don't want to cook on your birthday. Unless you've made plans with Edward of course."

"No plans that I know of," I said. "I'd love to come out with you."

He smiled. "Okay then. I'll meet you there when you get out of school."

"Okay, Dad."

He checked his watch and sighed. "I should get to the station. Mark's covering for me, but I can't leave him hanging too long."

As he passed my chair, he rested a hand on my shoulder and said, "Happy birthday, Bells."

As the door clicked shut behind him, the phone rang. I answered, thinking it would be Deputy Mark checking in on Charlie, but it was Renee instead. She was gushing with enthusiasm for my birthday, musing on the fact that her 'baby's all grown up'. She asked if I liked my gift, and I had to admit I hadn't opened it yet, citing the fact I hadn't been awake long and it was a busy morning. Rather than giving me a minute to go get the present and open it, she told me what was inside, unable to restrain herself. Apparently, she and Charlie had coordinated, and she had bought me a scrapbook. She said it was so I could chronicle my senior year, but I had a better idea. It could be the scrapbook of my Forks summers.

Promising to call Renee again after school, I said my goodbyes and hung up the phone. I grabbed my book bag from the hook and pulled on a jacket. When I got outside, I saw it was a perfect day for vampires. The sky was a uniform grey with clouds, more than enough to block the sun.

The drive to school didn't take long, and I was soon pulling over beside Edward's Volvo. He and Alice were waiting for me. Edward looked as perfect as ever, smiling at me. Even though he had been gone less than an hour, I was still elated to see him. I wondered if there would ever be a time that his presence didn't make my stomach flip and my heart race with excitement. I hoped not.

Edward opened my door for me and I climbed out of the car into his arms. I had all of a second to enjoy his embrace before I was unceremoniously pulled away and another set of arms curled around me. Alice's hair tickled my nose as my own arms came up to hold her.

"Happy birthday, Bella," she said eagerly.

"Thanks, Alice."

She released me and held me at arm's length. "How does it feel to be eighteen?"

I laughed as she echoed Edward's question.

"A lot like seventeen, apparently," Edward said. "Now, Alice, will you please release my love so we can get into school."

Alice huffed, but released me. Looping her arm through mine, she led me toward school. I spotted two figures standing under the roof overhang that protected us from some of the rain on a typical Forks day—Angela and Ben. In Angela's hand was a wrapped package. She held it out to me as I approached, smiling shyly.

"You shouldn't have," I said, though I was eager to see what was inside.

"It's not much," she said. "Ben and I went in together to get you something."

I smiled my thanks and tore into the packaging. It was a framed photograph of Edward and me. She must have taken it at the dance. In the picture, we were in each other's arms, clearly mid-dance, and staring into each other's eyes with clear adoration. The sight of it brought a lump to my throat.

"Thanks, guys," I said in a choked voice. "I love it."

"Huh," Ben said. "You were right, Ange. She does like it. I was going to get you a gift token for Marv's House of Comics."

I punched his arm. "You're such a boy."

He raised his eyebrows. "So you say."

Edward chuckled. "I hate to break this up, but we're going to be late if we don't get inside soon."

I hugged the photo to my chest and nodded. "Okay. Better hurry. Don't want to celebrate with a detention."

Edward took my hand and we made our way inside. Between my vampire family and human friends, I felt loved.

* * *

_**Edward**_

Bella and I were forced to part after school. She had plans to meet Charlie for dinner, and Alice had enlisted my help to prepare the house for Bella's surprise party, though how much of a surprise it would be remained to be seen. Alice had given Bella instructions to meet us at the house after dinner and she hadn't been exactly subtle with her excitement. She couldn't help herself. Alice had no memory of ever going to a birthday party before, let alone throwing one. The last of us to celebrate a birthday was Emmett in 1935, and his memories of that were vague, though whether that was natural loss of memories from becoming a vampire or because he was drunk I didn't know. The few memories Emmett retained of his human life seemed to involve copious amounts of homebrewed beer.

Alice wasn't alone in her excitement. Other than Rosalie, we were all eager for Bella's arrival. Carlisle had even taken the evening off work so he would be able to attend. I myself was excited for it for dual reasons. One being that any celebration of Bella's life was a wonderful thing, but also because I would be here to enjoy it with her. I was resolute in my decision to leave her when the time was right, but I was in no hurry for that moment to come. I wanted to create as many memories of us together as I could to sustain me when we were apart. I had given it a lot of thought, and I decided ten years from our moment of parting would be enough to pass before my return. That would give her time to create a life for herself that didn't include me. It wasn't a prospect that I savored, leaving her, but it was necessary. It was the selfless thing to do.

Emmett and I were stringing lights in the trees that ringed the house. The sun had made a late appearance, so our skin shimmered. I had always hated the sight, the proof of what I was and the limitations it put upon us, but my thoughts had changed somewhat lately. Bella thought it was beautiful, and something that pleased her made me happy too.

"Think she'll like her gifts?" Emmett asked.

"I'm sure she'll love them," I said.

Emmett laughed. "And if she doesn't, it'll be too late anyway."

Emmett and Jasper had conspired to buy her a stereo for her truck. Bella liked music, and the reception her current radio got was abysmal. Emmett planned to install it when she arrived. Esme and Carlisle had bought airline tickets for Bella and I to go to visit her mother in Florida—which I knew she would love. Alice had bought a selection of CDs for Bella to use in her truck, some of her own favorites and some of Bella's.

I was less confident about my own gift, as I didn't know what had possessed me to buy it. One evening, while Bella spent time with Angela in some form of girly bonding, I had gone shopping in Port Angeles. On my travels, I had come across the jewelry store where the robbery had taken place. I had no intention of going inside, I didn't want to step foot in that place, but something in the window had caught my eyes, and before I knew it, I was inside. It was a silver pendant shaped like a ladybug with ruby wings. I didn't know why it had drawn my eye, but I knew as soon as I saw it that it was for Bella. I could clearly imagine her wearing it, the way the rubies would come to life against her pale skin. Before long, I was leaving the store with it clasped in my hand.

"And we're done," Emmett said happily, jumping down from the tree. "Think Alice will be satisfied?"

I jumped down beside him and shrugged. "Probably not, but as long as Bella's happy, who cares?"

Emmett snorted. "Have I told you lately how much I like Bella? She's awesome and all, but what's more awesome is the way she's changed you. You're like a different person now, all cheery and stuff."

I punched his arm. "Like you're not the same for Rosalie."

"Oh, I am. No denying it. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my Rosie. Nothing at all."

Except the one thing he couldn't, I thought. What Rosalie wanted more than anything, Emmett couldn't deliver. I couldn't deliver that for Bella either, but I could give her the chance to have it with someone else.

* * *

We were waiting in the lounge for Bella to arrive. Alice had insisted that we dress up for the occasion, and even Rosalie had made the effort. I had worried Bella would feel uncomfortable, not having been told to dress up too, but Alice reassure me that she had something arranged.

We heard the rumble of the truck pulling off of the road and onto the dirt drive that led to the house. I picked up a rose from the vases Alice had dotted around and quickly plucked off the thorns, then I went outside to wait on the porch for my love.

Her face was a picture as she caught sight of the house. Along with the lights we had strung up in the trees, there were chinese lanterns on the steps and two large vases of roses flanking the door. "Seriously, Alice," she mumbled. Then her eyes caught mine and she beamed at me.

I hurried over to her as she pulled the truck to a stop and opened the door for her. "Too much?" I asked with a quirked brow.

She shook her head. "No, it's actually lovely. It's just a shock at first."

She climbed out of the truck and stepped into my waiting embrace. I drew a deep breath of her scent, feeling it scorching my throat. I should have hunted, but I was loathe to take any time away from her. I would hunt while she slept tonight.

"C'mon Edward," Alice hissed. "Stop hogging her. It's supposed to be a party!"

I chuckled. "Alice is getting impatient. We should go inside."

She nodded and stepped back. I handed her the de-thorned rose and she sniffed it delicately as we made our way up the steps to the house.

As we stepped inside, everyone chorused, "Happy birthday, Bella."

Bella beamed and looked around the sumptuously decorated room. "Wow, Alice, you must have been crazy busy setting this up."

Emmett snorted. "Nah, she had us all doing it for her."

"I saw myself in more of a forewoman role," Alice said.

Bella laughed. "Well it looks incredible, so do you all." She looked down at her jeans and blouse. "If I'd known, I would have dressed up."

"No matter," Alice said, grabbing her arm and tugging her toward the staircase. "I've got something for you."

"Of course you do." Bella allowed herself to be tugged up the stairs by Alice.

Emmett clapped his hands together. "Awesome. Time for me to do a little breaking and installing."

I tossed him the key to Bella's truck that I had snagged from her pocket and said, "Don't break anything. Bella loves that truck."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Which goes to show what terrible taste she has."

I listened to Bella and Alice's chatter as Bella dressed. From the exclamations and happy sighs, I knew Bella was pleased with whatever Alice had chosen for her, and I anxiously awaited the chance to see it for myself.

After a few more minutes waiting, in which I guessed Alice was fixing Bella's hair, I heard their footsteps along the landing and then I saw Bella. Alice had outdone herself again. The deep green dress cinched in at her waist and then flared out to sweep to her knees. The color against her hair was striking. I felt a surge of love for her and incredulity that this beautiful being could have chosen me.

"You look beautiful," I said when she had tottered down the stairs to my side.

She beamed at me.

Emmett bounded through the door then, grinning widely. "Oooh," he said happily. "Bella's back. Can we do presents now?"

The only person that didn't look eager was Rosalie, and I expected no less from her. The rest of the family drew closer, some clutching their own gifts. My own, the necklace, was in my pocket, as I wanted to be the last person to give my gift.

Emmett handed Bella a wrapped box and she weighed it gingerly in her hands and then gave it a small shake, perhaps wondering at the logic of an empty box for a gift. Not giving her a chance to unwrap and discover her gift for herself, Emmett spoke. "It's a stereo for your truck. I already fitted it."

"Thanks, Em," Bella said.

Jasper cleared his throat and Emmett rolled his eyes. "Okay, it's not just from me. Jasper came in on it, too."

Bella turned to Jasper and smiled too. "Thanks, Jasper."

"You're welcome."

"Do mine next," Alice said, hefting her perfectly wrapped box of CDs from the table and handing them to Bella. Bella actually faltered a little under the weight. Alice had gone a little overboard with the number she'd bought.

I took the box from her arms and set it down on the coffee table so she wouldn't attempt to open it while holding it—perhaps dropping it on her foot. Bella hesitated over the wrappings for a moment, they were so neat it was almost artful, and then shrugged and began tearing at the paper in earnest. There were exclamations of surprise and delight when she had sifted through the paper and got the box open. Alice hovered at her elbow, talking over each CD as Bella extracted it from the pile.

When they were done, what seemed like a long time later, Bella turned, glowing cheeks and bright eyes, and hugged Alice. "Thanks, I love it."

Esme stepped forward, with the plain, white envelope in her hand. "This is from Carlisle and I," she said.

Bella took it and smiled as she slid her finger under the seam.

It happened fast, too fast. A sliver of paper slit her skin, spilling a drop of crimson blood onto the carpet.

_Blood!_

The thought came at me from all angles, as the members of my family reacted to the scent. Carlisle was the only mental voice absent. I heard it all as through a haze as my own mind became swamped with the scent too. I did the only thing I could think to do, I pushed Bella away as I struggled to come to terms with the situation. Then it hit me, the scent became more potent, thicker in the air, and there was a feral snarl. Jasper was in motion, struggling in Emmett's arms. His eyes were black with thirst and devoid of humanity. He was completely given over to the need.

"Get him out!" Carlisle commanded as he moved forward. I snarled as I crouched in front of Bella, my arms spread wide as a warning to the others.

Rosalie joined at the melee, dragging Jasper from the house and into the cool air of the night. I could hear his snarls and growls still.

"Edward," Carlisle said calmly. "Let me past. Bella needs help."

It took me a moment and a soft voice, Bella's, whispering my name to make me break my stance in front of her and let Carlisle pass.

"It's okay, Bella," he said softly. "You're fine."

I turned slowly, reluctantly, to see the damage I had done to her. She was sitting among a mess of smashed crystal, and her arm was cut from wrist to elbow. It wasn't deep, nerves and arteries were undamaged, but it was bleeding profusely.

Even as I watched, Bella's eyes swam with tears and she whispered, "I'm sorry, Edward."

I turned and ran from the room.

* * *

**So… I guess an apology is in order. Sorry. I considered changing it up with this scene, having something else bring home the reality to Edward, but then I realized there was no need to make arbitrary changes just to be different. We all read Twilight for a reason, after all. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril xxx**


	25. Farewell Love

**HUGE thank you hugs to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and making me see the story deserves to be read.**

* * *

**Chapter Five — Farewell Love**

_September 2005_

**_Bella _**

He didn't come back.

He wasn't there when Carlisle stitched my wound closed. He wasn't there when clean, white bandages were smoothed over the wound. He wasn't there when Alice helped me out of my bloodstained dress and into the clothes I had arrived in. He wasn't there when I asked Alice to take me home.

As we left the house and made our way out to my truck, I saw the others standing at the edge of the tree line, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, but no Edward. I waved to them, wanting Jasper to see the gesture more than the others. I wanted him to know I understood.

Alice drove and I sat in the passenger seat, my gifts beside me. The shiny, new stereo Emmett had fitted was silent and so were we.

When we got back to my house, Alice helped me carry my things inside. Charlie was sitting in front of the TV, but when we came in, he flicked it off and said, "Hey, Alice. Bella, did you have a good… What happened?"

I glanced at the bandage on my arm and winced. "I tripped and knocked over a table of dishes. It's okay though. Carlisle fixed me up."

Charlie sighed heavily. "I don't know, Bells, you seem to be jinxed as far as that house goes."

I forced a smile. "I think it's the house that's jinxed. You wouldn't believe the mess I made."

Charlie chuckled. "You okay though?"

"Yeah, just a little sore. I'll take some Tylenol and I'll be good."

Alice placed the box of CDs on the floor and rubbed her arms theatrically. "I'm rethinking my gift, Bella. It's far too heavy to be practical."

Charlie came and hefted the box into his arms. "Geez, Alice. What did you get her? Gold bullion?"

Alice giggled. "No. CDs. Emmett and Jasper got her a stereo, so I thought she could use a music library upgrade."

"A stereo, huh," Charlie said. "That's real generous of them."

"Well they wanted to make it special. Eighteen is a big deal."

Charlie nodded. "It sure is."

I yawned. "I'm going to head to bed, Dad. It's been a long day."

Charlie glanced at the clock and nodded. "I guess it has. You want help getting your stash upstairs?"

"No, I'll leave it down here. I'll be putting most of the CDs in my truck tomorrow anyway. Just try not to trip on it."

He chuckled. "I'll do my best."

I made my way up to my room, Alice following me. She sat on the bed and crossed her legs under her while I rooted through my drawers for some sweats then went into the bathroom. I pulled my t-shirt over my head, careful not to jostle my bandaged arm too much. Carlisle had numbed the wound for the stitches but that was starting to wear off and my skin burned. I took a couple Tylenol from the cabinet and washed them down with water. A shudder swept through me that had nothing to do with physical pain. It was Edward's absence and what I was sure it meant that was hurting me. I forced my tears back through sheer force of will and scrubbed a hand over my face to erase the lines of sadness. Alice didn't need to see me fall apart. When I got into the bedroom again, her eyes followed me as I dumped my clothes and sat down beside her.

She rested a cool hand on one of my own. "Are you okay, Bella?"

I shrugged. "I don't even know." I took a deep breath. "Alice, is he going to leave me?" When she looked stunned, I went on. "He wanted to before, after James. Is this going to make him go?"

She looked downcast. "I don't know. He hasn't decided."

I nodded. "Okay."

My heart was breaking at the thought, but I did all I could to shelter Alice from it. I didn't want to lose him, but perhaps it was better if he did leave. Since moving to Forks, nine months ago, I had almost been killed three times, four if you included Edward's initial reaction to my scent. Surely my luck was out now. The next time, and I was sure there would be a next time, it would be for real. That would be the thing that did it. I didn't want Edward to see that.

I laid down on the covers and curled my legs up. "Alice," I said in a small voice. "Will you stay? Just for a while? I know you want to get back to Jasper, but I don't want to fall asleep alone."

"Of course." She laid down beside me and curled against me. It was all wrong. She was too slim and small for her to be a replacement for Edward, but it was the best I was going to get for now.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep.

* * *

When I woke, Alice was gone and there was no sign of Edward. It was just after dawn, and I could hear Charlie moving about in the kitchen. I swung my legs around to the side of the bed, and rubbed at my eyes. With no warning, I burst into tears. They streamed down my face, hot and wet. I made no effort to stem their flow. I was in pain; it was only right that I cried.

My tears seemed to last forever. I waited until I heard the door shut behind Charlie before I went into the bathroom to shower, and as I stood beneath the steaming spray, my tears mixed with the water. I had to let them out now, as I knew I couldn't soon. School would happen, and my friends would be there. I couldn't cry in front of them.

On the days I didn't wake beside Edward, when he'd used the night to hunt, I usually found him in the kitchen waiting for me when I got downstairs. I didn't truly expect him to be there, but the sight of the empty room still hurt me. I wondered if he was already gone, but then reassured myself that he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. He would at least do that much for me.

I didn't bother with breakfast. I didn't think I could force any food past the lump in my throat. Instead, I grabbed my bag and made my way outside. It was another dull, overcast day; perfect for Edward, but I had no expectation that I would see him at school.

As I pulled up in what had become my customary spot in the parking lot, I saw the spot beside mine where Edward always parked was empty. I was a little early, so I waited in my truck in case Alice would come, but by the time the first bell rang, I was still alone. Sighing to myself, I hurried into class to start the day of lessons and longing.

I was distracted all morning, only hearing snatches of the conversation around me, even when they were clearly intended to involve me. When I got out of my last lesson before lunch, someone was waiting for me, but it wasn't the person I hoped for. It was Ben. He took my hand and tugged me outside to stand under the roof overhang, where we would have privacy.

"Okay, Swan," he said. "What's going on?"

"I don't know what you mean."

He rolled his eyes. "You look like someone killed your puppy, you've got a bandage under your shirt, and Edward's not here. What happened?"

I tugged my sleeve down to cover the bandage. "I cut my arm last night. I was at Edward's, and I fell into a table of crystal bowls. No big deal."

"Okay, that's that explained, but what about the face and Edward?"

"Edward's busy today," I said. "His family has stuff going on, so he was needed at home. As for my face…" I shrugged. "I guess it's just a bad day."

He shook his head. "It's more than that. Ange thinks so, too." He locked eyes with me. "You can tell us, Bella."

I shook my head. "There's nothing to tell. It's just one of those days. Now, I need to grab some lunch. I was running late this morning, so I missed breakfast."

He sighed and opened the door. "Okay. But, Bella, when you're ready to talk, you know where to find us."

I nodded. "Absolutely."

* * *

**_Edward_**

I couldn't go back to her. It wasn't just the potent scent of her blood that kept me away, it was shame. A normal, human boyfriend would have been able to tend to her wound and hold her hand. I couldn't. A normal, human family would have been worried about her injury instead of fighting the bloodlust caused by it. I had never felt such shame.

When Alice drove her home, I followed on foot, unable to be with her but loathe to leave her alone either, even though my sister was with her. I listened to her conversation with Charlie, and marveled at the easy way she handled it, when she must still have been quaking with fear at what had happened to her.

When Bella asked her question, 'Alice, is he going to leave me?' I realized that was exactly what I needed to do. Until then, I had been reacting to each individual crisis, but now I was forced to look at it through the eyes of cold, hard reason. Bella had almost died tonight. If Jasper hadn't been restrained by Emmett, she _would_ have been killed. If Carlisle hadn't been there, she could have bled out. If I hadn't found the strength to run, I could have killed her. I always knew it was a risk for Bella to be a part of our world, but the fact her life was almost ended by people she loved brought that back to me in startling clarity.

I knew what I needed to do.

I waited for Bella's breaths to fall into the soft rhythm of sleep before I moved closer to the house. "Alice, I need you to come home with me now," I said.

I knew she was torn. She wanted to be there for Bella, but at the same time, she needed to be with Jasper. The fact Bella was sleeping while Jasper needed her now enabled her to extricate herself from the bed and make her way downstairs. She peeked in at Charlie, only to see that he had fallen asleep on the couch. She smiled slightly and made her way outside. We met at the side of the house, and she threw her arms around me before I had a chance to even speak.

"I'm sorry, Edward." She was. She was sorry that she couldn't stay with Bella while she was bleeding. She was sorry she hadn't seen what was going to happen before it did. She was sorry that I was hurting. None of it was her fault. It was mine. I was the one that had done this. I had brought Bella into the situation, though I couldn't regret it. Bella had given me the best months of my existence by letting me be a part of her life. The handoff was that it had put her at risk.

"Come on, Alice," I said. "We should get back."

We ran through the forest together, as silent as the moon above us. As I ran, I thought. I knew what I had to do now, but I was scared. I had to leave her. The one comfort I had was that she would be able to live without me. I didn't know if I could do the same. She had been calm as she'd asked Alice if I was going to leave. She hadn't lost herself to emotion. She loved me, I knew, but she wasn't as devoted to me as I was her. That would make things easier.

Jasper and Emmett were leaning against the balustrade on the porch. It would have been the picture of leisure if not for the fact their eyes were tight with concern.

Jasper opened his mouth to speak when he caught sight of me, but I held up a hand to stop him. I knew what he would say, and I didn't need to hear it. This wasn't his fault. He was a vampire. The scent of freshly spilled blood was too much for him. It was a natural reaction. I knew he would never intentionally hurt Bella. What happened was out of his control just as much as it was out of mine.

"I need to speak to you all," I said.

Alice took Jasper's hand and they walked into the house together. Emmett gave me a long, searching look and then followed them in with me on his heels.

We assembled in the dining room, Carlisle seated at the head of the table and Esme at his side. My customary seat was left vacant as I chose to stay on my feet. Esme caught my hand and gave it a brief squeeze.

I gathered my thoughts and steeled myself to say what needed to be said. "I am going to leave Bella."

I waited as they reacted to the news. Esme sucked in a sharp breath and Alice leaned against Jasper's shoulder. Emmett fixed his eyes on me, looking mutinous. The only one that didn't react was Carlisle, and that was because he knew me. He knew from the moment he saw me come into the room that I had made this choice. He knew me too well to expect anything less.

"If you are resolute, we will support you," he said.

I took a deep breath before saying what needed to be said next. "We're _all_ going to leave Bella."

They hadn't expected that. Not even Alice with her foresight had known that was what I would ask of them.

I knew who would object most vehemently to my decision, and I was not disappointed when Alice and Emmett started speaking over one another in their haste to make themselves heard.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I can't!"

"You can and will," I said firmly. "Bella needs you to this. I have asked nothing from you in all our years together. I have moved on each time there has been a need to without complaint. I have supported you all. I am asking you to support me, too."

Jasper nodded. "I will come."

"Jazz!" Alice gasped.

Jasper shook his head sadly. "I like Bella, she's family, but she's in danger if we stay. I almost killed her tonight. I can't stay knowing it could happen again."

"Thank you, Jasper," I said quietly.

"Obviously, I'll come," Rosalie said. "This whole debacle has gone on long enough already. We should leave her to the human life she wants."

Esme looked at me imploringly. "Is there no way you can make it work?"

I shook my head. "I wish there was, more than anything, but there just isn't. Rosalie is right, Bella wants things that I can't give her, and she is in danger of losing any chance of that if we stay. I have planned for weeks now to leave when the time was right, and the time is right now. The very best thing for Bella is if she immerses herself in her human life, and she can't do that with us here. I have already changed her childhood, bringing the supernatural into it; I won't ruin her future, too."

"Are you sure this is what is best for her?" Emmett asked. "What if what she wants is you. She might not have a chance at a human life anymore. Like you said, you changed her past, you've changed her present—we all have by being here—do you really think she can just forget all that and slip into a completely human life?"

"She won't have a choice if we're not here," I said. "I don't want to leave her, Em. She's my life. But I can't be selfish. I have to let her go."

He nodded slowly. "I guess. I'll come, if that's really what you want, but it feels wrong."

I turned to Alice. She would be the hardest one to convince, I knew. "Alice, please," I said. "I need you to do this for me."

"She's my friend, Edward," she said.

"I know," I said sadly. "I know you don't want to do this, but if you love her, you will. It's what's best for her."

She looked down at the polished tabletop and nodded. "I will come."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew I had them all one side now. Carlisle and Esme would come because I asked. They were all in agreement.

"Thank you," I said fervently.

Alice looked up at me and her expression was devastated. "I will come, but I want you to know, nothing's changed."

Across her mind flashed the image of Bella as a vampire.

I shook my head firmly. "That will not happen."

* * *

I was tempted to go to school the next day, to have one more day of memories of us together to cling to, but I resisted. It would perhaps give Bella false hope of our future together if I stayed. I didn't want that. Instead, I helped the others pack up the house in the morning. Carlisle called the hospital and told them he could not return. It was a simple story, a job offer in LA. The hospital had always known they would lose Carlisle. He was underpaid for his skill level, and they'd never had any misguided belief that he would stay long. That's not to say they were pleased, but what could they do?

The grudging agreement I'd got to leave was hampered slightly by my final request—that they leave without saying goodbye. That was an immovable point in my mind. Why draw out the process? My and Bella's goodbye would be painful enough for us both. She didn't need to go through that for them all. Alice had compromised and written a letter for me to pass on, which I vowed to do, but I didn't detail how.

When I had watched the family drive away from the house for the last time in our caravan of cars at lunchtime, I went to Bella's. She would not be home from school for another hour, but I wanted to immerse myself in her scent and our memories for as long as I could. I went to our meadow, the place of many happy days together that summer, and lay on the grass for a while, inhaling the scent of the wildflowers and remembering. When I heard the distinctive chugging of her truck, I went to the house and waited for her on the edge of the woods.

She didn't smile as she caught sight of me. She watched me cautiously as she climbed out of the truck and walked towards me.

"I missed you today," she said quietly.

It hurt my heart to hear it. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her, but I couldn't. I had to be strong. She needed me to be strong, to lessen the pain of what was going to come by not giving her false hope now.

"Walk with me," I said. I didn't want to do this in a place that held memories for us. I didn't want her to remember this conversation when she was at home or in our meadow. It had to be somewhere neutral.

She slipped her fingers into mine. I both relished and hated the contact. I was scared that I would never have the strength to let her go now, but at the same time it was so wonderful to feel her warmth one last time to sustain me when I was gone.

We didn't go far, just out of sight of the house, and then I reluctantly pulled my hand from hers.

"Okay," she said. "Let's talk."

I forced myself to sound indifferent, when it was the very last thing I wanted to do. "Bella, we're leaving."

Her head tilted to the side. "Okay. When you say 'we'…"

"I mean myself and my family."

She closed her eyes for a moment, and when they opened they were wet. "All of you."

"I think that's for the best," I said in my best imitation of coldness. "It's time. People are starting to notice that we're not aging, Carlisle especially, and we think—"

She cut me off by pressing her warm fingers to my lips. "Please… don't lie to me. There's no need. This is about what happened at the party, isn't it?"

I stared into her eyes, this magnificent woman, and I felt my determination to make this quick falter. It could never be quick or painless. This was going to tear my heart apart to do. Why shouldn't I linger over it?

"I can't stay," I said. "It's not safe."

She rubbed at her eyes. "But I love you."

I couldn't say it back. I couldn't give her this memory to hurt her when I was gone.

"You love me, too," she said.

I shook my head, though what I wanted to do was declare eternal devotion to her and no other.

"You love me." There was a bite of anger in her tone now. "I know you do, Edward. You love me so much you will go to my past just to be with me again."

I bowed my head. "Yes, I do love you. I will always love you. But it doesn't change anything. I have to…"

"You have to leave," she finished for me. She blinked and a tear slipped down her cheek. "I know. You've always had to leave me. Always. I was always the one that had to wait."

"You don't have to wait anymore," I said. "This will be the end. I won't disrupt your life again." She had to believe that. If she knew the truth, she might spend years waiting for me. I had to set her free.

She shook her head and the tears began to fall in earnest. I knew she was trying to control them, but she was overcome. "Please, don't go," she said in a choked voice.

"I have to. It's the only way."

"But I love you."

"And I wish that was enough," I said. "It's not, though. I love you enough to let you go."

This was it. I had to go before I lost control of myself and my emotions. I had to leave while I still had the strength. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, "Goodbye, Bella."

"Edward!" I heard her call after me, but I was already out of her sight.

Sobs overtook me and I stifled them behind my fist. "Goodbye, Bella," I whispered. "Take care of my heart. I've left it with you."

* * *

**So…It's over. Kinda. For now anyway. We're moving into the angsty part of the story now. I apologize in advance for the feels. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx**


	26. Grief

**Huge thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and all her help. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and supporting the story.**

* * *

**Chapter Six — Grief **

_September 2005 – January 2006_

**_Bella _**

I stumbled back along the path to the house and let myself in. Until then, I had been strong, only calling after him once and not begging him to come back, but as the door clicked closed behind me, I wondered how I was supposed to bear it. The house was full of memories of him, memories of us together. How could I let him go when he was everywhere I looked?

I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the hook. That was good. Simple actions were easy to complete. They gave me no relief from the pain of his absence, but they at least gave me something to do other than lose myself completely. I went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, searching for something to cook. There were ingredients, but no idea of what to do came to me. It was as if the knowledge was gone. I saw raw meat and vegetables, but I didn't know what to do with them. Was I losing my mind already? Had only minutes without him broken me so thoroughly that I couldn't even do this? I slammed the door shut and rested my forehead against the cool door, trying to keep the tears at bay. It was no good. They came of their own accord, and all I could do was swipe them from my cheeks, as if losing the evidence of them would help. Nothing could help but him, and he was gone.

A sob ripped from me, and I knew I was close to breaking completely. I had to do damage control. I jotted a note to my father on the pad next to the phone, telling him I had a headache and was going to bed early. That excused me from cooking and would give me an excuse to stay in bed for the evening. That was good. Little steps I could handle. If I could just keep to them I would make it through.

I made my way upstairs to my room and curled up on the bed, hugging my arms around myself. The tears streamed down my cheeks, damping my pillow. The part that scared me most was that this hurt more than anything ever had before, even the knowledge that I wasn't a part of Edward's future. Part of me wondered if this was why he had cried and apologized that last day. Maybe I wasn't dead after all. Maybe I was just not with him. No. I didn't believe that. If Edward wanted to see me enough to defy physics and time to be with me, he would make a trip to Forks to be with me. It had to mean I was dead. I wondered when.

I had been lying there for an indeterminable amount of time when I felt another's presence in the room. I feigned sleep, not wanting to give Charlie a chance to talk to me.

"I know you're awake, Bella," a soft voice said.

That wasn't Charlie. The voice was light and musical the way only a vampire's could be. It wasn't the voice I needed. It wasn't him. But it was close.

My eyes snapped open. "Alice!"

She smiled sadly. "Yes, Bella, it's me."

She perched on the edge of the bed and I threw myself into her arms. She held me close, smoothing my hair and patting my back as I sobbed.

"It's okay, Bella," she soothed. "You'll be okay."

After a long time, the tears ceased their flow and my sobs quieted. I leaned back to look at Alice and saw the lines of stress in her face. I knew at once that this wasn't what I wanted and needed; she wasn't staying.

"Why are you here, Alice?" I asked.

"I shouldn't be. He will be so angry when he finds out. Even Jasper said I shouldn't come. But I had to. You needed to know."

"Know what?" I asked, then a terrible thought gripped me. "He's okay, right?"

"Of course he's not," she said. "But physically he's well. I am not here to talk about him though; I need to talk about you."

"What about me?"

Alice swept a lock of hair behind my ear and smiled fondly. "I think I already know the answer, but I should ask. Do you want to know your future?"

A mirthless laugh huffed out of me. "Why not? I've always known before."

"Okay." She nodded. "Bella, this isn't the end for you. I know it hurts, and you feel like you can't take anymore, but one day you will together again. I've seen it." She stared deep into my eyes. "You _will_ be a vampire."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "What?"

"I saw it a long time ago, after the van accident. I saw you and Edward together in the meadow, and I knew you would be in love. I saw you and me together, and I knew we would be friends. And I saw you as a vampire, so I know you will be."

"We'll be together?" I whispered.

"I've seen it."

"But…" I tried to marshal my thoughts. "Does Edward know?"

"Yes, he saw it, too. He's not happy about it, obviously, but he knows it will happen."

"Why isn't he happy?"

"He didn't tell you?" She shook her head. "Of course, he didn't. The fool. Edward has strong beliefs about being a vampire. He believes, and I disagree, that to become a vampire is to lose your soul. He doesn't want that for you."

"He doesn't want me to be a vampire?"

"No, but that's because he doesn't understand yet. He will once it's happened. He'll see that you're still you."

Since I was fifteen years old, I had believed that I would die young, not, for the first time, I saw another option, this one more terrifying: an eternal life alone.

"Alice, tell me what you saw."

"It was you and me. We were together, and you were changed. Your eyes were golden and you were so beautiful. We were happy. We _will _be happy."

I nodded thoughtfully, pretending to absorb what she was saying happily, when inside I was quaking with fear. She didn't see me with Edward as a vampire, she saw me with her. I wouldn't be completely alone, but I wouldn't be with him. Given the choice between eternal life without him and death, I would choose death every time. At least with death there was peace at the end.

Alice stiffened. "Charlie's coming. I have to go."

Faced with the parting of another person I loved, the tears fell again. I knew she had to go, she needed to be with her family, but I needed her.

"Don't cry," she said, wiping her fingertips across my cheeks to sweep away the tears. "It'll be okay. We'll see you again soon."

No, it would not be okay. She would see me but he wouldn't. I loved Alice, but she wasn't the person I needed.

She kissed my temple quickly, and whispered, "Goodbye, Bella," and then disappeared.

The words echoed in my mind, adding to the horror of my thoughts. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and bowed over as sobs broke from me. I heard Charlie come into the room and felt the mattress dip as he sat beside me. He laid a hand on my back, soothing me as best he could.

I lifted my face to look at him, and I saw the sadness in his eyes as he watched me fall apart. "He's gone, Dad," I choked. "He left me."

Charlie pulled me against him and ran his fingers through my hair. "I know, baby. I know."

* * *

**_Charlie_**

I thought I knew pain. I'd felt it before, when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, when Renee left, taking Bella with her, when my parents died within six months of each other. It turned out I knew nothing of pain until I saw my daughter's suffering. It wasn't like she'd lost a boyfriend; it was like someone had died. She was grieving for him.

Carlisle had called me at the station, telling me about the job offer. I congratulated him, not thinking at the time of what it would mean for Bella. He'd apologized for leaving so soon, and then I'd had the first understanding of what he meant. They were already gone. Edward had left, too.

I'd called in the night shift early, so I could get home, sure I was going to find Bella hurting. I didn't understand just how deep that hurt went though. When I found her crying on her bed, I comforted her as best I could until she had fallen asleep in my arms. I'd laid her down and covered her with a blanket, thinking that at least sleeping she was having a little peace. I was wrong.

I was asleep on the couch when I heard the piercing screams upstairs. I leapt to my feet and grabbed my gun from the hook by the door, prepared to take out whoever had through it was a good idea to break into the Chief of Police's house, scaring my daughter, but when I got to her room, I saw there was no one to protect her from. She was still sleeping, thrashing around on the bed, screaming, but fast asleep. I placed the gun down carefully on the floor and moved to sit beside her.

"Bella, it's okay," I said gently, shaking her shoulder. "It's just a dream."

She gasped and her eyes flew open. "Edward?"

My heart broke a little. I would have given anything to be able to deliver him for her. I couldn't though. He was gone.

She blinked. "Dad?"

"Yeah, honey, it's me. Are you okay?"

"Bad dream," she said. "I'll be fine."

"You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I don't even remember it. Just being scared."

My daughter didn't lie to me often, but she was lying now. She knew exactly what she'd dreamed, as the shadows of it were still in her eyes.

She nestled deeper into her pillow and closed her eyes. "I want to sleep now, Dad."

"Okay." I smoothed back her hair. "You sleep."

She closed her eyes and I saw a tear track down to form a small damp spot on her pillow. Fighting back my own tears—I'd never been able to bear her suffering—I picked up my gun and ambled into my own room. I would be closer there if she needed me again.

* * *

I went to work the next morning, and my day passed in lurches. The Cullens leaving town was the hot news of the day, and only Mark had the forethought to ask how Bella was handling it. I didn't want to confide in him about it, so I said she was okay. It felt like a betrayal to her to talk about her pain.

When I got back from work, I wasn't expecting Bella to be in the kitchen, cooking, as she usually was, but I was still stunned by what I saw. She was still in bed, dressed in the clothes she'd worn the day before.

"Bella, honey, didn't you go to school?" I asked.

She didn't even look at me. She stared right through me at the opposite wall.

"Bella?"

She blinked slowly. "I didn't feel good," she said in a monotone voice.

It was the voice that scared me more than anything. She didn't sound like my daughter. She sounded like a robot.

"Do you want me to call Doctor Gerandy?" I asked.

"No, thank you."

I tucked the blankets in closer around her and made my way back downstairs to make a phone call. I had never seen Bella like this before, but I only saw her for weeks over the course of a year. Renee might understand her better.

* * *

Nothing changed for almost a week. I took time off work to keep an eye on Bella, but she didn't even seem to notice I was there. After the first day, when she told me she didn't want to see Doctor Gerandy, she stopped talking altogether. I couldn't make her eat more than crackers. The best I could get her to drink was glasses of water. The only time she left the bed was to use the bathroom. I was at my wits' end, and I did the only thing I could think of to do, I called in help.

Renee arrived in a whirl of energy and concern. Bella's only reaction to her mother's arrival at first was a slightly raised eyebrow, but when Renee started pulling her clothes out of the closet, talking about how much Bella would like Florida, and packing them into a case, Bella came to life. She leapt out of the bed and tore the pile of clothes out of Renee's arms, flinging them on the floor.

"No!" she screamed. "I'm not going."

"Bella," Renee gasped, and I knew she had never seen Bella like this before. Nor had I.

"You can't make me leave!" Bella snapped, then she turned to me and her anger gave way to desperation. "Please, don't make me leave, Dad."

I was torn. I wanted Bella with me, but I couldn't bear to see her hurting. "Maybe it'll be better in Florida," I said. "There'll be no reminders there."

She shook her head and a tear splashed down onto her shirt. "I'll do better. I'll be better. Just don't make me go."

"Charlie!" Renee snapped, looking at me. "She needs her mother."

"It's up to her," I said. "If Bella wants to stay here, she can. It's her home." I locked eyes with Bella. "But you have to do better. You can't stay like this, Bells; it's not healthy."

She nodded energetically. "I will. I promise. Just don't make me leave."

"Okay then," I said. "Let's get this place cleaned up."

"I can do it," Renee said stiffly.

I looked at Bella and she gave me a covert nod. I turned and left them, trusting in Renee to take care of our girl.

* * *

Things got a little better after that. Bella went to school. When I got home from work she'd be cooking or working on her homework at the table. She didn't see her friends, and they stopped calling after a while. She didn't cry anymore, she didn't hide in bed, but she didn't live either. She existed.

When she spoke, it was out of necessity. When she smiled, it was forced for my benefit. When she thought I wasn't looking, her face fell into lines of sadness. She did everything she needed to do but be happy. And I started to understand that happiness was just out of her reach now. She was still grieving.

I knew what I needed to do, though I didn't want to. I had given her months to pull herself together, but she just couldn't do it. There was a piece missing that she just couldn't find. She had lost the piece of herself that she had given him.

That morning in January, I waited to talk to her before school, hating what I had to say, but knowing it was for the best.

xXx

**_Bella _**

As I pulled the truck to a stop in my usual parking spot, I looked around properly for the first time in months. There was a rusted Ford in the spot the Volvo used to be. The trees that lined the path to the office were barren. Winter had come and I hadn't noticed.

Charlie had dropped a bombshell that morning. I had to 'snap out of it' or go to Florida to be with Renee. He wasn't being unkind. I knew he wanted me to stay with him, but I was failing in our deal. He said I could stay if I did better, but I wasn't doing enough. Good grades and meals on the table weren't what he wanted from me. He wanted me to go out with my friends and be happy. Happiness was an impossibility, but I could at least deliver the friend part.

Angela and Ben were standing by Ben's car, deep in conversation. I pulled my book bag over my shoulder and made my way across to them, fixed smile in place.

"Hey, guys."

They both looked stunned. I wondered how long it had been since I spoke to them. I remembered them trying in the early days, but that had been a long time ago. I had let more people than Charlie down lately.

Angela recovered herself first. "Bella, hey."

"So," I said, widening my smile slightly, "I've got a free night and I wondered if you wanted to do something."

Angela looked apologetic. "We can't. Tonight is our date night with Austin and Katie."

"Oh, okay. Tomorrow?"

"I can't. Jess and I made plans to go to Port Angeles, and the rest of the week I've got to help with the twins. Maybe next time?"

I nodded. "Absolutely. It's a date. I better get to class." I hurried away from them before they could see my mortification. I knew I hadn't exactly been there for them lately, but not even Ben had found a time we could hang out.

I briefly considered asking Jessica out somewhere, but I nixed that idea in a hurry. I was eager to appease Charlie, but not so eager that I would expose myself to her. I had to come up with something better.

* * *

The school day passed in a blur. I had been numbed for so long that I didn't notice anything, but now I had pulled myself out of my own head for a while, I saw everything in its jarring reality. School was people and noise and confusion, and I wondered how I had ever stood it. It was also a reminder of what I had lost. Edward's presence was strong in school, in the empty lunch table and the seat beside me in class. All in all, I was glad to see the end of the day.

I drove home slowly, even slower than the paltry speed my truck was capable of, in no hurry to see Charlie and admit to him that I had failed. He had a day off work, so I couldn't even have a couple hours peace before he got home. As I pulled onto our street, though, I noticed another car parked beside the cruiser. It took me a moment to recognize it as belonging to Billy Black, and when I did, I groaned. He was sure to be thrilled about the Cullens leaving, and I didn't want to see his smugness.

I called to Charlie as I let myself in and he met me in the hall. "Thought you were making plans tonight," he said.

"Angela was busy. But we're going out next week."

He nodded his satisfaction. "Okay. That's good, I guess. Billy and Jacob are here. I invited them to stay for dinner." I made for the kitchen, but he caught my arm. "You don't have to cook, Bells. We'll order pizza. Why don't you come in and see Jake for a while?"

Jacob I could handle, but his father's happiness was another matter. "I'll be right in," I said. "Just give me a minute."

Charlie nodded and went back into the lounge.

I made my way out to the back porch and sat on the swing, propelling it lazily with my feet. I looked out over the dirt of the flowerbeds and sighed. Edward had helped me make them. He'd tilled the earth and planted the flowers from seeds and bulbs with me. A lump formed in my throat and I bowed my head. I was usually good at this, controlling the triggers, but with my protective numbness gone, I had no defense.

The door opened beside me and I looked up to see Jacob on the threshold. Something about the look in his eyes, the sympathy and worry, stole my last reserves of calm and I started to cry. He slid beside me on the chair and wrapped a strong, warm arm around me. It wasn't what I wanted, I wanted coolness, but it was still comforting.

He held me for a long time as I cried, and when I sat up straight and rubbed at my eyes, he smiled slightly.

"I'm sorry," I sniffled. "I didn't mean to fall apart on you."

"It's okay," he said. "I've got two sisters. I'm used to tears."

I laughed slightly and a new freshet of tears made their way down my cheeks.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

I found that I did. For the first time, I wanted someone to understand what I felt. Through my sobs, I explained, leaving out all elements of the supernatural, only sharing my heartbreak.

"And Charlie wants me to do better," I said. "And I'm trying, but I feel like I'm drowning."

Jacob cupped my cheek in his warm palm and looked into my eyes. "Then let me save you. I can be your friend, Bella. I can help you."

I looked into his wide imploring eyes and decided to go ahead and trust him. He couldn't save me, it was too late for that, but maybe he could help.

* * *

**So…Alice made an appearance. It always pissed me off that she left Bella without a word, and I was pleased that I could alter that in this story. Hope you enjoyed her little visit. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril xxx**


	27. Jacob

**Thanks so much Gredelina1 for the beta magic and all your help and support. Thank you all for reading, reviewing, fave'ing and alerting the story. Sorry I didn't reply to all the reviews for the last chapter. Things got craz busy and I thought you'd rather I posted again than reviewed.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Seven — Jacob**

_January 2006_

**_Bella_**

Jacob said he'd save me, and he did.

Things were easier when I was with him. He didn't make me numb again, but he made the world bearable when he was in it. I still missed Edward, but it didn't consume me the way it had before.

Things were still hard at school. Angela and Ben treated me tentatively, as if afraid I would break if they said too strong a word. In the months I had been numb, they'd grown closer to Austin and Katie, it made sense, they were the other steady couple now Edward and I were no more, and their free evenings were often spent with them. I had no one to blame for my loneliness at school than myself.

Jacob made things better. I knew he would have wanted more from me than friendship, but he understood I was broken. I could maybe have pretended for his sake, to let him fill that empty place in my life, but that wouldn't have been fair. One way or another, I was slated to leave him, whether because of my death or because I was a vampire. I didn't want to leave another hole in a life; it was already bad enough that I would have to leave Charlie and Renee behind.

When I got out of school, Jacob was always waiting, either at his small, red house in La Push or at Charlie's. We would do homework together and then prepare a meal for Charlie and Billy. To his credit, Billy didn't gloat over the Cullens' absence. The first time I saw him, I was braced for his glee, but he surprised me. He merely told me it was good to see me again. I found myself growing fond of the man again, as I had been when I was a child.

Weekends were spent on the reservation in Jacob's small garage. He would work on his car, and I would keep him company. Through him, I met Quil and Embry, his two best friends. They were easy to be around, each sharing Jacob's ability to make me feel comfortable. The best thing about them was that they didn't bring any memories of Edward with them. They didn't even know who he was, so they never even tried to discuss him.

At the end of January, Jacob arrived at my house abuzz with excitement. Billy had arranged a bonfire party on First Beach that night, and I was invited. I had to question the logic of a party on a beach in January, but Jacob's enthusiasm was infectious.

"C'mon, Bella," he wheedled. "It'll be fun."

"I'm sure the hypothermia will also be fun."

He rolled his eyes. "Did you miss the whole bonfire part of the description? It'll be plenty warm. Besides, you've never seen the beach at night. It's something else. The stars are incredible. You have to come. Everyone's going to be there." His expression became a little dejected. "Even Sam and his gang."

Jacob had told me about Sam Uley and his friends in a long and somewhat desperate conversation. The fact they seemed to think they were the unofficial cops of the rez annoyed him, but the fact Sam especially seemed to be waiting for Jacob to join them made him as close to miserable as I'd ever seen him get. I had an inherent dislike for Sam Uley because of how he affected Jacob, though I hadn't met him before. I thought my presence at the bonfire would at least serve to show Sam that Jacob didn't need him or his gang because he had me.

"I'll talk to Charlie," I said. "If it's okay with him, I'll come."

Jacob punched the air. "Awesome!"

I had to smile. This was why he was my best friend. He was so bright, so full of life, that he made me feel like I could be, too.

If I thought Charlie was going to have a problem with me spending the evening on a beach in La Push, I was dead wrong. He was thrilled.

"I'll be working the late shift anyway," he said. "Mark's taken a leave day, so it'll be good to know you're not in the house alone. Just watch out for them bears."

There had been a lot of stories bandied about recently about a rogue bear in the forest. I had overheard my old lunch table discussing it, and Charlie and Billy. There were also disappearances, and a couple maulings of hikers that had Charlie and his team twitchy. Jacob and I had vowed not to go tramping through the woods. I had no desire to go there anyway. The only place I would have been likely to visit was our meadow, and I had no desire to go there alone. I couldn't show Jacob the place. As beautiful as it was, it belonged to Edward and me.

"If a bear happens to stumble onto the beach, I promise to let it eat Jacob first," I quipped.

Charlie laughed a little harder than my joke really deserved. I knew the reasoning behind it; he was just happy to hear me joking at all. I had been very selfish recently, retreating into myself. I could have died and Charlie's last memory of me would have been as a zombie. I had a lot to make up for.

* * *

Jacob met me at his front door when I arrived the evening of the bonfire. He laughed as he saw me climb out of the truck. "Jeez, Bells, did you bring a tent, too?"

I had bundled up as much as I could with my not exactly overstuffed wardrobe. I had layers of shirts and jumpers and my one good coat. Bonfire or not, I wasn't risking freezing.

I punched his arm and winched as I met unresisting muscle. "You won't be laughing when you're nursing your hypothermia and I'm toasty warm."

"Nah," he said. "I don't feel the cold much anymore."

"Good to know," I said. "You can give me your shirt if I get cold."

"Bella, if you wanted me to strip, you only had to ask." He tugged at the hem of his shirt, and I caught a glimpse of a muscular stomach. I hadn't really noticed before, but Jacob was seriously filling out lately. His long, gangly frame had formed into hard muscles. He had even gained a couple inches height. He dwarfed me when we were standing side by side.

"Cover yourself up," I said, laughing.

He chuckled and dropped his shirt down. "Okay, but don't be afraid to ask next time." He grabbed a duffel from the doorstep and slung it over his shoulder. "Supplies."

"I would have brought something, too, if I'd known."

"No need," he said. "We're throwing this party. You're the guest. Tonight, you're going to learn to party like a Quileute."

He took my hand and tugged me along the path toward the beach. It wasn't far, and we soon heard the sounds of a party happening ahead of us. Jacob lengthened his stride, eager to get there, and I hurried along beside him.

When Jacob said it was going to be a bonfire party, I imagined a campfire with maybe a dozen people there. I was wrong. There was a campfire, around which sat Billy, Harry Clearwater, and a man I didn't know. They looked deep in conversation. The main fire, around which milled the rest of the group, was huge. Someone had set up a boombox, and music was playing. There were coolers of beer and soda and a long trestle table set up that was overflowing with hotdogs, rolls and chips. This was a real party.

Other than my disastrous birthday party, I had never been to one before. I hadn't made many friends when I was younger. I was too occupied with my memories and waiting for the next summer to start. The two years I spent without Edward were the most likely for me to form other relationships, but I didn't really fit in; I never did until I came to Forks. The kindest explanation was that I was shy, but it wasn't strictly true. I was just too busy counting down the days until I could be with Edward again. Now I looked back on it, I saw that it wasn't exactly a healthy way to spend my time. I had spent two years waiting for a time that would only last six months total. I would change nothing if given my time over though. Those six months were worth so much more than the rest of my time altogether.

Jacob dumped the duffel of food onto the table and then tugged me away to stand near the fire. Before long, we were joined by Quil and Embry. They greeted me enthusiastically, Embry sweeping me into his arms and spinning me. He must have been standing too close to the fire, as his skin was heated and dry against mine.

"Hey, Bella," Quil said in a singsong voice. "You come to see how the real fun people party?"

"I did," I said. "But I guess you and Embry will do."

I hated to admit it, but Jacob had been right about me not needing so many layers. The heat of the fire swept out in waves, and I was soon sweating. I unzipped my coat and stowed it under the table of food. Jacob smiled knowingly, but didn't comment.

I was introduced to a bunch of people, but none of them were the Sam I'd heard so much about. Eventually overcome by curiosity, I pulled Jacob to one side and asked who he was. Jacob glowered. "Over by the fire with Billy."

I glanced over to the fire and my eyes met those of a man with dark eyes and cropped hair. Jacob had told me that he was only twenty, but he looked much older to me. He didn't smile, but nor did I. We watched each other cautiously for a moment, and then Billy said something to him and he looked away. I continued to study him. He was shirtless and I could see the thick muscles on his arms and across his chest. He looked almost as well built as Emmett. Sam glanced up at me again, and I stared back defiantly, wanting him to know I was here with Jacob. I wanted him to know that I was Jacob's protector just as much as he was mine.

Sam stood and called something in a language I didn't understand, but guessed was Quileute, and two other boys jogged toward him. They too were shirtless and thick muscles banded their arms and chests. Though they were tall and looked like men, I knew from Jacob that they were only a year older than him. Their faces still had a softness, as if they had grown too fast for their whole bodies to catch up.

Sam whispered something and they looked at me. There was something about the way they were looking at me, heads slightly tilted in unison and curious looks in their eyes, that made me glance away. Something tugged at my mind, some memory of Edward, and I grappled with it. I usually tried not to lose myself in thoughts of him, but this felt important.

_"They are men, Bella. Though they may be young in years, they look so much older." _

My eyes widened. That was a conversation from long ago, when Edward was telling me about the wolves that had once protected the reservation, the same wolves that had made the treaty with the Cullens. My heart pounded in my chest.

I felt their eyes fall from me, and I glanced up to see them jogging away into the trees.

"Hey, Bella, are you even listening?" Jacob asked, sounding a little irritated. I realized I had been lost in the silent exchange with Sam for too long.

"Sorry, Jake," I said apologetically. "I was lost in thought. What were you saying?"

"I asked if you were hungry. Me and Quil are going to start cooking."

"Yeah, that'd be great," I said. "I'm just going to go say hey to Billy and Harry."

I plodded across the sand towards them, feeling my expression growing graver with every step I took. I could be wrong, there could be nothing more to Sam and his buddies' appearance than steroids, but I had to know.

"Bella," Billy said somberly. "Did you want to talk to us?"

I nodded and Harry got to his feet and gestured to the chair he had just vacated. "Take a seat."

I would have stood, but my legs were quaking now with real fear, and I didn't want to fall. Knowing my luck, I would end up in the fire. I sat, and Harry took the empty seat beside me. I felt hemmed in by the two men and a little uncomfortable, even though I knew they would never hurt me.

Harry's eyes settled on me. "Is there something you want to ask?"

I swallowed thickly and asked, "Are the wolves back?"

Billy bowed his head. "Yes."

I sucked in a sharp breath, and my heart seemed to bang against my ribs as another memory of Edward came to me. _"They are dangerous, Bella. They cannot control their instincts. They hurt people."_ He had been intense that day, trying to impart a warning. There was more he wanted to say, but he was unable to. The rules had gagged him.

"What are they doing here?" I asked in a small voice. "Why are you letting them near your son?"

Billy laughed softly. "How can you of all people, who exposed herself to the danger of that… _coven, _ask me that? They are our people, Bella."

"They hurt people," I said.

Harry bowed his head, and I wondered what memory he was lost in. "Sometimes," he said reluctantly. "But never intentionally. They are good."

My hands were shaking and I stuffed them into my pockets. "So it's okay with you if Jake gets hurt, just as long as it's not intentional?"

"Jacob is in no danger." Billy said serenely. "Can you say the same about yourself when you were in the presence of those bloodsuckers?"

I would have liked to deny it, but the memory of blood trickling down my arm and Jasper's wild, black eyes locked on me stole the words. I couldn't even say I was in no danger from Edward after his initial reaction to me.

"They saved me," I said. "More than once."

"And our wolves have saved us," Billy said. "More than once."

"Think, Bella," Harry said. "If they were a danger to us, would I let them be here with my children? Would Billy allow them near Jacob? Would either of us allow you, our best friend's daughter, near them?"

"Edward told me," I said. "He said they were dangerous."

"To him, they are," Billy said, and there was a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

"Is it possible that your boyfriend overstated the dangers of the only being capable of hurting him?" Harry asked.

I couldn't deny it. Edward had told me the wolves were the only thing other than another of their kind that posed a threat to vampires. He would naturally have an aversion to the beasts, and my protection had always been his priority. That was why he had left, after all. I conceded their point.

"Okay, maybe you're right," I said, sounding reasonably calm despite the terror within me.

"I promise you, Bella," Billy said. "You're perfectly safe."

He sounded sincere, but I had to wonder. I was slated to die. Was it at the hands of the new supernatural danger in my life?

The werewolves.

* * *

**So… Bella figured it out. Good for her. That'll make things a lot easier.**

**I know some of you are concerned about a Bella/Jacob romance. That's just not happening. They will be strictly friends, no matter what Jacob wants. **

**Hope you're still enjoying. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril x **


	28. Target

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and being the best friend a neurotic writer could ask for.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight — Target**

_January 2006_

_**Bella **_

I wasn't really in the mood to party after my conversation with Billy and Harry, but I stayed long enough to appease Jacob before claiming tiredness and going home. It was hard for me to fall asleep that night, and when I eventually did, my dreams were full of wolves and human cries of pain.

My eyes were shadowed the next morning, and when I got down to breakfast, Charlie voiced his concern.

"I just had a bad night," I said. "Too much to eat at the bonfire."

"Did you have a good time?"

"Sure. Jake and his friends are a lot of fun."

He nodded his satisfaction. "That's good. What are you and Jake doing today?"

I shrugged. We hadn't made plans the day before. What I would have liked to do was see Billy or Harry again and find out more about the wolves. The idea of them didn't fill me with the same fear as before, but I didn't want to be around them more than I needed to be until I knew for sure they were safe. Harry had said they never hurt people intentionally, but…

Not intentionally, Harry had said, but what about their unintentional victims? Were the wolves the source of the mauled hikers and bear sightings? I had to know.

"I think I'll go to La Push," I said. "See what Jake wants to do."

Charlie smiled. "That sounds good. Tell Billy there's a Mariners' game tonight that he shouldn't miss. I'll get us pizza on the way home from work, so you and Jake can have the day free."

"Thanks, Dad."

He rinsed his plate under the faucet and then made for the door, laying a hand on my shoulder in farewell as he went. I leaned into his touch, imagining that his quiet strength was a real protection against what was out there in the world.

"I'll be out of the station today," he said. "So if you need me, leave a message with Mark."

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"There's been another mauling—a hiker out near the Makah reservation. We're taking out a group today to have a look around."

I gasped, horrified at the thought. "You're going after the bear!"

"Yeah, Bells, someone's got to. Don't worry, I won't be alone. The Rangers are sending out a team, too, and Harry's coming along, so we won't get lost. I swear, that man knows the backcountry here better than he knows the streets of La Push. I'll see you tonight."

I caught his hand and gripped it. "Be careful, Dad."

He smiled slightly. "Always am."

I watched him go, a sick, curdling sensation in my gut. Charlie was going to be stomping around the forest, searching for a bear, when in all probability the bear was a wolf with human intelligence. I had to see Billy.

I tossed the remains of my cereal and grabbed my coat from the hook. Thankfully, despite the chill in the air, the streets were clear of ice, and I was able to coax the maximum speed of fifty out of the truck to hurry me to La Push. Ordinarily, when Jacob heard the chug of my truck's engine, he would meet me outside the house, eager to start our time together, but he was absent when I pulled to a stop. I was grateful for it. I wanted to talk to Billy alone.

Billy opened the door when I knocked and looked at me gravely. "Bella. Jacob wasn't expecting you so early; he's at the beach with Quil, clearing up after last night."

"You were expecting me, though, weren't you?"

"I was. You better come in." He wheeled himself backwards and I stepped into the Black's small lounge. I sat on the edge of the couch and fixed my eyes on Billy.

"Do you know what Charlie's doing today?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes. Harry told me."

"And do you think it's safe for him to be tramping around the woods looking for a 'bear'?"

"He is no danger from the wolves."

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. "Then what about the mauled hikers? Were they in no danger either?"

"There's a wolf out there, keeping an eye on them."

"That doesn't make me feel any better!"

Billy clasped his hands in his lap. "The wolves aren't the ones killing people, Bella. That would be something else."

"Then who _are _they hurting?" I asked. "Harry said they didn't hurt anyone _intentionally_, but that doesn't mean they aren't getting hurt anyway."

"Harry has a… personal interest in those that are hurt, but it's not what you think."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Then tell me about it."

Billy eyed me for a moment, perhaps deciding how much to tell me if anything, and then he started to speak. He told me a tale that seemed too ludicrous to be real but, as he was speaking to the girl that had fallen in love with a family of humane vampires, I believed him.

"The men of our tribe have always been gifted with the gene of the wolf," he said. "But it does not always trigger. I doubt Charlie ever mentioned it, but we've not always been as good friends as we are now. We grew up together, but when Harry and I became teenagers, we knew we might become wolves. We hoped for it even. But we couldn't tell Charlie, so we distanced ourselves from him. You are the first human, Bella, to be told the secrets of the tribe that was not born a Quileute."

"It's a real honor," I said bitterly.

"It is," he said firmly. "As you can tell, Harry and I never became wolves. We were disappointed. The gene skipped generations, passing us by, until it reached the men that run today."

"They're not men though, are they, Billy? They're just boys."

"Years are not the measure of a life," he said. "Experience is, and they have experienced a lot in their short years. They may have been boys before, but they are men now."

I waved him on, not really wanting to argue the mental age of the wolves that frightened me when there were more important things to talk about.

"It starts with the fever and rage. They are tied to their emotions, their anger, and the young wolves have trouble with their tempers. That is why your… boyfriend… told you they were dangerous. They can be. Once they've matured, though, and learned control, they are safe. All the wolves we have now are controlled."

"Fever?" I asked, remembering Embry's embrace the night before. "Is Embry a wolf?"

Billy shook his head. "Not yet. He will likely be soon, but he is in the early stages. Nothing has triggered in him yet." He sounded disappointed.

"You want him to be a wolf?" I asked.

"I want him to be able to protect our people. That is what the wolves are, Bella, protectors. I want as many of them as we can get to keep our people and the people of Forks safe."

I shook my head. "Okay, this is interesting and all, but it doesn't exactly reassure me that the wolves are safe or that I shouldn't drag Charlie home now."

Billy looked irritated. "Aren't you listening to me? They are protectors not attackers. They are out there now, saving the people of Forks and La Push from the real danger. The vampires. It's them that are mauling the hikers. Our wolves are trying to catch _them._"

"But…" I faltered. "I thought they were all gone."

"_Your _vampires are gone," Billy said pointedly. "But there are more in the world, and they have made this their hunting ground. Sam and the others are trying to catch them, but they've evaded their sight this long, just leaving scent behind on the bodies. The forest is large, and we can't patrol it properly with only three. So, yes, I want more wolves, because if they knew, they would want it too. They would understand that it is more than duty that fall upon them; it is honor."

I closed my eyes, trying to absorb the information. It was so much, too much. The knowledge that there were new vampires in the area scared me. These weren't the Cullens or Denalis, they were human drinkers, and that made them dangerous. Any single person I loved could be at risk.

"Charlie!" I gasped. "He's out there now, looking for this bear. What if the vampires find him?"

Billy shook his head. "Sam is out there, too, looking after Charlie." I opened my mouth but he spoke over me. "He's protected, Bella."

"Okay, but Charlie's not stupid. I'm pretty sure he'd notice a wolf following him around."

Billy laughed. "They'll be careful. They don't want to be seen either. And if Charlie does see, we'll just explain to him. You've taken all this better than I expected, maybe he'll—"

"No!" I said loudly. "You can't tell him."

Billy looked confused. I explained about the Volturi and the danger they posed to humans that knew the secret. Carlisle had said there was no reason for them to find out, but I wasn't going to risk Charlie's life on that assumption.

"There are vampire leaders?" he asked, looking thoughtful. "That makes sense, I guess. Okay, we won't tell Charlie any more than he needs to know."

"Thank you, Billy," I said.

At that moment, there was another knock at the door, and Billy wheeled himself over to answer it. A woman stepped into the room. She was beautiful, with satiny skin the color of copper and long, dark hair. Her beauty was marred by the trio of scars that ran down the right side of her face, distorting her smile.

"Emily, this is Bella Swan," Billy said. "Bella, this is Sam's fiancée, Emily."

"It's good to meet you, Bella," she said. "Sam told me about you: the girl that ran with the vamps." She faced Billy. "So, this is why you wanted me to come over?"

Billy nodded. "Bella is worried about the dangers of the wolves, and I figured you were the best person to set her mind at ease."

She smiled a little wider. "I can do that."

She didn't seem like the best person to reassure me of anything given the scars, as I suspected they were the marks of a wolf's claws.

"Did they do that to you?" I asked.

She smoothed a hand down her cheek, tracing the path of the scars. "Yes, but it wasn't intentional."

I wondered whether anyone really thought that was reassuring, knowing it wasn't intentional. It looked to me that Emily had suffered and almost been killed by a wolf.

She stared deep into my eyes, seeming to be searching for something in me. "These are marks of love," she said. "The person that I love did this to me. Do you have any scars from the person you love?"

My hand instinctively ran over the scar of my arm, covered by my sweater. That scar had inadvertently come from Edward, though he hadn't meant to… Now I understood.

She smiled. "I see you understand."

She told me the story of her and Sam, explaining imprinting and how he had broken her cousin's heart to love her. She told me about the day she'd got her scars, the fact Sam had lost control for a second and her face had been the price. I understood now why the dangers were personal to Harry. Sam had broken his daughter's heart and scarred his niece's face.

"He has exemplary control now," she finished. "And I know I am in no danger from him. Do you have the same comfort in the vampires you love?"

"Edward would never hurt me," I said. He would leave rather than hurt me.

"And the others?" she asked.

I bowed my head, unable to meet her eye and lie to her. Jasper, who I loved like a brother, could hurt me, but if he was here, I would still want to be close to him, knowing that was a risk. You did stupid things for the people you loved.

"I understand," she said. "The wolves are dangerous, just as your vampires are. That doesn't make them bad. They are good."

I nodded. I understood, too. It was easier for me even. Knowing the wolves weren't hurting people, that they were protecting them even, made it easier. I just had to avoid them and I would be safe.

The door opened then, though no one had knocked, and my decision to avoid the wolves was tested as Sam Uley swept inside. His eyes were bright with some unknown emotion, but when he caught sight of Emily, they shone with unconcealed adoration. He swept her into his arms, pressing kisses to her lips and the lines of her scars.

I looked away. The clear love and devotion between them acted as a knife in my gut, reminding me of Edward and what I had lost.

When Billy cleared his throat, I looked up in time to see Sam release Emily and become serious. "We killed one of the vampires," he said.

Billy clapped his hands together, clearly jubilant.

"It's not over yet," Sam said. "One still got away. We caught sight of it for the first time. It's a woman. We were close to getting her, too, but she went into the bay and we lost her."

"You got one though," Billy said. "That's one less vampire to hurt the town."

Sam nodded. "I guess. Something tells me the redhead is going to be harder to catch…"

Sam went on talking but it was white noise to me. One word reverberated around my mind: redhead. The pieces clicked together and the shame swept over me. Me. It was all because of me. The hikers had been killed, the boys were risking themselves as wolves to protect the town, when all along her target was me.

"Bella!" a voice barked. I felt hot hands encircle my arms and a pair of dark, brown eyes fixed on mine. It was Sam. "Do you know this vampire?"

I nodded.

"Is it a Cullen?" Billy asked intensely. I was sure I knew what he was thinking. If it was a Cullen killing people, the treaty was void, but they were at the disadvantage of taking on a coven of seven with only three wolves.

I shook my head.

"Talk to us!" Sam snapped, shaking me slightly.

"Victoria," I breathed. "Her name is Victoria."

"Do you know why she's here?" Sam asked.

I nodded. "Yes. She's here for me."

It took time for me to tell them the whole story. Emily sat beside me on the couch, holding my hand as I stuttered and stumbled my way through it. I told them it all. How James had followed my scent from the Cullens' house. How he had trapped me in my room, preparing to kill me when Edward arrived and saved me. I told of how James and Victoria had lured Edward's family to Canada to get them away and then had come to attack me and Alice. I was shaking and near tears when I finished as the horrible truth settled over me.

This was it, what would kill me. It wasn't a wolf; it was a vampire, just not one of the ones that I loved.

"Makes sense," Sam said. "In our stories, they get crazy when their mate is killed. Since you're the reason that hers is dead, it figures that she'd come after you."

Emily wrapped an arm around my shaking shoulders and shot him a reproving look.

Sam apologized quietly. "This is good," he said. "This way we know what she wants. We can protect you and have a better chance of catching her."

I wondered whether I should tell him that it was useless trying to protect me, that I was slated to die either way, but I didn't. If they were protecting me, they were protecting Charlie, too, and that was what mattered to me now, keeping my father safe.

"I need to talk to the others," Sam said.

"I want to go home," I said in a small voice. I wanted familiar walls and things around me, as if they could keep me safe too.

"I'll drive you," Emily offered, but Sam shook his head.

"I'll take her. She'll be safer with me."

I got to shaking feet and made for the door.

Billy called my name as I turned the handle. "Bella, you'll be okay," he said. "We'll protect you."

People kept saying that to me, that I'd be okay. I wondered if it would ever be true again.

Emily came outside with me, an arm around my shaking shoulders. Tears were tracking down my cheeks.

I was about to climb into the truck when I heard someone shout behind us.

"Hey! What are you doing with her?" It was Jacob, and he sounded furious. I had never heard him like this before.

"I'm fine, Jake," I said, though my choked voice and tears cancelled out the reassuring quality of my words.

"Get the hell away from her!" Jacob shouted, running towards us. I saw that he was actually shaking he was so angry.

"Get inside the truck, Bella," Sam ordered.

I did as he said without question and scooted along the seat so Emily could, too. We both watched through the windscreen as Jacob stopped in front of Sam and shoved his shoulders.

"What are you doing, ordering her around like that?" he spat. "What did you do to her?"

"I did nothing," Sam said. "Calm down, Jacob."

"The hell with that," Jacob shouted. "Bella, get out here."

I shook my head. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I knew it wasn't safe for me to be out there with them.

Jacob shaking increased, and Sam was trying to talk him down, when there was a sudden roar of rage from Jacob, and the next thing I knew I was looking into the eyes of a monstrous, russet-brown wolf. A split-second later, there was another; Sam had changed, too.

"Bella," Emily said softly. "Give me the keys."

I handed them over, my eyes locked on Jacob. He was cowering on the ground, and the black wolf, Sam, was towering over him.

Emily started the engine, and spoke in a soft voice, "They'll be okay. Sam is using the alpha command to control Jacob. He won't be hurt, but he won't hurt anyone else either. Look, they're going now."

They were. Jacob was almost crawling into the forest, and Sam was following him. I saw Billy watching them through the window, a stunned look of wonder on his face.

"Bella," Emily said. "They'll be fine and so will you."

Would I? I had just seen my best friend turn into a werewolf. A rogue vampire was coming for me, and it had fallen on my Jacob and his friends to protect me.

I was the furthest thing from okay.

* * *

**So… Billy got his wish—there's a new wolf in the world. Victoria's back and Bella is in all kinds of trouble. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	29. As It Should Be

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and being so supportive during this process. Love you hon xxx**

**Sorry again for the lack of review replies. Know that I appreciate hearing from you all and will get my arse in gear to reply one day. **

* * *

_**Chapter Nine — As It Should Be**_

_**Bella**_

Emily showed remarkable patience both with the idiosyncrasies of my truck and my seemingly endless tears. When I finally got over the shock of seeing my best friend transform into a giant wolf, I began to realize what this meant for him. Billy might say that it was an honor, but all I could think of was the danger Jacob was in now that he was faced with protecting people from vampires, from Victoria. The thought of the redhead brought on a whole new bout of tears.

Thankfully, Charlie was still at work, so I was able to let myself into the house without marshaling my emotions. I stumbled into the lounge, looking around with bleary eyes, and flopped down on the couch. Emily sat beside me and patted my back.

"You'll be okay, you know," she said. "The pack will take care of you."

"But who will take care of them? Who will protect them from the vampires?"

"They don't need protection," she said patiently. "The wolves are more than capable of looking after themselves. You saw Jacob and Sam today; they're huge. They're also fast and strong, and in case you missed it, they killed a vampire today. Do you think I would be so calm if I thought Sam was ever in danger?"

I shook my head and swiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm sorry."

She smiled. "There's nothing to apologize for, Bella. It's hard to wrap your mind around, I know. It took me a while, too."

It wasn't that though. I accepted that the wolves were real before I even saw them. They were just another facet of my supernaturally unusual life. I had believed in vampires since I was young, because I loved one. Now, I loved a wolf, too, though not in the same way.

"Do you think Jake will be okay?"

"He will be eventually," she said. "It's hard for them at first, phasing. They have to calm down and develop control before they can phase back. Jake comes from a good bloodline. It will make a difference."

I let her words rush over me and reassure me. The tears ceased and I felt calmer. Emily herself seemed to be one of those people that were innately calm and peaceful themselves, like Angela. It helped me to be the same.

Calm as I was, I couldn't just sit and wait for news of Jacob. Emily and I moved to the kitchen and she helped me prepare Charlie's dinner for that evening. As we worked, she told me about the wolves' enormous appetites and propensity to go through clothes. The other people in the know within the tribe — Harry, his wife, Sue, and Billy — would help provide food and clothes for them so it didn't all fall on Emily. She was the one that cooked for them the most though, and she was the one that spent time rooting through the thrift stores in Port Angeles for clothes for them. Her small house in La Push became their unofficial base.

We were back in the lounge, talking about her life with Sam and her plans for their wedding, when there was a knock on the door. I started, scared for a moment before I realized anyone that posed a threat to me wouldn't knock.

When I opened the door, I saw Sam on the threshold. I stood back to let him in and he moved straight to Emily's side. He didn't greet her as effusively as he had at Billy's, but there was still unspoken adoration between them.

"How's Jake?" I asked immediately.

"He's doing good," Sam said. "He managed to phase back pretty quickly. He's running with Jared at the moment. He's worried about you though. So, how are you?"

"I'm okay," I said. "A little freaked, but that's more about the fact there's a vampire coming for me again than it is Jacob turning into a giant wolf."

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "I told him as much. Figured a girl that hangs with vampires won't have a problem with wolves."

"Can I see him?" I asked.

"Not yet," Sam said. "He's still too young, too new. He's shown impressive control so far, but we can't take any risks. He's going to stay wolf for a while now, to get used to it. Maybe in a couple of weeks…"

Two weeks! I didn't even know if I had two weeks left. With Victoria gunning for me, my time could be up any minute.

My horror must have shown in my face as Emily said, "It's not that long, Bella. It'll go fast."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Now, we need to talk about you," Sam said. "Obviously, tracking the bloodsucker will be a little easier now we know what she's after. The vampire we took out today was an easy kill compared to our stories. We think he was pretty new. This Victoria obviously isn't. She's going to be harder. We're going to protect you though, Bella. We all are. There will be a wolf with you at all times, even if you can't see us."

Emily squeezed my hand. "See, they'll take care of you."

"What about Charlie?" I asked. "Victoria might target him."

Sam considered for a moment. "You may be right. I'll have someone trail him, too, and when we can, I'll have Billy get him onto the reservation. You, too. When you're not at school, you need to come to Emily's. We always have one of us patrolling there." He nodded to himself. "It's a good thing Jacob phased; we're going to need the numbers. Let's hope Embry follows soon."

I felt guilty that they were risking themselves for me and Charlie, but there was nothing I could do about it. I needed Charlie safe, and I knew they wouldn't just let me trot off to my death without attempting to protect me.

"Thank you, Sam," I said sincerely.

He favored me with a smile. "It's what we do."

* * *

Life without Jacob was hard. Life knowing Victoria was coming for me was harder.

Though I tried not to let it, these things dragged me down. I missed Jacob, without him to chase away the shadows, I slipped back into the darkness.

I wasn't alone. When I wasn't at school or sleeping, I was at Emily's. Charlie was pleased I had a new friend, but he worried that I was neglecting Jacob. Billy came up with a cover story of Mono to explain his absence. That and the fact Jacob wasn't safe to be out in public for a while made it sure that Charlie wouldn't spot him and give me a hard time about it.

Emily became a good friend. I would help her prepare food for the pack when I was there. The pack themselves were… difficult. Jared and Sam were friendly enough, but Paul seemed to take my presence as a personal affront. Not only did I bring Victoria down on them, forcing him into babysitting duty, I was an outsider than knew the secret. That and the fact I had chosen to spend time with the Cullens made it impossible for us to get along, and we avoided each other for the most part. He would patrol with Jacob while I was at Emily's.

Sometimes, as I was driving to school, I would catch a glimpse of a wolf following me in the cover of the trees. At night, I would spot a dark shape in the forest around our house. I didn't underestimate the sacrifice it was for the wolves to protect me and Charlie, and I did my best to make it easy for them by not wandering between home and La Push or school.

A week passed since I discovered Victoria was back, a week since Jacob phased, and I was miserable. It was like a weight had settled over me that I couldn't lift. Not only did I miss my boyfriend and his family, my best friend couldn't see me either.

I left Emily's late that night, following Charlie along the road back to Forks after a football game that had kept Charlie at Harry's till late. I saw the shadow in the trees beside me, and wondered which of the wolves would be losing sleep for me.

My expression must have been particularly gloomy, as Charlie caught my arm before I made it to the stairs and turned me to face him.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

"Sure, Dad." I lied. He shook his head, and I knew I hadn't fooled him one bit. I sighed. "Just tired is all. I'll be fine."

"I know you're missing Jacob, but it feels like there's something else going on, too. Is it about… him?"

This was the first time Charlie had brought up the subject of Edward in a long time. He had avoided all mentions of him since the week we didn't talk about.

"In a way," I admitted.

"Does it make it harder?" he asked. "Being here, in Forks? 'Cause your mom would love to have you go stay with her."

"No, I can't leave school now, not when I'm so close to graduation. And I like being here with you."

"And I love having you here, believe me. I don't want you to go anywhere, but I want you to be happy."

I did something then that I hadn't done in a long time. I stepped forward and hugged Charlie. "I'm happier here than I would ever be in Florida," I whispered. "I'm so glad I came back to live here. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Bells," he said softly, bringing his arms up to return my embrace. "I'm glad you're here."

I stayed like that for a long time, absorbing his warmth and familiar faint scent of Old Spice. I was aware that this might be the last time I could hold him like this, and I wanted to make the most of it. Even though it felt like a goodbye.

* * *

I couldn't keep the tears at bay that night. I held on until Charlie's snores rumbled through the hall, and then I let myself lose it. I cried for Edward. I cried for Jake. I cried for Charlie and Renee, and for myself. I let myself feel for the first time the people I would be leaving behind and the future I had lost.

I would perhaps have spent the night allowing myself the release of tears if not for the noise in the hall. I jerked upright and glanced at the door. I could have been Charlie, waking to hear my tears, but when I focused, I heard his snores still rumbling. It could have been Victoria, but I wouldn't have heard her unless she wanted to be heard. I spent enough time with my vampires to know they could be silent as ghosts when they wanted to be. Unless she wanted me to know she was coming…

The door creaked open, and I held my breath, wondering if this was it, the end for me. Then I saw the figure slip through the door and I sighed with relief. "Jacob!"

He grinned. "The one and only." He had changed since the last time I saw him. His long hair had been cropped short, and he seemed to have gained at least two inches in height. He looked so different, but his smile was familiar. He was still my Jacob.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "You think I could sit out there listening to you crying and not do anything?"

"But what about Sam?"

Jacob thumped down on the bed beside me and wrapped a warm arm around my shoulder. "I didn't break his rules. He said I couldn't go sneaking through your window to see you. I didn't. I used the key and came through the door."

I laughed and then stifled the noise behind my hand. "Thank you, Jake. I needed this, to see you, to laugh."

"Yeah, I needed to see you, too. I've been going crazy not being able to talk to you. I was worried about you. Charlie told Billy you were getting bad again."

I sighed. "It's just been a lot you know: Victoria, you, Edward."

He stiffened and I wondered what it was in what I'd said that had upset him.

"But I'm okay now, Jake," I said quickly. "I'll be fine as long as you are. Are you?"

He looked down at the floor. "I'm okay, I guess. Being a wolf isn't that bad. Sam and the others have been great. I get to protect people, which is cool, but…"

"But?"

"But it feels like my whole life has been swept away from me and I didn't even have a say in it. Everything's changed and I don't know where I fit anymore."

"You fit here, with me," I said quickly. "You're still my Jacob."

He smiled slightly. "I wish that was true, but it's not, is it? You're not mine and I'm not yours. I was hoping… When I saw you… But it didn't happen. Besides, you're still in love with your bloodsucker."

I stiffened. "His name is Edward."

"Yeah, him. You're still in love with him, aren't you?"

"I am," I said. "I have always been."

"Always?" Jacob quirked an eyebrow. "Bella, you had him for less than a year. That's hardly a legendary love."

"No, Jake," I said sadly. "I've loved him since I was a child."

"You mean he…" He looked disgusted. "He's been hanging around since you were a kid."

"Yes and no. He was there with me for almost every summer since I was five, but it wasn't the Edward you know. It's his future self." I sighed and raked a hand over my face. "It's a long story."

"Yeah? Sounds like it. Tell me anyway."

"At some point in his future, Edward will find a vampire that can manipulate time. She will send him into my past to see me. I will be five when I meet him for the first time, and I will spend every summer with him till I am fifteen. None of this has happened for him yet." I was almost sure of it. Wherever Edward was in the world now, he wasn't with me. It would be my death or change that would trigger him to go to my past. "But it will."

"That sounds seriously screwed up, Bells. You didn't even have a chance at a normal life, did you? He was stalking you since you had pigtails."

"He wasn't stalking me," I said with a bite of anger in my tone.

"Maybe not," Jacob said. "But I'm right about the rest. You never had a chance at a normal life, not with him haunting your childhood. _I_ never had a chance."

"I'm sorry, Jake," I said sadly. "I do love you, just not in the way you need. He took so much of my heart when he came into my life that there was never any room for someone else."

"Yeah, like I said, screwed up."

He was annoying me now. He was acting like the fact this was Edward's fault, when even if I had been free to be with him, we couldn't be together.

"No more screwed up than imprinting," I said.

He had the good grace to look abashed. "You know about that then?"

"Yeah, I know, so I know even if there was no Edward, there could be no us. You could never love me fully, knowing there is someone out there, someone that's perfect for you in every way."

"Might not happen," he grumbled. "It's rare."

"So are vampires and werewolves, and I've encountered them both in my life."

Jacob scrubbed his hands over his face. "This is all so screwed up. I want to go back to before wolves and vampires and all this crap. I want it to be right again."

"It's never been right, Jake," I said, "not for us."

He looked downcast. "I guess not. Doesn't make it fair though, does it?"

I rested my head on his shoulder and he smoothed my hair with his hand. "No, Jake. It's not fair."

Fair or not, it was my life. Perhaps if the world was as it should be, without vampires or werewolves, I would be with Jacob, but the world wasn't as it should be. I did love Edward and Jacob could imprint. There was no way we could be together.

I leaned into his touch, and for a moment pretended that life was fair and this was me in the arms of the man I loved. As he pressed a warm kiss to my hair, I realized he was pretending too.

* * *

**So… Jacob bucked the rule and snuck in. I know some of you were greatly relieved when I said there will be no romance between Bella and Jacob—and there won't be, I promise—but Jacob's feelings are the same, and that means this conversation had to happen. I didn't want him living in hope and expectation for something that'd never happen. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	30. Attack

**Thank you Gredelina1 for all your help with the beta'ing, and thank you all for reading, reviewing and supporting the story.**

* * *

_**Chapter Ten — Attack**_

_**Jacob**_

Life sucked sometimes.

Falling in love with the most amazing girl, only to find out that it'll never happen because she's still in love with someone else, sucked. Finding out you were a werewolf and could one day imprint on someone, breaking all romantic ties to another, sucked. Finding out the safety of the reservation and town rested on your shoulders, sucked. I wasn't afraid of responsibility, but I was afraid of failing. If someone got hurt because I wasn't fast enough or strong enough, I would never be able to forgive myself. I knew that for a fact. The others thought about it all the time, the hikers—strangers—that had died because they hadn't caught the vampires in time.

Billy said this was a sacred duty and that we were lucky to be running, but it didn't feel lucky. I couldn't help but think just how much easier life had been when I was just a kid, building a car and hanging with my best friends and loving Bella.

I was on my way to Emily's for a meeting with the pack and Bella. Sam had found out that I'd gone into Bella's room as soon as he phased that morning and heard my thoughts. Once he'd finished chewing me out for breaking his rules, he asked about my control. When he'd heard that I hadn't struggled at all, he deemed it safe for us to meet and talk. He'd learned from me that Bella knew of a gifted vampire, and he wanted to know more; we'd always thought the mention of gifts in our legends were a load of a crap, now we were starting to worry.

Bella's truck was parked outside Emily's house, and I felt my frown slip away to a smile. She had that effect on me, making me happy when so much else was wrong. As I pushed open the door, I saw her and Emily working at the counters. Bella was whisking a giant bowl of eggs and Emily was flipping bacon onto a plate. Bella looked better than she had the night before. Her eyes were bright and she was smiling.

Sam, Jared and Paul were sitting at the table. Sam was watching Emily with a contented smile on his face while Paul and Jared massacred a huge plate of muffins.

"Hungry?" Emily asked me.

"Starved," I said, grabbing a muffin from the chaos and leaning against the counter beside Bella. She smiled at me as she poured the eggs into a large skillet.

"Come sit down, Bella, Jacob," Sam said, and after exchanging a look, we obeyed.

"Now, Jacob told us everything you said last night," Sam said. "And we want to talk about the gifted vampire."

Bella shot me a look, obviously hurt that I had shared what she'd told me. It wasn't like I'd had a choice though.

"I couldn't help it," I said defensively. "They heard me thinking about it."

Bella looked confused and Paul snickered. "Hey, look, we've stumped the leech-lover. No one told you about that part of being a wolf, did they?"

I glowered at Paul. I would have liked to sock him for what he'd said, but he of all of us had the least control over his phasing, and I didn't need to trigger him when Bella and Emily were so close.

"That's enough, Paul," Sam said harshly, then he softened his tone to speak to Bella. "When we are in wolf form, we can hear each other's thoughts. It's an advantage for when we are hunting."

Bella nodded thoughtfully. "Okay."

Jared laughed. "Nothing fazes you, does it?"

"You're not the first mind readers I've known. Edward could do it, too." She smiled a little sadly. "Every mind but mine."

Sam and I exchanged a dark look. "So gifted vampires not only exist, but they're common, too," Sam said.

"I wouldn't call them common," Bella said. "I've only met three with gifts and heard about a couple more."

"What were the gifts?" Jared asked curiously.

Bella's teeth cut into her lower lip as she considered. I was pretty sure I knew what her problem was. She wanted to be loyal to the leeches she loved, but they were gone and we were here.

"We need to know, Bella," I said.

She nodded sadly. "I know one that can see the future. One can manipulate emotions. One that senses the gifts in others, and Edward you know about."

"And the one that will send your… Edward… back to the past," Sam said thoughtfully. "That's more than we thought already, and that's only a small amount of those that exist. Do you think this Victoria is gifted too?"

Bella shrugged. "No one told me if they knew. She could be, I guess."

"Gifted or not, we'll take her out," Jared said. "There are four of us now and Embry has to be joining us soon."

Emily tipped the skillet of eggs into a bowl and placed the on the table. "Eat up, guys."

"Fast," Sam said. "I want to be out patrolling soon. Jacob, you've got the reservation today. The rest of us will take the limits."

I was happy to be given the rez to protect. I could keep a closer eye on Bella here. She caught my eye as I piled my plate with food and smiled slightly. I returned it happily. I would take care of her.

* * *

I was on the border of the reservations boundary, by the river when I heard the howl rent the air and the thoughts that followed.

'_Jared, what is it?'_

'_What's going on?'_

'_New trail,' _Jared said quickly._ 'The redheaded leech is here somewhere. Can I follow?'_

'_Follow but do not take her on alone,' _Sam instructed. _'We will be with you soon. Jacob, come, too. This could be it.'_

I recognized the area as Ozette Lake. It would take me a matter of minutes to get there through the forest. My paws pounded the earthy ground as I raced through the trees, scattering wildlife away with my presence. I was hyped. My heart was pounding and my lungs working like bellows as the adrenaline rushed through me. This was it, I was sure; we would get her this time. We would annihilate this leech and Bella would be protected. I imagined Bella's face when I told her it was over, that I had killed the redhead.

'_Head in the game, Jacob,' _Sam cautioned, _'or none of us will kill her.'_

'_Yeah, who said you'd be the one doing the killing anyway?' _Paul asked. _'You're the new pup around here. Killing vampires isn't for newbies. You best leave it to us experienced wolves.'_

I cursed at him.

'_That's enough, both of you,' _Sam snapped.

I tried to focus only on Jared's thoughts. He had the scent and was racing along its path. It was new, no more than an hour, and that made us all sure this would be the time we would get her.

Sam and Paul had been in the east end of the park, and they caught up with me just as I reached the lake. I inhaled through my nose, getting the scent of the leech, and pushed myself faster. Sam and Paul kept pace with me as we ran toward Jared.

'_I think she's heading into the Makah territory,' Jared said. 'No, wait, her scent is turning. She's coming back your way. Back towards the reservation.'_

'_Emily!'_

'_Bella!'_

Sam's and my thoughts were united in panic for the people we loved. We skidded to a stop and redirected our path to the reservation.

As I ran, I thought of Bella, ignoring the others. What did it matter if she loved someone else? What did it matter if she wasn't the one destined to be for me? I loved her, and as long as she was alive, I would keep on loving her. I would save her and then I would talk to her, make her see. I didn't care how little of her heart there was to give, I'd take it anyway. I'd take anything she would give me as long as she was okay.

The scent grew stronger the faster we ran, as we gained on the leech. Soon, it was strong enough to burn our noses. We crashed over what would have been the boundary line had the Cullens still been in the area and into La Push.

I knew, even before we left the forest where the scent was going, and my heart seemed to drop as I considered what I was about to see. Bella dead. Emily dead. The house trashed. Blood on the ground.

'_Dammit, Jacob!'_ Jared snarled. _'Cut it out.'_

I knew I was hurting them with my thoughts, but I couldn't help it. My mind wasn't cooperating with me. It was showing me these horrors and there was nothing I could do about it.

Sam was faster than me. He was in human form and through Emily's door before I could even reach her yard.

"Emily!" he bellowed. "Emily!"

"I'm here," a weak voice answered.

I phased and raced into the house in time to see Sam helping Emily to her feet. There was a lump the size of an egg on her temple and she looked dazed.

"Where's Bella?" I asked at once.

"The vampire took her," Emily said shakily. "We were just talking, and then she appeared. Bella…" She shook her head. "It was like she knew. She expected her. She just walked towards her like it was nothing."

I turned and ran back into the yard, feeling the heat surge through me as I became the stronger, faster wolf. Jared and Paul were already ahead of me. The scent was leading toward the ocean. I raced after them. I felt Sam's mind joining us and then his deep voice asked, _'Any sign?'_

'_She's trying to dodge us. Keeps zigzagging. I think she's heading to the ocean though.'_

'_Head for the cliffs,' _Sam instructed. _'Jake and I will follow the trail. Do not let her get away.'_

Spurred on by my fear for Bella, I was ahead of Sam and therefore the first to smell the blood. It was rich and coppery, Bella's. I howled as I ran into the clearing, and what I saw there made my heart fail.

Bella was lying on the grassy ground. Blood was trickling from the wound on her neck, not much, not enough; she had lost too much blood for it to be a flow. Her skin was ashen, and her chest barely moved. Her eyes were open though, and she was looking at me. The pain in her eyes was terrible.

'_Bella!' _The pain in my thoughts physically hurt the others.

'_Stay with her, Jacob,' _ Sam commanded. _'Watch her but do not phase back. I need to talk to you.'_

I dropped to the ground and crawled toward Bella, until I was just within her reach.

She reached out a shaking hand and rested it on my head, running her fingers through my fur softly.

"Hey, Jake," she said in a weak voice.

I wanted to phase back, to talk and comfort her, but I couldn't; the alpha command bound me.

I knew what I was seeing, Bella was dying, and I thought I would die right there with her. I had no will to live in a world without her. Screw imprinting. Screw vampires. I loved her.

Then Sam's voice echoed in my mind, and I felt something worse than grief. I felt fear. _' We're tracking the vampire still, Jacob, but you have to help Bella. She's been bitten! We cannot let her become one of them. She must die.'_

'_No!'_

'_It's the only way, Jacob. She's hurting now. Let her have peace. Put her out of her misery. Kill her now.'_

Bella eyes locked on me, and I thought for a moment that she was the mind reader, as the look she was giving me told me clearly that she understood.

'_Okay,' _I said, bowed under the weight of the alpha command. _'I'll do it.'_

I rose to my feet, lifted one paw from the ground, and held it over Bella's chest.

_I'm sorry, Bella, _I thought._ So sorry._

She spoke in a whisper, but I could hear it clearly. "It's okay, Jake. Do it."

_No! _The thought was all mine, and mine alone. There were no other voices in my head, and no will but my own. I didn't know how it had happened, but something had changed. I was my own man again.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill Bella. She was changing, I knew that, but I couldn't be the one to end her life, and I couldn't let anyone else do it either. I wouldn't let anyone else touch her.

No clear idea of what I was doing, I phased back to my human self and tugged on the shorts I had tied to my ankle. Bella watched me, and tears slid down her cheeks.

"It's okay, Bella," I said softly. "I'll take care of you."

I scooped her up in my arms and held her against my chest. I could smell the venom that was working through her system, changing her and making her one of _them_, but even knowing that, I couldn't kill her. I couldn't let her die.

I started at a walk that morphed into a run and then became a sprint. With Bella in my arms, I ran as fast as I could away from La Push, away from my home.

* * *

I don't know how far or how long I ran with her. It was dark by the time I stopped and set her down among the ferns of the forest. The wound on her neck had healed now, but she was still human. I could hear her heart pounding and the rushing of blood in her veins. Her eyes were closed now, and she hadn't spoken, but I knew she was still aware, as she occasionally flinched and moaned.

"I'll be right back," I said softly, tugging off my shorts. "Just need to deal with Sam."

When I had first phased, Sam and Billy had sat me down and told me the story of the wolf again. I heard how my great-grandpa was an alpha, and that I, from his bloodline, should be, too. Sam offered to step down there and then to let me lead the pack, but I refused. I was a kid that'd just had the fact I was a mythical beast thrown on him. I didn't want to add more responsibility to that. I suspected my ability to refuse Sam's order had something to do with bloodlines.

I phased into my wolf form and listened carefully. For the first time ever as a wolf, there were no other voices among mine. I was almost alone. Though… maybe not. I heard something like a whisper.

'_Sam?'_

'_Jacob, finally,' _Sam said, relief clear in his voice. _'What happened to you? I can barely hear you now?'_

'_I did it,' I _lied, forcing all thoughts of what I had done from my mind._ 'Bella's dead I put her in the… dumped the body in the ocean off the cliffs.'_

'_Good. Now, you need to come home.'_

'_I can't. I need to be alone.'_

'_I understand that, but we need you, The leech got away, And there's Charlie to think of. We'll come up with a story, but he's going to need you.'_

'_I'm sorry, I can't do that. I need a little time.'_

'_Jacob…'_

I knew Sam was close to attempting to issue another alpha order, so I cut him off. _'Make the story good for Charlie and take care of Billy. I'll see you, Sam.'_

Before he could say another word, I phased to my human self, essentially cutting him off.

Charlie would be taken care of now, and the others wouldn't come looking for me. The tactical advantage of losing a wolf was not worth losing all others to search for me. Bella and I would be safe for a while.

It couldn't last forever. I would have to go home eventually. But maybe if I could keep Bella controlled for a while, prove that she could control herself, they'd see she wasn't a danger.

Perhaps they would let her live.

* * *

**So… That happened. This was a helluva chapter to write. I knew from the very beginning that this was how it would happen, but I didn't really consider how it would feel to write it, especially from Jacob's POV. **

**Hope you enjoyed. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	31. Awakening

**Thank you Gredelina1 for all your help and support and for the wonderful beta work. Thank you all for reading and reviewing.**

* * *

_**Chapter Eleven — Awakening**_

_**Bella **_

It was just another day. Emily and I were clearing up the remains of breakfast and wondering what to prepare for the wolves' dinner when I caught sight of Victoria standing in the open doorway. She was almost unchanged. The only thing that was different about her was the hatred that burned in her eyes. The last time I'd seen her, she'd wanted me for a meal. Now, her need was so much stronger. She wanted my life.

Emily grabbed my hand and I could feel her trembling. Her touch brought back to me the reality of our situation. I was going to die and there was a good chance Emily would, too. I couldn't let that happen. I had to save her.

"I've been looking for you for a long time," Victoria said in her high, babyish voice.

"You've found me."

I wrenched my hand out of Emily's and stepped toward Victoria on shaking legs.

Victoria's smile grew. "You're not going to run?"

"What would be the point?"

Emily caught my arm and tried to drag me back, insensible with fear, but Victoria swept her away lazily. I saw Emily crumple to the floor, and I felt fear curdle in my stomach. It settled slightly when I saw Emily's chest moving. I felt a moment's relief—she was still alive—before Victoria's cool, firm hands swept me up and tossed me over her shoulder.

She ran with me, around the edge of the house and into the forest. I squeezed my eyes closed, not out of fear but in an effort to bring another face to my mind. I wanted to see Edward again. I wanted his face to be the last thing I saw, but it evaded me, I couldn't find him.

The wind whipped at me as we ran, and then suddenly we stopped and I felt myself being dropped unceremoniously to the ground. I kept my eyes shut as I felt her cool breath at my throat and then piercing pain as her teeth sank into me.

It was the most unpleasant sensation I had ever felt. Not only did it hurt, I could actually feel her pulling at my blood, draining me. I felt myself growing weaker and my heart slowed, but the numbness of death didn't come. I stayed aware and alive.

Then, once again, things changed. The weight holding me down and the mouth at my throat disappeared. My eyes opened and I saw the wolf. Though I had only seen him in his wolf form once before, through the haze of panic and fear, I knew at once that this was Jacob. It was his eyes. They were all him and all sorrow.

He dropped to the ground and crawled towards me. I reached out a hand and rested it on his head, running my hand through the thick, russet, fur. It was good that he was here. I couldn't bring Edward's face to my mind, but I could see another person I loved.

"Hey, Jake," I whispered.

He stared at me and I could see the conflict in his eyes. He knew what he had to do, for the good of his tribe and the town; he had to take out the vampire threat. I understood. I even wanted it. The venom was starting to spread and the pain was immense. I didn't want to feel that any more than I wanted an eternal life alone. I tried, through look alone, to show him I understood.

He must have understood. He rose slowly and lifted one enormous paw and held it over my chest.

"It's okay, Jake," I whispered. "Do it."

He seemed torn for a moment, and then shook his enormous head from side to side. His paw came back to rest on the ground, and I knew my last chance of peace was over. He wasn't going to do it. Tears of disappointment welled and I closed my eyes again.

"It's okay, Bella," he said softly. "I'll take care of you."

* * *

The pain was unimaginable. It burned through me, setting every cell on fire. I thought I would go mad with it. I wanted nothing more than to scream and howl my pain to the skies, but there was something more important than what I wanted; Jacob was there. I didn't know how or why he was still there when his every instinct had to be telling him to get away from me, but I was grateful for his presence. I was scared, more scared than I had ever been in my life, and I didn't want to face that fear alone.

It felt like it would last forever, but slowly, so slowly, the pain began to seep out of me. First my fingertips were free, and then my wrists. It didn't lessen, it just focused itself on my chest, narrowing down until it was centered on my racing heart. It pounded faster and faster, until, with one last thud, it stopped.

I stayed still for a moment longer, relishing the absence of the burn, and then I opened my eyes. At first my senses were overwhelmed. I could see everything, feel everything, hear everything, smell everything. A what a smell it was: musky and damp like wet dog. I turned, searching for the source of the smell, and saw him. Jacob.

He looked terrible. There were dark shadows around below his eyes, and his usually rich russet skin was pale and wan.

"You okay, Jake?" My voice surprised me. It was light and musical now.

Jacob looked surprised, too. His eyes widened and a frown creased his brow. "You sound weird," he said in a hoarse voice.

I sat up, intending to make the movement slow so as not to startle Jacob, but it happened fast. One minute I was lying, the next I was sitting.

Jacob flinched away.

"It's okay," I said. "I won't hurt you."

He forced a smile. "Like you even could."

He was wrong though. I could feel the raw power surging through me. I could hurt him if I wasn't careful.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

I shrugged slightly. "It doesn't hurt anymore." He wasn't asking after my mental health, so I didn't elaborate on the fact that though the physical pain was gone, the mental was still very present.

"I didn't know what to expect," he said. "Our stories say vampires are out of control and ruled by the bloodlust, but the Cullens aren't like that, so…"

Edward had told me stories of Emmett's early years as a vampire. He said he'd kept the family on the move with his 'slips' pretty much constantly the first two years. I didn't know if that was exclusive to Emmett or if all vampires were the same at first. I didn't feel out of control. I felt reasonably calm.

"You should probably feed in case," he said.

As soon as he said the words, my throat erupted in flames. I clapped a hand to my neck as if that could smother the fire.

"Hurts!" I gasped, lurching to my feet.

"Yeah, figured. A bunch of elk came by earlier. We should be able to find them again."

I nodded, still clasping one hand to my throat. "Okay."

We moved slowly through the forest, searching for a sign of the elk he had seen. I inhaled deeply, trying to find a scent of anything that smelled appetizing through the fog that was Jacob's stench. It wasn't easy, and I quickly grew frustrated.

"I can't smell anything but you," I said.

He smiled slightly. "That sounds more like you. I was starting to worry you'd gone all… vamp mind on me, too."

I laughed in spite of myself. "Vamp mind? How is that even a thing?"

He shrugged. "You've been weird."

I considered. I was doing my very best to not show Jacob how much I was hurting. I should have died. I'd been prepared to die. But instead, I was forced to live forever. I had no idea how a vampire earned death. I knew none of the usual human methods would work as Edward had told me that Carlisle tried after his change. James had been killed, so there was a way, but Edward had never explained how that worked. The wolves had killed one…

"Jake, how do you kill a vampire?" I asked.

"Rip them apart and burn the pieces," he said quickly, and then his face became suspicious. "Why do you want to know?"

I raised my arms at my sides. "Just wondered. It's my life now, after all; the more I know about it the better."

He didn't look convinced, but he didn't question me further. We walked on a little, and then he said, "Sam and the others thought about it all the time. Wish I'd been there. They took out that other vamp easy."

"How did they do it?" I asked. "I mean, I feel pretty much invincible. I can't imagine anything capable of ripping me apart."

"I guess you didn't get a good look at my teeth when I was wolf," he said. "That's what does it, the only thing that can pierce their freaky skin. Well, I guess they can do it to each other, too, but I don't see that happening."

"It happened to James," I said. "Victoria's mate. The Cullens killed him after he hurt me."

"Okay, it happens sometimes," he conceded. "What's the deal with that anyway? Why did that James want to hurt you?"

"Basically, I smelled good and he liked the chase. He had a plan to kill me and then have Edward hunt him. It didn't work though."

Jacob looked thoughtful. "No, I guess not." His expression darkened. "Shame they didn't kill his mate too, Would've saved a lot of trouble."

I had questions for him, like what had happened in the clearing, why he had changed his mind about killing me. I needed to know why he was here and how long he would stay. As much as I needed his presence, I knew he couldn't stay forever. Billy needed him, and the rest of the pack. He couldn't abandon his home because of me. The questions were on the tip of my tongue, but then a sound reached my ears and I faltered. It was the steady thudding of hearts, there had to be at least four of them.

"You hear that?" I whispered.

Jacob nodded. "You ready for this?"

I didn't answer; I just dropped into a crouch and slunk through the trees toward the sound. They were elks, and they were magnificent. They stood almost as tall as me to shoulder, and their heads and antlers towered above me. They didn't smell appetizing, but my throat was in flames and I knew their blood would help. I sprang forward, taking the largest down to the ground, sending the other three scattering. My mouth sought the heat of its throat, and I sank my teeth through fur, skin and muscle to the blood within.

It didn't taste good, but from the first mouthful I felt the pain in my throat lowering to a dull roar rather than the scorching burn it had been before. The elk struggled at first, but as I drank, its movements became weaker until it was still. When the blood faded to a trickle, I pulled back and wiped a hand across my mouth.

Jacob was watching me with a grimace. "Bella, that was disgusting."

It was his deadpan tone that made me laugh. He could have been commenting on the weather. That was the second time he'd made me laugh in the last hour when all I wanted to do was cry. He was the master at easing me through the storms of heartache.

I moved away from the dead elk and wiped a hand down my front. I hadn't done too badly for my first hunt, I thought. I was grimy from lying on the ground and still stained by flecks of my own blood, but I hadn't wasted the elk blood down my front. I felt dirty though, and knew I would need to get some clean clothes soon.

I could hear the rushing of water, and I followed the sound to a small stream. Dropping gratefully to my knees, I scooped up water in my hands and splashed in on my face and neck, washing away the blood.

Jacob came up beside me and flopped down on the ground. "I'm exhausted," he said in a groan.

"When was the last time you slept?" I asked.

"Well, we got out of Forks a few days ago and I was patrolling the night before, so about four days."

I looked around the trees. I had guessed we weren't in Forks anymore, but I assumed we'd moved into the Park. "Jake, where are we?" I asked.

"Somewhere in Canada, I think. I just kept running north until your heart started going crazy. I figured we were best getting somewhere remote. Now you're on your feet again, we can move on. I could only go so fast carrying you. Alaska's got to be our best bet—plenty of wildlife to eat and remote places to hole up."

"You're coming with me?" I asked, cursing the hopeful note to my voice.

"Yeah, 'course. Where else am I going to go?"

"Um, home."

Jacob bowed his head. "Bells, we can't go home."

"I know I can't," I said. "But you… Jake, what happened?"

Jacob scrubbed his hands over his face. "After you were attacked, I found you in the forest."

"Yeah, I remember."

"And Sam told me to stay with you while he went after the redhead. Only… he gave me an order. Sam's the alpha, the leader of the pack, and he can command me to do what he wants. He…" Jacob looked into my eyes. "He ordered me to kill you, Bella."

I sucked in a breath. I had thought it was Jacob's choice to kill me and that he'd changed his mind. Knowing the order came from Sam was a shock. Sam who'd spoken to me gently and reassured me. Sam who'd protected me from Victoria.

"I broke the connection," Jacob went on. "I refused his command, but when I did that, I broke from the pack, too. Sam's not my alpha anymore. I don't have a pack."

"Jake," I breathed. "Why would you do that?"

"Why!" he snapped. "Why do you think? I did it for you, Bella. I couldn't kill you. I love you. I know it's not enough and it would never work, especially not now, but you're still Bella. How was I supposed to kill you?"

"But Billy… What's he going to say?"

Jacob shrugged, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. "He won't say anything to me. It's not like I can go home. They think I killed you. If I go back, they'll see the truth in me. Billy always knows. And if they know, they might come for you. They won't want another vampire running around."

Guilt twisted my gut, and regret. To think I had been so close to it, to getting my release, but Jacob had spared me, dooming me to life alone.

"You should have let me die," I said. "It would have been better if you did."

"You want to die?"

"No, but I always knew it would happen. I have known for years that I would die young, at least I thought I would. I was prepared for death, but I wasn't prepared for this, to be a vampire. I don't want forever without him."

Jacob's lip curled back in a snarl. "_You_ don't want. _You_ were prepared. What about _me_, Bella? How was I supposed to live knowing I'd killed you? How was I supposed to look Charlie in the eyes, knowing I'd killed his only daughter?"

"It would have been better, Jake."

"No!" he shouted. "It wouldn't, not for me. I have lost everything, Bella. I gave everything up for you: my father, my sisters, my pack, my friends. I gave it all up for you, and you sitting there saying it would have been better if I let you die is the most selfish thing you've ever said!"

He was right, I knew it. I was being selfish and cruel, not considering what he'd given up for me.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I said in a small voice.

Jacob was panting in his rage still, but he made an effort to calm himself. "Yeah. Okay. Just… You can't say that to me, Bella. Not after everything. I know I'm not enough to live for, to hold on to, but you've got to, because otherwise I'll be all alone."

"Okay," I said softly. "I'll be better. I won't go anywhere."

"Good." He nodded to himself and took a deep breath. "I think our best bet's this place called Denali. I read about it in school. There's a huge National Park and there are places human can't get to. We'll be… What's wrong?"

My horror must have shown in my eyes. "We can't go there, Jake!"

"Why not?"

"There's already a vampire family in the area. The Denali coven. They're friends of the Cullens."

He tilted his head to the side. "And that's a problem because…? I thought that's what you would want, to find them again. I know they put the story about that they were going to LA, but maybe these Denalis will know where they really are. You can find Edward."

I shook my head dolefully. "I can't do that, Jake. He won't want to see me anymore."

He looked confused, so I took a deep breath and explained. I told him about my childhood summers with Edward, and the last day we were together, when I worked out that I wasn't in Edward's future. I told him about Alice's appearance the night he left me and what she'd said.

"He doesn't want me to be a vampire," I said. "He'll think I've lost my soul. It's better this way. He'll find out I 'died' eventually, but that'll be better than him knowing I'm one of them. At least he'll think I died with a soul. He'll believe I'm at peace."

Jacob eyed me curiously. "You sure? You don't want to track him down and give him the option of making a decision himself?"

"No, Jake. It's better this way. I last saw Edward knowing he loved me. I can't bear to see him look at me without that love again. I could handle it before, barely, because I had hope. I don't have that anymore."

Jacob stared at me for a long time, seeming deep in thought. "Okay," he said. "I'll let you decide—I'm in no hurry to see him either. But we've got to decide what to do. We can't stay here, the pack have been out this far before to test our communication distance. If they come again…"

I understood what he was saying. If they came again, someone would be killed. Them or me.

* * *

**So… Bella's awake and feeling a little—*snort*—selfish. I feel bad for Jacob. He really has given up everything for her. I sincerely hope you're still enjoying the story, **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	32. Loss

**Thank you so much Gredelina1 for beta'ing and being the best friend a girl could ask for. Much love xxx**

* * *

_**Chapter Twelve — Loss**_

_**Jasper**_

Life without Edward and Bella was different.

Edward didn't come to Ithaca with us. Alice and I were delayed in getting there, because Alice went back to see Bella, and when we arrived at the new house, we were met with a solemn Esme. Edward had called them on the road and said he wouldn't be joining us. Apparently he had decided to track down Victoria. Emmett had offered to go with him, but Edward had said it was something he needed to do alone. I understood his need to be by himself. The few hours I spent with Edward before we left Forks were some of the most unpleasant I could remember. He was in a world of hurt. He was a proud man; he wouldn't want us to see his suffering. No one knew better than me how much he had given up when he left Bella. I had felt the change in him when he fell in love with her and I felt the loss now. He had been happy before, but when Bella came along, he was finally fulfilled. She gave him new life. In a way, she changed us all.

Alice and I had lived with the family for over fifty years, and we never felt that we were lacking anything. I struggled at times with the diet, but I was also happier than I had ever been when feeding from humans. There was nothing missing from our lives until Bella came into our world. The missing piece that none of us had ever noticed was filled by her light. She was a breath of fresh air.

For myself, she gave me a way to value humanity that I hadn't had before. My memories of my human life were vague, and my early years as a vampire left me with no respect for human life. They were cattle, plain and simple. When Alice came to me and told me of another life, a life without killing people, I took to it for reasons benefiting myself. I felt better when I didn't feel my meals' fear and panic. Alice tried to help me, making me think of them as individuals rather than food, but what did I really care if the girl that smelled good loved her boyfriend? That was my mindset until Bella came along. For the first time I saw a human as an individual that mattered. She was bright and happy and in love. She cared about us, even Rosalie. When she was with Edward, I was drawn to them both purely for the contentedness they felt. Then I got to know her, and I cared about her, too. She was my sister; this human, with her beating heart and fragile body was family, despite the fact she smelled like food.

Like Alice and Emmett, I waited for the day Edward would get past his qualms and make her one of us for real. The only wrinkle in the plan was Bella's desire for children. There was little we couldn't give her as a vampire: eons of time for study and travel, the endless love of her mate and family, the loss of mortality. She would never fade and die, but she would never have children either. It was the exchange fate demanded. But Alice had seen Bella as a vampire, and I had absolute faith in Alice's visions. One day, Bella would be one of us, the only question was when. How much would she and Edward have to suffer apart before that day came?

* * *

Emmett and I had gone to Pennsylvania for an overnight hunting trip, and we were just pulling onto the dirt track that lead to the house when I felt it. It was like being slammed in the gut with a sledgehammer. Grief, pure unadulterated grief. It made my breath rush out of me in a whoosh. I knew exactly who was feeling it, as I knew her emotional signature better than anyone's.

I threw open the car door and sprinted toward the house. I heard Emmett slam on the brakes and follow me. "What is it, Jazz?" he asked.

I didn't answer. I was too occupied with what I was feeling. Alice was hurting, and I needed to be with her. I flung open the front door and raced into the lounge.

Alice was on the couch, sitting back with her knees curled up to her chest. Her eyes were closed and her hands were pressed over her mouth. Esme was sitting beside her, with a hand resting on her back and Carlisle crouched in front of her. Rosalie stood behind Carlisle with an unnamable expression on her perfect features.

"Alice, what can you see?" Carlisle asked gently.

I knew the what, I just didn't know who. Who had we lost?

"Alice!" I said as I dropped down on the couch beside her and pulled her against me. "Who is it?"

Her eyes opened and she looked at me. There was such pain in her that it stole my breath. I had never seen her like this. "Bella," she whispered.

I closed my eyes, absorbing the shock. Bella was gone.

I could hear indrawn breaths and the pain I was feeling from Alice was increased as the others reacted to what they had heard. I heard a soft sob, and I turned to see Esme bury her face in her hands.

"What's wrong with Bella?" Emmett asked. I was sure in his heart he knew what had happened, but he was loathe to accept it. He didn't want to hear it.

Alice shook her head, unable to form the words. For a long moment, we were silent, as we each tried to understand what had happened, and then Alice spoke in a whisper. "It was Victoria. She found her. It went black."

We all knew what that meant. There was no more future to see because Bella was dead. There would be no children for her, no college or life with Edward. She was gone.

"We have to go," Esme said. "We have to help her."

"It's too late," Alice said. "I saw it moments before it happened. It's already happening."

Emmett moaned and Rosalie laid a hand on his chest in comfort.

It was happening now. While we sat here, the other side of the country and unable to do a thing to help, Bella was dying. I had never felt more useless in my life. I wasn't the only one. I could feel my family's grief and frustration. I knew, from their desperate expressions, that they were all thinking the same thing as me.

The only sounds that broke the silence of the room were Esme's soft sobs and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

Carlisle stood and walked away, moving to stand by the window that looked out onto the meadow behind the house. He raised a hand and pressed it against the glass, his head bowed.

"We have to tell, Edward," Rosalie said, breaking the silence.

Carlisle turned and I saw the horror in his eyes. I felt the same. Until then, I had only been thinking of what had happened to Bella and how that made _me_ feel. Now, I was forced to imagine what this meant for my brother. How was he going to cope knowing his reason for being had died?

Rosalie drew her phone out of her pocket and started to dial. Suddenly, Alice stiffened and cried out as if in pain. "Rosalie! No!" she shouted.

We all stared at her, stunned.

Rosalie dropped the phone to her side and asked, "Why not? He needs to know."

"Not like this," Alice said. "Wait." She closed her eyes and I felt the tension in her as she searched for an unknown future. "Yes, that's better. We can help."

"Alice, what are you seeing?" I asked gently.

"Edward. If he knows, if we tell him and we aren't there, he will go to them… to Italy.

Esme whimpered.

"Aro," Carlisle breathed.

Alice nodded. "I can see it. He will go to them and ask for death. We can't let him find out like this. We have to be with him."

"How can you see that?" Rosalie asked. "How can he make a decision when he doesn't even know."

"He decided long ago what he would do when she died," Alice said. "He never intended to live without her."

"But he left her," Rosalie said.

"He left _for_ her," Carlisle said. "You know that. He left because it was best for her. We all did. It doesn't mean he stopped loving her. He made the sacrifice so she could have the life she wanted, the life he wanted for her. This must have been his plan all along."

"What do we do?" Esme moaned. "We can't hide it from him forever. He'll find out the truth eventually."

"We have to be there," Alice said. "It's the only way to stop him. If we're there…" She shook her head mournfully. "He won't leave Esme and Carlisle like that. He wouldn't run from them."

Carlisle rubbed his hands over his face in a very human gesture of frustration. "Do you know where he is, Alice?"

"Rio."

"Is he on the island?" Emmett asked.

"No, in the city. I can see the statue from the window. He's…" Alice swallowed, "…not coping."

There was something more in her words and emotions; she was afraid. I wished for Edward's gift in that moment. I felt what she felt but I didn't know what she was seeing.

Carlisle moved slowly to the table where Alice's laptop was set up and he flipped it open. For a moment all was silent except the sound of him tapping at the keys and then he spoke. "There is a flight with a layover in Philadelphia that will get us there in the evening."

Alice nodded. "It will be dark enough for us to move in the open. Yes, that's the best one."

Carlisle worked over the computer for a few more minutes and then he flipped it closed. "We're booked. We have an hour until we need to be at the airport. Prepare what you need for a possibly extended stay. It may take time for us to find him."

"No," Alice said in a small voice. "We'll find him fast. He's not moving."

With that ominous statement, she got to her feet and tugged my hand, leading me up the stairs to our room.

Instead of going to the closet and retrieving our bag, she sat down on the edge of the bed. I sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "I'm sorry, Alice," I said gently.

"I told her she'd be okay. I told her she'd be one of us, and now she's gone," she whispered. "She was my best friend, and now she's gone."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"We never should have left."

"No," I agreed. "We should never have left."

* * *

Alice was scaring me. I tried at first to soothe her with my gift, but she refused my help with quiet but firm words. "I need to feel this, Jazz. I can't shove it away, shove her away. I need to feel her." I understood, though I didn't like it.

But then she moved from crushing grief and despair into a numbness that even I couldn't penetrate. It should have been a relief, to have reprieve from at least one of the painful moods that were infecting me, but I hated it.

The flight was a test of endurance. Though Emmett and I had just hunted and my thirst was under control, I still felt the emotional maelstrom that was an airplane full of humans. There was excitement from those anticipating their arrival in Rio, and fear from those nervous of flying.

It would have been a relief to get off the plane in the Galeão International Airport if not for what I knew awaited us at the end of the journey: Edward.

Unless something had changed vastly from the last time I saw him, which I doubted, I was heading into a level of depression I had never felt before. That was the Edward that had left Forks. And then, as if he wasn't in enough pain already, we had to add to it with news of what had happened. If there was a way of avoiding telling him, I would have taken it, but he was sure to find out eventually, and if Alice was right, it would be the end of him. It was better that we were there to tell him and support him through it than let him go it alone.

Before we left, Rosalie had hacked the GPS on Edward's phone to give us a better idea of where he was, as Alice hadn't been able to identify anything solid from her vision of him. We hired a SUV at the airport that would hold us all for the journey across the city, and back with Edward.

I didn't know where we would head next. Where would Edward want to go? Would he even care? I couldn't imagine caring about anything at all, let alone my location, if I was in Edward's position. I would want to end it all, too.

Eventually we arrived. I don't know what I was expecting from Edward's lodgings, but it wasn't this. It was deep in the poorest area of the city, and the whole building looked abandoned. There was only the faintest trace of his scent in the air, so I guessed he hadn't ventured outside for a while.

The stairs we had to climb barely looked like they'd hold our weight, but they must have been stronger than they looked, as they did. We walked to the very top of the building, following the growing strength of his scent until we were on the highest level, where the ceilings sloped with the roof.

We had discussed it before we arrived and agreed to all do our best to conceal our minds from him so that he didn't hear the news in a stray thought, but even then, he should have heard our approach, as familiar as he was with each of our mental voices, but he gave no sign that he could hear us. There was no movement inside. There was pain though. More than he had been feeling the last time I saw him. It seemed impossible that there could be more, and I genuinely feared for what would happen to him when he learned the truth.

I felt Alice's hand creep into mine as we came to a stop outside the door. Carlisle knocked. After a moment, when there was no sound within, he turned the handle and I followed him in.

The place was squalid. The only positive I could find in the place was the balcony that gave a spectacular view of the _Christ The Redeemer_ statue. The rest of the place was dirty and dusty. I took it all in within the split-second I walked through the door, and then my eyes fell on Edward and all else fell by the wayside.

He looked awful. He was lying on his side on a dirty mattress on a rickety bed, and his eyes were closed. They were so deeply shadowed that I wondered if they would ever fade with feeding. I recognized his shirt as the one he had been wearing the last time I saw him, it was wrinkled and torn now. As we filed into the room, he opened his eyes and I saw they were pitch black with thirst. He looked from one to the other of us, and then shifted so he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not ready to come back yet," he said in a hoarse voice. "I need a little longer."

I don't know which of us it was that slipped, whose thoughts let slip what had happened, but his eyes suddenly widened and a cry of pain slipped past his lips.

"No!" he hissed. "You're wrong."

Carlisle shook his head slowly and moved to stand in front of Edward. He placed his hands on his shoulders. "I'm sorry, son. She died yesterday."

Edward crumpled forward and Carlisle dropped to his knees to support him. Edward's forehead rested on Carlisle's shoulder and Edward began to howl. It was a sound like I'd never heard before. It spoke of suffering beyond endurance and loss, terrible, aching loss.

* * *

**So… Yet another hard chapter to write. Edward's pain was hard to capture. I hope I did it justice. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x**


	33. Revenge

**Thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing and for making this story happen at last. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and supporting the story.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen — Revenge**

_**Edward**_

I could hear them. Though they were all thinking obscure things, their mental voices were so familiar I would have heard them through a stadium of people. I wondered what had brought them here. Had they become tired of my absence and decided to bring me home? Despite the fact I knew they were coming, I didn't prepare myself to greet them. I stayed where I was, lying on the bed with my eyes closed.

Someone knocked and the door creaked open. I heard them filing into the room, and I forced myself to open my eyes and sit up. "I'm not ready to come home yet," I said. "I need a little longer."

Then I heard Esme's thoughts and my world crashed apart like a shattering mirror.

It was an image of Bella's face and a question: _How are we to tell him she's gone?_

A cry of pain was ripped from me and I hissed. "No, you're wrong." They had to be wrong. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't be…

Carlisle stood in front of me and laid his hand on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, son. She died yesterday."

I fell forward, barely aware that I hadn't hit the floor because someone was holding me. A cry built in my chest and grew as it slid up my throat and out of my mouth in a howl.

Bella was gone. She was dead. My love, my reason for existing, was gone. The pain was unendurable. I thought I would surely die from it. It didn't seem possible that I could feel so much agony and not die. I _wanted _to die. It was too much to bear. I wished for something to steal this pain from me. I wished I could feel nothing. I wanted to be numb.

I felt a hand gripping the back of my neck and someone else was beside me, resting a hand on my back. A voice was whispering to me, but I didn't hear the words. Even the usual hum of thoughts in my mind was silent. I had no room for anything in my head but Bella. I saw her face again and again. The quizzical yet hopeful expression she wore the day I first saw her in the cafeteria. The enigmatic smile she wore as she corrected Mr. Banner's spelling. The look of relief mingled with love as I told her I loved her for the first time. Her expression of contentment as we danced together. The tears that slid down her cheeks the time I played the opening of the song I'd written to her. More and more came, flooding my mind with memories, ending with the worst of all—the look of resignation as I told her I had to leave. The last memory I had of her was sadness.

That knowledge made my howl taper off to be replaced by sobs that wracked my whole frame. The hand was still gripping the back of my neck and I began to notice other things in the room. Someone else was sobbing, too, and another was drawing sharp breaths as if trying not to.

Words began to come through the haze and I heard Carlisle's voice. "It's okay, Edward. You'll be okay."

A growl built in my throat and I looked up at him, ready to rant and rave, to tell him I would never be okay again now she was gone. But I saw the desperate sadness in his eyes and the words died in my throat. He was hurting, too, for me and for himself. I looked around the faces of my family and realized I wasn't the only person that had lost Bella. Even Rosalie looked shell-shocked. Their loss didn't calm me, it made it worse. It made me realize just what I had done the moment I walked away from Bella in the forest. I had not just taken myself away from her, I had taken them away, too.

I looked to Alice, the one I knew must hold the answers for me. She looked devastated, as she would; she had lost her best friend. "What happened?" I asked.

"Victoria," she said quietly.

I groaned. Victoria. I had been hunting her for months, following her around the country. I had traced her to Texas and there I had thought she had caught a flight south. I had followed, but when I arrived, there was no trace of her. I had given up then. Overcome with sadness at what I had lost—what I had given up—I had come to Rio and found this place. Here, I had given up any semblance of life and allowed myself to wallow in pain. I should never have given up. I should have been on Victoria's trail. I could have saved her.

"How did she…?" I couldn't form the question completely because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. I had a mind full of horrific ways Bella could have met her end, and I didn't want to know which it was. I was scared that Victoria would have taken her time and made Bella suffer before the end.

"It was quick," Alice said. "Victoria fed from her."

"She wouldn't have suffered," Carlisle added.

I knew that was wrong. She might not have felt the unbearable pain I had imagined—her fragile chest crushed or her delicate bones broken—but she would have known what was coming for her. She would have felt the blood loss weakening her. She would have known she was going to die. "Was she scared?" I didn't realize I asked the question aloud until Alice answered.

"I don't think so. She looked… peaceful."

Peaceful. It wasn't everything I wanted for Bella. I wanted a long life and family full of children and people that loved her. I wanted college and a career and the chance to see the world. I wanted us together, later, when she had lived a little. She could have none of the things I wanted for her, so peaceful was as good as it was going to get.

The finality of that thought settled over me, and I began to sob again. Bella was dead. I would never see her again, and the very best thing about the situation was that it had been peaceful for her at the end.

"What can we do, Edward?" Esme asked in a broken voice. "How can we help you?"

"I want to go home." I sobbed. "To Forks. Take me home…please."

* * *

_**Carlisle**_

Edward was scaring me. He was in so much pain, agony even, that I feared for his state of mind living under that strain. Alice had warned us that his desire would be for death, and it was as he had almost achieved that on his own. He spoke in clipped sentences when spoken to and moved in slow, human movements.

He didn't react when I told him he would need to hunt before we left for the airport; he just followed me like a child out to the car. When we got into the forest, he ran and I followed. He took down the first animals to cross our path— a herd of marsh deer. While he fed from one, I held another for him, as he would need more than one to sustain him on our flight. When he'd finished his first, he took the deer from me and muttered his thanks. The hunt didn't return him to his former well-fed self—there were still shadows under his eyes and his eyes were dark—but it would be enough for us to travel.

We arrived in Washington a day after we left Rio, having been delayed waiting for connecting flights. It was late afternoon by the time we stopped our hire cars outside our Forks house and climbed out. Memories sprang to mind of the time we had spent here, memories of Bella, and I lost myself in them for a moment, only stopping when I heard a moan beside me. I cursed myself as I realized what I had been doing. Everything I saw, Edward would see, too.

_I'm sorry _

"It's okay," he said quietly. "You're not the only one."

I looked to the faces of my family and saw they were all wearing expression of guilt. It was impossible not to think of Bella now. She was an intrinsic part of our lives and this place was steeped in memories of her.

Esme opened the door and we filed inside. Dust sheets were still covering the furniture and Edward's grand piano on its plinth. It was a house of memory and sadness now, and I knew, as soon as I stepped inside, that we would see our business here through to the end and then we would never return. This house would become rundown and eventually ruins, and no one would call it home again, not even Edward. This was Bella's home, and to be here without her was just too painful.

Emmett crossed the room and threw himself down on the couch, not pausing to remove the dust sheet.

Edward stood just inside the door, looking around with a blank expression.

"What do you want to do, son?" I asked gently. He had asked us to bring him home, here, but he hadn't spoken of his reasons.

"I need to find where it… happened. I need to find Victoria's trail."

I understood now. I had been thinking that it was strange that Alice's vision hadn't manifested itself yet—Edward's desire for death. But now I understood. There was something more pressing than oblivion for him now. He wanted revenge. I was glad of it. Anything that delayed his death was good. I did not want to lose my son.

"Alice saw?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

I nodded. _She saw you in Italy. Please, Edward, don't do that to us._

Edward didn't answer. He turned away from me and stared at the empty mantelpiece. There had once been a picture of him and Bella there, from the night they went to the dance together. It was in Ithaca now, on that mantelpiece. Edward didn't need pictures, none of us did; we all had perfect memories of her and that time. We knew her wide, trusting eyes, her soft smile, her voice tempered with emotion. We knew it all, and that was what hurt us now.

"Did you see anything to give us a clue to where she was, Alice?" I asked.

Alice shook her head. "No. It was a small clearing, but I never saw it before."

"We'll find it," Emmett said fiercely. "Then we'll find Victoria and end her. It'll be easy."

"_I_ will end her," Edward said. "This is my fight."

"No." Surprisingly, it was Rosalie that spoke up. "This is our fight, too. Bella was one of us and we all owe Victoria. You can take the kill, but we will all be there."

Edward raised his head slowly, looking engaged for the first time since we had found him in Rio. "What do you care, Rosalie?"

Rosalie bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the best sister lately. I didn't always treat Bella as well as I should, but she was one of us, and I'm sorry she's gone. If I could go back and change it all, I would, but I can't. All I can do now is make sure she is avenged." There was no denying her sincerity. Her perfect features were twisted with sadness.

Edward stared at her for a moment and then he nodded. "Okay. We will kill her. It will be all of us."

Emmett squeezed Rosalie's hand and then addressed the room at large. "So, where do we start?" His eagerness was obvious. He wanted Victoria dead as much as any of us. Even I, that appreciated the sanctity of life, was more than prepared to end Victoria's. She had killed a sweet, innocent girl, the most innocent of my family, and together, we would make her pay.

* * *

Though we were sure the forest held no danger to us, we didn't separate. It was highly unlikely that Victoria would have stayed in the area after achieving her ends, but I felt better when we were together. It was good that we did, as we soon realized there was danger.

We were deep in the forest when I caught the scent and we came to an abrupt halt.

"What is that god-awful smell?" Alice asked.

Emmett and I exchanged a dark look. I was thinking of the last time we'd encountered that scent and how perilous it had been, for them and us.

"Wolves," Esme said, a hint of fear in her voice.

I took her hand and gave it a brief, comforting squeeze.

Just then, we heard the pounding of paws against the bracken of the forest floor. I shoved Esme behind me and dropped into a crouch. These were not the wolves we had known before. They were new, and though the Tribe Elders had known and respected the treaty, there was no guarantee these wolves would.

"Give them no cause to attack," I said softly. "We do not want to fight them."

At that moment, three monstrous wolves appeared through the trees. The largest was pitch black and he took the lead as they approached us. They didn't attack, but a silver grey one growled low in his throat. The black one barked and the grey wolf fell silent, though its lips curled back over its teeth to snarl at us.

"Yes," Edward said. "I am the mind reader."

I glanced at Edward. _How do they know?_

"Bella told them," He said in a pained voice. I guessed using her name was hurting him. His gaze snapped back to the wolves and grimaced. "You don't need to know that."

"Know what?" Emmett asked.

"They want to know who the other 'gifted leeches' are."

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest. "Leeches, huh?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to get into a slanging match with a pack of werewolves, especially not when tensions were already so high.

"I trust that you know what happened to Bella," I said. "We are looking for the vampire that— Edward!" I shouted his name and sprang forward to catch him as he lunged forwards at the black wolf.

Emmett was faster. He caught Edward around the chest and dragged him back. Jasper helped him, and they pinned Edward between them. Chaos reigned for a moment as the wolves snapped and snarled, preparing to attack, too.

"Jasper!" I shouted.

Jasper filled the air with his calming influence and the snarls from the wolves died away, though Edward was still a man possessed. He struggled in the arms of Jasper and Emmett, trying to get free.

"Edward, calm," I said, stepping in front of him. _I don't know what has happened, but you must remain calm. If you fight them, you will…_

An idea occurred to me, and I gasped. Edward wanted death. Alice had told us that he would go to Italy. Had he decided that death by werewolf was a more appealing and expedient cause of death?

"Edward, please, don't do this. Not like this." He seemed beyond my reach. His dark eyes were wild and filled with fury. "Maybe you should go," I said to the wolves.

It seemed I had reached the black wolf, as he turned away and made for the trees again, but a moment later he reappeared as a human, buttoning a pair of denim cutoffs.

The sight of the man made Edward struggle harder, and Emmett and Jasper had to cling to him.

"My name is Sam Uley. I am alpha of the pack."

"Great," Emmett said bitingly. "Now, what the hell have you said to my brother to piss him off?"

Instead of answering directly, Sam looked at me. "The vampire you are looking for has not been seen for days, not since we lost Bella."

Edward snarled and tried to pull free again. "Liar!" he hissed.

I looked from him to Sam, confusion etched into my brow. "What are you lying about?"

"Nothing. We haven't seen the vampire since Bella died."

"She didn't die!" Edward bellowed. "You murdered her."

My eyes narrowed and I fixed my gaze on Sam. "What did you do?" I asked, my voice a low growl.

"We protected her," Sam said bitterly. "We kept the redhead away when there was no one else to do it. We looked after her when you abandoned her. You want to talk about murder, you should have seen what you felt behind! You should have seen Charlie that first week when he had to see his daughter suffering!" He locked eyes on Edward. "You see something in my head that you don't like, I get that, but don't forget the part you played."

Edward growled low in his throat, beyond words.

"What is it that Edward is seeing?" I asked. "What did you do?"

"They killed her!" Edward shouted.

"But I saw Victoria…" Alice started.

"The redhead took Bella," Sam said. "We were protecting her on the reservation, but she got past us and took Bella. We tracked them to the forest, but the leech had already fed."

Edward snarled. "Tell them about Jacob. Tell them what you ordered Jacob to do."

"I had no choice! She was changing."

Sick fear began to creep through me, and fury, intense fury. I thought I knew what had happened next. "Tell us what happened," I said a tone of forced calm.

Sam looked away through the trees as he spoke. "I did my job as a protector of the tribe. I dealt with the threat."

Esme gasped. "You killed her!"

My hands fisted at my sides and it took my considerable willpower to remain in control of myself. I was furious, but I knew the stakes. We could attack them, avenge Bella, but it would cost us too. There were three wolves and they would fight us. I looked at the faces of my family, at my mate, and wondered which of them would pay the price of our anger.

"Why would you do that?" I asked in a measured tone. "You know to be a vampire is not all your legends say. You know we can live humanely. Why did you not give Bella that chance?"

"How?" Sam asked. "How were we supposed to control her, to stop her feeding? We are a small pack. I made the choice for the safety of many rather than the life of one. I did not make the decision lightly, but I do not regret it. We could not have hoped to control her when she woke."

"We would have helped," Esme said. "We could have… taken care of her." I knew from the way her voice caught that she was close to sobbing. My wife, with her incredible ability to love with her whole heart, had loved Bella.

Sam laughed mirthlessly. "In case you forgot, you didn't leave a forwarding address when you left. We couldn't have reached you if we tried. Besides, we didn't even know you would have wanted to. You left her behind after all. We thought you were done with her."

Edward pulled forward again, and this time he almost broke free. I stepped in front of him and gripped the back of his neck. _Edward, don't do this. Think of what you risk. Any one of us could be killed. Including you._

"You think I care?" he snapped. "They'd be doing me a favor."

"Bella wouldn't want this," Rosalie said, moving to stand beside me and cupping Edward's cheek in her hand. "She wouldn't want you to die."

"How do you know?" Edward spat. "You didn't know her at all."

"You're right," Rosalie said sadly. "I didn't, but I know this: she loved you. She loved you so much she waited her whole life just for you."

Edward bowed his head. "It hurts so much, Rose. I can't bear it. I need her."

"I know," she crooned. "But don't you see? You can. She is waiting for you still; a little girl waiting."

Something changed in Edward's eyes. There was the smallest glimmer of hope now where before there had only been despair. He stopped struggling and leaned into Rosalie's touch instead. "She's there," he said in a broken voice. "I can see her."

Rosalie smiled. "Yes, you can."

I turned away from my son and faced the wolves. I spoke calmly but firmly, leaving no room for argument. "This land is ours by the boundaries of the treaty. You will not come here again. Stay on your side of the treaty line, and we will stay on ours."

"What if the red headed leech comes back?" Sam asked.

"You don't need to worry about her," Edward said darkly. "I am going to end her." He looked me in the eye. "And then I will find my Bella again."

* * *

**So… They all made it through that alive. I was tempted to have an actual fight, but I realized there really was no way of doing that without losing characters, and I couldn't bear to do that. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	34. Come The Night

**Huge hugs and thanks to Gredlina1 for beta'ing, cheerleading and supporting from the very beginning.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen ~ Come The Night**

_**Bella**_

Edward had once told me vampires feel things on a different level to humans. I'd thought he had to be wrong, as I couldn't imagine feeling more love for him than I already did then, but I was wrong. My love for him changed as I did. It swelled and became absolute, as did my grief at his absence. I ached for him. It was a physical longing. I wished more than anything that I could see him again, just once, to seal his memory in my new, advanced mind with its perfect recall.

Two weeks after I woke to my new life, I got my wish. Though I was sure at the time I was losing my mind.

Jacob was sleeping, and I was lying on my back beside him, staring at the stars through the trees, feeling the closest thing to relaxed I had been in too long to think of, when it happened. I was thinking of Edward, wishing he was there, when I felt a dizzying sensation and I felt myself drift. That was the only word I could think of to describe it; I drifted away from myself.

Almost afraid of what I would see, I opened my eyes and looked around. I was still in the forest, but my perspective had changed. Instead of looking up at the stars from the ground, I was standing and looking at the trees. I turned reluctantly, and saw one of the strangest things I had ever seen in my life of the extraordinary: myself. It didn't look like me though. This was me with every blemish and imperfection smoothed away. It was me as a vampire.

I was laying on my back, beside the enormous russet brown wolf, with my hands folded on my stomach, looking peaceful. The stress I was feeling had not made its place on my features, because I wasn't truly there. That was a shell. I, the real me, was drifting, and I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

_Edward_

His name was a whisper in my mind, a soft breath of sound, but it was enough. I felt a distinct jerking sensation and then I was outside a grand house in the middle of a meadow surrounded by trees. It wasn't their Forks house. It was newer and lacking the period charm, but it was theirs. I just knew. I had all of a split second to notice the house before my attention was drawn to the porch and the person that sat there. It was my Edward.

He was sitting on a wooden bench, staring out at the trees but not seeming to see them. His face was a picture of misery, and I knew at once that he had heard the news of my 'death'. I wondered how he had heard, who had broken the news to him.

I had seen something close to this before, that last day in the meadow when he had apologized to me. It broke my heart to see it again, knowing that I was the cause. I would have given anything to erase those signs of pain from his face.

Unthinkingly, I moved closer. I came to a stop beside him, and reached out a hand to run my fingers through his hair. But my hand moved through him like smoke. I couldn't touch him because I wasn't really there. My heart shattered all over again.

Then something incredible happened. He smiled. It was like the sun creeping out from behind a cloud to dazzle my eyes. It was a thing of beauty.

Then I heard footsteps whispering towards us, and Jasper appeared. He looked almost afraid, as if fearing for Edward's safety. "You okay, Edward?" he asked.

Edward open his mouth, and I waited anxiously to hear what he had to say, but he closed it again and then said, "I'm fine. Just thinking."

I watched as Jasper laid a hand on his shoulder and then disappeared into the house again.

I crouched in front of Edward, placing my face in his line of sight, but he didn't seem to see me, and when I spoke his name, he didn't hear me.

"Please," I said, calling upon some higher power that I didn't truly believe in. "Help him see."

My prayer fell upon deaf ears. No one heard and no one helped. Edward remained deaf and blind to me, but I was sure he sensed something. It was in the look of peaceful anticipation. He knew I was there, even if he didn't know how.

A cruel, sensible part of my mind whispered that it was better if he didn't know. How would it help him move on if he felt me still? But I couldn't resist the urge to stay, to stare longingly at him and absorb the vision that was my love. There would be a time to leave, when he was doing better, but it was not yet. He was hurting. I would stay, just a little longer.

* * *

_**Edward**_

I never believed in ghosts before, I never had cause to, but that changed after Bella.

It was two weeks since we left the wolves in the forest, two weeks since we lost Bella, when I felt her come to me in the night. I was sitting on the porch of the house in Ithaca. I had chosen the place because it afforded me some privacy from my family, while still being close enough to know if anything changed in Alice's visions—she was searching almost constantly for a sign of Victoria. I was alone, and then suddenly I wasn't. There was another's presence with me. I looked around, expecting to see one of my family, but there was no one. I concentrated, and I heard each of them moving around in the house behind me. Rosalie and Emmett were in the lounge, searching news pages for any unusual deaths that might portend a sign of Victoria. Carlisle and Esme were together, speaking softly about Carlisle's meeting with the Chief of Surgery that he had been at that morning in which he'd announced he was leaving without notice. Alice was with Jasper in their bedroom, and he was sitting with her while she searched for Victoria.

But there was someone there.

It was like a breath in a high wind, a whisper in a crowded room, barely noticeable, but there nonetheless.

For a moment, I wondered if I was losing what was left of my shattered mind. Then, inexplicably, I felt the warmth of the presence and I knew who it was. I couldn't see her or hear her, but I knew, in my heart, that it was Bella. She had come back to me. I smiled slightly.

The gaping pit of agony that was my heart since that day in September when I left Forks suddenly didn't seem so deep anymore. It was as if her presence was soothing me somehow.

I heard Jasper's startled gasp and his thought, _What was that? _ before his footsteps whispered down the stairs and outside to me. "You okay, Edward?" he asked gently.

I opened my mouth, ready to explain what I had felt and what I knew, but something, some instinct whispered against it. I was certain of what was happening, but I didn't want to share her yet. They might not believe me. It might worry them. They might think it was a facet of my grief or broken mind. They would be wrong. It wasn't me, it was Bella.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just thinking."

He rested a hand on my shoulder for a moment and then left me alone, wondering at the slight change in my emotions and deciding I must have been thinking of times with Bella before.

I was thinking of my Bella _now. _She was still with me.

But she didn't stay.

As dawn crept over the horizon, I felt her leave me. One moment she was there, warming me with her presence, the next she was gone, and the grief and anger came flooding back into me. I felt like I had lost her all over again, and a moan escaped me. I bowed over and covered my face with my hands. I heard footsteps and then Carlisle's hand settled on my shoulder. He didn't wonder what had triggered this new breakdown. He knew the nature of loss. He just wished there was something he could do to help.

* * *

With Carlisle's resignation handed in, there was no need for us to stay in Ithaca. With no new leads on Victoria, we set out for Alaska, to our Denali home. Even with our driving speeds, it took us a few days to make the trip. I traveled in Rosalie's, Carlisle's and Emmett's cars at different intervals. I had left the Volvo in Texas during my search for Victoria, and I had no desire to return to collect it. The only feature of the car I missed now was the fact it had once been steeped in Bella's scent, but that had faded long ago.

I would have bought another car for the journey, but I knew Esme preferred it when I was traveling with someone else—her thoughts were that it would keep my mind occupied a little. She was wrong. I spent all of the first day longing for Bella, and the first night worried she wouldn't be able to come to me again because we'd moved.

I was wrong though; she did return to me that night. We were at a gas station, filling up, when I felt her presence beside me. It was like having a ice-pack applied to a burn. The ragged edges of my nerves were soothed and I relaxed. She had come again.

When we arrived in Denali, Carlisle called Tanya to let her know we were in the area again. He gave no explanation of our return. I knew that they would have to be told eventually, they were no longer at risk now Bella was gone, but I didn't relish the idea of telling them. I didn't want to share Bella with them, too. Her memory belonged to me, to us, and they would have questions; they would want to know about the human that had stolen my heart.

The afternoon of our second day in Denali, Tanya, Eleazar and Carmen arrived. Having not been told the details of our return, they were immediately concerned when they saw us. My own grief was obvious, and that of my family's was clear to Tanya who knew us so well.

"What happened?" she asked immediately.

Carlisle looked at me. _They need to be told. Do you want me to do it?_

I nodded covertly and got to my feet. "I think I'll take a run through the park. I won't be long."

It was the first time that I had left them since they had found me in Rio. I waited for someone to protest, but no one did. They knew now that I would not leave them. Not until Victoria was dead and I had seen Bella again. For now, I had something to live for.

I found a small copse of hemlocks and leaned against the trunk of one, staring up at the sky. I remembered the last time I had been here, when I had fled from Forks and Bella. I had thought she was a demon then, a test sent by the fates, how wrong I was. She had been my blessing not my curse. She had given me the greatest gift of my life—her love. The six months I had with her were the only time in over a century of life in which I knew what it felt like to be truly alive.

I stood there, alone, for a long time, the sun was starting to sink below the horizon when I heard her coming. She made no attempt to conceal her thoughts or what she wanted to talk about, giving me the option to run. I didn't though; I stayed where I was waiting for her.

She came to a smooth halt beside me, and smiled slightly. "Edward."

I forced a smile that felt more like a grimace. "Tanya."

"Carlisle told us everything," she said. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

I bowed my head. "Thank you."

She took my hand and gave it a brief squeeze. "She was beautiful." I raised an eyebrow and she went on. "Esme showed me a picture of you together. You looked so happy. I've never seen you like that before."

"I never felt like that before her," I said, echoing a conversation I had with Esme what felt like a lifetime ago. "She changed me."

"I can see that." She frowned. "Edward, why didn't you change her when you found her?"

Unable to meet her eye, I stared out at the horizon. "Because I was stupid. I valued her humanity and soul more than our future. I wanted her to have human experiences—motherhood and human love—and that blinded me. I cared more for her soul than I did her life." I sighed. "I was a fool."

"If you could go back, would you do things different now?" she asked.

"In a heartbeat," I said immediately. "I don't even know if she would want to be a vampire. We never discussed it. If she wanted it, I would change her if I could. I thought too much about what she might lose that I didn't consider what she might gain."

"And what _you_ might gain," Tanya said softly.

I nodded. If I had changed her, I wouldn't be feeling this pain now. I wouldn't have lost the other half of my heart. She would have been with me and I would have given her the world. I couldn't though. Bella had said there was no changing what happened. Even though we had the gift of time travel available to us, I would never be able to change her now. Whatever happened, happened.

* * *

My days fell into a rhythm. I would spend the days suffering, waiting for Bella to come, and the nights glorying in her presence. It was impossible for my family to not notice the difference in me, but they didn't say anything for a long time. A full month later, I returned from hunting to find Jasper waiting for me on the front porch. He was concealing his thoughts, so I didn't know for sure what he wanted to talk about, but I had a good idea from his concerned expression. I jogged forward and came to a stop beside him on the porch. He sat down and I copied him.

"We need to talk," he said.

"About what?" I asked innocently.

He locked eyes with me. "What's going on with you, Edward?" In response to my innocent look, he went on. "You've lost Bella, I get that, and you're hurting more than I've ever felt anyone hurting before. But there's something more. What's happening at night? What's changing and how do we make it last?"

I looked down at my hands clasped in my lap, wondering how much to tell him and how to even start. I knew the time had come for me to share what I knew about Bella, but I couldn't find the words.

"Talk to me, Edward, let me help."

"It's Bella."

"Yeah," he said slowly. "I figured that, but what's the deal with the nights? Are you just thinking of her, or is it something more?"

I was having this conversation with Jasper, but he wasn't the only one listening to my words. The whole family had fallen silent and they were anxiously awaiting my response. They wanted to know, too.

"Let's go inside," I said, getting to my feet and making for the door. "You all deserve an explanation."

I went into the lounge. Esme and Carlisle were already sitting on the loveseat, where they had been reading together. I sat down on the armchair and laid my palms flat on my legs. I had only a moment to wait before the rest of the family had joined us. They all took a seat and looked expectantly at me.

I tried to marshal my thoughts, to articulate what I wanted to say, but I couldn't seem to find the words. I wished Jasper had waited for night to ask me. Bella's presence would have made it easier for me to explain to them. Perhaps they would even have felt her, too, if I gave them the chance.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked gently.

"It's Bella," I said. "I… She's not gone."

The looks of sympathy and concern that fell on me were like darts against my skin. They were thinking in one vein—that I was losing my mind. They thought the grief of Bella's loss had stolen my wits.

"I'm not crazy," I said, my words a little harsher than I intended.

"You've suffered a terrible loss," Carlisle started. "And it's natural that you would want to deny what happened…"

"You don't understand," I snapped. "It's not denial. It's fact. Bella is still here."

"But I saw her die," Alice said in a small voice.

I got to my feet and paced the length of the room, every eye following me. My hands came up to my hair and I tugged on the strands. "I know what you saw, Alice, but she's here."

"You mean you're seeing her?" Emmett asked, concern thick in his low tone.

"Yes. No. I don't see her. I feel her—her presence. It started in Ithaca." I looked to Jasper. "That night. Do you remember?"

He nodded. "I felt something change."

"I felt her come to me. She was there. It hasn't stopped. Every night she comes. I can't hear her or see her, but she's there. And she's getting stronger. I feel it. She's becoming more present every time."

"You mean like a ghost?" Rosalie said. "You think Bella is a ghost now?"

I nodded eagerly. "Yes! That's it exactly!"

"Do ghosts even exist?" Emmett asked, looking at Carlisle.

"I don't know," Carlisle said carefully. "I have seen many incredible things in my life. I have heard of many more. I have felt the sensation of a soul leaving a body after death in the hospital, but it never lasted. It was fleeting, but…" He shook his head. His thoughts were clouded, so I didn't know what he was thinking, but his expression was one of despair.

"What?" I asked. "Don't you see? She's here still. She didn't leave me."

"I believe you," he said. "And I'm happy you feel some presence of her still. It's just…" He sighed.

"What, Carlisle?" Esme asked gently. "What are you thinking."

He braced his hands on his knees and looked up at me. "I cannot think of a more tragic fate for Bella to suffer." He bowed his head. "I miss her, and I wish more than anything that she was still here with us, but to be here like this… to be trapped… it's awful."

I rocked back on my heels. In my blindness, my selfishness, I hadn't once considered what this meant for Bella. I had been so exalted at her return that I didn't realize what this cost her. She had been denied the true peace of Heaven for an eternity living on the fringes of life. I wished for the relief of tears. My heart was breaking all over again, and I could not release the pain.

Esme got to her feet and came to stand beside me. She wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned her head on my shoulder. I accepted the comfort as it was offered and secretly wished for warmth and softness.

"What do we do?" Alice asked softly.

Carlisle scrubbed a hand over his face. "I don't truly know. If Edward is right, and Bella is still here, this may be it for her. There might not be a way to save her."

I was so used to Carlisle having all the answers that this caught me off guard. I had expected him to know what to do now, to have a way to save her from herself.

A sob built in my throat and escaped me in a noise of pain. I had stolen Bella's release from her, and my own. I had known my pain would not last forever, because I'd had a way out. I would kill Victoria, see Bella till there were no more summers to share, and then I would seek death. I could no longer have that. I couldn't find release knowing Bella had none. I was cursed to live now, waiting only for the night, burdened by the pain of what I had done to my Bella.

* * *

**So… Plot twist, huh? No shieldy shield for Bella this time. She's got another cool—at least I think it is—talent. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	35. Victoria

**Huge thanks to Gredelina1 for beta'ing.**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen — Victoria **

_**Bella**_

Something stopped me from telling Jacob what had happened the next morning. I was afraid it had been some kind of hallucination. I told myself if it happened again, I would tell him, but it took another two weeks of visiting Edward for me to come clean, and that was because he caught me at it.

I had lingered too late one morning while Jacob slept, because the family had been hunting together, and I had been lost in the sight of the people I loved and missed. When I finally tore myself away and back to my body, Jacob was already awake and shaking me.

"Bella! Bella, please!" he cried. "Wake up!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up in one smooth movement. "It's okay, Jake. I'm here." I was mortified to see tears in his eyes when I looked at him.

"What the hell was that?" he asked. "You wouldn't wake up and you weren't moving—not even breathing. I thought you were dead!"

I forced a smile. "I am, kinda."

"I'm not kidding, Bella. What happened?"

I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest. "I… It was me… drifting."

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, that clears that up… No, wait… It doesn't. What the hell, Bella?"

Slowly, haltingly, I told him what had happened to me, leaving out mentions of Edward, making it sound like I had merely been exploring the area instead of visiting invisibly with my love.

"You're telling me you can just… drift off to wherever you like?" he asked doubtfully.

"I don't know," I said carefully. "I have been able to for a couple weeks now. I don't know how or why though. It's more than imagination. I am not just envisaging these things and places. I am actually seeing them."

"You're gifted," he said in an awed tone. "I mean I knew gifts existed, you told us they did, but I never thought you'd have one. It's… Wow, Bells."

I smiled. "Seems like it anyway."

"This is awesome. Think what you can do now. You can see anyone you want. Have you…" He looked awkward. "Have you seen Charlie?"

I bowed my head. I hadn't once thought of seeing my father with this ability. The kindest explanation was that I was avoiding the pain of seeing him again, but it wasn't completely true. It was Edward. He drew me like a magnet. I wanted to see him more than I wanted anyone. I was a terrible person.

"That's okay," Jacob said bracingly. "It might make things worse for you. Can you… Never mind."

"What, Jake?" I asked.

He looked nervous. "Can you check on Billy for me? It's just… He's on his own now. I worry…"

I felt a wave of guilt. "Of course, Jake."

I closed my eyes and tried to find a calming center to enable me to drift. It wasn't easy; I was anxious and guilty now. I focused on the soothing sound of Jacob's deep breaths. As soon as I found that sound, I relaxed and felt myself go. I took a moment to look down at myself and saw Jacob watching me carefully as I sat, silent and unresponsive, and then I let myself go. Billy's name whispered through my mind, and I found myself pulled towards him.

He was in the little red house of the edge of the forest, sitting in his wheelchair. He looked reasonably well, maybe a little tired and stressed, but he was a picture of health compared to the man on the couch. Charlie. He was sitting hunched over with a mug of coffee in his hand, and his face was drawn and haggard. He was dressed in his uniform and his gun was on his hip.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," Billy said. "There's still no sign. Sam and the other boys have been searching, but there's no guarantee she will surface. You know what the currents are like here."

I surmised from this that my death and lack of body had been explained as a drowning. It was as good an excuse as they would be able to come up with without telling him the truth.

Charlie got to his feet. "I guessed as much. Had to see though. I better get into the station. Mark's covering for me at the moment, but he's got Beth and the baby to get back to." He made for the door and then turned back to Billy. "Still no word from Jacob?"

Billy shook his head. "Nothing yet. I know my son. He will come back when he's ready. He… Well, you know how he felt about Bella. The accident hit him hard."

Charlie scrubbed a hand over his face as if wiping away the tears that hadn't fallen "He's a good kid. So was she. She was my…" He trailed off.

"I know, Charlie," Billy said in a low voice. "Come back when your shift's over. Harry and Sue are bringing dinner over, and I know they'd like to see you."

"Yeah, maybe," Charlie said vaguely.

I couldn't watch anymore. I couldn't see my father's suffering and know there was nothing I could do for him. I could handle Edward's as I knew he would be happy again one day when he was with my young self. I had seen it. I had no guarantee Charlie would have happiness again.

I felt myself snap back into my body and a sob built in my throat. I covered my face with my hands.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked quickly. "He's okay, right?"

I nodded and reluctantly dropped my hands. "He's okay, Jake. Harry and Sue are taking care of him. It's Charlie that's not. He's…" I couldn't finish as a wave of fury swept through me. I got to my feet and circled our small camp with my hands fisted. This was all so wrong. So unfair. I had been prepared for my death, I had made peace with it even, but stupidly, selfishly, I hadn't considered the people I was leaving behind properly. If Charlie, who rarely showed emotion, looked like that, how would Renee look? It was unfair and I wanted revenge.

"Her…" I snarled. "This is all because of her."

"Ummm… who?" Jacob asked cautiously.

"Victoria!" I hissed. "She did this to me. She stole my life and future. She did this to me and to you. She did this to Charlie and Renee. She did it to all of us."

In comparison to my murderous rage, Jacob looked relaxed. "Yeah, she did. She screwed us all over. So, what are you going to do about it?" He saw my incredulous look and he laughed a little. "Bells, you're a vampire now with a kickass gift. You want revenge, you can have it. Track her down and we'll end her."

"We can do that," I said slowly.

"Sure we can. All we've got to do is find her and it'll be easy. With your mad vamp skills and my wolfy ones, we can kill her."

I nodded slowly. "Yes. That's what I want."

Jacob clapped his hands together. "Awesome. One dead vamp coming up."

* * *

The fire that was my need for revenge burned in me. I spent hours searching for Victoria, but it wasn't as easy as finding Edward or Billy. Familiarity seemed to be the key. I tried though, searching for hours at a time, and though I perfected the process needed to drift—calming myself and being able to let go of the physical—I found no way to connect with Victoria in a way that worked. I would see glimpses occasionally, her running through a forest or in a city, but there was no way of knowing where she was.

When I wasn't searching for Victoria or spending my nights with Edward, we were dealing with other day-to-day parts of being a vampire and werewolf living wild. I found that it eased the burn in my throat to hunt regularly, so every other day or so Jacob would change into his wolf form and we would search for prey. He couldn't eat the meat of the animals I hunted, as the venom would seep into the flesh, so he would hunt his own food while I hunted mine. He preferred real food though, so we would occasionally move into human areas for him to retrieve some supplies and clean clothes from houses or hikers.

He was on one of those retrieval trips when I had the first useful glance at Victoria. She was in a forest and it looked as though she had killed a hiker. His backpack and belongings were strewn on the ground, and she was rooting through them, looking for something. My gaze flickered over the scene, searching for something that would give me a clue of her location. The fates were on my side; as she threw down a plastic folder on the ground, I saw a map marked Kluane National Park with sharpie marked places. I wanted to go back to myself, to tell Jacob what I had seen and to start our journey to her, but sense overpowered. Just because there had been a map, it didn't mean that was where she was. It could have been part of a collection the hiker had camped with. I needed more information. I looked around the destroyed campsite and trees surrounding it, and spotted something along the trail. There was a wooden marker with a number on it; the type Rangers used to locate people when they needed help. It was marked _Forty-One_, which didn't tell me much, but below that was the Kluane National Forest emblem.

Feeling that things were finally going right, I snapped back to our camp and my body. "Jake, you won't believe what I…" I trailed off when I realized he wasn't there. He was still out collecting.

Without thought, I leapt to my feet and began running, tracing his potent scent through the trees. I heard the rumble of a car on the road before saw the small house.

I took a breath to call Jacob's name, and that was when the scent hit me. It was so rich, so tempting, I knew at once it was human. My mouth flooded with venom, and I bit back a growl. My instincts were screaming at me to run to the scent, to feed and sate the thirst, but my will overpowered it. I didn't want to kill someone. I didn't want to risk tearing a family apart. I walked forward slowly, fixing the image of Charlie's grief stricken face in my mind, and walked into the yard. I could only hear one heartbeat in the house, and it was a deep, reverberating sound I knew well: Jacob's heartbeat, so I eased open the back door and stepped inside. I called Jacob's name, and he appeared in the hall, half a Twinkie in his hand, the other half in his mouth. "What?" he asked thickly.

"Victoria!" I said quickly. "I've seen her. She's in Kluane Park!"

He dropped the cake and gripped my shoulders. "Are you sure?"

I nodded excitedly. "I saw one of those trail markers."

"This is awesome," he said happily.

"We've got to find her. I don't know how long she'll stay. I figure we need to find the camp she was at and then follow her scent from there. We need to get to the Park."

Jacob laughed softly. "Someone up there loves us, Bells. We're in the park already. Or just outside it. Look." He picked up a sheaf of envelopes from a side table and waved them in my face. Through the clear plastic window I could see the address. _Marshall Creek Road. Haines Junction. _"We're about a five minute run away. What was the marker you saw?"

"Forty-One."

He pushed past me into the small kitchen and sat down at the table where there was a laptop. He flipped it open and typed quickly for a moment then snapped it closed. "I've got it. You ready for this?"

"More than ready," I said in a low growl.

He grinned. "Come on then, we've got a vamp needs killing."

* * *

_**Edward**_

I was sitting on the couch, staring at the piano, trying to find the will to play. I was thinking of Bella and the lullaby I had been composing for her. I wanted to complete it. I wanted it ready when I went to her again, so she could hear it in its entirety at last, but I couldn't make myself do it. I knew her phantom memory would be with me as I played, and I couldn't bear that. Since Carlisle had forced me to realize the dark fate that had befallen Bella, I found her presence less soothing, steeped in guilt as it was. Perhaps she sensed that, because she didn't stay as long as she used to. Before, I would have whole nights of her presence, now she stayed only a little while before leaving me. I hoped she had found a better place to be, a better person to stay with when she wasn't with me.

Esme came into the room and saw where my gaze lay. _Please, Edward, play for me. _

I hated to deny her anything, especially something that would bring her so much joy, but I had never felt less connection to music. It was a thing of joy, something I liked to do, and I didn't deserve that anymore. I deserved nothing, not even death, as that would give me peace and I had denied that to my Bella. I was sure I knew why she was here, what her unfinished business was: me. She had died knowing I still loved her, and knowing that I was eternal. Her dedication to me had lasted almost her entire life, she had always waited for me and been true, why should that end with death?

"I think I will go for a run," I said, getting smoothly to my feet.

_My poor son. _She came to stand in front of me and cupped my cheeks in her hands. "Shall I come with you?"

I forced a smile. "I won't be gone long." I didn't want company. I was forced to maintain something of a dignified calm when I was among the rest of the family, to shield them as much as was possible, and I needed the privacy of my runs to feel freely, to allow the misery free rein for a while. The only one I couldn't fool was Jasper. He never disputed my need for privacy though, as he needed the reprieve, too. His gift was a true burden around me now.

I reached the door when I heard Alice's hiss and Jasper's concerned questions. All thoughts of privacy leaving me, I raced up the stairs to their bedroom. Alice was sitting on the window seat and Jasper was beside her, his arm around her shoulders.

I dropped to my knees in front of Alice and gripped her hands. Her thoughts filled my mind, images rushing through.

"Victoria," I breathed.

I barely heard the exclamations of shock from the rest of my family or Emmett's whoop of glee. I wasn't truly in the room; I was in a forest clearing, watching Victoria pounce on a man and sink her teeth into his neck. The man struggled for a moment and then, as the blood loss weakened him, he fell still. Victoria dropped him down to the ground and wiped a hand over her bloody mouth, smearing her cheeks crimson.

"Look around, Alice," I murmured. "We need to know where."

Alice's view pulled back and I caught sight of a trail marker. I sucked in a harsh breath. "When, Alice?"

"Soon," she whispered.

"Will we make it in time?"

She shook her head. "Not to save him."

I got to my feet and made for the door. Victoria was in Canada, soon she would be in the Park and a poor, innocent man would lose his life. We would not be able to save him, but we would be able to avenge him. Him, Bella, and every other person she had destroyed in her long life.

"Wait!" Emmett called after me. "What's happening? Where is she?"

"Canada," Alice answered, following me out the door. "Kluane National Park. I saw a trail marker. Esme, look on the Park Service's map for marker forty-seven. Call us when you know where it is."

"Of course," Esme said, internally lamenting the fact she would not be with us on the hunt. She had no taste for violence ordinarily, but she was more than a little bloodthirsty for Victoria. She wasn't alone. Even Carlisle, the most passive of us all, wanted to see this. He wanted to see Victoria ended.

I felt almost exultant as I ran. Finally, after all this time, we had a clear idea of where she would be. We would find her this time, I knew it, and when we did, I would end her.

I would snuff out her life as easily as she had Bella's, and I would smile doing it.

* * *

_**Bella **_

We raced through the forest, the vampire and the monstrous wolf seeking their prey. With Jacob in his wolf form, I had no way of communicating, but we didn't need to. We were perfectly synchronized in our goal. I let him take the lead, as he was the one that had seen the map, and his huge paws pounded the dirt.

I had never been a violent person before, but I was unafraid to admit that I was looking forward to this fight more than anything in life excepting summers. She had caused so much misery; she had taken my life, destroyed my father's, and stolen Jacob's family from him. Because of her, so many people were suffering. I would make her pay.

I smelled the blood before I saw the camp, and my throat burned, but I was in control of it. I had something more pressing on my mind than feeding. I was thinking of revenge. I growled as I caught the first hint of her scent, almost overpowered by the blood. It was sweet and sickly, nothing like Edward's scent had been. That had been the most perfect thing. Victoria's made me want to get away from it. But I had to follow. She was at the end of this journey.

Now I had the scent, I didn't need to follow Jacob. I pushed myself as hard as I could, relishing the freedom as I raced towards my goal. The first glimpse I got of her was a flash of red hair through the trees. I hissed at the sight, and heard a growl in response. Jacob was close on my heels and I could hear his deep, even breaths.

"Why are you running, Victoria?" I shouted. "Afraid to face us? Afraid of the big bad wolf?"

Jacob huffed a wolfy laugh behind me.

"Come on. Don't you want to see me again? After all that effort you put into hunting me, you can't run now."

She glanced over her shoulder as she ran and then her pace slowed. "You!" she hissed.

"Yes, me."

Her shock and distraction were what I needed to catch her. I launched myself forward, flying through the air, and caught her around the waist. We fell to the ground together, and I straddled her, holding her with my hands at her shoulders. She struggled beneath me, almost bucking me off. Her head snapped to the side and she sank her teeth into my wrist where I was pinning her down. I hissed in pain as the foreign venom burned.

She probably would have got away from me there and then if it wasn't for Jacob. I had enough presence of mind to stay on top of her, and he acted quickly. I couldn't see what he did, as he was behind me, but I heard the screeching sound and Victoria's howl of pain. Her struggles grew more intense and her face twisted with pain.

Jacob butted his head against me, and the message was clear: you can move now. I got to my feet, prepared to pin her down again at a moment's notice, but there was no need. I felt slightly sickened as I saw what he had done. Her right leg ended at the knee. He had bitten off the rest. It lay on the ground a few feet away, pale and quivering.

"Nice, Jake."

Jacob huffed again. Victoria pumped her arms and remaining leg, dragging herself away from us, but as there was no chance of her escaping, I let her try. I looked down on her with hatred bubbling within me, and she looked back at me with equal loathing and a little shock.

"I killed you," she said in her high, baby voice.

"You tried," I said. "You didn't succeed."

She shook her head, her desperate fury clear in her eyes. "Why didn't the wolves kill you?"

Jacob growled and put his face close into to her, his teeth bared.

"Not yet, Jake," I said. "I want to talk to her first."

She bared her own teeth. "What do you want to know."

"You ruined my life," I said. "You ruined my family's life, Edward's life. Why did you do it? What had I ever done to hurt you?"

She laughed slightly. "Nothing except be the reason my mate was killed. That coven was protecting you. That Edward loved you, didn't he? James saw it."

I nodded. "Yes, Edward loves me." I could use the present tense as I was sure, wherever he was now, he did love the memory of me. He would love the child me. The only one he could perhaps not love was the vampire, soulless me.

"And that's why you had to die," she said. "Because of you, my James is dead. Because of him, James was defeated. If he had not interfered with the hunt, James would have fed and we would have moved on. That coven's strange relationship with you killed him. I will kill you and then I will end them."

I forced a laugh. "Good luck with that. They're a coven of seven and they have friends."

"I will make friends," she hissed.

"No, you won't get a chance."

I had my answers now, I knew the reason why. I would end her and it would be over. For her and for me.

Jacob and I locked eyes and I nodded. "It's time."

We moved in for the kill in unison. Jacob's pleasure in what he was doing was obvious. It was his birthright and revenge. Victoria had taken almost as much from him as she had from me. He'd lost his family, too. He'd lost the life he knew. He'd given it up for me, but he never should have been forced to. This shouldn't have been his life.

I didn't feel the same pleasure in what I was doing—her screams weren't music to my ears—but there was satisfaction. As I ran my teeth along her neck, severing her head, her cries cut off, and I knew it was done.

* * *

_**Edward**_

I was the fastest, therefore I was the first to smell the cloying smoke. It stopped me dead in my tracks and I waited a moment as the rest of my family caught up with me.

"Oh, no," Alice moaned.

"We're too late," I said in a monotone voice.

We walked forward, through the trees as one, no one speaking but all thinking loud enough to torment me.

_We're too late. _

_Who did it?_

_What happened here?_

_What is he going to do now?_

_I smell dog._

It was Emmett's last thought that gave me pause. Now I concentrated, I could smell it too. It was slight compared to the thick scent of burning vampire, but it was there. This had been done by a werewolf.

The ashes were at the center of a small clearing, and they were still smoldering slightly. I looked down on them and saw the faint sheen that confirmed these were the ashes of a vampire, of Victoria.

"It had to have been the wolves," Emmett said.

Carlisle shook his head. "They would not leave their territory. They would not come this far north."

"One of them would," I said in a dead voice. "Jacob, the one that killed Bella; he left the pack after he… after it happened."

"How could he have known where she was?" Jasper asked.

"He could have been following her scent all this time. He was always fond of Bella, he fancied himself in love with her. I don't doubt that he would have wanted revenge, too."

Emmett kicked the ashes, sending them into the air. "Well, shit. Dog Boy beat us to it."

I hung my head. I had been racing towards this point for weeks, months even. I had wanted to be the one to do it. The wolf had beaten me here. I had missed my chance by only an hour at the most. If I had been a little quicker, if we had seen before. I could have been here. I could have been the one to do it. I had failed.

A hand rested on my shoulder and I turned to look into Carlisle's face. "I am sorry," he said.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I asked in a mournful tone.

Inexplicably, he smiled. "You see Bella. It's over now, Edward. Victoria is dead. There is nothing to stop you going to her."

Hope, burgeoning hope, lit my chest and forced away the misery. "It's time?" I asked in a tentative voice.

"Yes, Edward," he said, smiling wider still. "It's time."

* * *

**So… It's time at last. Victoria is dead and Edward's ready to see Bella again. **

**The scene with Charlie was a helluva kick to the feels to write. I didn't like Charlie—mainly because of his support of Jacob—before I sat down and wrote him properly for the first time in Out of Sight, Out of Mind. I fell in love with him and saw the awesome things in canon Charlie, too. Now I'm a devout lover of the character. **

**The story is winding down now. There are only a few more chapters to go. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	36. Time

**Thank you so much Gredelina1 for all the help writing and beta'ing this story. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and supporting the story. Apologies for the long wait.**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen — Time**

_**Edward**_

We went back to Alaska, and stopping only briefly to tell Esme what we had found in the park, before we moved onto Tanya's house.

On the journey back, Carlisle and I had spoken, and we'd agreed that our best chance at finding Makenna was Eleazar. If we could get his agreement, it would be easier to track her down. I had no doubt that we would manage it without him, but I was eager to find her and to therefore get back to Bella sooner.

The others, Emmett especially, felt that we had been tricked out of what was our right by the wolf. They were morose as we made our way through the park. I felt no such moroseness. For the first time, I was within reach of seeing Bella again. They did not have that comfort. For them, their time with Bella was over. Bella had said she never saw them in the summers I spent with her, so even if we could persuade Makenna to send us all to the past, none of them could talk to her as I could.

Irina and Laurent were sitting together on the front porch of the house, deep in conversation, but as they caught sight of us, they got to their feet to greet us. I hadn't seen Laurent since that night in our Forks house, just before Alice's vision. I hadn't thought of him much in the intervening time. I held no ill will towards him, as he had never joined Victoria and James in the hunt, but I had no affection for him either.

Irina hadn't visited with the others the day they had been told about Bella, but she had undoubtedly been told in the meantime, as her eyes were full of sympathy for me. I gathered from her thoughts that she and Laurent had formed a relationship, and she was thinking of the pain she would feel if he was taken from her.

"Edward," she said softly. "I am sorry for your loss."

"I too am sorry," Laurent said, holding out a hand for me to shake.

"Thank you," I said, taking his hand and shaking it. "I should tell you, too, that your former coven mate, Victoria, is dead."

"I expected she would be sooner or later," he said without feeling.

Tanya opened the door then and gestured us inside with a murmured greeting. Eleazar, Kate and Carmen were already inside. We all took seats in the large lounge area, Carlisle beside me and Esme beside him.

"Eleazar, we need your help," Carlisle began. "Edward needs your help. We want to find Makenna."

Eleazar bowed his head. "I am sorry, but what you want is impossible. Even if Makenna was to send you back, your Bella cannot be saved. There are rules about time travel, and the most important and absolute one it that whatever happens, happens. You cannot change that."

"No," I said heavily. "It's not that. I know I cannot bring Bella back; she told me the rules. I need Makenna to send me to Bella. I need to be with her again."

Eleazar looked thoughtful. "This can happen? I mean, it already happened for Bella?"

"Yes," I said. "I was a part of her childhood. Carlisle told you her life would be affected by Makenna. This is what he meant. I will travel to Bella's past now, and be a part of her life again." There was a certain hint of longing in my tone. Now I was close to achieving my goal, seeing her again, I felt almost alive again.

Carmen clutched Eleazar's arm. "You have to do it, _mi amor._ He needs it, don't you see?"

Eleazar smiled fondly at her. "You are an endless romantic. Of course, I will help. I must help."

"Where is she?" I asked eagerly.

"Unless she has moved on, she will be in Malta. That is where she was the last time I met with her. There is a small island…" He rested his palms on his knees. "I will come with you. She may be more amenable to helping you if I come."

"You'd do that?" I asked.

He looked down at Carmen and smiled. "Yes."

As I saw the love in his eyes, I thought to myself that Carmen wasn't the only endless romantic.

* * *

Malta was not the perfect place for a vampire to live, and I had to wonder at her choice of location. Luckily, we arrived in the night, so we were able to rent a car and get to the harbor without drawing attention to ourselves, but the next ferry to Comino—the island where Makenna resided—didn't depart until after dawn, so we were forced to stay behind the tinted windows of the car until evening when the sun slipped below the horizon.

The ferry master spoke good English, and he warned us that it was the last ferry for the day and we would be trapped there till morning. We assured him we were camping, which was a little feeble as our packs were light, but he didn't question it.

As we arrived at the island, I knew at once why Makenna had chosen this place to live. It was beautiful. The water was a clear, cerulean blue, and the rugged cliffs that loomed over the harbor were almost white.

Eleazar took the lead, taking us through the east roads of the island. The closer we got to our goal, the more my hope grew. She had to help us, it had already happened. The question was how long it would take to persuade her. Every hour it took was another delay in getting to Bella.

Eventually, we came to a small bay on the north of the island. The white sand crept up to the scrubby hills that made up the majority of the island. Eleazar shrugged off his duffel and sat down on the sand. After exchanging a glance, Carlisle and I mimicked him.

"Um… is this is?" I asked doubtfully. "Where is she?"

"She will find us in time," Eleazar said. "This island is her territory. She will know we are here and when she is ready, she will come to us."

"And if the sun comes out before then?" I asked.

"Then we will seek shelter and wait for her to come to us another day."

I opened my mouth to argue, to tell him we had to search, but Carlisle shook his head curtly.

_I know you are eager, Edward, but we must follow Eleazar's judgment in this. He knows what he is doing. _

I nodded reluctantly and settled myself in for a wait.

And it was a wait. Hours passed and we sat silently. As night fell, I waited to see if Bella would find me here. I hadn't sensed her in a few days, not since the night before we followed Alice's vision of Victoria, and I wondered where she was when she wasn't with me. Who else was she… haunting.

_Why is he here?_ The thoughts reached me after hours of sitting in silence, and I immediately stiffened. The mental voice was that of a woman, and she sounded stunned.

"She's here," I murmured.

Eleazar got straight to his feet and held his hands out in a show of welcome. "I come for help, Makenna."

A woman stepped out of the shadows. She was small, only a little over five-feet tall, and her dark hair was pulled back from her face. She was striking looking—beautiful even for a vampire—but her features were twisted with distrust as she looked at us.

"You told them," she hissed at Eleazar.

Eleazar shook his head. "I told them nothing."

"They know. I can see it in their eyes. Why else would you come? Why else would you speak of my help?"

"You will do it all yourself, Makenna. Their lives have already been changed by your gift. They know because of that."

She came towards us, looking Carlisle and I up and down as if assessing us. "I help no one anymore."

"But you will," I said. "I have seen proof of it. You will send me back in time to her, my Bella. She told us it all."

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. "Who is your Bella? Why is she not here herself?"

I winced. "Because she is… dead."

"I see. And you want me to send you back to her? I understand, I do, but I cannot help you."

"But you can," Carlisle said, speaking up. "You will. Please, we need this. My son needs this."

"Tell me about Bella," Makenna said, fixing her crimson eyes on me.

"She was my world," I said in a choked voice. "She was life, and beauty, and intelligence, and bravery in one fragile package."

"Fragile…" she said in a musing tone. "Was she… Was your mate human?"

I nodded. "She was."

Makenna was silent for a long time. In her mind I saw an image of a thin man with dark-blond hair and blue eyes. That image was replaced by the same man with the bright crimson eyes of a newborn.

"You loved a human, too," I said.

She frowned. "How do you…?"

"I can see your thoughts," I said. "It is my gift. I saw the man, Where is he now?"

"He died a long time ago," she replied, and then sighed. "I loved Charles as a human, but I knew my human life would not be long. I knew I would follow others of my family line in the life of vampirism. Charles told me he would wait for me, and he did. He waited until I was safe to be around him, and then he waited for me to gain enough control to change him. I did, and we had two happy years together, but…" She shook her head. "He died fighting another nomad. The nomad heard what I could do and wanted my help. When I refused him, he attacked, Charles was killed. I found the nomad again and killed him."

"Then you understand," I said quietly. "You know why I need to see her again. Please… help me."

For a long time she was silent, then she said. "I don't help anyone anymore, not after what it cost last time…"

"But?" Carlisle said, hearing the hesitation in her words as clearly as I could.

"But I will help you."

"Thank you," I said fervently. "Thank you so much."

She shook her head. "You may live to regret this choice."

I didn't believe that. I could never regret having more time with Bella.

* * *

Makenna said it would be better for us to go back to America, easier for me. I didn't understand why, I was ready to go to Bella there and then, but I trusted her, so I acquiesced.

Luckily for us, Makenna had a small boat that would get us across to the mainland, so we didn't have to wait almost another full day to begin our trek home. I had brought the rudimental tools to create a passport for Makenna, and it was simply a case of adding a photo and persuading her to wear contact lenses to cover her red eyes.

While she was able to transport me through time, she couldn't easier transport me through locations, so it was agreed that we would return to our Forks house for the time being.

We were all leery of doing this. Not for the obvious reasons of the wolves, but for the fact we didn't want anyone in town knowing we were there. Charlie Swan had enough emotional upheaval to be dealing with without adding our sudden reappearance to his list of troubles. I had no expectations that he would receive our return happily, given the damage I had done to his daughter when I left her.

When we arrived at SeaTac, the rest of the family were waiting for us. Esme moved at a fast human pace to Carlisle and they embraced. Though they were both careful to conceal their thoughts from me, their happiness at their reunion was obvious. I didn't begrudge them it. I reminded myself that I would soon have my own reunion with the one I loved.

Unexpectedly, Esme didn't greet me next, she moved straight to stand in front of Makenna and touched her lightly on the arm. "Thank you for doing this for us," she said sincerely. "We are all in your debt."

Makenna smiled slightly and nodded.

Eleazar had already decided that he was going to stay in Forks with us for a while, so we made our way through the airport to the underground parking garage. I left my siblings to travel back together, and made for the Mercedes with Esme, Carlisle, Eleazar and Makenna. As we drove, Carlisle explained about our treaty with the wolf pack, warning her to avoid hunting in the area.

"It will not be a concern for a while," she said. "I hunted recently, and my gift is not too taxing now. I am practiced."

"Nonetheless, I will show you the areas to avoid," Carlisle said.

It was early morning when we drove through Forks, for which I was grateful. Our cars were recognizable to the people of Forks as they were ostentatious, and I didn't want us to be seen.

It was with relief that we pulled into the garage. Makenna looked around as we made our way to the house. As we went inside and she caught sight of the spacious main room of the first floor, her eyes widened. Her thoughts were of open admiration; she was comparing her beloved island with our lifestyle. I wondered briefly whether she would want to stay after she had helped me.

We took seats in the lounge area, Esme and Alice flanking me, but Makenna remained standing. She wasn't accustomed to the human act we tried to maintain.

"When do you want to do this?" she asked.

"Is now too soon?" I asked. "I mean, do you need to prepare?"

She shook her head. "Now is fine."

I felt like my every nerve was taut in preparation. My unbeating heart seemed heavy in my chest. I was anxious to start and at the same time afraid. I had this to sustain me for weeks, the thought of seeing Bella again, but now, in the face of it, I was scared. Each trip to her past would be one step closer to the last, and I feared for that time. How would I go on when I couldn't be with her anymore?

Then, like a soft touch on my chest, I felt her come, and I relaxed. Bella was there. I still couldn't see her, but her presence was stronger than ever. I felt that if I just reached out, I would be able to touch her.

I smiled. "I am ready."

Makenna took a deep breath and started to speak. "I can facilitate your trip to the past, but much of it comes from you. You need to manage your emotions, as if you do not, you will be dragged back to the present. You must understand. You will not be free to choose what to do. Whatever happens, happens. You cannot save her life. You cannot change her fate. She is dead and dead she will stay."

"I know," I said, hating the knowledge. "But I just need a little longer with her. Just a little longer."

She nodded. "I understand. Close your eyes, Edward, and fix your mind on what you want."

I closed my eyes and smiled slightly, fixing my mind on seeing her again. I felt a disorienting sensation, almost like dizziness, and then I felt it. Something had happened.

I was still a moment longer, not quite ready to open my eyes and destroy the illusion.

The air was different. There was a light breeze on my face, bringing with it the damp sweet smell of the forest. The soft sounds of breathing, and the rain against the window had disappeared. Instead, there was the light scurrying sounds of animals, and the wind shifting through the trees.

I was scared to open my eyes and destroy the illusion, but if I didn't have the courage to even open my eyes, I would never know the truth.

She was always so brave. If it was her here, instead of me, she would already be searching her surroundings. Touching the trees, grabbing handfuls of the leaves I could feel crackling beneath my feet. She would want to experience it all. Now. To leave nothing to chance.

She would already be looking for me.

It was that realization that made my eyes snap open and my breath come in a choking gasp.

She could be here.

My feet moved without conscious instruction. It was as if my body knew where I needed to be and was taking responsibility for getting me there, at least until my confused and cowardly mind could catch up.

* * *

**Bella**

I had no idea I would be swept along with him, but when he closed his eyes and smiled slightly, I did the same, and then everything changed. I felt a tug, the feeling I got when I returned to my body usually, but this time I wasn't in my body, I was with him. I watched as he looked around, looking scared and slightly awed, and I knew I couldn't leave him yet. I had to see him into the care of my past self before I could go. I had to help him through.

He started walking and then running through the forest, sprinting forward, and I went with him, pulled along by his need. Then we reached the house, and he stopped dead in his tracks. He looked afraid again, and I leaned closer to him.

"Unless you did all this to see my house again, you need to go a little closer," I said, having no expectation that he would hear me. "But it's completely your choice."

He looked momentarily stunned, and then he breathed my name. He could hear me! It was the most wondrous feeling. He knew I was there. I was equally torn apart and elated at the thought. I couldn't let him know I was still there, but at the same time, I couldn't let him go into this alone.

I leaned closer and cupped his cheek in my hand. He looked scared, and I understood the stress of the moment for him. "It's okay, love," I whispered, pointing at the house. "Just watch."

I knew I would come eventually. Edward's eyes fixed on the house, just as the back door opened and I came running out.

"There I am," I sighed. "I knew you would find me."

* * *

**So… He's finally there. I got a little choked up editing the last scenes of this chapter. It's the crux of the whole story—their past together—and it's a good feeling to have them finally together again in some way. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril x **


	37. Saying Goodbye

**Thank you Gredelina1 for beta'ing and supporting from the very beginning. Thank you all for the support.**

* * *

_**Chapter**_ _**Seventeen — **_**Saying Goodbye**

_**Bella **_

I knew I had to leave him. When he finally made contact with me, saving my life, I knew it was time. He had found me and it was time to say goodbye.

Though I knew I had done the right thing, it still hurt me more than I believed possible. For a while, just a short time, I had been with him again. He had been able to hear me and talk to me. I treasured those words. I knew he would be happy for a time now, and that he would be building the memories of me that I now used to remind myself that it was all worth it, every day of waiting and wishing, because I was loved.

Returning to my life with Jacob was painful. I could not hide the depression I felt, even though I tried. I didn't have revenge to keep me going anymore, or nights with Edward. They were over. It was just me and him and my eternity of life without the one I loved.

Jacob couldn't fail to notice my dour mood, and he tried his best to help me. We stayed in Canada, moving into the Northern Territories. He would attempt to make a game of everything we did. We would compete in our hunts for the biggest animal. We would race through the forest. We would make scavenger hunts of the things we needed—human food for him and clothes for us both. Control of my bloodlust was something else he was determined to distract me with. We occasionally moved into the small towns at night, immersing me in the scent of humans while the streets were mostly clear. Though my throat would ignite with the scent, I found that I could control it. Whenever I was tempted, I fixed Charlie's devastated face in my mind the last time I saw him and imagined all the people that would suffer if I slipped. Eventually, I could sneak into populated houses in the night, stealing what we needed, leaving the occupants safe and well in their beds.

As time passed, I wondered how far Edward's visits had got into my childhood. How many more did he have before the last time? I felt that everything in our time together had been leading up to that point, and I didn't know what would happen to him once it was over. I couldn't go to him again, he couldn't see me. I had said goodbye to him that time by the river, and soon he would say goodbye to me in the meadow. What came after was unknown and more than a little frightening.

With no clear goal in mind, we started working our way back through the wilderness towards America. It was late one evening, Jacob and I had fed and we were building a small campfire, deep in the woods. Neither of us had any need for the heat, but it was sometimes nice to feel some warmth. I was just rooting through the backpack I always carried, looking for the matches, when Jacob spoke up and threw everything I believed and felt into disarray.

* * *

_**Jacob**_

When I first ran with Bella, I was being selfish. _I _couldn't bear to see her die. _I _didn't want her to leave me. _I _thought I knew best.

_I _was wrong.

It wasn't me that was helping her, it was her drifting.

I wasn't dumb, I got good grades at school, and I knew that it wasn't looking around the forest that made her happy in the mornings or made her anxious for me to sleep at night—it was _him._

She was seeing Edward.

At first I was pissed. I had given up everything for her, but I wasn't enough to keep her happy alone. She had to go creeping off to him at night. I begrudged it. He had given nothing up for her, so why did she love him more than me? Why wasn't I enough?

Then she stopped going to him, and her depression became so much harder to bear. I knew she had stopped, as when I would wake in the night, she was still there, feeding wood into our campfire and staring at the flames with a moody look in her eyes. I didn't understand why she'd stopped going, but I couldn't ask her about it. I couldn't bring up the subject of him without hurting her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

We were working our way back towards America, when it happened. We were just outside of Anmore, and I had thought it would be a good idea to take the opportunity to move into town and use the local library to check up on the news pages. We were so isolated living in the forest that war could have broken out and we wouldn't have known. I didn't tell Bella, but I wanted to check in on the local news for Forks, too. I wanted to search the pages to see if Bella had been given a memorial yet. That was the only way I had of knowing Charlie was moving on from what she'd told me about how he looked when she saw him last. That way, if she ever asked, I would be able to tell her. I didn't think she would ever visit him again, as it was just too painful for her.

I changed into the one decent outfit Bella kept in her backpack for me and left her in the forest to wait. I hadn't invited her along, even though I thought her control was good enough, and she hadn't asked. I slipped into town along the main road and ambled along the street and into the library.

And then it happened.

I saw her standing behind the counter.

She was tall, curvy, tanned, with long blonde hair that flowed down her back in soft curls. She was the opposite of everything I had thought was beautiful before, and yet I had never seen anything more stunning in my life. Gravity shifted. I was changed.

I knew what was happening, as I'd heard Sam thinking about it, but I never thought it would happen to me. I had thought that I would never see another woman, as my head and heart were too full of Bella. I was wrong.

She turned to me and smiled, and I felt my heart leap.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I… uh… need help." I rasped.

She smiled slightly. "Okay… What do you need help with?"

"Computers," I said dumbly. "I need the internet."

She came around the counter and pointed towards the bank of computers against the wall. "Well, there they are. Go ahead."

"Uh, thanks."

She laughed softly. "That's not a local accent."

"Washington," I said. "I'm just here camping for a week." I held out a hand. "I'm Jake."

She shook my hand, not seeming to notice the heat of my skin. "Meredith. This is a great spot for camping. There's Buntzen Lake nearby if you like water sports."

"Yeah, that's great," I said. "Much to do in town?"

She nodded. "El Comal is great if you like Mexican food."

"I'll look it up," I said, flashing her a wide smile.

"I might see you there," she said with a smile. "Tomorrow maybe, at eight?"

My heart, which had been somersaulting, stilled and then beat on heroically. "That sounds great."

She beamed at me. "I'll see you then, Jake."

I gazed at her one last time, fixing her image in my mind, and then turned away and left the library, all thoughts of checking the news forgotten.

The only problem now was how I was going to tell Bella I'd imprinted.

* * *

_**Bella **_

Jacob was different when he got back from his trip into town. He was conflicted about something. When he thought I wasn't looking, when I had gone to the stream to clean up, he became deliriously happy, smiling wide enough to burst, but when I returned, he became quiet and thoughtful again.

It wasn't until later, when he was building the campfire that he finally told me what was on his mind. "Bella, I need to talk to you," he said.

I looked up. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know how to tell you…" He squared his shoulders. "Bella, I imprinted."

My first, selfish thought was: _'How am I going to survive now?'_ Then the better part of me triumphed and I smiled enthusiastically. "That's wonderful, Jake. Tell me all about her."

He beamed at me. "Her name's Meredith. She lives here in Anmore and she's… just… perfect."

He went into raptures about her and I listened, knowing this was the end. My time with Jacob had come to a close. It was only right that it should. I had clung to him for too long, taking him away from his life, and now this, Meredith, was his reward. The fates had finally shone down on him.

"When are you seeing her again?" I asked.

"Tomorrow, we're going to meet at a Mexican joint." He grinned. "I'll have to hit a house before I do, 'cause we have about three bucks change to our name, and I don't want to cheap out on her."

I smiled. "Okay, Jake, we'll do that."

His expression became solemn. "No, I'll do it. There something more important you need to do."

I raised an eyebrow. "There is? What?"

He sighed heavily. "You need to go find Edward."

I froze, my every muscle locking in place in reaction to his words. "Jake, I…"

"Don't tell me you can't," he said harshly. "You can do anything you put your mind to. Look how much you've done already."

I shook my head slowly. "He won't want me, Jake."

"You haven't given him a choice. You've been hiding from him, watching him without letting him see you." I looked stunned and he huffed a laugh. "How do I know? I know you, Bells. You were happy when you were seeing him, and now you've stopped, you're miserable."

I looked down at the ground, fiddling with the strap of my backpack.

"You owe him this," Jacob went on. "He deserves to know you're alive. He deserves to be able to make the choice."

"What if he doesn't want me?" I asked in a small voice.

"Then you come back to me and I will take care of you," he said with a smile. "I promise you, Bella. Even if he doesn't want you—which I don't believe—I always will. I will take care of you."

I stared into his earnest face and knew he meant every word of it. He would take care of me, even if it tore him apart. He had someone new in his life now, Meredith, and his every instinct would be to please her, to be what she wanted. He would fight that to be what I needed, too. I didn't know what I had done in a past life to deserve a friend like Jacob, but I was eternally grateful for him. I would never be able to repay him for what he had done for me.

After a long silence, I nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll find him."

"You mean it?"

"Yes. I'll give him the choice."

When Edward left me, he had taken away my choice in the matter. He had left for my safety, not caring that I would rather have had him with me than be safe. That had hurt me, and yet I had not learned from it. I had decided he would reject me, even though I knew how much it was hurting him to believe I was dead. He deserved the chance to make the choice for himself. If he didn't want me, it would hurt me, but at least I would know for sure.

Jacob whooped, sending a flock of roosting birds into the air. "That's awesome, Bells. You won't regret it."

I smiled slightly. "I hope not."

He looked at me expectantly. "Well…"

"Well what?"

"Go, Bella!"

I laughed. "Now?"

"What's the hold up? You know where he is, right? And you want to see him, so why aren't you moving already?"

I got slowly to my feet, fear making every movement stiff and jerky. I was more scared than I had ever been in my life. I'd had the memory of him looking at me with love to sustain me all this time; what if that look of love was replaced by horror? How would I cope?

"You won't know until you try," Jacob said, knowing what I was thinking. "Remember, I'll be here waiting if you need me."

"I love you, Jacob," I said softly.

He grinned. "Me, too. Now, go get him."

I touched his cheek briefly, feeling the warmth seep into my skin, and then turned away. I started walking, and then jogging, and before I knew it, I was sprinting through the trees, back to Edward.

* * *

I ran until I reached the Strait and then I swam. I came out near Port Angeles at dawn, and slipped into the Park. I would have to be exceptionally careful not to be seen. Not only was I believed dead, it was a rare sunny day and my skin was reflecting prisms of light.

As I ran, I thought. I was going to see Edward again. The thought both pleased me and terrified me. There was a chance, the slimmest chance, that he still wanted me, that I really could get my happy-ever-after with him. There was something I knew I had to do first though. I had to go back to the place it had all started for us and say goodbye. I had clung to those memories most of my life, clinging to him. I needed a fresh start. I had to say goodbye to the little girl in the meadow and become the vampire I was—strong, powerful and ready to start over.

When I reached the meadow, the sun was just clearing the treetops. A sob built in my throat at the sight of the place. This was where my most poignant parts of my life were set.

It was as beautiful as I remembered. The wildflowers bobbed in the soft breeze and the sounds of the forest whispered to me. The only thing wrong was the absence of the boulder at the center of the clearing. I almost expected to see my younger, innocent and human self running from the trees, ready to spend another day with Edward.

She couldn't come though. That little girl was gone. I had to say goodbye to the memory of her if I was to move on. It was hard, though. That little girl had been secure in Edward's love. I was grappling with hope now.

I closed my eyes and imagined her sitting on the grass, looking up at me. It was easy to see her face as I had sketches drawn of me as a child, all drawn by Edward.

I remembered the little girl with her sparkly man that saved her from the river.

I remembered the man that taught her to play checkers and chess.

I remembered the man that counseled her after her first experience with death.

I remembered the man that told her the truth of the world.

I remembered the man that had jumped puddles with her.

I remembered the man that told her he loved her for the first time.

I remembered the last time and the heartbreak of knowing my own mortality.

I remembered all that and a hundred other things, and as I thought of them I let them go, consigning them to the past and not the present. They had been good times, the best times, but I needed to let them go if I was to build a future now. I wasn't a little girl anymore, and I had to finally grow up.

As those memories lost their hold on my mind, I felt lighter, as if they had been weighing me down. I breathed deeply, feeling my chest expand, and exhaled slowly, releasing the stress. I was free.

But I wasn't alone.

I could hear someone coming, footsteps light as air on the forest floor. It could only be another vampire. I slipped back into the trees, away from the sound, and waited, my fight or flight reflex poised for action. I held my breath, waiting to see who would come, and then he was there, breaking through the trees.

Edward.

He looked awful, worse even than the last time I had seen him when drifting, and I knew at once that our time was over for us both. He had made the last visit to my past, and like me, he had come to say goodbye.

He looked around the clearing with haunted eyes and then began to speak. I listened with rapt attention, feeling my heart swell with every word he spoke, and then, as he broke off, unable to speak more…

I stepped out of the trees.

* * *

**So…** **I promised a Happily Ever After for the story, and we're finally coming to it. Jacob's imprinted, leaving him happy. Edward has had his time with Bella in the past, and it's time for them to move on to the future. **

**Until next time… **

**Simaril x **


	38. Forever

**Thank you so much Gredelina1 for beta'ing, nagging, supporting, defending and most especially persuading me to keep going when I wanted to quit on it all. Thank you to those of you that have read, reviewed, and supported the story. You're all awesome.**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen — Forever**

_**Edward**_

My eyes snapped open and I slumped forward on the floor, falling to my knees with my forehead pressed into the carpet.

I heard pounding footsteps and voices demanding information and attempting to comfort. It was a cacophony of noise, but it was barely audible over the screams echoing in my mind. My hands clapped over my ears, their voices were wrong, I didn't want theirs. I wanted hers.

Esme kneeled in front of me and cupped my cheeks, pulling my face up to look at her. I clamped my eyes closed. I didn't want to see her face, I didn't want anything to replace the last face I saw.

"What happened?" she asked gently.

"It was the last day," I choked. "We got it wrong, it was our last day."

"Oh, sweetheart."

Someone rubbed soothing circles on my back, and another hand squeezed my shoulder.

"I didn't know," I said desperately. "If I'd known, I would have been able to prepare, I could have stopped myself."

"What happened?" Carlisle asked softly.

My eyes opened and I looked him directly in the eye. It was his hand on my shoulder, and his wise face that I sought comfort from.

"She always knew. I said too much and she worked it out. She knew she was going to die."

I heard someone gasp and another break into sobs.

Carlisle closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I am sorry, son."

"How could I…? She knew…" I babbled. "I did that to her."

"It was not your fault," he said firmly. "Bella told you how this works; whatever happened, happened."

"How could she have lived knowing that?" Alice breathed. "How could she have been so… happy, knowing she would die?"

"She was brave," I said in a choked voice. "She was brave because she knew it wouldn't last."

Alice covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

"She was brave because she had you," Rosalie said quietly. "She was happy because she was in love. You can bear almost anything as long as you have love."

Emmett wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her hair.

"You need to be brave, too, Edward," Carlisle said, staring me deep in the eye. "We know what you want, what you planned, but… I implore you to change your mind. Bella's loss is tragic, we all feel that, but to lose you too would destroy us. Please… don't go to Italy." His voice broke and his hands on my shoulders tightened reflexively. "Don't go, Edward."

I wanted nothing more than death. I wanted oblivion to take me away from this awful pain, but I couldn't have it. Bella had been denied peace because of me, so I would suffer on, living in this world that had lost all joy for me. Bella was fated to die; I was fated to live. I wished more than anything that I could have exchanged our fates.

"I won't go," I said slowly.

Carlisle exhaled heavily. "Thank you."

I looked up, taking in the faces of my family. They all wore expressions of relief mingled with sadness. They were relieved for me and sad for Bella. Eleazar and Makenna merely looked somber.

"What are we going to do now, though?" Emmett asked. "Are we staying?"

I shrugged. "I don't care." I was past caring about where I was, though I knew we couldn't stay here. Sooner or later, we would be discovered. I knew one thing though, if we were going to leave Forks, there was somewhere I had to go first. A place I needed to say goodbye to.

I got to my feet. "There is somewhere I have to go. I won't be long."

I could sense their tension as they watched me make for the door, as if I had borrowed Jasper's gift for a time, but no one questioned me. I knew Alice would watch me, and if I showed the slightest sign of seeking death, they would stop me.

I went outside and started towards the trees that would lead me to the meadow. Just as had happened the first time I went to the past, I started walking then running, almost as if I thought she would be waiting there for me when I arrived.

I burst through the trees coming to an abrupt halt in the center of the meadow I had created for us to share. Her presence was so strong here I thought I could even smell her scent. She could have just left, going back to the little white house and the love of her father.

I swallowed and then began to speak. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to stay. I'm sorry for not protecting you well enough. Most of all, I'm sorry that I made you live with the knowledge of your death. If I could take it back, I would. I would never take back the time I had with you, though. Before you found me, I thought I was happy in my life. I thought I wanted for nothing. You made me see that I was blind to happiness. You brought life and light to me, and asked nothing in return. I should have treasured you as the gift you were and never let you out of my sight." I rubbed a hand over my face. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I wish you were here. More than anything, I wish I could see you again. I wish you could hear me. I wish…" I broke off, unable to say another word. I wanted to apologize for what had become of her, but all words failed me.

I heard the footsteps first, stepping out behind me, but I couldn't turn to see which of my family had followed me here, stealing away this last place of peace and privacy from me.

"Edward." The voice was so soft, almost as if it didn't want to be heard,

I whipped around and stared with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Bella?"

The apparition smiled and stepped forward.

My eyes squeezed shut and I bit back a sob. She was here, I could see her, but I couldn't touch her. She was gone. This was her ghost. The ghost I had created with our damned love and my presence in her life.

I heard her step closer and then her warm hand cupped my face. I had felt this before, when she had left me, and I knew it wasn't real, but it felt so real.

"Open your eyes, love," she whispered. I shook my head and she laughed softly. "Stubborn as ever. Please look at me. I need you to see me."

It was the need in her voice that made me open my eyes and stare into hers. And then I sucked in a breath. Brown eyes were replaced by gold. Soft ivory was replaced by white marble. Every blemish and imperfection was gone. I reached up a hand and held her cheek. She leaned into my touch, her skin the exact temperature as mine and no longer delicate and thin. There was no blood rushing against my palm, there was no pulse in my ears.

"Are you real?" I asked in a shaky voice.

She smiled. "Yes, Edward. I'm real."

"And you're alive?"

She raised her hands at her sides. "That's a matter of opinion, I guess. I'm a vampire if that's what you're asking."

My knees buckled and I fell against her. She caught me and eased me down to the floor, cradling the back of my head. Sobs built in my throat and shook my frame as they ripped from me. She shushed me and soothed me, her fingers carding through my hair.

"It's okay, Edward. You're okay."

I gripped her to me, so tight it would have broken bones if she had been human, relishing the feel of her against me.

"I'm sorry," I chanted. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I know," she cooed. "It's okay."

"I should never have left. I should have protected you."

She sighed. "You did what you had to do, Edward. I understand that. I always understood."

I buried my face in her neck and drew deep breaths of her scent. So similar but so new. It was still freesia but now it was changed. There was no burn in my throat, no venom in my mouth, but it still soothed me the way it had before, reminding me she was still with me.

I held her for a long time, so long days could have passed and I wouldn't have noticed, but eventually, she pulled away from me and ducked her head so we were face to face.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

She nodded slightly. "I know you are, but you don't need to be. I'm okay, Edward. I'm happy."

What did she mean? Was she happy without me? Could she have moved on from me and our love? I didn't want to believe it. She had loved me for a lifetime, could she have given that up now?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You don't need to feel bad for what happened. This isn't what I wanted from my life, but it's okay. At least I have a life still."

"And you're happy?" I asked in a querulous voice.

She ducked her head and stared down at her hands. "I'm getting that way. I'm better now than I was a month ago. Give me a few more and I'll get there. You don't need to feel obliged."

"Obliged to what?" I asked with a bite of anger in my tone.

"To stay. I know this isn't what you wanted for me. I know I'm not the same person you loved before. I've changed, not just physically. I don't have a soul now."

My first thought was: _How did she know? _and my second was, _How wrong could she be?_

I had believed for a long time that to be a vampire was to lose your soul. I had been sure that as the venom burned through our systems, that purity was lost, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Bella's had always been the most beautiful. I had seen it shining in her eyes when I looked at her, an inextinguishable light. That had not gone. I could still see it now in her topaz eyes. She had lost nothing in her change but her pulse. She was still my Bella.

"You have a soul," I said with certainty. "I am sorry I ever doubted it. You are still my Bella, and I still love you more than anyone or anything in my long life."

She looked up at me and her expression almost scared to hope. "You love me?"

"Yes," I breathed. "I love you. I love the child you were, the woman you became and the vampire you are now. There is nothing that you can do or can be done to me to take that away. I love you and I always will."

Her expression transformed from doubt to hope to a tentative smile. "He loves me." She wasn't speaking to me, she was testing the words. "He loves me _still_?"

I nodded. "I do."

It was like seeing the sun come out from behind a cloud. Her features morphed into an expression of blinding exhilaration and she threw herself forward onto me, her fingers tangling in my hair and her lips crashing against mine. It was nothing like the kisses we had shared before. There was no need to be careful, to protect her. I relaxed and relished the feel of her, the taste of her. There were a hundred unsaid things in the kiss, a hundred memories of us together. It was a kiss of reunion and love and hope, and it was a promise to never be parted by time or fate again.

* * *

_**Bella**_

Edward was lying in the grass, his head pillowed on my lap. I was running my fingers through his silken hair, just enjoying the moment and hoping it would never end, when he spoke.

"Bella, what happened after I left?"

"Which time?" I asked and he flinched. I smoothed the lines on his brow and pressed a kiss to his palm. "The first time, when I was fifteen, I took a few minutes to calm myself and then I went home. I was very… depressed."

"Of course you were," he said bitterly.

"Not because of the obvious reasons," I said. "I was sad because I knew you were gone and I wouldn't see you for two whole years. Maybe it made me stupid or shallow, but that worried me more than the thought I wouldn't be with you in the future because I was dead."

"I don't think that makes you stupid. I think it makes you loved."

I smiled. Edward was always blind to my faults. "Then I went back to Renee, and life went on. I worked hard in school. I helped Renee as much as I could with whatever caught her attention that month, and I waited for time to pass." I sighed. "The last time you left… I lost myself. For a long time I was empty. Charlie got scared, he told me I had to go back to Renee, and that helped me snap out of it. I still wasn't right, even with Jake, but I was doing better."

"Jacob…" Edward said in a dead tone. "Do you love him?"

"Yes," I said simply, and he winced. "But not the way I love you. Jacob saved me in more ways than one. He saved me from myself. He protected me from Victoria. He saved me from the pack. He gave up everything for me, his home, his friends and his family. More than that, he's my best friend. I will never be able to repay him for what he has done for me."

"Nor will I," Edward said. "I spent a long time hating him. I believed he had killed you. The only redeeming thing he did was kill Victoria for me."

I stretched my hands above my head, satisfaction rolling through me. "That was actually a team effort."

"You mean you were there?" he asked in a horrified tone. "You killed her?"

"Yes, we traced her to the park. Edward, what's wrong?"

"So close," he breathed. "We were so close."

"What do you mean?"

"We were there. The ashes were still smoldering when we arrived. I didn't even see… I didn't know… The scent of the dog was so weak because of the fire. I didn't smell you at all. If we had just been faster…"

"It wouldn't have made any difference," I said. "The rules. When you went to my past, you didn't know I was alive. You couldn't have found me because you didn't find me."

"Rules," he groaned. "I hate the rules."

I laughed. "Imagine living more than two years knowing where you were, but knowing I couldn't come find you until it was the right time. That almost drove me crazy."

He frowned. "You waited two years for me then, knowing where I was because of the rules, is that why you didn't find me sooner, because I didn't know?"

"No," I admitted. "I didn't think you would want to see me. I knew how you felt about souls, and I thought it would be better if you thought I died as a human than lived as a vampire. It wasn't like I didn't see you, though."

"You followed me?" he asked incredulously.

I looked down at my twisting hands. "Yes, in a way. I can… Well, I call it drifting. I can sort of go where I want when I try. I suppose it's really called astral projection. I have been able to do it since my change. I kept an eye on you. And when you first went back to my past, I was sort of dragged along for the ride."

"I felt you," he said. "I spoke to you."

"Yes. I had to guide you to me again. When you found me, I didn't need to stay anymore."

"What made you come back now?"

"Jacob," I said. "He made me see I wasn't being fair. I wasn't giving you the choice. You deserved to know I was still here in some form. That way, I would know. If you rejected me, it would be because you wanted to, not because I thought you would."

"I could never reject you. You're my life, Bella. Nothing can change that."

"And you are mine. I lost a lot, becoming a vampire, my friends, but I would make the exchange again if it meant I could be with you."

He smiled. "You didn't lose all of your family. I know of six vampires that are sitting in that house through the forest that will be very happy to see you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Rosalie?"

"Rose has had a lot of time to think recently. She has changed somewhat." He got smoothly to his feet and held out a hand to me. "Come, Bella, let's go home to our family."

_Our family._ I liked the sound of that. It was true that I had lost a lot to get to where I was, and people I loved had been hurt in the process, but I had my Edward with me, and I wouldn't be alone again.

The time for waiting was over. It was time to start my forever.

* * *

**So… That was so damn fluffy and sweet I think I need a trip to the dentist. It was one of the best chapters to write though. It was the part the story had been building to for 17 chapters. Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. **

**There's just the epilogue to go now. **

**Until next time…**

**Simaril x **


	39. Happily Ever After

_**Epilogue — Happily Ever After**_

_**Jasper**_

I was doing my best to ease the tension of the room, but I was struggling. There was so much anxiety and uncertainty that even I couldn't combat it all. Edward had left a few minutes ago—Makenna and Eleazar left soon after—and I knew I wasn't alone in thinking that he could well have left us for the last time. He had told Carlisle that he wouldn't go to Italy to seek death, but I knew how fast a decision could be changed, how fast things slipped out of control; Bella's doomed birthday party was evidence of that. He could even now be seeking death. It didn't need to be The Volturi. There were a pack of murderous wolves a few minutes run away. They would be more than happy to end Edward's life, just as they had Bella's.

My hands fisted on my lap and Alice took them and uncurled my fingers. "It's okay, Jazz," she said softly.

Emmett, who had been sitting with his head bowed and his hands between his knees, looked up. "You know that for sure?" he asked.

"No," Alice said. "But I trust my brother. He would not betray Carlisle that way."

"Could you look anyway," Esme asked softly, her despair clear to us all. "Just make sure that he'll come back."

Alice smiled. "Of course." Her eyes slipped closed and I felt her emotional tenor change as she searched. "He's… Oh!" Her eyes snapped open and she covered her face with her hands.

"What, Alice?" Emmett demanded, already on his feet and making for the door.

"Emmett, stop!" she shouted, and we all froze, Emmett with his fingers curled around the door handle. "He's okay. He'll come back. But you can't go to him."

"Why not?" Rosalie asked, her arms folded across her chest. Her eyes narrowed. "What did you see, Alice?"

Alice shook her head, her expression a mask. "I can't tell you, but I ask you to trust me. He will come back soon. Just give… him… a little longer."

Her expression may have been a mask, but she could not conceal her emotions from me. She was elated, exhilarated even. I didn't understand. What could she have possibly seen that would make her this happy? She looked at me and her joy was there in the brightness of her eyes. That emotion had been out of my life for so long, it felt wrong to feel it now. The last time I saw Alice so happy was the day of Bella's birthday—as she had been preparing the house for the party. She had been so happy then, ready to celebrate her best friend. It had all gone wrong after that. She had not despaired after we left Forks. She had been confident that we would return soon and that had sustained her, though she missed her friend. I had never felt Alice despair before, not until the vision of Bella and Victoria. That had changed her. Her smile had become a thing of memory and the light in her eyes had been extinguished.

"Do we need to be concerned?" Carlisle asked her.

"No," she said quickly. "He will come back and he will be safe. I promise."

"You sure?" Rose asked dully. "You've been wrong before, remember."

I expected Alice to flinch, to be upset, but she merely shook her head patiently and smiled slightly. "You'll see."

An idea came to me, an explanation and a burning hope combined into one. Was it possible…? Could she be…? It made no sense. Alice had seen her die. But her happiness now made no sense either.

"Come upstairs with me, Alice," I said.

She nodded and we got to our feet. I felt the eyes of the others on us as we walked up the stairs, but I didn't turn back. When we got to our room, I flipped on the radio to cover our voices, though I didn't think anyone would be attempting to listen to us now. We all respected privacy.

Alice turned to me and whispered. "You know, don't you?"

"Am I right?" I breathed. "Is she…?"

Alice nodded enthusiastically. "She was changed!"

I swept her up into my arms and spun her around. I was elated for myself, not just in reaction to Alice's happiness. Bella was alive. I didn't know how this could have happened, but I was beyond glad it had. My brother would be healed by this. Our family would be made whole again.

She was alive.

* * *

As eager as we were to see them both, we had to wait for them to come to us. It was almost a full hour later that Alice stood and held out a hand to me. "It's time."

I had almost forgotten that the rest of the family didn't know what we knew. They were still stressed and sad. Stepping into the room, I felt like I was at a funeral, such was the emotional tenor of the place. I schooled my face into a blank mask.

"He'll be here soon," Alice said.

Esme smiled slightly. "That's good. He needs to be home."

"Yeah," Emmett said dourly. "Home."

I felt the seconds tick past, creeping towards the moment of their return. I anticipated seeing her again. How would she look? How would she feel? She had to be happy to be with Edward, but the question remained of why she hadn't come back sooner? Months had passed since that vision. What had she been doing in that time?

Then I heard them coming, through the noise of cars of the road and the ambient sounds of the forest, I heard two sets of feet whispering against the bracken. I took Alice's hand and gave it a brief squeeze. She smiled and then flitted to the door. She had just pulled it open when Edward appeared on the threshold. He was trying to control his expression, but he couldn't hide how he was feeling. I had felt Alice's exhilaration, but that was nothing compared to him. He was alive with the feeling, made new.

"Edward," Carlisle said, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Edward nodded and stepped aside. He looked askance for a moment and whispered, "Come on, love."

And then she was there. She stepped into view, golden-eyed, beautiful, and smiling fit to bust, Bella was there.

There was an explosion of noise as people shouted and gasped and exclaimed their shock. The emotions rolled over me: surprise, wonder, happiness and relief.

"Bella!" Emmett roared, charging forward and sweeping her into his arms. He spun her around, and her laughs echoed through the room.

"Hey, Em."

"I don't… What…? How…?" Carlisle was insensible with shock.

Bella looked around and smiled shyly. "Hey."

Esme was the next on her feet. She flitted towards Bella and threw her arms around her. Bella returned the embrace, and I felt her overwhelming happiness. She was passed from Esme to Carlisle, who pressed a kiss to her hair and whispered a prayer of thanks.

Then Alice and Bella's eyes met and they moved forward as one, meeting in the middle with arms thrown around each other, and they were both talking, apologizing and sharing their grief at the other's absence and happiness at their reunion.

Edward watched them for a moment, smiling widely, and then he stepped forward and laid a hand on Bella's arm, as if he couldn't bear to be without her touch. Alice and Bella broke apart and they both smiled fondly at him.

"How did this happen?" Carlisle asked. "Why didn't we know?"

Before either could answer him, the back door opened and Eleazar and Makenna came inside. Eleazar looked stunned as he looked at Bella, as if not sure what he was seeing was real. He looked on the verge of speaking, but Edward spoke up first. "Eleazar, Makenna, this is my Bella."

Bella looked to Makenna, and there was intense happiness in her. "Thank you," she said fervently. "Thank you for what you did. You made my life what it is."

"No," Edward said. "You made _our_ life what it is."

Makenna smiled slightly. "I do not understand how this happened, the rules are absolute, but I am very happy to meet you, Bella."

Eleazar was still watching Bella with the look of confused awe. "What are you?" he asked.

"That," Bella said, "is a long story."

"We have forever to tell it," Edward said.

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, seeming to absorb his words, and then she nodded. "Forever."

As I sat and listened to their tale, a story of vengeance and peril and werewolves and time travel and gifts, I enveloped myself in the happiness around me, and thought that this was a good place for us all to start our forever—as a family at last.

* * *

**This story would never have been started without Snarkymuch, Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen, Verseseven, IamTheAlleyCat, Augustmoon, Lacrimosa Moon, DutchGirl01, and Gredelina1. In the years that passed between starting and finishing there was one person that stuck with me and made sure it never left my thoughts completely. Gredelina1. If you enjoyed the story, you need to thank her because she's the one that made it happen. **

**New story: **I am only on the second chapter, but I am writing a new Twilight story for NaNoWriMo. It's a new paring for me — Carlisle/Bella. If you're interested in reading, add me to alerts.


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